He takes a deep breath, comforted and yet guilty all over again at her touch. He said terrible, vulgar things to her when that thing was inside him taking control. There's no words to express his disgust and humiliation and he can't even begin to apologize enough. But every time he tries, she tells him no. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't him.
Except that it was, on both accounts, because he'd been too weak to get back to the surface.
The breath comes out a sigh and he closes his eyes a little, shaking his head. "Not really...?"