InsaneJournal

Who: James, Lily, and Harry Potter
What: Discussing Harry’s plans… and revealing James’ secret
When: Saturday, May 16, 1998 (SO BACKDATE, MUCH SORRY, VERY LATE)
Where: Hogwarts Grounds
Warnings: None, except for A for Angst.



It was late by the time the celebration of Harry’s amazing snitch catch died down, but this was important, so James and Lily had hung around Hogwarts until their son was free to break away. It was dark as they walked out of the castle to an isolated part of the grounds, but that was better. There was less chance of anyone being able to see what James was going to show Harry.

“You played well today,” he said, avoiding the subject at hand because he wasn’t sure how to bring it up. He hadn’t actually told anyone that he was an animagus since Fifth Year when he’d told Remus. Lily had figured it out on her own, but James had learned how to be far more careful since those days, and he was fairly certain that none of his children had any idea.

Lily was nervous as well, even though it wasn't her own secret being spilled. Mostly she was nervous because she wanted her son to change his mind. She didn't even want him to become an Auror at this point, given the state of the Wizarding World. It was dangerous, all of it, but she knew she couldn't stop him, couldn't protect him from everything. You could be damn sure she should try, though.

After the celebrations finally ended, she joined her husband and son out on the grounds, walking more towards a forested area for extra protection in the dark. She tapped her foot impatiently, a sign of both disapproval and anxiety. "Yes, you did love." He was the only reason they won, after all. "But that isn't why we are here now, is it?" She added, eyeing James.

Harry quirked a brow at his father. Small talk was excruciating. He knew his father only stayed around so they could speak as a pair about his request to Sirius about training. Really he did not see why they had a problem with it, both of them were not the most cautious of people. The stories about them that he had heard from Sirius, the war, they were not hide until the coast was clear types, so why did they seem so afraid of him learning a new skill?

He was still on the high of the Snitch catch and therefore missed any nervous energy as he followed his parents. Even a serious conversation would not take his pride of the game away from him. He did his best for his best mate and his best girl mate. They both needed some celebration to cover the sadness of their family loss. “I don’t know if dad hadn’t been a Quidditch player would you have given him a chance?” Harry teased.

James laughed: a short, amused bark. “I don’t think Quidditch had anything to do with me winning your mother over. If it were my skills on the pitch she admired, we would have gotten together much sooner.” They reached the edge of the forest then, and James sat down on a fallen log, gesturing for Lily and Harry to join him. He waited for them to get settled and then took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation to come. The bit where he actually had to be a responsible adult was his least-favorite part of being a parent.

“Why do you want to become an Animagus, Harry?” He held up a hand to forestall any protest that Harry might have. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t or can’t--I know good and well we can’t stop you. I just want to understand why.” He remembered going through the process, and it wasn’t something to be undertaken lightly. “I will help and support you no matter what you decide, but you should know it’s even harder than it looks when you research it.”

“Oh no, I did admire his skills on the pitch but it was all the showing off I couldn’t stand.” Then and now, Lily Potter had no time or tolerance for arrogance. It was long after James had finally toned that down when she gave him a chance. But they weren’t here to talk about Quidditch or anything of that nature. James did bring it up, which she was thankful for, and thought she was quietly raging at the suggestion that they would support his decision no matter what and that they didn’t have a say (She was his MUM, okay, she ALWAYS had a say), she remained silent and waited for Harry’s answer. She knew he wanted to set himself apart, but she hoped there was a lot more than just that.

“It’s part of the game,” he winked at his mother, further teasingly. When Harry noticed the look in his mother’s eyes, he sighed. She was worrying too much about the subject. He was a Gryffindor, having to push through the bad to achieve a goal did not scare him off. At James’ gesture, Harry waved his hand preferring to stand; instead he leaned against a tree next to the fallen one.

“I asked Sirius to help me for a reason. He understands the process and can help me through it. I understand this will be hard, and I know I’m not the best of students, but when I set my mind to something I am very capable.” Harry looked at his mother. “You’ve seen that.”

Harry was an action-oriented student. He learned better when it as an activity rather than sitting around reading books and wondering. “I want to learn to become an animagus because I can see the uses of it for when I become an Auror. No matter the animal I become there are uses…” He sighed running his hand through his messy hair. “If another war happens, I want to be able to come at the enemy with everything I have to keep my friends and family safe. Being able to transfigure myself like that, being a rare ability, would put me ahead of them.”

Harry did not know if he was explaining himself right, it was hard to explain anything to his mother when he knew she saw him as the same little kid she use to hold in her arms. But if he was not meant to go out and do something greater with his life then he would have been born a squib. And anything his father had to say would not smooth things over or make him change his mind. Harry had set to the idea and would go through with it, help or no help.

“It’s not just hard, Harry. It’s grueling sometimes and tedious others and nothing tastes right with mandrake leaf in your mouth.” James made a face at the memory. He still wasn’t convinced it hadn’t permanently altered his taste buds. “The biggest challenge though, is that once you start, you can’t stop, not without running the risk of seriously hurting yourself.”

He leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees, and looked his son straight in the eyes. “There will be times that you are going to want to stop. That you think it’s not going to work or that it’s not worth it, and if you don’t have a strong enough reason to push through, then…” He sighed, mimicking Harry’s gesture as he ran his hand through his hair. “It will work, if you do it right--and I have no doubt you will--and it is worth it, believe me.” He glanced quickly at Lily, sure he was going to pay for that comment, and steeled himself for what came next.

“I get why you asked Sirius for help, and that was a good idea. I just worry that other things he’s been through have paled the experience in comparison.” As challenging as it had been to become an Animagus, James knew it didn’t hold a candle to ten years in Azkaban. “I’m not sure he really remembers how hard it was for us to do back then.”

“Us?” Harry looked at his father suspiciously. He was speaking as if he went through the process alongside Sirius, or was it that he had played witness to Sirius’ shenanigans. They had been close. Harry wondered how he had not figured that out before. Why would Sirius go it alone with the task that such a feat was? Really, Harry had never bothered to question why Sirius had thought to become an animagus in the first place. Though the question now sat at the forefront of his mind if his father was one also.

James closed his eyes. “Yes. Us.” Before Harry could ask any other questions, he stood, focused, and transformed into a large stag. As always when he was in this form, he felt a powerful urge to run, to explore the freedom it offered. He stood still, though, knowing Harry would probably want to look closely.

Nope, nope, nope. Harry could do it without their permission? Why did everyone keep saying that? Did no one believe that if she told her son in complete sincerity that he couldn't become an Animagus, he wouldn't listen? And James - throwing the option of him not doing it right under the bus. She was absolutely furious. Her cheeks matched the shade of her hair as she stood there quietly, clenched fists hidden by the fact that she was crossing her arms tightly across her chest.

"Yes, they. Them." She spoke up, and went quiet only because James was transforming. Once a few moments had passed for Harry to see his father and get over the shock of it, Lily continued. "Your father and Sirius very stupidly became Animagi while they were at Hogwarts. So Sirius isn't the only one who knows about the process and I think your father is a bit more reliable when it comes to telling you the dangers of what they did. What you want to do."

Harry stepped back as he watched his father change into a large stag, the horns protruding out to the sky and coarse brown fur covering the body. “Bloody hell,” he whispered. Shock quickly passed into that stubborn streak that he obtained from both his parents. “You both have been keeping this from me? And don’t believe I can achieve it? If Uncle Sirius and father can do it as stupid students without help, I don’t see why there is a problem.” Harry stepped forward and started to pet the fur on his father’s back, inspecting him. He didn’t think a stag would be all that useful in the field, but no wizard had control over what they turned into.

That wasn’t what James thought. He thought that Harry didn’t quite understand just how challenging it was going to be and that he was going to need support. But he couldn’t say any of that as a stag. He snorted instead, tossing his head, careful not to hit his wife or son with his antlers, and pawed at the ground. There was so much to explain, and he couldn’t do any of it until Harry finished his inspection and he could turn back into a human again.

There wasn’t much for Lily to do here except wait for James and Harry to finish their moment. Harry was still looking at his father, inspecting him really, and James was letting Harry take his time. Probably because he didn’t want to have the rest of the conversation. After a few moments, she cleared her throat. “James.” She said, half-warning him to hurry up and get back to being human so he could finish the conversation. The look in her eyes said that pretty clearly, even though the entire way she stood, and the expression on her face were clearly displeased.

James snorted once more and then changed back, transforming easily from stag to man. When he was fully human again, he ran a hand through his hair, fixing it, and pushed his glasses up on his nose. "You can't tell anyone, Harry. Not even your sisters. I'll tell them. But no one can know. I'm not registered, which was a terrible idea, by the way, so don't copy me on that."

“No, it was a truly awful idea and don’t ever go unregistered like your father did because that’s why we’ve had to keep it a secret for so long! We could have told you sooner, but we didn’t want to take away from your studies.” That was not an entirely accurate statement, but it was accurate enough. “And we don’t think that at all, Harry. We know you can do it, especially with help, but it’s difficult, dangerous, frustrating, time consuming, and there are other more useful things you could be putting your time and efforts into.”

Particularly, ones that didn’t include being taught by Sirius Black. Not that she didn’t love the man, but she wasn’t keen on him teaching her son how to be an Animagus. How they all survived their initial transformations was an act of miracles Lily would never understand, and she didn’t want to put her son in the charge of people who hadn’t learned the best way.

“I see that you two are trying to prove your point about registration, but this-” he pointed at his father. “Is not going to change my mind on whether I want to do this or not.” Harry crossed his arms and looked between his parents. “If you are so worried about the Ministry, how about you register? Tell them that you recently learned or whatever needs to be said. Or is there more of a reason you continue to be unregistered?” Harry was trying to prove the point that they were being ridiculous trying to talk him out of his decision when they had been hiding his father’s abilities for so long.. Part of him was hurt that they did not think he could handle the secret when he was younger.

He turned to his mother, matching light eyes to light eyes. “I am willing to stand through the trials of this spell to accomplish my goal. I may not be the smartest student, I may not be all that great at non-practical classes, but above all my other mates, I am willing to put myself through this. I asked Sirius because he was the one I knew who could do it and accept that I wanted to without question. I also trust him far more than I would some Ministry person, and if dad helps also, you know I will be safe.”

His mind would not be changed about his desire to learn, but he wanted his mother to know that he was understanding what she was saying.

“If I wasn’t worried they’d be suspicious, I would.” He had thought about it particularly since Harry had brought up wanting to become an Animagus. There were a few advantages to being unregistered, yes, but most of them were negated by the animal he turned into. He couldn’t exactly move unnoticed anywhere but a forest. His influential position in the ministry was too new to risk using it to get people to overlook suspicions. Maybe down the line, but not yet.

“And I never said you shouldn’t do this, Harry. I want you to understand what you’re getting into.” Lily wasn’t going to like that, but the fact was James believed that Harry would do it anyway, and he’d much rather his son be open about it than try to do it without their support. “I’d prefer it if you let me help, though. Maybe then I can tell the Ministry we’re doing it together and we can register at the same time.”

Lily was still absolutely furious. She was fuming - her cheeks nearly as red as her hair. She looked between James and Harry, briefly giving James an almost this is all your fault look before she took a step back. “You two can work this out. Clearly nothing I say is going to matter and since you’re such an adult, Harry, and no longer need our guidance or listen to it when it’s given, you can figure it out on your own or with your father.” She kept an eye on James, her entire being conveying how much trouble he was in before she turned on her heel.

“Great game, Harry, congratulations. I have some work to finish up at the castle. I’ll see you two later.”

Harry watched, wide-eyed at his mother’s reaction. He brushed his hand through his wild hair that never stayed in place and went silent. There was no winning the discussion even when they began it. Harry had the same stubborn trait as his mother, and Lily had made up her mind when Sirius spilled the secret to her and James. Yes, he felt guilty not telling them first on his desire, but he also felt angry that she did not trust him to do this. He was an adult now and, at the very least, she should be glad that he waited until after graduation before he would start on this.

Setting his jaw, he looked at his father and then toward the back of his mother as she walked away. “Glad we had this talk.” Harry shook his head and turned back toward the Quidditch field. He would go practice flying, since the jolly mood had been destroyed. “Thank you for coming to the game, love you both.” He called his broom to him, making it shoot out from where he left it to him and flew off.

James sighed as Harry left. So much for bonding over this. He’d have to approach Harry again later, when Lily wasn’t around, see if they could have a better discussion on Harry learning to become an Animagus.

When Harry was out of sight, James turned to Lily, not bothering to hide his annoyance. He understood that she was worried, but he was firm in his beliefs too. This was the best way for Harry to do this, and fighting him on it would just end with them being left out of the loop. “If you’re going to yell at me, I’m going for a run.”

“I just wish I had been included in on the idea that we weren’t even going to try and talk him out of it. Go for a run, then, have fun.” She added at the end, sighing as she walked back off towards the school and ultimately her office, frustrated and, if she were to be actually honest, quite scared.

James huffed in frustration, barely refraining from pointing out that she was the only one who had ever thought they were doing that. He had never once indicated he thought it was a bad idea. Instead, he turned toward the forest, transformed once again, and took off running. They’d deal with this later.