Aubrey Summers (demipointe) wrote in reduxpitch, @ 2016-02-23 13:26:00 |
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Entry tags: | !thread, character: axel king, retired character: ashleigh spinnet |
Honesty
Who: Ashleigh Spinnet and Axel King
What: Ashleigh under the influence of veritaserum is too good a chance to pass up.
When: Tuesday 22nd January, an hour after lunch.
Where: Ashleigh’s flat, Limbic Alley
Rating: PG
Ashleigh hadn’t been lying when she said she felt sick. Not being in total control of what she said might as well have been a scenario ripped from her worst nightmare, and even her second cigarette since the incident with her boss wasn’t calming the snakes writhing in her stomach. She didn’t usually smoke inside her flat, but right now she wasn’t risking going outside where there were people who might ask her questions that she would be forced to answer. She’d set up a clever ventilation charm so that the smell wouldn’t linger, and the kitchen window was open anyway.
She’d just stubbed out her cigarette in her fancy glass ashtray and was relighting another when she heard a knock at the door. Logically, it could only be one of a handful of people. No one else knew she was home in the middle of the day. She still made sure she had her wand with her before she moved to the door and eased it ever-so-slightly open. “I wasn’t expecting to see you,” she said, when she saw Axel waiting on her doorstep. Really, of the people her entry had been warded to, Axel was the last she’d have thought would turn up.
She opened the door the rest of the way and stepped back. “Come in.” She wasn’t going to talk to him out in the hallway where other residents of her building might overhear what she had to say.
-
If anyone asked, Axel totally wanted to grill Ashleigh for answers to weird sex questions. That was what he did. He bothered her because it was fun. She had great reactions to things that annoyed her. She fought him, so he made more comments, flirted more with her than with other people who were more receptive to him. He was aware that he walked a thin line with her, but if he thought he actually made her uncomfortable, he’d stop. Many people, Ashleigh included, may not know it about him, but Axel didn’t actually want or try to be an actual douchebag. He had an image to uphold, however, so weird sex questions was the pretext.
That wasn’t the real reason he showed up on her doorstep, however. Part of him had been concerned about her. She’d already said some things to her boss that could get her in trouble, and he didn’t want her to get in more trouble with others or get taken advantage of. Part of him also wanted to do a little advantage-taking himself. In a good way. Ish. He and Ashleigh did a lot of what he was sure was play fighting, but sometimes he wasn’t so sure. He was entirely certain that she’d never tell him if he flat out asked her, so the temptation to ask when she’d tell him the very blunt and honest truth was too much to pass up.
So he Apparated over and knocked on her door. If he were being honest, he was a little surprised she let him in without a fight, so he was perhaps a bit comforted that maybe she did enjoy his company a little.
“I heard you couldn’t tell a lie if you wanted to,” he greeted her as he stepped inside. “Seemed only natural that I come grill you about things you’d never tell me otherwise.” He grinned and winked at her.
--
Ashleigh rolled her eyes at his wink, stepping past him to close the door firmly against nosy neighbours. She was still wearing her work robes, though she’d kicked off her shoes the moment she got home and so she had to do her best to be intimidating while standing at least six inches shorter than him. “Of course that’s why you’re here.” Taken from that perspective, it really wasn’t surprising at all. Fortunately, Ashleigh didn’t have a lot of big secrets in her life - and the ones she did (her anxiety and her dream job) she thought it unlikely Axel would ask about.
Leaving him to fend for himself as far as hospitality was concerned, Ashleigh returned to the sofa by the fire and curled her legs up under her. “So what’s it to be?” she asked. “You want to know if Aisling and I ever snuck into the Prefect’s bathroom to practice kissing?” It seemed the kind of thing he might ask, and Ashleigh had no problem answering that kind of question. She didn’t talk about her sex life to Axel because it was none of his business, but she also didn’t care if he knew - she didn’t think it was going to change how he thought of her, and she wasn’t ashamed of anything she’d done.
--
“Actually no, but now that you mention it, I’m totally curious.” It would be a lie to say that he’d never thought about that, because he’d known them both for a very long time, but Axel could honestly say that it hadn’t occurred to him that day; even if it had, he wasn’t sure he’d have asked about it without her bringing it up. It wasn’t that he expected her to be ashamed, because she totally shouldn’t because there was nothing wrong with it, but it honestly hadn’t ever occurred to him that she’d be in any way comfortable answering questions about sex, relationships, or experimentation.
No, he had other things in mind.
“Actually, how’s it work anyway? Do I have to ask you a direct question and get a direct answer, or could you just talk and everything that comes out of your mouth is just the honest-to-god truth?” Because he was curious, and sometimes he actually sounded like he might have been a Ravenclaw. Okay, so he was curious about 94% of his entire life, whatever.
--
“Well, we never did,” Ashleigh said, with a slight and unconcerned shrug. She hadn’t really understood the point of kissing during her years at school, and the idea of everyone knowing about it if she did wasn’t one she’d been fond of. The whole realm of kissing and physical intimacy had sent her anxiety spiking through the roof for years - until she’d faced it, and found it was nothing at all to be frightened of. She had been on a couple of low-key ‘dates’ with other girls, but since they hadn’t made a big deal of it no one had thought to ask whether they were seeing one another as friends or as something more.
She huffed at him when he asked how the potion worked. He was hopeless. She gestured to the other end of the sofa before continuing. “Stop towering.” She wouldn’t usually care, but in her current state it was putting her on edge that he was just standing there, staring down at her. “I know you took Potions,” she reminded him. “How do you not know this?” They’d been in the same class, of course. Granted, Ashleigh had refused to sit anywhere near Axel, preferring people who were more likely to help and less likely to add extraneous ingredients just to see what would happen.
“A little of both. I can’t say anything I believe to be untrue, but if you don’t ask me direct questions than I can just not say anything.” Even if asked direct questions, now that she knew what was going on she ought to be able to resist the impulse long enough to at least get him out of the flat. “It depends on personality, too.” Ashleigh, who prided herself on being in control at all times, ought to have a fighting chance. Ought to. The thought was not reassuring enough to settle her nerves. Not at all. “Or we can talk about the weather. Or environmental law.” No, she knew that wasn’t going to fly. Axel probably found her job almost as boring as she did. “It’s based on belief, not fact,” she added - though surely he must know at least that much? She flexed her foot where it was hidden under her robes while she tried to think of an example. “If I believe the Chudley Cannons lost their last three matches because Asher told me so and I’ve seen nothing to contradict it, then I can say that they lost their last three matches. Even if they didn’t.”
--
So direct questions if he wanted to make sure she answered, indirect or vague questions if he wanted to give her a choice, that was good to know. Especially given their journal conversations over the last week, there was a great deal that Axel really wanted to know, but he also knew what an invasion of privacy it would be, and he had to weigh that carefully against just how badly he wanted to know the answers to his questions. Because contrary to popular belief, he didn’t actually want to do anything to ruin their friendship. And yes, he did consider them to be real friends, as unwilling as she seemed to be most of the time; if she wanted him to leave her alone, all she had to do was make it clear that she wasn’t kidding around and actually wanted nothing more than to be left alone. It would hurt, but he’d do it, because he actually cared about the difficult woman.
So he sat at the other end of the couch--sprawled might be a more accurate term--and regarded her carefully, eyes narrowed as he considered his options; part of his expression was for her benefit, for comedic effect, but some of it was genuine.
“Okay, baseline question: exactly how much do I irritate you on any given day?” Alright, maybe not a good baseline question, but he couldn’t really think of a good one.
--
Ashleigh shot him a well-practiced withering look when he sprawled across her couch - apparently, she didn’t have to be honest with her facial expressions - but it was hugely preferable to the anxiety-inducing looming. At his question, though, she hummed. Unlike her (horrible, best-forgotten) conversation with her boss, there was no immediate urge to speak her mind. “That’s not really a question it’s possible to answer,” she observed. “There is no ‘exact’ way to measure irritation. Do you want it on a scale of 1 to 10? An average of every day we’ve ever known one another, or just the last week?” Apparently, the potion couldn’t push Ashleigh out of the systems of her own mind.
After a little more quiet consideration - only part of which was calculated to put Axel in suspense - she shrugged. “I’d say on average about as much as you intend to. Sometimes more, sometimes less but it’s hardly worth mentioning.”
--
“Yes but how much do you imagine I intend to?” he asked, leaning forward and studying her. It had been a vague question with a subjective answer that didn’t actually tell Axel anything. A scale would be helpful, as would one of Ashleigh’s famous Lists, but he was rarely particular or picky about anything, as long as he got what he wanted out of it.
“Do you imagine I try very hard to push all your buttons, which is very daunting task, seeing as there are many of them, or do you think it comes naturally and is just a side effect of me talking?” Because those were two very important distinctions. Either one could be true on any given day, though it was true that he did try to irritate her. Not too much to make her actually hate him, mind, but that was the whole point in asking her about it, even if it wasn’t a direct question with a solid, factual answer. He needed to know if he needed to back off or if he was okay, because while he assumed she had some degree of control over her answers, he liked to believe that she’d at least be inclined to be truthful. Because of the potion. He’d never expect her to tell him if she weren’t under the influence.
--
Ashleigh curled herself more tightly as he leaned towards her - sitting with her back very straight and her feet all the way under her body. As before, his first question didn’t really have a quantifiable answer. Not being usually inclined to answer every vague question Axel threw at her was probably helping a great deal in letting her simply skip over it. “You would make a terrible interrogator,” she informed him - doubly pleased because he’d know she genuinely meant it.
The second question, while it might not have the answer he expected,did have an answer. “A little of both,” she admitted, making an effort to keep her voice at the same pitch and volume as it had been before. She wasn’t going to let him know that there was anything especially significant in her answer, but after her conversation with Aisling she was aware that there was… something. Obviously, a lot of what Axel did he did to deliberately annoy her and while it worked they weren’t necessarily things she would want to change. And then there were other things, things that he just was. Those would never change whether she wanted them to or not, so there was no point thinking about them, or mentioning them to anyone.
--
The thing with Axel was that, while he tried to appear to be very simple, he was in fact quite complicated. He didn’t like taking things seriously, and much preferred to be fun and irritating and weird. It was easier that way. There were fewer feelings, less vulnerability, and by the age of 29, he’d gotten very, very good at not caring what people thought of him. Except sometimes he did. And sometimes he was vulnerable. And sometimes he even liked it. But Ashleigh was a little different, and he needed to double check. Because while he’d be disappointed and their friendship would probably lose that spark if she told him to back off, he would definitely not find it in any way fun if she hated the way they interacted.
“Do you want me to stop?” Direct question, because Axel was actually not the worst interrogator. Just a bad one. Sorta. He knew what he was doing. Which was gearing up for more difficult questions to ask, even if they wouldn’t necessarily be more difficult for her to answer.
--
Some - namely Aisling - would have said that Ashleigh should have been able to predict the question but it honestly took her by surprise that Axel would ask. Would he genuinely consider stopping if she asked him to? Or perhaps it surprised her that he didn’t know he didn’t need to. “Stop… what?” she asked, some of her poise slipping, making it perfectly obvious that she was stalling. “Stop deliberately pushing my buttons?” She shook her head, without entirely meaning to. Why was he making her admit this?! Why did she care? Her stomach squeezed as she stood, smoothing her hands down her robes. Ambiguity was Ashleigh’s refuge when it came to Axel. If he knew it didn’t bother her, didn’t their strange, antagonistic friendship lose something?
“I can handle it, Nathaniel,” she bit out. “I’ve had lots of practice.” Not a truly direct answer, but enough to satisfy the nagging urge that had been building. He didn’t need to stop, but she hadn’t actually admitted to liking it. As for the rest, the things he didn’t mean to do that had always annoyed her more than the ones he did? He couldn’t have stopped those if he’d tried so the less said about that the better.
--
“That’s not what I asked. I asked if you wanted me to stop bugging you,” he said, kind of gently. Not too gently, otherwise she might get the impression that he was sweet on her, but it was a genuine question he needed to know the answer to. Most of the time, he didn’t need it, and knew he didn’t need to ask. But every so often, every few years, he felt like he needed to make sure. Surely a woman like Ashleigh Spinnet would tell him off if she was tired of him after 18 years, but...there was a tiny seed of doubt in the back of his mind that maybe she’d been trying to tell him and he just wasn’t listening hard enough.
--
Did she want him to stop? “It’s a stupid question.” He wouldn’t be Axel if he stopped. They wouldn’t be them and Ashleigh didn’t want to think too hard about what they’d be instead. Boring. Axel would certainly get bored. If she’d shut down his more irritating behaviours years ago, he’d have drifted out of orbit to search for someone who made the chase more interesting. Which was exactly what Ashleigh feared right now. If she told him she didn’t want him to stop, all the fun would go out of it for him and then where would they be? She touched a hand to the back of her neck, breathing out slowly. “I don’t think you really want the answer,” she told him, absolutely honestly. She wasn’t looking at him, eyes fixed on the clock on the wall slowly ticking its way round.
She could have kicked him out. It was either that or tell him the truth because the answer was on the tip of her tongue already, propelled by some selfish idiot’s idea of a prank. Maybe she should just - “No.” The word surprised her as it slipped out. She really hadn’t wanted to say it, hadn’t wanted to make it real, and suddenly her heart was pounding hard in her chest. She dug her toes into the carpet under her feet, focusing on the clench of muscles. She was not about to have an anxiety attack because of Axel fucking King, and let alone in front of him!
--
Now Axel was a little confused, because he didn't know or understand why he wouldn't want to hear that answer. That was the answer he wanted. Not only did it confirm that she was willingly playing the game with him, but also implied that she liked it. And far from taking anything away from it for him, it really only made him want to push her buttons more. Because it wasn't really about the chase or the unattainable girl. That may have been what it looked like from the outside or to her, but it wasn’t about that. The reason he really liked the way they interacted was that she pushed him back and didn't take his shit. There was no doubt in his mind that anything involving Ashleigh Spinnet could possibly be boring. Except maybe her job.
“Why wouldn't I want the answer?” he asked, though his mind had already moved on to more questions. If she liked it when he pushed her, he had a great many more things up his sleeve.
“But more importantly, now that I know you do actually like me--don't deny it, you just said you didn't mind and I totally would've backed off if you said so--if there was no one else and it wouldn't change anything, with no expectations of anything else happening, would you shag me?”
Because Axel King liked to ask the important questions in life.
---
Much as she wanted to stay standing, Ashleigh wasn’t actually sure she could. Despite her best efforts at refocusing her attention, her breath was coming faster than normal and a familiar pain was spreading up the back of her neck to the base of her skull. She hadn’t had a fully-blown anxiety attack since she’d been promoted to Senior Operational Manager, and she’d never had one in front of Axel. Even at the tender age of 11, when she’d barely been able to control it, she’d always managed to get to either her dorm or Asher’s before she was visibly affected.
Because she would rather cede the high ground gracefully than fall, she returned to her seat next to Axel on the couch. This time, she sat upright, keeping her bare feet firmly on the ground. She could feel the soft fibres of the carpet between her toes, which was giving her something safe to think about. Of course, Axel had to ruin it by asking another direct question. “Because if you’re not right on the verge of me telling you to piss off forever it’s not fun for you.” She couldn’t fight anxiety and veritaserum simultaneously, so the words came out before she had a chance to stop and consider them.
Axel’s next question might have earned the same treatment - which would have been disastrous - if he’d phrased it with any less subclauses. “I didn’t say I like you,” she clarified, mostly because he’d told her not to and because she could do so truthfully. She hadn’t said anything of the kind. “‘If there was no one else’,” she repeated, genuinely unsure what he had meant. “For you, for me or on the planet? I suppose those last two are the same, in practical terms.” If there was no one else on the planet would she shag Axel? Well, if they managed to survive whatever had killed everyone else off long enough for her sex drive to become a problem she probably would. Somehow, she didn’t think that was really what he was asking. She was lucky she wasn’t thinking out loud as she tried to puzzle her way through the question, because the veritaserum was pushing her to answer something - to answer what she thought he was asking. If there was no expectation and it wouldn’t change anything, what would be the point? If all she wanted was no-strings-attached sex, she already had a means to that end, why chose Axel? “Make the question clearer,” she demanded. Or tried to demand. It emerged more like pleading.
--
Unfortunately for the both of them, Axel had precious little experience with panic attacks, and didn’t know how to recognize one when he saw it. If he had known, he wouldn’t have asked the question to begin with, and would have asked her what he could do to help her calm down. That did not, however, mean he was completely oblivious to her change in physical and emotional state; it just meant he didn’t know what was going on. Because clearly something was. She looked confused, and she didn’t seem able to get through the question, which he’d thought was pretty straightforward, but apparently wasn’t.
“Are you okay?” he asked instead. Ashleigh was usually one to over-think things (though, to be fair, Axel was pretty convinced that most people over-thought things), but it seemed out of character to him for her to focus on parts of the question, rather than simply tell him off and answer yes or no. Maybe she was trying to fight answering--she had said the potion’s effect depended on the personality of the drinker--and this was her way not not answering. If that was the case then, it seemed to be causing her some level of discomfort that Axel hadn’t intended, and if she was trying that hard not to answer, then he wanted to withdraw it altogether.
--
Ashleigh took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and counting to twenty in her head. She was fine. She was safe. The worst that could happen was - No, she reigned her mind away from that abyss. “Define okay,” she muttered, actually looking at Axel for the first time in several minutes. “I’m not in physical danger and I understand what’s happening.” Because, of course, Ashleigh had read all the books on anxiety. And depression. And addictive personality. And even gambling. She liked to have her bases covered, to understand so that she could be prepared. Apparently, that wasn’t answer enough and she grit her teeth for a moment before she continued. “But also no. I’m -” She paused. Was she having an anxiety attack or just on on the edge of one? It wasn’t as if there was a clear line between the two states. And she knew from past experience that once it got this far she might be able to put it off, but she couldn’t avoid it completely. The dread of that was adding lead weight to the pit of her stomach. She could hear her heart thumping against her sternum.
Again, she should have asked him to leave, but the words wouldn’t come. She pressed a hand to her chest to deaden the sound that was pounding in her ears now. “I still don’t understand your question.” Apparently, even talking about sex with Axel was better than admitting her struggle with anxiety. Or at least, it seemed that way right now.
--
She may not have wanted or been able to talk about her anxiety, but her answer was enough for Axel to begin putting the pieces together. Ashleigh was clearly uncomfortable and upset with the questions he was asking her, and she wasn’t able to tell him ‘yes’ she was alright; all she could do was try and divert the question, and as much as Axel didn’t like to take anything seriously, this was not a time when that was appropriate.
“Forget the question, it was dumb and I’m sorry I asked it. What can I do to make it better? Do you want me to leave?” Because that seemed like the logical response--if he upset her and caused whatever was happening to her, then he should leave, right? Even if she said she didn’t want him to stop bothering her, clearly something he was doing was not okay, and that genuinely upset him. And okay, maybe asking her more direct questions wasn’t the best idea, but he needed to know what she needed! If she needed him to leave, he’d feel like shit but he would do it without arguing or hesitation.
--
It was by far the easiest question he’d asked since he arrived, and Ashleigh let out a breath that came significantly easier. “No,” she said. “No, don’t leave.” If he left, she was going to spiral into thinking his question through from every possible angle, and she was going to get increasingly frustrated and anxious that she couldn’t figure it out unless he made it clearer. Ashleigh didn’t like not being able to figure things out. It would cause more anxiety, not less. Unfortunately, she didn’t know what he could do to help. If it was Asher or Aisling or Alicia, she had literal, physical lists of things they could do to calm her down. She’d stored them in a box under her bed, just in case she was ever in an attack so bad she couldn’t speak. It hadn’t happened since she was 9 - but Ashleigh was nothing if not prepared.
Axel, though. She didn’t have a list for Axel because she had never imagined he would be the only person with her when it got this bad. So she defaulted to generic advice. “Don’t tell me to calm down. I know that, I’m trying and it’s not helpful to be told.” Though her words were as brusque as ever, they lacked the usual tone of explaining to him like he was an idiot. The advice, simple though it was, helped. It allowed her to take back a little bit of control over her situation. She knew what to do, and Axel didn’t. “There’s a packet of loose leaf tea on the kitchen counter from Briana,” she continued. “No milk, no sugar, just hot water and strain it.” She knew that Axel knew how to make tea - how could he not, with his upbringing? - but again the instructions helped her. Under less fraught circumstances, Axel would find his own way to do things but if he felt as worried as he looked he’d actually listen to her this one time.
--
“Say things to make you more upset, got it,” he responded in a slightly serious tone, trying to make light of it and maybe distract her with the tiniest glimpse of amusement, but Axel was also well aware that that could backfire and not be the least bit helpful. Which was apparently the anthem of this particular afternoon, and he felt awful about it.
Tea though, if she said that would help, then he could do that. “Yes madam,” he said, and went to make the tea quickly. Thanks to magic, he had boiling water over tea leaves in seconds, and the cup in her hands in less than two minutes. Not that he timed it, mind, Axel was just very good at judging time.
--
“That’s not -” It took her a moment to realise Axel wasn’t being serious. “Oh.” It didn’t quite earn a chuckle from her, but the hint of a smile was pretty impressive considering the circumstances. While he was making the tea, she looked around the room, trying to find five things that began with the letter A. Armchair. Ashtray. Aster. Amateur Theatrics: Creating the Stage. And, finally, Axel, because he was back before she could find a proper fifth thing. She took the tea, wrapping her fingers around the cup and letting the heat seep into her hands and chest as she rested them there. “Thank you.”
The tea was good - Briana knew her well, so it was no surprise. Unless Ashleigh missed her guess it was equal parts calming and anti-nausea. She sipped slowly, blowing across the surface of the tea to make sure it was cool enough not to burn her tongue. She focused on watching the ripples her breath made, not wanting to look up and see Axel hovering worriedly over her. “I will be alright,” she assured him, though she couldn’t give him an accurate time frame. “A couple of cups of tea, a bath.” Aisling was coming later, that would definitely help.
Still though, she didn’t want to get into the bath with all this still on her mind. No matter how good Bri’s mix was, that was going to be the opposite of helpful. “Can you give me some kind of puzzle to work on?” Usually Iona was the one she relied on for that, but Iona wasn’t here. “Song lyrics you can’t get right, maybe?” Ashleigh wasn’t creative in that way, but she understood meter and rhyme enough that she it would give her something to think about, even if the end result wasn’t actually worth the effort.