Grey White (missnomer) wrote in remains_rpg, @ 2015-09-05 00:19:00 |
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Entry tags: | # 2018 [09] september, ezra galloway, grey white |
Who: Grey and Ezra
Where: Around Austin
What: Searching
When: 1st Sept
Warnings:Language, suicidal thoughts
Grey really couldn't work out how she felt from one hour to the next. Part of her just wanted to walk out of the medical centre and just keep going, never look back. Yeah it was dangerous out there but she wasn't sure how much she cared anymore. The thing was there was this...something in the back of her mind, in his stomach, nestling, curled up on itself in her heart. Hope. Yeah okay so that guy on the net had said that was what would find something, and she still thought that was utter bulshit, but it was there, it was why she'd been asking if people looked, why she'd been looking and still was. She just needed to know, that was all. It was not doing that had her clinging to any alcohol she could get her hands on. She just needed to know, then she could make a decision on what to do next, where to go, if she should just try and get her hands on enough Prax to completely numb her mind, or maybe do something much more reckless.
The thing was she'd keep looking until she had absolute proof he was dead. She wouldn't grieve, she wouldn't move on, not until she knew for sure. And that was the problem, that was the whole issue with being in love - it made you stupid and psychotic and weak and she fucking hated it. She hated him, always had deep down then it came down to it, when she was alone and able to think clearly about how much she hated that. And now, now when she was on her own, now they'd been separated it was just so much worse.
She could have done this on her own, she'd been out on her own a few times now, maybe because she tended to not really want to be alive all that much. But today she was feeling more optimistic than reckless which was why she'd asked the person on the net if he fancied searching with her. Okay so she didn't know him at all, he could be just as dangerous of those fucking things out there, but Grey liked to think she could handle herself. She had a metal baseball bat that had certainly seen enough evidence of that fact at least. Plus Grey didn't really do fear, not often at least.