Catherine 'Kitty' Gilmore (duplicitat) wrote in remains_rpg, @ 2017-04-11 13:06:00 |
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Dinner had come and gone without a single mention of what was on Kitty’s mind, so had Gigi and Miah’s bedtime, until eventually she found herself seated in the living room with Zach and all her excuses not to bring it up were gone. Kitty had been thinking about college, like seriously thinking about it, but that brought up so many other questions -- questions that directly related to the man sitting kitty corner from her in their shared living room. After staring blankly at the pages of the book she had open in her lap for what felt like hours, Kitty finally cleared her throat and looked over at her best friend and the father of her children. “I have an idea I’d like to run by you,” she spoke just loud enough for Zach to hear her. This wouldn’t be an easy conversation and she was going into it well aware that finding a compromise might be difficult -- after all Zach had as much right to keep their children in Austin as Kitty had in wanting to bring them to whatever city she might end up in. Zach looked up from his notebook, pen pausing in its track across the page as his attention shifted from writing to whatever Kitty wanted to talk about. There was a slight twist in his stomach, an anticipation of not knowing what was coming, and moments later it knotted even further when Kitty spoke again. “What would you say if I told you I wanted to go to law school?” Kitty blurted out before she lost her nerve. Might as well just tear the band aid off after all. “I…” Zach paused, setting down his pen and folding the notebook closed over it, holding his place as he gathered his thoughts. “I think you'd be a good lawyer?” He spoke slowly, his words carefully chosen, then nipped at the inside of his lip. “Why?” Knowing she needed to talk to Zach about this and actually talking to Zach about it were two very different things. Kitty tried to fight down the nerves she still felt fluttering around inside of her. “Bea’s applying to medical schools and it got me thinking...” Kitty paused and shifted, tucking her legs up underneath her. “I think I want to go to law school.” Her thoughts on it were still very much in the early stages, but it felt right to bring it up to him now. If Zach had any objections to it she could reroute her plans if need be. “That is, I think I want to actually apply to a couple of the law schools that are functioning in other cities.” The words were said hesitantly and the whole time Kitty watched him for any reaction that might give her insight into his thoughts on them. Zach’s expression remained decidedly neutral as he took in what she was saying. The knots in his stomach tightened again and he absently rubbed his thumb against the outside of his notebook. Bea applying to medical schools, Kitty wanting to apply to law schools - it felt like their lives were trying to restart to what they would have done before the uprising, now that Austin was normal again. Well, as normal as it could be in the times it was. “Okay,” he said slowly, nipping at the inside of his lip. “So… what would that… how would that work?” “Honestly, I don’t know,” Kitty replied, knowing she sounded much more clueless than she would have liked to. What she would have liked was to have answers for Zach, to be able to come to him with a whole plan in place instead of a half-baked idea to go back to school. But then on the other hand their children were his as well, which was why she hadn’t felt right thinking beyond ‘this is something I’d like to do’ -- she wasn’t the only person involved here. “I wanted to see how you felt about it before I thought about how it might work….” Zach was her oldest friend, because of that and the connection they had Kitty valued his opinion in this. Kitty tapped her fingers against the book she had just closed and wished that she could read what Zach might be thinking or feeling right now, but his expression was neutral and it left her feeling more uneasy than she had before she had brought this up. “And I won’t do it if we can’t make it work. I don’t expect you to uproot yourself for me, but Gigi and Miah are just as much yours as they are mine and this decision affects them also.” It seemed like far too much of an adult discussion for them to be having, which Zach knew and would admit was a ridiculous thing to think considering they were adults and had children to prove it. But he didn't have solutions or answers to anything. He only had that pit in his stomach and his mind telling him he didn't know what to do or say. Because he wasn't about to hold Kitty back from something she wanted to do, something she would be good at. But then what did it mean for everything else? The kids. Their family. He and Kitty might not be together in that sense anymore, and they wouldn't be again, but that didn't change the family they'd made. “What cities?” he asked softly, arms moving up to hug around his middle as he thought. “Where are the schools you're applying to?” The soft tone of his question made Kitty’s stomach knot up and on instinct, or maybe because she selfishly needed to be nearer to him while they tackled this tough subject, she rose up from her spot in the chair and moved over to the couch and closer to him. Every scenario she had thought up thus far had left her feeling uneasy, primarily because each one seemed to end in them splitting up. She wanted school, but Kitty also wanted to keep her family intact -- which meant she hoped they could find some way to make this all work. “Denver or Chicago,” Both farther away than Kitty would have liked, but they were the only major cities that had for the most part been reclaimed early enough to have functioning colleges again. “I’ve heard talk around the Capitol that eventually Austin might have one, but god only knows how many years that will take.” They were still reclaiming the city after all. Kitty reached out for Zach’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I meant it when I said I’ll only do this if we can make this work for our family,” she spoke softly. “I want it, but not bad enough to damage what we have here now.” Denver or Chicago. Zach had known before she answered that wherever she said, it wouldn't be close. Not if it was a city functioning well enough to have a law school for her to apply to. Hearing the names of the cities just confirmed and made it real. He nipped at the inside of his lip, thinking, easily letting Kitty take his hand and returning the squeeze to hers. “So… the options are… Denver or Chicago. You going, and the kids, and then me…” Zach brought his free hand up to rub over his face. In his head, nothing sounded like a good idea. Kitty went, took the kids, but he stayed - he lost his family. He went with her - he kept his family but held them both back from futures they'd both discussed wanting. “Kitty, I do think you'd be a good lawyer. I don't want to be a reason you don't try.” “This isn’t just about me though,” Kitty sighed. “We’re a family and your needs, along with Miah’s and Gigi’s need to be taken into consideration,” None of the options were ideal, uprooting everyone from Texas just for her felt selfish. There was one option neither had voiced yet, it was one that would be a struggle, but maybe it was the only way. “Maybe,” she paused. “Maybe I go to school and you and the kids stay in Austin…” Kitty chewed on her lower lip and tried to ignore the pang in her chest. “My parents have money, maybe even enough to fly my back twice a month on the weekends to visit, and we could Facetime nightly,” another pause. “It’s not a great option, but I can’t ask you to uproot your life and the kids shouldn’t have to adjust to a new city for a couple of years only to turn around and move back to Austin when I’m done with school, probably.” Zach sat quietly as he listened, not wanting to interrupt because hearing Kitty out was important. Obviously she'd had more time to think about options as she was the one bringing this to the table, while he was just starting to try and consider what they could do to make it work. His brow furrowed and he chewed on the inside of his lip, mulling it over. “I'm not saying I'm against going someplace,” he said slowly. “I like my job but I’m a secretary, you know?” Mostly he liked the people he worked for, but it wasn't like he'd expected to make a lifelong career out of it. “And who’s to say you'd be coming back to Austin when you're done? We don't know what the world will look like then.” Zach paused, bringing up a hand to run through his hair. “I don't know how well I’d do, just me and the kids here. I could do it, if that's what you wanted, but I don't know.” There was a flair of hope in Kitty’s chest in response to Zach’s words, the fact that he wasn’t writing off moving lessened the strain she had felt since the moment she had decided law school was something she wanted to pursue. “I don’t know if Austin is where I would end up, but it’s always been home, so I guess that’s why I always assume I’d end up back here,” plus she had connections in the department of justice. “And it’s not what I want, but it’s what I would accept if that’s how we could make this work,” Kitty admitted, giving Zach’s hand another squeeze. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to uproot yourself for me.” She inched closer to him then, settling into his side like she had on so many other occasions, and Zach’s arm moved to be around her shoulders like always. “You could write from anywhere,” she added quietly, “That is, if that’s what you wanted….” “I could write from anywhere.” It wasn't as though Zach was against a change of scene. Maybe it would help quell the wanderlust he always had inside him, which had grown especially noisy in the years since the uprising. To go from flying around the world without much thought to being literally trapped had been rough. Maybe this was what was meant to happen. Zach tilted his head, pressing a kiss against her hair before resting his cheek onto it. “You should apply,” he said quietly. “And then once you're accepted and decide where you want to go, we can work on the rest.” With her head resting against Zach’s shoulder, Kitty let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she had been holding in. Kitty opened her mouth to ask if he was sure about what he had said, but she quickly fought back the urge to question him, in all their years of knowing each other she knew Zach never said anything he wasn’t sure of. “Thank you,” she murmured instead. “Remind me of this conversation if I start to freak out about everything, okay?” Kitty added, if anyone knew her ability to work herself up into a giant ball of worry, it was Zach. “Okay,” Zach replied quietly, his thumb absently rubbing against her arm where it was resting. The knots of panic in his stomach loosened from how tight they'd twisted the more he sat, the more he thought. They could make anything work. They'd proved that time and again over the years. He had no doubt this wouldn't be any different - they just needed to do their best. |