InsaneJournal

That his wife and love was dead was still sinking in for Derek. Even after holding her lifeless body and letting it be taken away, and even after giving the hitwizards his statement and answering all questions, it only really began to feel real when he thought about Terry.

After giving his statement, they'd left Derek free to go off to his desk elsewhere on the floor. He needed to tell Terry, there was no way around it, but his desire to protect his son from his mother's death and the cold reality of the harshness of the magical world made it difficult. He sat there for a while, alone in the empty offices, staring at his journal and willing himself to do it.

Finally, he warded his son.

By the time Terry arrived, he'd find his father in pretty much the same position. Head down and glasses on, staring at something in his lap with an obvious air of melancholy.

Terry knew something was wrong. His father didn’t ward him in the middle of the night for just anything. He hadn’t really ever had to ward Terry in the middle of the night. Not that it was that late, but still. Too late. Something was very wrong, and Terry had so many awful things going through his head he couldn’t even stand it.

Thank Merlin he’d passed his apparition test. He apparated straight to designated place outside the Ministry of Magic in London from just outside the flat he shared with Michael and Anthony, and hurried his way inside. He hardly saw anyone, didn’t bother saying any hellos as he made his way to the elevators and eventually to his father’s office.

Bursting in through the door without so much as a knock, he saw the look on his father’s face and felt his heart began to pound rapidly in his chest. “Dad…?” He questioned, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

Terry's entrance had his father glance up from the journal in his lap with the family picture, and close it shut before Terry could see. He was usually a man with a serious and stoic expression, and that was still there even now, but there was more emotion in his eyes than usual. Standing up, he couldn't believe the relief he felt at just seeing his son. He'd feared the worst of course and had been reassured multiple times and told that they'd send hitwizards to check the potion shop and the area Terry lived. But it wasn't the same as seeing his son alive and seemingly well.

"Terry, you made it." Even the relief was obvious in his voice as he pulled Terry into a hug without another word. At least he still had Terry, at least he still had this, that was the most important thing and the thing he'd hold onto.

He could tell just from the look, and the hug, what was going on. He held onto his father and hugged him back. There was no other reason for it to just be them, no other reason for this show of emotion and this sort of physical contact other than something happening to his mother. If it had been another relative, he was sure his mum would be the one to tell him, but here was… in his dad’s office, not even his home, and Terry could feel his heart sink into his stomach.

“Is mum - Dad, what’s going on. What happened?” He didn’t even have the heart to ask if she was okay. Terry knew she wasn’t, and he could already feel the tears welling up in his eyes, the crack in his voice another hint at how hard he was about to break down, how he already knew what was going on. “Please, tell me it isn’t what I think it is.”

Derek Boot wasn't a man prone to shows of emotions or tears, but Terry's were enough to have him fight back tears of his own threatening to well up. He pulled back from the hug, but kept his hands on his son's shoulders. Of course the boy knew, of course. He took after his mother but had inherited his brains, there was no doubt he knew what this must mean.

Words were difficult and Derek could only purse his lips and give Terry a look that must've told him everything. Yes, it was what he thought it was. "She's..." He couldn't even say it just yet. There was a pit in his stomach at just the thought of saying the words. "I'm sorry Terry."

He knew long before Derek broke the hug. He could feel the way his father tensed, trying to hold back his emotions and when his father's wet eyes looked straight at him Terry couldn't hold it in anymore. Tears spilled out over his lashes and onto his cheeks and he backed up, shaking his head.

"No, no. Please dad, please. This can't be right. There has to be a mistake." He practically begged, shaking his head and turning back towards the door, away from his father. "Take me home. Take me - she had to be there. This is a mistake."

He so wished it was, he wished that he could at least tell Terry that Alison was at Mungo's, that she was hurt but there was a chance. But there hadn't been, not even a glimmer of one. Dead before he got there.

Derek could only stand there and shake his head sadly, trying to hold back the emotions that hadn't come up until just now. He couldn't break down, not in front of Terry. "Terry...we can go but...she's not there, son."
He didn’t want to believe what his father was saying. Not at home. Never at home again. He would never go back to his childhood home and have his mother baking him something, or cooking his favorite food, or watching some stupid muggle movie to make him laugh, or asking about his day while she did the laundry. He would never see her again.

Terry wasn’t normally an angry sort of person, but he couldn’t stand this. “No.” He said, a little more firmly, turning back towards his father and backhanding whatever was nearest to him off of whatever surface it was on. It felt briefly good to hear something crash and break, the way he was feeling. “Dad please.” He begged again, covering his face with his hands as he cried, fingers digging into his own skin.

“What happened?”

Derek had never been the one good with helping people with emotions, and now more than ever he wished he could. He understood Terry's anger, he'd unleashed some of his own at finding those convicts over her body, but he didn't know how to help his son other than to let him rage.

Whatever was on the desk could be replaced, it wasn't important, Derek instead pulled up an extra chair and slowly took a seat, as if that action alone was exhausting. He didn't make any indication for Terry to sit, just let the chair be there for when the boy was ready. Taking a deep breath, he willed himself to start. "I...came home to find two wizards standing in our kitchen, bloody and the whole place in disarray as if there'd been a fight. Your mother..." Derek bit his lip and stared down at his hands, taking a moment to collect himself at remembering the image. "She was laying on the floor between them. I fought them both to get them away from her and keep them from running, hitwizards came about a minute later and...it was already too late."

Of course, he was hoping for something simple. A heartattack, some illness they didn't know about. Quick, hopefully painless. Had there been a car accident? Muggles found the stupidest ways to travel, so unsafe... But murder? Terry couldn't believe it - he just stood there, dumbstruck.

Eventually what was being said registered and he sat down, dropping unceremoniously into the chair as if he didn't even know what he was doing anymore. He felt like he was having an out of body experience. "Someone... someone murdered mum? Was it Death Eaters?"

Derek looked up, thankful that at least Terry was sitting even though the look on his son's face killed him inside. He was supposed to be safe from these things, from death touching his life like this. "The wizards I saw had no masks. They were ex-convicts though and insisting it wasn't them but..." Derek shook his head like he didn't know what to say. "They have them both in custody, Terry. I saw them take them in myself." Which was the one small comfort he was hanging onto at this point. He didn't have the heart to tell Terry that it turned out one of the ex-convicts had been his Transfiguration teacher. Not yet, let him comes to terms with one thing at a time.

Listening to this was just as hard as wondering. Maybe he didn't want to know what happened, shouldn't have asked. But he knew he'd regret it if he didn't, that the question of what went down would have eaten him alive. Terry stayed sunken in the chair, feeling utterly defeated. "I want to go home, Dad. Please? Can we just go home."

Derek leaned forward in his seat, reaching out to squeeze Terry's shoulder just to say that he was here. Truth was that he didn't want to go anywhere near their house, he could barely stand the thought of going back. The wards were down now too, and his wife had just been murdered in the kitchen, and from what he'd heard...in a far more grisly manner than he was willing to tell his son. But if Terry wanted to well...he'd do anything for Terry. "Of course, son. If you'd like. And...if we get there and you don't want to be there, that's alright. I...there might still be ministry people about." The place was no doubt in disarray and he'd been told the Muggle Excuses and Liason office was on it to work out something for the muggle authorities. The hitwizards and aurors were probably still around too. But anything Terry asked, his father wanted to try and give him. He had nothing else left after all.

Terry wasn’t sure what he would find at home. His mum definitely wasn’t there… But he couldn’t just not go there, either. It wasn’t like he didn’t believe his dad, but there was a part of Terry’s brain that just wasn’t allowing this to process, wasn’t computing that something truly awful had happened. And he might believe she just walked off for a bit and would come back someday if he didn’t see it for himself. “A-alright.” He said, standing up from the chair now and looking at his dad. He couldn’t stop himself from crying again, looking at his dad like that. They were both just shadows of their normal selves, their faces broken masks of what they usually were. When his dad got up, he hugged him again - held held on, tightly.

Derek hugged Terry back, tight as if he was almost scared to let him go and wanted to protect his son from the world. He'd lost one of the two most important people in his life tonight, he didn't want to lose the remaining one. "I love you Terry, more than anything."

“I love you too Dad.” Terry said, the words choking out. He wanted to be strong for his dad - he could tell how hard this was, but the tears just kept coming. After a few more moments of hugging, Terry finally let go. “Let’s… let’s go.” He wiped the tears from his face, sniffled, and then waited for his dad to lead the way. He needed to see this for himself.