~!~ cherry chan ~!~ (seresa) wrote in remains_freenet, @ 2017-03-22 20:56:00 |
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Entry tags: | # 2020 [03] march, # interview, # username: paced |
Interview: Nick Choi (posted 3/6/20, recorded mid-January)
Alright, yeah, I mean I probably can’t ask something like that and not deliver. This interview probably isn’t meant to be a mystery, right? [she laughs, shaking her head.] No, definitely not. [although Cherry has said she has no expectations, Nick is aware that now since he’s brought up the question it’s only fair to explain himself.] The name on my birth certificate is Nam-Jun, though not even my parents call me that anymore, really. And up until this very moment I could count one person in Austin who knew this about me. My parents immigrated to Minnesota from South Korea when I was little and I guess it’s not uncommon for Korean parents to give their children Westernized names, I think because American’s struggle with saying them correctly sometimes. Anyway, they started calling me Nicholas and that’s been the name I’ve answered to ever since. [Though Cherry had been born in the United States, she can empathize with what he's saying.] When did your family move here? Any siblings? [Talking about his family brings a somber expression to Nick’s features. He knows Minnesota is okay, so he wonders sometimes if his family was also. So far he hadn’t worked up the courage to find that out yet, though.] They moved when I wasn’t even a year old yet, so nearly twenty nine years ago. Two, a younger sister and a younger brother. Were you close, growing up? [Cherry pauses briefly before making a conscious decision to use present tense unless otherwise told.] What are their names? [a small smile appeared, chasing away the somber expression from moments before.] Yeah, I mean I think we were. Most siblings fight and we definitely did, I swear my sister used to make a game of trying to get a rise out of me. She was successful like every one attempt out of a thousand. [he laughs just thinking about how she would have argued those numbers if she were here.] Sarah and John. [without prompting Nick adds] She’s twenty four and he's twenty one. Sarah was a student at Carleton College when everything went to hell and John was a senior in high school. [She laughs at his reminiscing.] Where in Minnesota did your family live? Milaca, it’s just over an hour north of Minneapolis. [he pauses a moment before he tacks on.] Last I knew it had a population of less than three thousand, though that’s probably changed. So like if you want to know all about growing up in a small town in the midwest, I’m your man. [Nick smiled slightly as memories of growing up in small town USA danced at the edges of his thoughts as he spoke.] [Cherry returns the smile easily.] That's why we're here, aren't we? So what do you think someone who didn't grow up in a small town doesn't know about it? I suppose it is. [Nick laughs and runs a hand through his hair, messing it up as he ponders where to even begin.] God, where do I even start? Probably some of the things portrayed in movies is right. Like everyone knowing everyone, that shit isn’t a joke. And I grew up in a farming community, so life really did kind of come to a halt in the spring and fall, I saw the inside of a tracker just as much as I saw my bedroom. Other things aren’t as accurate, like the assumption that anyone from a small town is simple or somehow lacks ambition. [there’s a pause.] Also, everyone really does know your business. You can’t sneeze without the rest of the town hearing about it. People in a small town are loyal as hell, though. Used to feel like half the town would show up for my state track meets back in high school. Wow, farming. I always forget people do that. [Cherry hadn't grown up in Detroit, but the comfortable suburb she'd called home was still far removed from that.] What kind of stuff did you guys grow? [Nick laughs, his mouth forming into a grin.] Trust me, when I was waking up at four am during harvest so I could help before school, I wanted to forget people did that too. [even though his words might have conveyed otherwise, there was a fondness to Nick’s tone that gave hints to the fact he had enjoyed it] Mostly corn and soybeans, some hay, but that mostly just went our cattle. Your whole family did that, I'm guessing? Was there anyone in town who didn't work in that industry? Yeah, [Nick nods] Yeah, farming is kind of a whole family kind of deal. [pauses for a moment while he considers the second half of Cherry’s question.] Oh yeah, not everyone farmed. There were small business owners, teachers, stuff like that. Though, most everyone had some connection to farming in some way. Did you like it? Or was it something that was… [She makes a hand gesture behind the camera's lens, hidden from what the viewer can see on the screen.] It was around, and your family was involved in it, so you were too for the time being? Did you ever see yourself staying in that, or staying where you grew up? [Nick glances past the camera to look at Cherry, a slight amused smile flickers at the corners of his mouth before he answers.] I can’t say that I always liked it, but I didn’t hate it. I guess that’s the best way to put it. When you’re a teenager and would rather be hanging out with friends, being expected to come home after school and jump right into a tracker wasn’t always appealing. [he shakes his head.] And no, I never saw myself remaining in farming or Milaca. Don’t get me wrong, both are great, but it wasn’t me. My passion was, and I guess still is, running. I had goals to run at the Olympics….but that seems like a lifetime ago now. Had you always seen your future elsewhere, and then running became an opportunity to achieve that, or did the two things come hand in hand? [Reaching for the bottle of water he had sitting at his feet, Nick took a drink before answering Cherry’s latest question.] I think they kind of went hand in hand. I love the small town I grew up in, but I don’t think I ever saw myself staying there. I had friends who did see that as their future, taking over the family business and that jazz. It wasn’t for me though, so I think when it became clear I was good at running, I kind of latched onto that and started setting my goals in relation to that. I guess I always kind of figured I’d end up back in Minneapolis or Saint Paul, but then Austin kind of got under my skin and I decided to stay after college. How did you figure it out? The running thing, I mean. [She's always curious about how people fall into the things they're passionate about, and Nick's enthusiasm for it is catching.] And when? [The memory of how he got started brings a laugh out of him.] I was kind of a disruptive kid in elementary school, like lived in the principal’s office disruptive. My mom had a friend who suggested maybe I just needed something to focus my energy towards and her husband was the track coach. So I started running track with the middle school as a fifth grader, nothing serious, I just took part in the practices at that time. But, I don’t know, I sort of realized I was good at short distance running and I kind of liked that. [a pause.] I started running seriously in the spring of sixth grade. [It sounds awfully young to Cherry, but she admires the steadiness of knowing what you love at such an early age.] And was your family supportive of that as you started to keep up with it more and more? [She laughs, then adds:] Which is a question that probably says more about my family than yours. [Thinking back to those early memories was kind of odd, because Nick had been running now for over half his life, it was just a part of him. So fishing out those memories of early meets and his parents support was a bit bizarre.] They were. My parents thankfully never expected me to become a doctor, though I had the grades to pull it off. I think they were just happy I had something to direct my energy into. [Nick studied Cherry for a moment, gave a soft smile and said.] Every family is different. [Cherry lets the tangent die before it develops into something greater; after all, they're not here to learn about her, though sometimes she'll allow more of her personal insights to seep in. This isn't the right time, though.] Once you started running, did you have to continue helping on the farm? Or did that become your sole focus? Oh no, chores were still a thing. [He laughs softly and then took a drink of his water.] My parents respected my practice schedule, but when I could, I was still expected to pitch in. I really have them to thank for my work ethic, honestly. And was that manageable in the long run, doing both, or did you ever end up having to prioritize one over the other? [That was a good question and in truth Nick had never thought too hard about it, at least not since he had been in high school.] Sometimes it was, but sometimes there were times when someone would have to fill in for me at the farm because I had a meet or something. By that point though I think my parents knew that my future was in running, so it’s not like they resented my needing to prioritize one over the other. And you mentioned the town supported you in your running, too… You'd have a good-sized crowd at your meets? [Nick couldn’t help the sort of grimace that appeared when he laughed.] Almost an embarrassingly large crowd. [he took a pause.] Though I was lucky to have the support, even if sixteen year old me was a little embarrassed by the signs and stuff. [She quirks an eyebrow at him from behind the camera, an amused and encouraging smile on her face.] Is that how you ended up down in Austin: your running? Or was it something else? [He was already shaking his head ‘yes’ before Cherry had finished her question.] Yeah, my running is what brought me to Austin. The University of Texas gave me a full ride. [Nick laughs] I mean that’s a little hard to say no to, you know? Definitely. [She smiles, appropriately impressed.] Did you consider any other schools at all, or was it always pretty obvious where you wanted to go? [Nick had had options, quite a few if he was being honest. But UT Austin had been the most persistent and he liked their program the best.] Briefly. UT Austin wasn't the only school that had shown interest in me, but I liked their program best. Plus, I thought it might be interesting to move somewhere so unlike Minnesota. So I guess it became pretty obvious early on, it’s not like I drug it out until like the last moment or anything. What was it that attracted you most to UT? The money, the different kind of environment… A combination of either, maybe? Or am I missing anything? Well, I mean the money was definitely a draw. [Nick began, always honest.] But it was also the change in environment to some degree. When you’re eighteen living somewhere so unlike where you’re from is really kind of intriguing. [he laughs.] Of course you never stop to think about how six months in you might feel really lonely and wonder why you made that decision. Is that what happened? [Nick gave a nod, taking a moment to respond verbally.] Yeah, freshman year was hard in that I was way more homesick than I ever expected to be. [A smile begins to form as he thinks about sophomore year] But then I found a group a students that were apart of a medical club and they kind of became my people and I think ultimately saved me from transferring back to a school in Minnesota. What was it that you missed about your home state? [Cherry hadn't left hers when she'd went to school, though while she'd lacked that sort of yearning then, she can certainly empathize with it now.] After all, you'd moved away for your goals. Would you still have been able to pursue them to the level you wanted -- running at the Olympics, right? -- if you'd transferred back? The people mostly, but also the weather. That first year it just didn’t feel like the holidays when I could still go outside without a jacket and not fear getting frostbite. [Nick had for so long blocked out the struggles of that first year that it was weird to be revisiting them now.] Right, and probably not to the level I wanted to, no. Moving back home would have meant choosing one over the other. My parents wouldn’t have let me give up on my goals like that though, they knew how much that meant to me. How seriously did you pursue transferring and changing direction? Did you ever have that conversation with your parents, or are you guessing at what they would've said? Oh, it never went beyond just being a thought I had. [Nick paused.] Or I guess it never went beyond just being a thought and something I mentioned to my parents. They understood how homesick I was, but my dad was very honest with me when he told me he didn’t raise a quitter. [his expression wavered from the neutral, almost pleasant one he had been wearing for most of the interview, into a somber one as he talked about his dad.] He was always so proud of how dedicated I was, first with my running and then later when I picked my major. I like to think he’d be proud of the ways I’ve tried to contribute since the outbreak happened, also. Do you think that dedication runs in your family? Something you picked up from your parents, maybe? There’s totally no “maybe” about it, any work ethic or dedication to a task I have, I learned from them. [The smile Nick gives the camera just then is fond, his adoration for his parents clearly written in every line of his face.] My parents were always the most dedicated people I know. Both in their work and in their dedication to family, they both made a point to make sure to be present in my life and my siblings lives. Not in a totally smothering helicopter parent kind of way, but just like, I always knew I’d find them on the sidelines rooting me on. And did that dedication always come easily for you? [She's hoping to not only paint a picture of his life and what brought Nick to Austin, but also to sketch out who he is.] Or was it something you learned? [There was a pause of what felt like a minute after Cherry’s question while he thought back to his younger years.] I think when I was younger it didn’t, I required a little more urging from my parents to get motivated and stay on something. But once I kind of hit my teens I think I got better about it, I realized the importance of being dedicated and someone other people could count on. [another pause.] So yeah, I guess you could say it was something I learned. Was there anything in particular that helped you realize that? [She shoots a teasing sort of grin in his direction, behind the lens of the camera.] Or did you receive a sign from above? [A flicker a grin crossed Nick’s features.] I’m not sure there was any one thing, but a lot of little things that combined to help me realize that. I did a lot of growing up in my teens, but I guess most people do. [he pauses, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.] Or it could have been the giant neon sign that appeared from above. [it’s obvious by the way he says it that he’s joking.] Sorry, I couldn’t pass up making that remark. [She laughs, amused by the joke no matter how obvious it may have been to make, and kicks his good leg lightly with one of her feet.] Some people wait a little longer than their teens to do that kind of growing up. Nothing stands out for you, though? Just a general… movement in that direction? [He looks past the camera and gives Cherry an amused smile.] I mean, I think it started when they put me in running. I wasn’t a bad kid before, I was just a kid. Being on a team, it kind of makes you realize that if you don’t show up for practice, if you don’t put in the hard work, you’re not worth anything to your team when the meet comes around. In middle school I’m not sure I grasped that, running wasn’t as important yet. It wasn’t until I hit high school that I realized I had a whole group of guys counting on me to show up and do my part, you know? [he paused then, frowning slightly.] I didn’t learn how to balance that dedication until college though, and unfortunately it made me a pretty shitty boyfriend. That's kind of funny, because I always hear about running as being such an individual sport. It makes sense, though, the way you put it. And it was like that in college, too, that feeling of contributing to the success of something bigger? Maybe with a few less relationship problems? I think most people would tell you that it is. I’ve just never viewed it that way. I mean sure, you’re usually on the track by yourself, but being there to support your teammates in my mind is just as important as actually running your raise. [Nick paused for a moment to take a drink from his water bottle.] Yeah, actually in my junior year I injured my knee and ended up acting as an assistant coach with the freshman, so at that point I think I definitely felt like I was contributing to the success of something bigger. That year was really the reason I think I was offered a position on staff after I graduated. [he laughs.] And if my college years lacked relationship problems it was only because I didn’t have any serious relationships. After I bombed the one and only one I had in high school, I sort of decided not to try again. What happened to your knee? Was it during a race? [A gives a glance down to the knee in question, the brace he had been wearing for months -- ever since his Hellhound attack -- still in place] I tore both my ACL and MCL, one was to a lesser degree than the other. It was the second meet of the season, I was running the 200m race, I took a step and felt what could only be described as a rubber band snapping and heard a pop and then couldn’t put weight on that knee. Yikes. [She pulls a half-sympathetic, half-grossed out face, imagining the level of pain that must have caused.] Out of nowhere? Had there been any warning signs? [Nick offers Cherry and apologetic look for subjecting her to whatever visual might have entered her mind concerning his injury.] Yikes about sums it up, yeah. [he shook his head as he added.] And if there were warning signs I ignored them. Which considering my profession now, I should know better. Should, but didn’t at the time and I was too competitive to say anything to my coaches and risk being benched. I guess karma or fate or whatever sort of taught me a lesson in that regard, I ended up benched for the rest of that season. Because you didn't want the other people on your team to get ahead of you? Or was it like, a 'competition with yourself' sort of scenario? [There isn’t much hesitation before Nick replies.] It was definitely more of a competition with myself kind of thing. I had that goal to make it to the Olympics after all and I didn’t think I’d manage that if I was benched for a season. It was idiotic now that I look back, but hindsight and all that jazz, right? It always turns out that way. [She pauses, considering, before she asks:] What does it feel like, knowing you didn't reach that goal? [He reached up and scrubbed a hand through his hair, leaving it a little disheveled as he answered.] Honestly? For awhile it really sucked. That feeling of not making it kind of hung with me as a reminder I never managed to reach my full potential. But then I got a job with the University and had the opportunity to scout new talent for the track and field program and I don’t know [he pauses again while he thinks about Olivia and some of his other runners.] Helping them reach their potential kind of eased that feeling of failure. That makes sense. [She pauses, then adds:] Realistically, though, there must be many more runners who set the goal of making it to the Olympics and don't achieve it. How certain were you that you could beat those odds, if that was the main marker you were using to measure your failure or success? [It was a fair question, but one Nick had never been asked before. In truth he had never really thought about why he thought he would make it, he just thought he would.] You’re not wrong, there are more runners who set that goal and don’t make it than there are ones that do. I guess I never thought about not making it, though. In high school I held a lot of state records, I suppose I just assumed that success would continue. [he pauses before he adds.] Which sounds kind of egotistical now that I say it aloud. I think when you're young, fewer things seem impossible. [Maybe it's cruel, in a way, but Cherry enjoys finding and digging into these points of tension more than she likely should -- especially since she isn't sure how much she'd like it if the reverse was done to her.] Do you consider yourself an egotistical person? [while Nick’s knee jerk reaction was to say “no”, he wanted to answer the question thoughtfully, after all the whole of Austin was going to see this at some point. The silence stretched on for minutes that felt like hours as he considered what he really considered himself to be.] Maybe not egotistical so much as I have a lot of pride in my abilities, which someone could take for having an ego if they wanted to interpret it that way, I guess. Everyone has their own opinion of what makes a person egotistical or prideful, I think. And what is your opinion on that? [again Nick took a moment to compose his thoughts.] My opinion? I think there’s a difference between being straight up egotistical and being confident in your abilities. Someone with an ego might approach something believing they’re good at it simply because it’s them, without any kind of solid evidence to this fact. While someone who’s simply confident in their abilities would approach that same situation with concrete evidence that they’re capable of accomplishing the task and may in fact be much more low key about tackling the task in the first place. [he gave a shrug.] Take the Hellhounds for instance. For years they thought they deserved to rule Austin, not because they were the best suited for it, but simply because their leader thought he was the best, period. And what did that get anyone? A city that was practically destroyed while the Hellhounds and Olinger fought over it. [The topic isn't a surprise, but it still catches Cherry off guard at first. She's glad her reaction -- a near gasp, pursed lips -- isn't caught on camera.] By that do you mean to say that you thought Olinger was better for the position than the Dog King? [Nick couldn’t avoid the look he pulled at Cherry’s question.] Not even close. I don’t think either man was suited for the position. Olinger nearly ran Austin into the ground and had us all believing there wasn’t a world outside of the city limits anymore. [he paused.] No, I think who’s in charge now is the best mayor Austin has had in a real long time. [She nods behind the camera, accepting this statement as one she could've said herself, too.] Your shelter allied with the Hellhounds, though. [He gave a nod to confirm that Cherry said wasn’t wrong.] That’s true, it did. My feelings on that move have never been a secret, but I supported our shelter leader, trusted her judgment on the matter and her reasons for allying with them. I don’t want to say that we chose the lesser of two evils, but the Hellhounds provided us with a way to garner freedom from Olinger and at the time that was something the LBJ needed. [It was clear in the tone of Nick’s voice and the expression on his face that the LBJ allying with the Hellhounds was a complicated subject, but his loyalty to Savannah had always been steadfast.] What are your feelings on that move? For those of us who don't know. [There’s a moment of silence as Nick weighs just how open he should be about his feelings.] I didn’t like it. We were getting into bed with criminals. Even if there were benefits to it, I couldn’t look past the fact that the Hellhounds did awful things and suddenly be okay with them. [he pauses.] But like I said, I trust and respect Savannah Posey and believe she made the right call for our shelter. I’ve never once doubted that fact. With that in mind, knowing how your shelter was able to benefit from that alliance, do you agree with the amnesty decision made in June 2019? No, I can’t with any certainty say that I agree with that decision. [Nick takes a deep breath before he continues.] If the government had held them accountable for their actions we wouldn’t have had an issue with the rogues, friends of mine wouldn’t have faced their property being destroyed and I probably wouldn’t have had the shit beat out of me or the months of rehab that followed. [Cherry nods faintly, biting her lip, before she too takes a deep breath of her own.] Even though they helped you survive? [Nick scrubs a hand over his face and sighs.] That’s where I feel less confident about my opinion. They did help us survive and I am grateful for that fact. But that doesn’t change the fact that while they were helping us, they were also making others lives harder. Not just harder, but they were killing people simply because they opposed them. [he lets out another sigh.] My feelings on all of this are complicated. [She looks back at him with a steady gaze, uncomfortable though she is; asking the hard questions is when you truly reveal someone's character.] It could be argued that without the amnesty offer, the LBJ would've taken advantage of that support only to turn the other way. [While the questions are harder now, he isn’t shying away from answering them.] That could be an argument someone might make, yes. Some could also argue that they made their bed long before the LBJ allied with them and that if the government had ruled differently would we have even been able to do anything? [he pauses.] More than anything else I want to know what the Hellhounds plan to do with the amnesty they’ve been given. The government handed them a second chance and now all of Austin is watching for what they do with it. What do you think they should do? Besides the issue we had over last summer, as far as I can tell, the people who have been given amnesty are so far going on with their lives with a lot less lawbreaking. [He took a moment to consider Cherry’s question, he hadn’t ever thought about what it was he truly thought they should do] Volunteer, give back to the community some how, maybe? They’re going on with their lives, but I think some kind of gesture to show they’re as invested in Austin becoming a legit city again would instill some faith in their ability to change. [Cherry pauses for a moment, considering this.] What about the people who enforced the rules that made it so that people were denied access to food water, shelter, and healthcare? [There isn’t even a hint of hesitation in Nick’s voice as he replies.] They should have to prove themselves as well. What they did in denying the basic necessities to people means they aren’t any better than the Hellhounds. [As he pauses he looks past the camera to meet Cherry’s gaze.] There’s a lot of guilty parties in Austin, just so happens that only half of them had a criminal record. [It seems fair enough to her perspective, so she leaves the topic be after acknowledging his response with a nod of her head.] What did you do during Olinger's occupation of the city? [While he wasn’t uncomfortable with the previous topic, there’s a wave of relief he feels as she moves past it.] I was the head of resources for the LBJ shelter. I manage our scouts, kept track of our supplies and offered my advice to the shelter leader when asked. [sometimes those days felt so far behind him now, yet also like it was just yesterday.] Sort of like farming, in a way that isn't really, for our new world. [A slow smile and then a laugh escapes Nick as he realizes that Cherry was kind of right.] I suppose it kind of was, at least in the way that our scouting kept people alive and gave them access to the bare necessities at least. [Nick flashes another grin and then adds.] Don’t tell my dad I ended up in farming after all. I won't. [Cherry smiles, too.] Was it something you enjoyed doing? Moreso than you enjoyed farming as a kid, I mean. Yeah, [Nick took a pause.] I did enjoy doing it, and I think, though this is based on my own opinion, I was good at it. Organizing everything, figuring out the best kinds of routes through the city and just looking out for people in that way, I liked it. [there was another pause.] While I don’t miss sleeping in a storage closet, sometimes I do miss the community we had, you know? I know exactly what you mean, even though I'm sure my community was a lot different than yours. Can you describe what it was like? What were some of your favorite things about it, even while we were going through all of that? I would bet money that our communities were different. [Nick’s tone was kind as he said it, but there was no escaping that the Dog Park and the LBJ were different.] Give me a moment to find the words. [it was clear in the way Nick pauses and the look on his face that he’s attempting to find just how to describe it.] This might sound cheesy, but it was a lot like a small city. While you might not have known everyone inside the LBJ, each person had their small group of people who felt like a family. Even while we were going through all that shit, I knew there was a portion of people who’d notice if I disappeared one day and I think that honestly kept me grounded. Scouting out in Austin wasn’t easy, but knowing there were people who expected me to come back in one piece, that kept me more cautious. Anyway, I think knowing I had someone to come home to so to speak, that was my favorite part. Is that something you miss now that the shelters have turned into districts? Do you still have that sense of community? [He gives a nod] I do miss it. Don’t get me wrong, I still have those same people in my life and they were still there for me back in August when I got jumped by rogues. But we’re more spread out now, so I suppose in a lot of ways life has gone back to how things were before the outbreak, back when you had to be more intentional about when you saw the people most important to you. [Nick pauses] Does that make sense? I still feel like I have a community, just not in the same way as before. Yes. I think it makes perfect sense. [Cherry pauses, too, mulling over her own situation with how she relates to the Greenbelt.] It's definitely easy to fall into friendships and relationships. I think a lot of people are going to start seeing what will last and what won't now that we're not all on top of each other all the time. Which is kind of a scary thought. When everyone was confined to smaller areas, yeah, I think it was easy to fall into friendships and relationships. [Nick pauses for a moment before he continues.] I think what we’ll all be seeing as we move forward is a true test of that friendship or relationship, and yeah, that’s a scary thought, but I think it’s also inevitable. When you’re not on top of each other all the time you realize that those connections, they take effort and you have to decide just where you’re going to place your time and attention. And where have you put your attention these days? Professionally speaking, I mean. I'm guessing you're not just supervising scout runs and supplies anymore. [A proud grin appears on Nick’s face, before he even starts to speak it’s evident that he enjoys what he does.] I manage the physical therapy portion of the LBJ Health Center. My degree is in athletic training, so right now it’s about the closest thing I can get to practicing the profession I did before the outbreak. [he pauses.] So yeah, I’m not. But there are days I miss that also, moreso looking out for my scouts than keeping detailed logs of all of our supplies, though. Do you miss anything about having that -- working in resources -- as your primary responsibility? Or rather, anything you don't miss? [He took a moment to take another drink from the water bottle he had in his hand before replying.] Honestly, I felt like maybe I was contributing more when I worked in resources. I mean sure I help people recover from injuries now, but that’s all dependant on if people actually my services. [he takes a beat and then adds.] I don’t miss the stress of realizing we’re low on something and knowing that in order to get it someone would likely have to literally risk their life to acquire it. When most things are practically life-or-death the stakes definitely feel a lot higher. [She offers a commiserating smile along with her words.] Do you miss feeling like you're giving back to the community at all? A lot higher, yeah. [he agreed with a nod.] And I do miss that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still helping people now. It’s just on a smaller scale and doesn’t feel like it impacts the community in the same way. I suppose maybe that’s why I started mentoring at the orphanage, to feel like I was impacting more than just my clients at the clinic. That's a good idea, finding something else to sort of fill that void in your life. [Cherry's silent for a moment, thinking. She wouldn't usually be this direct, but this interview with Nick feels like it would benefit from such an approach. On the surface, everything seems to be going well for him, but she gets this feeling as though he's still looking for something.] What else are you missing? Either from the way things were here, or from your previous life before moving to Austin. [Cherry’s question might have been more direct than what Nick had been expecting, but it didn’t catch him off guard or make him leery of answering.] I could answer that in so many different ways… [he trails off after a moment.] But the simple answer is I think I’m missing family. Of course I have a found family here, people who are my family now and I wouldn’t trade them for anything, they’re fucking amazing. Still, I miss my family also. I’m not sure that’s the answer you were looking for though. I'm not looking for anything besides what you happen to answer. [Nick smiles sheepishly.] Right, okay. Well in that case that’s my answer. Guess it’s obvious I’ve never been interviewed before. [Cherry laughs, shaking her head.] I don't think it's something that most people have experience with, but I think you've done a good job. And it sounds like you've made peace with where you are now, too, which is an accomplishment in and of itself. [Nick lets another smile appear.] I’ve only done a good job because I’ve had a good interviewer. [a pause and then he nods.] Yeah, I mean, I think I’ve made peace with it. This might not have been what I envisioned for my life twelve years ago when I moved to Austin for school, but, I don’t think I’d change how things have ended up either. No regrets? [She smiles, the expression tinged with some good-natured teasing.] You're sure? Well, I mean, I can’t say I don’t have any regrets, [Nick remarks honestly, a laugh following his words.] But I also have a lot of things in my life that I probably wouldn’t have if things had gone differently. So yeah, I think I’m sure. |