G. Viola Marlowe (ex_disruptor226) wrote in regulation, @ 2008-07-12 15:22:00 |
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Current mood: | crazy |
Entry tags: | ben dunstan, fred holden, viola marlowe |
Who: Fred Holden, Viola Marlowe, and Ben Dunstan
What: Bowling, initially, then Brawling
Where: The Trocadero, West End, London
When: Evening, 12th July
Rating: PG-13 for language and talk of Ben's use of his balls
Status: Closed; complete
The ball rolled happily down the lane, then took a sharp curve and derailed straight to the gutter for the second time. Fred was pouting when she turned around. "Why couldn't we get the bumper thingies? Don't give me that bollocks about how we're adults or summat 'cause that's lame. I'm pants at this. With bumpers though? Fucking brilliant, I'm telling you. They write heroic ballads about the amazing that is me bowling with bumpers." Of course, the last time Fred had bowled she was also about eight years old. Fred made a great show of moping and deposited herself in Ben's lap since it was Vi's turn up. "There's gotta be guide thingums or summat. Could we charm the gutters to be, like, ball repellent maybe? They'd bounce 'em off all on their own!" She brightened up, bouncing slightly in his lap. Fred looked over to Vi with wide eyes, looking for confirmation this was an utterly brilliant idea.
"Cheating at bowling is like, the most heinous sin ever," Vi replied gravely, shaking her head. She grabbed a ball, tipping forward slightly under the weight, and made a run towards the lane. Releasing the ball too late, it sailed over a third of the lane and then hit with a crash, bouncing several times before it knocked over an end pin. Vi looked around quickly to make sure the Trocadero Bowling Police hadn't noticed. She overcompensated on her second toss, giving the ball only a slight push, and it barely made it to the end of the lane before trickling through the hole the previous ball had made on the end. "Bollocks!" Switching arms for her last throw, in hopes that she'd at least hit a pin on the other end, the ball rolled quickly into the gutter. Pouting, she returned to her seat next to Ben and Fred. "Okay, someone charm the bloody gutters. I'm already warding the lights, the pinball machines, the video games, the slot machines, the score screens, the tills, and the pin sweepers, so no more magic for me."
"If they write heroic ballads about you being amazing with bloody bumpers," Ben said, grinning widely, "then you clearly have miles to go before you're good enough to be able to get ballads without them." He was teasing and it was obvious, but he still moved backwards, though he knew that there wasn't really a point with Fred sitting firmly on his lap. "Aye, up you get." His hands closed around her waist and Ben lifted Fred off his lap, setting her down on the seat next to him as he stood to go and toss the ball for his turn.
Never really great at bowling, Ben had discovered that he still wasn't great at it but he was much better and he'd managed one strike earlier, though he averaged at getting about six in total down. It was still pretty good, in his eyes. Much better than Fred, at the very least, and given the fact he was horridly competitive whenever he could be that was a good thing. He aimed to beat both the girls, actually when it came down to it. Adopting an arrogant tone of voice, Ben drew his arm back and then released the ball watching as it rolled down the lane and took out about half the pins. "You two make this seem so hard too," he said, sniffing the air. "You bunch of pansies.
"And," he said, "I am not charming gutters so you two can win."
"Oh? Pansy my arse. Jam, I don't need to be good to beat you. I just need to make you worse." She grinned wickedly at Vi, raising her finger and pressing it to her lips to ensure the other woman remained silent. "Besides, obviously it's not hard to beat us, is it?" When he picked up a ball for his next roll Fred got up and started to tip toe up behind him. She was being very exaggerated, bringing her knee up to her chest before stretching her leg out as far as possible to take a single step. Despite that she was utterly silent. She waited, crouched down a few feet behind Ben.
He stepped back, arm going back and then he started to move forward, body and arm moving to build the momentum for releasing the ball to sail down the lane. Only thing was as his body rocked forward Fred sprang up, poucing him and landing on his back. He hadn't even let go of the ball yet so she scrambled up clumsily and covered his eyes with her hands as she shouted a triumphant, "Aha!"
"Oi, that's not fair!" Vi protested, giggling. "C'mon, charming the gutters to cheat is one thing, but sabotaging the competition's just wrong!" She jumped to her feet and tried to help Ben out by peeling Fred's hands off of his eyes, but she couldn't get a fair grip, so she tried pulling Fred by waist, hauling them both backwards, though Fred was too strong for her to dislodge.
"Argh!" Ben yelled, a strangled scream escaping from his throat. He let go off the ball and it went hurtling in a zig zag pattern down the alley as he lifted his arms, trying to claw at Fred's hands and not doing much good. Still he grabbed a hold of what he could of her shoulders and when her unexpected weight caused him to wobble and fall forwards, landing sprawled all over the alley, his nose painful from connecting with the floor, he took her down with him, crowing delightedly. "Take that, bitch," he said, almost giggling he was laughing that hard.
Between the ball and the clawing and Vi tugging on her waist and then the falling as the girl's hands had slipped from the grip they'd had on Fred the blonde was left giggling madly. For a second she just laid there, sprawled atop him laughing maniacally. Then she got up and perched on his bum, feet planted on the floor to either side of him. For the sake of others she'd worn shorts, not that it did much more than a skirt would have. "Hey, love, your balance feeling a little off," she asked and fell into more laughter. Craning her head back until she was looking at Vi upside down, Fred grinned. "I was just evening the competition's all."
Vi had disengaged from the sinking tangle of bodies before she could add her weight to Fred's and squash Ben completely on the floor. She'd been off balance and had stumbled onto her arse on the lane, but at least she hadn't crushed anyone, or been crushed. That was something. She got to her feet quickly and smirked down at Fred's upside-down countenance. "An' now that you've got him pinned, I'm going to take his other two turns," she announced, grabbing a ball and hurling it down the gutter with a cackle. The second one followed shortly after. "Hmm, should I take Fred's turn too?" she pondered diabolically. "Reeeeally even up the competition?"
"Bollocks!" Ben cried. "You are a liar. You are trying to squish my arse, do not deny it for I will not believe you!" And she really seemed to be. Ben had never really been a fan of anyone sitting on him, bar the obvious place of his lap. The fact that Bony Ass was sitting on his ass made it even worse and he thrashed about a bit, thrashing which only intensified when Vi went to take his go.
"Nooooooo!" he protested, the word sounding like it was made up of about ten syllables he drew it out that much. He flung out his arm, fingers arcing towards the ball as it barrelled into the gutter. "My precious go. You wanton hussy, Vi!" Still, she made up for it a moment later by talk of taking Fred's turn and he nodded emphatically. "Do it. Ach, go on you know you want to."
Fred bounced on Ben's ass. "Well it's a bit fluffy. Kind of big for a bloke. It needs flattening." She was still giggling until talk of her turn being taken came up. "Hey! I'm not even actual bloody competition!" She went scrambling off Ben and dove for Vi's legs, arms wrapping around them in a hug which may or may not have caused the girl to tip over. "Lemme mess up my own turns. He was all arrogant. And he was all, all, all Ben about it. I wasn't gonna do it to you. Didn't you ever listen to the Spice Girls? Girl Power, damnit!"
"Alright, alright!" Vi said, knocked back onto her arse again. "Jaysus, I shoulda taken out life insurance before coming to play with you lot. Go mess up your own turn then, Bulldozer Spice," she said with a playful shove at Fred, climbing slowly to her feet, exaggerated look of pain on her face. Retreating, she stood in front of Ben and offered her hand to help him up. "All I did was make it more competitive for you," she told him with a smirk. "Let's see if you can beat the two of us pansies if we Girl Power your arse."
The moment Vi helped him up, Ben launched himself at Fred, but instead of barrelling into her he began to tickle her almost relentlessly, one arm going around her waist to lift her feet off the ground, his laugh more like an evil cackle. "Ha!" he crowed. "Ha bloody ha. Serves you right." And he continued to tickle her, lifting her further up off the ground.
Beaming back over at Vi, he said, "A dead man could beat you two. A dead old man with arthritis."
Fred had her bowling ball in her hand but the sudden tickling caught her off guard enough that she'd dropped it. She squealed, squirming and wiggling as her poor, dejected ball rolled slowly down the lane. "Oi! Not fair! Not fair! Unfair advantage on account of exploitation of giant sizedness!" Her legs were kicking but he had her about six inches off the ground. "Cheater! Cheater!" She wailed as her arms flailed, trying to smack him about the head.
Sighing dramatically, Vi jumped into the fray, trying to avoid Fred's feet and arms as she tackled Ben's legs. "Girl Power," she called out as she rushed to Fred's defense. "Let's see if you can beat us if you're really dead," she growled at Ben, tugging at his ankles to try and knock him over.
As Fred's hand connected with the side of his head--and then she managed to backhand him as well--Ben started to laugh uncontrollably, his ribs feeling like they were crushing his lungs. He felt remarkably like a child again and the fact that both women didn't seem particularly up for behaving any older than fifteen years old made him feel extremely relaxed. "I didn't cheat first," he pointed out, still laughing. The laughter quieted, though, and turned into something between a yelp and a holler as Vi launched herself at his legs.
"OI!" he bellowed. "I'm going to drop her on her head!" He turned as he started to fall, though, attempting to protect Fred even as he felt the air whooshing out of his lungs. There were a few people looking at them oddly but they could go to hell as far as Ben was concerned as he struggled up, reaching out and hooking his foot around Vi's ankle and tugging her closer. She was not going to get out of this unscathed.
Fred landed half on top of Ben, the air rushing out of her lungs on impact. "Oompf!" She looked over to Vi who was now getting targeted. "Run! Run for your life, Vi! Save girl power! You must survive!" Then Fred scrambled down the lane on hands and knees as fast as she could and slid into the bowling ball that had come to a stand still in the land and pushing it on its merry way. Fred ended up sprawled out on her stomach until she saw the ball not just hit a pin, but knock down all the pins. "Woooo! Bowling Brawl for the win!" A second later she was up and running only to dive and slide into where Ben was still laying on the lane. If someone didn't know better they may have thought she was under the impression she was ona slip and slide.
Vi thrashed until she'd managed to wriggle out of her sock and bowling shoe, and she scrambled up quickly, leaving Ben with her footwear. "Oh yeah?" she said to Fred with a grin, "watch this. 'Little trick one of my flatmates taught me." She threw a ball down the lane, not caring where it landed, and quickly grabbed a second, starting it rolling down the alley before the sweeper could clean up the pins. When the sweeper came down, and the pins were lifted, the ball sailed by, narrowly missing colliding with the sweeper. The pins came back down and Vi gestured up to the scoreboard with a wide smile and one hand on cocked hip. The scoreboard showed that she'd just rolled a strike. "Better than charming the bumpers. And I didn't have to slide down the lane like a snake," she said triumphantly, returning to the pair to fetch her shoe.
Ben wasn't sure how he got the time to breathe, between becoming almost breathless with laughter and having people jump all over him, but it happened somehow and he had enough air in his lungs to yell, "Oi, Toast, you big bloody cheater get your scrawny backside up here. You are not beating me."
And then Vi had to go and roll a strike. Ben pouted fiercely at both females, deciding that his nightmares were standing right in front of him and they were called Viola and Fred.
"Right," Ben declared crawling to his knees and grabbing a hold of one of the balls. He started to run down the lane and threw the ball at the pins. "I refuse to not get a strike. Refuse." He almost stomped his feet as he burst out laughing, eyeing a bloke with a face like thunder fast approaching them with no small amount of wariness. He suspected he was there to kick them firmly out on their arses. Wanker spoiling all the fun.
The first thing out of the bloke's mouth was, "Drop your balls." Only none of them had bowling balls.
"C'mon Jam, give up your balls. You weren't using 'em for anything anyway." She tugged on the leg of his trousers from where she lay on the floor, laughing so hard she was clutching her stomach.
The guy cleared his throat and tried again. "I'll have to ask you three to leave."
Fred propped herself up on her elbows. "But I even kept my top on this time like I'd promised." He sputtered. Fred, queen of barely wearing anything at all, wore a cut off tank that left very little to the imagination. It was likely see through when the light hit it the right way.
"There has been--been inappropriate behaviour."
"Don't worry," Fred cut him off, "Vi will keep her shoe on from now on." She waggled a finger at Vi in what she hoped was a scolding manner.
"I swear I will, I promise!" Vi lamented, in the most serious tone she could manage through the overwhelming urge to laugh. Really, she was surprised it had taken this long for the rent-a-coppers to evict them. Sometimes if Kazza and Byron put their minds to it and the coppers were feeling especially assholish they could get kicked out in five minutes. "Who'd you have to promise to keep your top on to?" she asked Fred curiously. "Should I make some kind of banded oath that I won't lose my shoes to the proprietor?" she asked the guard. "I will, only please, don't evict us! I don't know if we could stand the shame! He's got a kid!" she gestured wildly in Ben's direction. "Do you want her growing up knowing her da got evicted from a bowling alley once?"
"Hey!" Ben protested and then he turned to the guard, trying for puppy dog eyes. Like the time he had done it before in front of Fred he simply looked a bit like a retarded Chihuahua. "I really do use my balls, guard. I just don't use them around Fred because if I used my balls around Fred it'd be like shagging my daughter she's practically that closely related to me and that's just all kinds of disgusting and ick and you've got to believe me. Bitch just likes insulting my balls 'cause I got bigger ones that she does. You can't really judge right now, though, 'cause she took them off and left them in the freezer at home." Ben nodded firmly.
The guard scowled at him and pushed him, repeating, "Out! Out! Out all three of you, now. Tops on and shoes on and socks on and balls in knickers."
"I don't wear knickers!" Ben protested, offended.
A second later Ben was grumbling, looking like a small child as he said, "Great, now Gaia's going to grow up knowing her da wears knickers and got evicted from a bowling alley for it! You bigots! BIGOTS!" He was quite clearly on drugs. Or perhaps simply being around Vi and Fred was enough.
"I'm keeping the bowling shoes," Fred declared loudly. "You're taking away my right to self expression through bowling! My psychiatrist says I need to bowl to work out my fixation with large balls. He says if I don't then I'm looking at a life of being arrested for giving blow jobs in inappropriate locations because of my addiction. Addiction. You're getting in the way of my treatment," she wailed, sniffling.
Suddenly Fred walked up to the guard and peered up at him. She tilted her head to the side and asked him innocently, "How big're your balls?" He went sputtering again and she grinned. "My bowling shoes!" She went to run out the door but he grabbed her 'round the waist.
"You will return the property of the bowling alley before your departure, miss," he informed her.
Fred was flailing. "Halp! Halp! Rape! Fire! Emergency! Sexual Misconduct! He's going to eat me! I don't wanna be dinner! I don't make good barbecue! I'm all bones! Don't let him eat my ribs!"
"Umm... I've never seen them before in my life?" Vi told a second guard coming to aid the first, turning it into a question of a valid excuse. He raised an eyebrow, and Vi shrugged. "Actually we all met at the rehabilitation centre for people who molest random strangers." She didn't think that was going to help the situation at all, but what was she supposed to do?
Ben nodded fiercely along with what Vi was saying, his head bobbing. "She's telling the truth!" Then, with a sly wink and a what could possibly pass as a bizarrely coy expression on his face he moved closer to the first guard saying sweetly, "May I molest you, babycakes?"
The question made the guard pause long enough that Fred's squirming loosened his grip on her. She kicked back hard, connecting with his shin. He let go of her, yelping and clutching his abused shin. "Ha!" Fred looked oddly triumphant. "Jail break!" She wasted no time at all in smacking the second guard on the arse hard and running straight for the doors to get outside before she was captured again.
Vi was laughing so hard she was having trouble breathing, and had no idea how she managed to make it through the doors of the bowling alley without keeling over. "I've never stolen bowling shoes before," she called out when she recovered enough breath to speak, following Fred through the gaming wing of the enormous hotel. "You don't think they'd call the guards at the front doors and stop us from leaving the Troc, do you?"
"I hope they don't," Ben breathed and then glancing over his shoulder he saw the guards, barrelling towards them and with a laugh said, "You know what? Let's not stick around to find out." He started to run, then, long legs eating up ground as he bolted outside and then glanced around for some place to duck into to hide from the guards who were no doubt chasing them not only to retrieve bowling shows but also to get a taste of Fred's succulent ribs.