Nicholas 'Nick' Choi (stadion) wrote in remains_rpg, @ 2017-04-11 12:37:00 |
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Entry tags: | # 2020 [04] april, nick choi, olivia jensen |
Who: Nick Choi and Olivia Jensen
Where: Minnesota
What: Nick and Olivia seek out their respective families and search for closure.
When: April 4th - 5th, 2020.
The image of his family -- all of them -- standing on the front porch as they drove up the long and winding driveway still felt surreal. Nick hadn’t been certain what he had been expecting, but finding his family alive and safe had not been it. For an optimist that had been a weight that he had carried with him from the moment they boarded their flight to Minnesota. The idea that he had somehow gave up hope on them unsettled him, but after the life they had been living in Austin for so long it felt like a little too much to hope that every one of the Choi family had escaped the outbreak unscathed. The reunion had been bittersweet in that Nick wouldn’t be staying. But phone numbers had been exchanged, along with email addresses and now they had a tether to each other again. The ‘What ifs’ were gone. Nick knew they were safe and vice versa. His mother had asked all about his life in Austin, Nick had left out a lot of the gore-y stuff -- he was positive she had already heard about it last June when Austin had been reclaimed by the government. When she got around to asking him if he had found anyone and when Nick was pleased to tell her that he had -- he even went as far as pulling out a picture of Lita he kept in his wallet. When his parents had insisted he return with her sometime, Nick had without hesitation promised that he would. After what felt like only minutes -- but had actually been hours -- Nick had explained that they needed to go, they still had Olivia’s family to visit before it got dark. His mother had made him promise he’d call that evening once they were settled at Olivia’s aunt’s place and Nick had a feeling he’d be making nightly phone calls to his mother until it sunk in that he was alive and safe. He found he didn’t hate that idea, after years apart Nick felt like he had missed out on so much of their lives. “This is weird,” Nick breathed out as he and Olivia drove down one of the back country roads Nick was so familiar with from his youth. The place still looked exactly the same as it had the last time he had been home, right down to a road sign that was still dented from where a deer -- yes a deer -- had ran into it. “Like, I wanted to think they were alive,” he paused for a moment as he glanced over at Olivia in the passenger seat. “But I think I also wanted to be realistic about my expectations.” Even if Minnesota had fared better than Austin, Nick had kept himself from putting all his eggs in the ‘my family is alive’ basket, which had felt strange for an optimist like him, but had also felt like the smart choice at the time. "It's all weird." Not the part where Nick had been able to reunite with his family, because that part had been pretty awesome, but everything else. Ever since they'd touched down in Minnesota, being back in her home state was all kinds of… weird. The twin cities were barely still around, but Olivia could still recognize bits and pieces of the place she knew during her high school years. “Yeah, I suppose it is,” Nick agreed with a nod, his eyes only leaving the road for a split second to glance over at Olivia. Deep down he was concerned about how she was handling this trip, she had a lot more demons in Minnesota than he did. “I sort of wrote Minnesota off a long time ago, so being here is….weird.” "Yeah. Exactly." The nostalgia pull grew even stronger as they drove north. As much as Olivia had tried to get away from this place, she couldn't tell if she was actually happy to see all that wide open space and blue skies over trees that were just starting to come back from a typical Minnesota winter. And even though Nick's family had been happy to see them, she wasn't sure if it was worth it to even find her parents -- who she already knew were still alive, thanks to her aunt. Why was she even doing this? Why bother looking for people who didn't want her? Was this some kind of unique stupidity, doing something that wouldn't work out? Would it be worse, turning back and wondering for the rest of her life if she was making a mistake? Silence stretched between them for a little while and a road sign came into view for an old bend in the road sort of bar and with one hand he motioned towards it. “Want to take a break and see if they’re still open?” Nick didn’t want to push Olivia to face her family until she was ready, plus a drink to take the edge off might be nice. Years upon years of knowing Olivia meant that he could read her fairly well, could see the cogs spinning away in her brain and could only begin to guess the sort of rollercoaster she might be on as she drew closer and closer to her hometown and parents that in Nick’s opinion could barely be called parents. He wasn’t here to give his opinion on them though. He was here to support Olivia in whatever way she needed. "No, it's okay." If she stopped, she would never actually keep going, probably. And they were this far already, anyway; why not just go for it? Except as soon as she thought about it, the more she didn't want to do that. God, she was going to spend this entire car ride going back and forth. Olivia sighed, turning to glance over at him briefly as he drove. "Let's just get this over with." “Okay,” Nick wasn’t going to try and convince Olivia that they should stop, not when he knew that she just wanted this all behind her. He couldn’t blame her for that either, hell, Nick knew it would probably take a lot of self-control for him not to tell the Jenson’s just exactly what he thought of them. This wasn’t about him telling Olivia’s parents off though, it was about Liv getting the closure that she needed. The car slowed as Nick took another familiar turn, steadily heading in the direction of Olivia’s home town. “You know if it gets too uncomfortable or you want to leave all you have to do is say the word and we’re out of there,” he glanced over at her for a split second before his eyes fell back on the road. “I promise.” Nick shot another look in Olivia’s direction. “And you know if you want to talk about how you’re feeling about seeing them again, I’m all ears.” He wouldn’t push, Nick knew pushing Olivia never ended well. But he was here for her, though with the years between them and the things they had experienced together by now he hoped she knew that. "Yeah, I know." And it was good to have him with her during this, too, even if she was knowingly going forward towards something that was probably going to be super painful. At the same time, though, his words inadvertently sparked some of the irritation she'd felt during the whole Torrie saga a few months ago. Even though she'd more or less worked through it, sort of, it still smarted. "Only if you promise you won't try and argue why I should see their side." Olivia knew Nick had been caught in the middle between her and Lita during that whole thing, but it still felt like he hadn't even considered defending her or doing more. “I deserve that,” Nick said, fully aware as to what had spurred Olivia on to say what she had just said. The situation with Torrie had been a tricky one, he had in many ways been in the middle and had tried to remain neutral. “I’ve always been in your corner and I shouldn’t have tried to get you to see the other side of things,” After all he hadn’t been there in person when the two had first cross paths, he didn’t know how it felt or the sort of scars it might have left. “It wasn’t my place.” He hoped that that one slip up in his stanch loyalty to Olivia hadn’t permanently damaged their friendship in some way. "It was your place to have my back," she pointed out bitterly, annoyed she even had to say something that seemed so obvious. As ever, Olivia felt torn between the urge to move on and the annoyance she felt at the way he'd handled it. "But whatever. She's a better person, now, right?" Again, Nick couldn’t argue that he didn’t deserve Olivia’s bitter words. For years he had acted as a big brother, or sometimes more of a father type role in Olivia’s life. He should have had her back without question, but he hadn’t and now all he could do was try and mend that slip up. “That’s fair, I was,” Nick agreed calmly. “And she is better now, but that doesn’t change the fact that I should have supported you better than I did,” It was clear in his tone that he felt regret over the way he had handled the whole situation, and then added. “Liv, I’m sorry for how I handled that, it doesn’t make up for how it went down, but I hope you accept my apology.” It didn’t erase the way Nick handled things, but the apology needed to be said, if only to begin mending their relationship, and with a glance from the road over to Olivia, Nick tacked on. “And I do promise I won’t try and argue for you to see your parents' side of things.” Even though he felt like deep down Olivia was aware that he wouldn’t, he felt those words needed to be said aloud to confirm that he was solidly in her corner now. "Fine." She sighed, leaning back in her seat and stretching her legs out as far as she could as she tilted her head, looking out again at the countryside. "I do." His response was better than nothing, and she had to admit that she felt a little bit better after her conversation with Lita and this brief acknowledgement from Nick. It still sucked, and she still felt hurt by the whole thing, but Olivia was learning to choose her battles better. Now, when she was already rattled to hell, seemed less optimal. A deep breath in and out, then another, then she said: "We'll see how it goes." There had been a bad taste in Nick’s mouth since the meeting with Olivia’s parents, along with a tinge of guilt. Seeing his parents had gone so well, they had been so excited to see him, to see both of them, actually. How could it be such a stark contrast to the meeting they had just come from with Olivia’s? The two were slowly getting settled into Olivia’s aunt’s place and Nick had been giving Olivia space to process what had just happened, but when it felt like he might burst from the silence or the guilt, Nick finally glanced across the room to where Olivia was and asked. “Do you want to talk about it?” He wouldn’t press her to, but he had made a promise to be there for her, to be in her corner from here on out and Nick was going to uphold that promise. She scowled at the wall, preferring its drab blankness to turning back over to look at Nick head-on. Truth be told, the meeting hadn't been worse than she'd expected, but it also hadn't been -- well, she'd been foolish to even think for a moment that anything would be at all different. There'd been a curiosity about her, at least, so she hadn't been entirely forgotten, but nothing else. Olivia hadn't ignored the way their faces had hardened when she'd mentioned her girlfriend, either. "Not really," she said. Of course, her body had to totally betray her and give her away with a quaver in her voice. There were so many things Nick wanted to say to make this better, her had a whole list going on in his mind already -- but before he could say the things he wanted to say, he knew Olivia needed to voice what was on her mind. While her back was turned to him, Nick didn’t let that stop him from moving over to settle on the edge of the bed and place a hand on her shoulder gently. “I’m not buying it, Minnie,” Nick said gently. “So I’m going to ask again, do you want to talk about what happened?” "Not about that." Nothing she had to say just then was nice -- nor was it anything that Nick deserved. Being mad at him for asking was easy, and so was staring daggers at the wall instead of looking directly at him. In truth, she didn't want to talk about what happened, since there was nothing to say about it. But she was learning that she usually felt better after talking, even if it didn't come easy to her. “Fair enough,” It came as no surprise to Nick that Olivia didn’t want to talk about it. If the roles were reversed he wasn’t sure he would want to talk about that meeting either, but wanting to talk about and needing to talk about it to get closure, those were two different things. She nodded faintly, acknowledging the response. "We should've spent the time going up there hanging out with your family instead," she said after a moment, with effort. "Or even staying down here." It all seemed like a waste to her; she was glad they'd gone to Minnesota, but what had been the point in getting emotionally slapped in the face when she'd known it was coming? There had been the small chance they'd changed, maybe, but what had been the chances of that? (Slim to none, apparently.) Nick waited long enough to make sure that Olivia was done, and then he spoke. “We could have, but, there will always be other chances to hang out with my family,” he paused. “Or spend time down here,” While travel wasn’t cheap, it was possible now, so Nick didn’t think this was the last time he would be in Minnesota, though he was trying not to project those same feelings onto Olivia. “As fucked up and sucky as seeing your parents was, you needed that. Not because you need them, because you don’t, but because you need to finally be able to slam the door on that chapter of your life and their existence in it,” His hand still remained on Olivia’s shoulder and he gave it a squeeze as she took a deep breath, turning his words over in her head as she sought to make sense of them. “Now you don’t ever have to see them again.” He paused a beat. “So the next time you set foot in Minnesota, they won’t even need to be on your radar.” "I guess there is that much." Olivia brought one hand up and rested it on top of his, leaning her head onto their hands, and gave another sigh. Yes, at least she didn't have to keep wondering, as her mind sometimes would whenever she'd made the mistake of letting her parents slip into her thoughts. She knew where they all stood, and she knew she hadn't made the wrong choice to move out almost ten years ago. Maybe one day that would be something that brought her reassurance instead of this vague feeling of nausea, but it was sort of becoming easier to imagine that future. Olivia’s back might still have been to him, but Nick took the agreement with what he had said and the small gesture of her hand over his as a sign that Olivia would recover from today. Not only would she recover, she would come out stronger and without a ‘what if’ hanging over her head. He still had his opinions about her parents and he hadn’t had a chance to tell them off -- but he didn’t need that. What Nick had truly needed was for Olivia to be able to move on from them once and for all. "Maybe they could visit us, too." Her aunt had said that much, and Olivia privately figured that since society had never ended in Minnesota, she was probably better off than they were. "We could show them all around. They could meet everyone…" Olivia tried to imagine Lita meeting Nick's parents, or Savannah and Maizie meeting her aunt, and she couldn't help but smile briefly. "That would be okay, probably." “Maybe they could,” Nick agreed with a smile. “Actually, I think they should. We can show them the Austin that we know, not the one that was plastered all over the news.” Sure the one on the news had been accurate, but there were good parts of living in Austin that never got televised or written about in the papers. “I can’t speak for your aunt, but I can tell you my parents would like meeting everyone,” he paused. “After all, they’re family now, so it’s probably only fair both sides meet, right?” It was so much easier focusing on the positive now, instead of the terribleness of the afternoon. "Yeah. Exactly. I mean, I don't see why not." Olivia allowed herself to slip back into the daydream, though it took some effort to drag her focus away from the shittiness of earlier. She was beginning to figure out that not thinking about it was helping, though, so she took up that challenge without hesitation. "It'll be fun. And also probably like… I don't know. My Aunt was my last guardian, even if it wasn't a legal guardian thing, but." “Weird, or at least I think it might be sort of weird,” Nick hadn’t quite been able to wrap his head around his parents setting foot in Austin. His life there was just so different from what it had been back in Minnesota, even without the zombie outbreak, things had been different. “Let’s just focus on the good and fun parts of it, worry about the weirdness or awkwardness later.” He smiled as he said this, despite the fact Olivia’s back was turned to him. "Fair enough." She shrugged, biting her lip, then turned to finally look at Nick. The rest of what she had to say was big news, even if she had been sort of putting off telling him. "Savannah wants to legally adopt me and Maizie, so I guess should meet my Aunt Jess for real." The smile that had already been on Nick’s face grew and without hesitation he pulled Olivia up into a hug, one she returned without hesitation despite the mixed emotions that had been plaguing her just a few minutes ago. “Shit, Minnie, that’s great!” He exclaimed, genuinely excited for the news she had just given him. Savannah, Maizie and Olivia had been a family for awhile now, it only felt right that they make it legal. “They should meet her, yeah.” Nick agreed before he pulled back from the hug and met Olivia’s gaze. “How do you feel about this?” he paused. “I mean about Savannah adopting you that is?” "Good. I mean, it's weird, but…. It's good." Her words may have sounded flip-floppy, but Olivia simply didn't know the best way to describe the way she felt about the home she'd fallen into two years ago. She hadn't gone looking for one, but she'd found it all the same. "It doesn't change anything, really." She didn't feel like without the legality of it, Savannah wasn't her mom. "But it's… you know. I mean, it's good to know she wants to do that. It means… a lot." “I know it does,” Nick offered Olivia another smile. “It might not change the dynamics, but it’s a big step, I get how much that means to you.” He had never struggled to know where his family was or who he could count, and for years he made a point of being that person for Olivia when she needed it, this step, being adopted by Savannah, nobody deserved it more than Liv. “When we get back to Texas this should be celebrated I think.” While it wouldn’t completely erase the meeting that happened earlier today, maybe it was lessen the impact some if Olivia could focus on the family that did want her and not the one that didn’t deserve her in the first place. “Or we can start our own celebration now, I heard the diner in town here does a passable Jucy Lucy,” he paused as a smile made its way across her face. Despite her best efforts, she couldn't will it away. “They might still be open, if you want to check?” "Yeah." Olivia turned to stand, facing Nick head-on for the first time that night. The annoyance she'd felt towards him earlier that day, though, and the familiar old loneliness that had crept into her mood on their trip to and from her parents' place, though, were starting to fade away. Maybe it was thinking about her real family, the one waiting for her in Texas -- or maybe it was just the fact that it was good to know that Nick was still there, rooting for her. Either way, it was easier to see how things could work out eventually. "Yeah," she repeated. "We could do that." |