InsaneJournal

Who: Lily and James Potter and Fabian Prewett
What: The Potters drag some information out of a reluctant Fabian
When: Wednesday evening, 6 May 1998
Where: The Potter home in Godric Hollow
Warnings: Mentions of assorted DE-type things.



The invitation for dinner and a chat hadn't been entirely expected, but it hadn't surprised Fabian either. Lily had sounded worried about him in their recent exchanges, and it was increasingly evident to everyone that Fabian was fraying at the seams as time passed and the likelihood of his twin's return decreased. He knew, as he'd said to Molly, that he couldn't spend all his time working on Gideon, especially when there was essentially nothing to work with in terms of clues. But the guilt that he'd failed his brother one more time was beginning to overwhelm him, and he knew it was starting to show.

So he wasn't sorry to be sitting in their comfortable parlour after dinner, making polite conversation about what was going on in the Ministry in James' new position and at Hogwarts with excitable students and in his office, such as it was. The questions were coming, and Fabian didn't even mind answering them, except that the answer to most of them was I don't know. And not the good version of not knowing, that led to answers, either, but the version that was only a dead end.

James didn’t really want to bring up the elephant in the room, but with each passing question that avoided it, it got bigger and bigger until it was nearly impossible to dance around. Still, at least he’d managed to put it off until after dinner, when they’d eaten and drunk and were settled in the parlour with more drinks close by. He accio’ed the whisky a little closer so he wouldn’t have to focus later on and leaned toward Fabian, resting his elbows on his knees. “Enough small talk. Tell me, seriously, how are you holding up?”

It wasn’t the most elegant or sensitive way to ask, James knew that, but elegance and sensitivity weren’t his fortes. That was Lily’s area. But James couldn’t wait any longer to find out how his friend was doing. Even just on the periphery this whole situation had been hard. He couldn’t imagine how it was affecting Fabian.

Lily knew where the conversation would eventually get to, but she was hoping her husband would have a little more tact than he did in asking it. She looked at him with a very stern sort of look after the question was raised, and then cut in herself to add a little nicety to the whole thing, despite it not being a very nice conversation. “I know we spoke a bit earlier, but we’re worried. How are you holding up? Have you gotten to go to Molly’s, relax a bit? Is taking care of Gwen still going alright?”

She knew that Fabian wouldn’t be one to relax at all while his brother was missing, and she was sure the lack of leads was extremely frustrating. But she knew if he didn’t take care of himself as much as possible, it could only get worse and he’d be in no state to help at all eventually. She glared at James again, but only briefly, before she took a sip of her drink and waited for Fabian’s response.

"Having Gwen there is a relief, honestly. It means I'm not worrying about her being somewhere else. Both of them vanishing at the same time was something out of my nightmares." Fabian shook his head as if to shake that memory off. "I think Gwen and I may be holding each other together. It's harder to get out to Molly's during the week with Gwen there, but we're going out together next weekend. I feel as though I should be doing more for Gideon, but there's nothing. Just nothing. The trail's dead and whoever has him isn't talking."

Fabian realised he was staring at his hands; he looked up at James and Lily and shook his head again. "The entail enchantments haven't shifted that I can tell, and I should, probably, so he may well be physically alive. But after this long? I don't know what we'll get back.

"And I don't know what Sirius has said--" Fabian hadn't released Sirius specifically to discuss the details of his family quarrels to James and Lily, but it wouldn't surprise him if Sirius had mentioned some of it "--but it's no secret that Gideon was furious at me for calling the Order back together. We weren't on speaking terms after the attack on Bilius at Valentine's Day. But I should have said something. I should have done something. Something that would have kept Gideon from chasing his vengeance down whatever rabbit hole he's vanished into."

James was used to being blunt--a tactic he’d adopted once he’d realized how much it irritated the Old Guard purists--but he was not used to the same from Fabian. He hadn’t heard Fabian speak like this since just after he got out of Azkaban. Then, Fabian had been too broken by the years in prison to speak with his usual grace and wordplay. That this had broken him almost as badly as ten years in Azkaban rocked James to his core.

There was nothing he could really say, though, no platitudes that would make it better, or help he could offer that hadn’t already been offered by several people. So he just poured more whiskey into Fabian’s glass. “I’m glad Gwen is helping.” It was hard to imagine how that was possible, what with everything Gwen had to deal with as well, but he was glad to hear it. Fabian clearly needed her, and if they could support each other, all the better. It didn’t seem like it was doing much, but, Merlin, he couldn’t imagine what Fabian would be like if this was with Gwen to lean on.

He didn’t know what to say about the dispute between Gideon and Fabian. As an only child, it wasn’t something he was experienced with. And he hadn’t exactly been exemplary in dealing with the rift between Lily and her sister. There was one thing he did know, though. “If you weren’t on speaking terms, anything you said might have made it worse, not better.”

“Please, I never take into stock much what Sirius says.” She replied, giving him the most reassuring smile she could muster. “It’s a good thing you two have each other, then. You and Gwen.” She couldn’t imagine how Gwen would be fairing alone, and if this was as good as it got with Fabian being ‘taken care of’? She was immensely grateful she didn’t have to see the broken mess an un-cared for Fabian might look like. As it were, she could feel negativity rolling off of him in waves and she wished there was something more she could have done.

James was right when it came to making it worse with Gideon if he had said something. “It definitely could have made it worse, Fabian. There wasn’t much you could do. Some people are just determined that way.” Fabian should know, he had some of those stubborn qualities himself. “When Petunia and I fell apart, nothing I said or did made it any better. It just continued to get worse and worse until she stopped speaking to me entirely.” Of course her sister wasn’t being tortured to death, probably. Unless you count being married to Vernon Dursley as being slowly tortured to death, which she did. “It’s not the same, I know, but it wasn’t easy to communicate with her, is all I’m saying.”

She took another sip of her drink before setting it on the table. “I’m saying I think you’ve been doing all you can do, Fabian. Don’t think you missed something, don’t harp on there being something else you could have noticed, said, done, thought about. There isn’t. We’re all trying our best, and we’ll figure it out when something comes up. It’s not just on you, and it’s not that you haven’t done enough.”

Intellectually Fabian knew all that Lily and James were saying was true, especially the part about how Gideon wouldn't have listened to him. Intellectually he knew the reason he was taking it so hard was the long-term damage of spending ten years exposed to the Dementors: that every fault and every failure was magnified tenfold or a hundredfold in his memories. And all the happiness, and Fabian's ability to hope, were diminished. He set the liquor glass that James had poured for him aside momentarily and reached for Lily's hand. Human touch was one of the things that drove it off.

"It's feeling that all of that is true that I'm having a hard time with. And I can't talk about so much of what's happening with Gwen, and that on top of all the things I can't say to Bilius. If things are--if Gideon's dead, or comes back out of his mind from being tortured, that's going to break him. And I hardly know what to say to Molly, either."

James squeezed Fabian’s shoulder, well familiar with the effects that being in Azkaban had on people. He unfortunately knew enough people who had been there that touch at moments like this had become almost second nature. “Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is nothing.” So many times during the war, James had wanted to do something--anything--to fix things for his friends, but there had been nothing he could do without endangering himself or someone else too.

“You can’t--” He stopped, trying to think of a better way to frame things. He wasn’t a wordsmith like Fabian usually was or good at diffusing situations like Lily, but even he could tell that this was a situation that required some restraint. “You shouldn’t--” No, that wasn’t right either. “I’m sure just being there is helpful for Bilius and Molly.”

“James is right.” She agreed, squeezing Fabian’s hand. “And yes, James we can get that in writing because I know we rarely ever tell you you’re right -” Lily gave her husband a sly little smile, before turning her attention back to Fabian. “I know it feels awful not being able to do anything, or feeling like you aren’t doing enough. But for Gwen, for Molly, for Bilius - just your presence, just being there for them emotionally is so important. We can get through anything if we have support.” They got through the war, after all. That was one of the reasons Azkaban was so effective - you lost that support system, you lost the ability to confide in other people and rely on them.

“Why can’t you tell anyone anything?” She asked, trying to address his other issues. It could be overwhelming to hold all the secrets and not be able to share any information with anyone else. She couldn’t imagine what was going on with Gwenog, or why Fabian felt the need to keep such a thing secret if he knew something. The Order could help, she was sure of it. But there seemed to be a lot of secrets going on, and it wasn’t something Lily particularly liked. For the Order to work, they needed to trust each other. “What’s going on?”

The warmth of their hands, James' on his shoulder and Lily's around his fingers, reminded Fabian that he didn't have to do this alone. He trusted James and Lily; there was no reason they shouldn't know, that the whole Order shouldn't know what was going on with Gwen. Just because Gideon's anger had finally shoved Fabian away didn't mean that James and Lily and Sirius and Remus would walk out of his life over this. "Just promise to hear me out before you get angry. I've been trying to figure out how to put this together and I think I may have it.

"Pettigrew got Gwen out. And he wants to come in from the cold some, I think--he told her, and she believes, that he wants to convey information to us about who the Knocker is. Apparently he's under an Unbreakable Vow and he'll need someone to work around it." Fabian made a slightly sour face. "And I'm our best shot at getting what we need out of him--if we can trust him. If it's not a trap." He met Lily's gaze. "And this is where you come in. Veritaserum. Almost certainly for both of us, and then we see who's a better truth-teller."

James hackles rose at the mention of Pettigrew, but even he was sensitive enough to know that Fabian didn’t need that right now. He didn’t trust the rat, never would, but if he had information that could help them find the Knocker, they needed it. “You can’t meet him alone.” He held up his free hand to stall any protest. “If it is a trap, we can’t risk losing you. We need the information, and we won’t do that to the rest of your family, not after whatever has happened to Gideon.”

Yes, it was blunt, but that was what was needed at the moment. He squeezed Fabian’s shoulder to show that he really didn’t mean to upset him. “Arrange to meet him somewhere public. That way more of us can be there without him knowing. We can use glamours or--” He looked at Lily. “Do you have any polyjuice?” It would take too long to brew, but if there was any on hand, they could have impenetrable disguises for a couple hours and keep Fabian safe without giving Pettigrew the slightest clue they were there.

Pettigrew was far down on the list of people she trusted. Of course, Lily was far more forgiving than a lot of people she knew, but what Peter had done had hit her far too close to home. She had a much harder time accepting an apology from him than she had other people, like Snape. It just - she hadn’t known his motivations, why he had done it. Lily had gotten no explanation from him, so even his silence in Azkaban about who else was in the Order was sort of glossed over, disregarded. She fervently did not like the idea that he was trying to help now, all of a sudden. “Why is he trying to help her? What - I mean. I’m sorry, am I missing something?” Lily, for one, had no idea of Gwenog’s involvement with Peter Pettigrew.

“And what do you think I am, a novice?” She scoffed. “Of course, I have Veritaserum and Polyjuice potion. I have a stock of both.” She had, in fact, been steadily increasing her stocks of such items since her name appeared on that list. Since the attacks. Since it started to feel like war again. Quietly, even secretly you could say, she had been preparing everything she could in case they might need it. “And I agree, we absolutely cannot let you go alone. But, with the Veritaserum… well, we’d have to be careful. I don’t trust him, but if he is under an Unbreakable Vow then we need to know the whole scope of it, so we don’t accidentally kill him.”

The last item was the easiest one to deal with, so Fabian did: "That's why you want someone with my skill set. I'm used to working to working with, and around, bindings. It's been a while since I did it on a daily basis, but--don't think I couldn't keep my vow to the Order while conveying any information I needed to convey, if you know what I mean. And as for why: I think Pettigrew's in love with Gwen. I knew she was seeing someone else, and I knew she knew him, because he rented her the flat she was living in, but the rescue has made it clear that it's more than casual as far as Pettigrew's concerned."

And there was the flaw in his original plan, which Fabian could suddenly clearly see. Even without the Gideon situation, he had no business going alone to deal with his Death Eating romantic rival. He scowled, because they were right.

“Well, if Pettigrew loves her, that at least is a motive for saving her.” James privately doubted that the rat was capable of love like that, but he wasn’t going to argue with Fabian on that point. Not right now. He didn’t want to think about Pettigrew more than he absolutely had to, and between the Shrieking Shack nonsense and his rescuing of Gwenog Jones, Pettigrew had been in James’ life quite a bit lately.

It was irksome.

He pushed down his irritation to focus on the plan. Since Lily had the potions--he had suspected she would, but didn’t want to plan around them until he knew for certain---they could proceed with what he had in mind. “It does need to be you talking to him. You know the right questions to ask. If you use Veritaserum and Lily and I--and Sirius and Remus, if they’re amenable--in the crowd with Polyjuice, I think we can pull it off.”

Lily was surprised to hear of Peter's involvement with Gwen. What that was about was beyond her. But she didn't say anything, just nodded her head and listened. If Peter really did love Gwenog, had he changed? Had he never really loved or cared for his friends? She couldn't understand why he would risk himself like this for someone, when he had turned his back so easily before...

"Alright. James, I honestly don't think we need that many of us. It's just Peter. I highly doubt he's going to have an army of Death Eaters on his side to take us down. You, me, and Fabian will be fine. I need to be there to administer the veritaserum. When shall we do this?"

"I need to get in contact with him through Gwen. I've been wrestling with this for a while because of Gideon. But even if we don't need large-scale backup, we need to bring the Order in on this. I'm tired of people running off on their own to do things. And if I want other people not to do it, I need to set that example myself." Fabian straightened a little in a way that made him look more like Fabian and less like the wreck of himself that had come out of Azkaban.

There was another thing lodged in Fabian's throat. It took him a moment, but he spit it out. "I don't know whether I hope Pettigrew will know something about Gideon or not."

“I’d feel better with more people there. But we’ll leave that up to Remus and Sirius.” Yes, they could probably handle it between the two of them, but Pettigrew was slippery. The more backup they had, the less chance there was of something going wrong. And speaking of things going wrong… He looked at Lily. “You should take polyjuice too. I don’t want him to know you’re involved.” Yes, Lily could handle herself, but there was no need to be reckless about this. Fabian was being reckless enough on his own right now.

“You should call a meeting. Or I can, if you’re not feeling up to it. That way we can let everyone know what’s going on.” They’d need a few days to arrange things for the meeting, but James imagined Fabian would need time to set things up with Peter too, especially if he had to contact the rat through Gwenog. “Set it for early next week. Monday maybe. And set your meeting with Pettigrew after that.”

“I agree, Fabian. We need to work as the Order, together. Not as separate entities. It’s leading to far too many disasters, far too many incidents and mess ups.” Don’t even get her started on Lady Noir, and that whole deal when they had run into the Death Eaters. If they had come together as a group and really discussed everything, that might not have happened. But instead they were warding each other all willy nilly over the journals, and keeping some things private. It couldn’t work that way.

When Fabian admitted he hoped Peter knew something about Gideon, her heart broke. She still held his hands, and she squeezed them tightly. “I know you do, I know.” But if Peter was under an Unbreakable Vow, it was unlikely that he knew anything about Gideon. She had the feeling that the Death Eaters didn’t trust him either - it would be a really stupid attempt by them to try and get someone on the inside of the order again, sending Peter. It had to just be Peter on his own. Whether on his own to mess with them, or to truly help Gwenog, was still up to be determined.

James suggested Lily go under cover of Polyjuice as well and she looked at him, sighing. “I, for one, will not Peter Pettigrew intimidate me or dictate my plan of action. He’s not even good at dueling, James, you know that. Second, it isn’t as if he doesn’t know I’m the one who does all the potions for the Order. Polyjuice or not, I think he’d realize it was me giving him Veritaserum.”

“You don’t have to actually give it to him, Lily. Fabian is perfectly capable of following your instructions. Then you can be there with me, polyjuiced.” That way, Pettigrew wouldn’t know Lily was there. He might figure Lily made the potion, but he wouldn’t know anyone was there except Fabian. And James would feel better if the rat didn’t know Lily was present. “You’ll be better backup if he doesn’t know you’re there.”

Pettigrew was, Fabian thought, a sensitive subject on a good day. And as much as he knew better than to get in the middle of a married couple having a debate about their Order participation, this was not the moment for that tiff. Pass the quaffle, Fabian reminded himself. "We should work that out at the meeting," he suggested in his best solicitor's mediation voice. "Maybe someone will have a good idea of how to make it happen without putting Lily at any further risk." Before either of them could answer that, Fabian changed the subject: "I'll call the meeting in the morning. It's time we cleared the air on all of this. Gideon and the Knocker both. If Bilius and Dorcas are at a dead end with Gideon, and we're nearly at one with the Knocker, it's time to solicit ideas for all of it."

James saw what Fabian was doing, but he was right. This wasn’t something that needed to be decided now. Arguing about it wouldn’t help Fabian feel better, nor would it accomplish anything tonight. “You’re right. We’ll talk about it then. We need to let everyone have input before we make any concrete plans.” He smiled apologetically at Lily, then turned all his attention back to Fabian. “We will figure this out. Both the Knocker and Gideon.”

Lily would accept the change of topic without further argument. She knew James was just thinking of her safety, but she agreed that nothing needed to be decided right at that moment. Everyone needed to be included. The time for all the secrets and side investigations to be over was now. "That sounds good. We will figure this out, Fabian. All of us, together."