Patty's throat had gone dry when he started to speak, and it took even more effort for her not to interrupt him when he said that he couldn't sleep or eat. He couldn't sleep or eat? How did he think she felt? She was the one who was left behind, she was the one who had been shut down and shut out. She didn't feel like Derek had let her go, she felt like Derek had sent her away, and sometimes when she thought about it it hurt so much she couldn't even breathe. But she bit her tongue, her arms moving across her chest again defensively as he pushed on, and the more he spoke the more she felt herself breaking down. She was hurt, and vulnerable, but Patty could never be heartless. She was filled with heart and she was good, too good to tell Derek that he had to just leave and forget he ever came over in the first place.
Her eyes closed when he started to call himself a jerk, because that was what he always did, and she hated it. He put himself down and he made her feel guilty for something that she didn't even know she could feel guilty for. She'd accuse him of victimizing himself if she didn't know that he actually believed it, and that made it even worse. She was shaking her head, and he had almost pushed her far enough to make her actually talk over him, but she waited it out and he finished and Patty's heart stopped.
She looked up at him with a concoction of shock and confusion and hurt, feet frozen to the floor as her lips opened in a stunned silence. It took her a full minute to comprehend what he was saying to her and when it finally seeped in her hand moved to her mouth and Patty turned her back to him, unable to see the way he was looking at her. She took a few steps further away from him as her hand fell away and pulled in a shuttering breath. She didn't even know why she could feel her eyes burning with tears, she told herself it was because she was tired. She didn't even know where to go with his confession but she knew that breaking down wouldn't get them anywhere good.
"That's what you came to tell me?" She turned again to face him, eyes shining but no tears falling due to pure force of will. She pointed a finger at him angrily but quickly made it fall, pointing to the ground uselessly instead. "That's why you came here? Now? Because you weren't feeling good about what you did? About what you said? You came here because you can't sleep? Because you can't eat? That's what made you come over? I've been -" She stopped when she heard her voice waver, her hand returning to cover her mouth before she shook her head again.
When she tried to speak once more the waver wasn't gone but there was anger there, and she didn't care enough to control it anymore. "I've been sitting here for days, I haven't left my couch, they sent me home from work because they didn't think I was alert enough to be on the field with a firearm and you came here because you were feeling bad because you sent me away? And don't say that again." When she pointed at him this time it held, but the animosity in her face faded into wounded grief. "You didn't 'let' me walk away. You sent me away."