pam81 (pam81) wrote in qaf_drabbles, @ 2011-12-28 17:01:00 |
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Entry tags: | gusmas 2011 |
Gusmas 2011: "When you love someone"
Title: "When You Love Someone"
Author: pam81
Beta: My Angel Carolyn shadownyc ♥ Thank you hon! All remaining mistakes are mine.
Prompt(s): All the 37 prompts for a full coherent story (Oh well, I hope so)
Notes: Total: 40 drabbles, because there are 3 double drabbles, so my donation is $ 40 (my personal challange) + $ 3 because I'm a drabylon author and I fulfilled my challange with prompts Dec 14/Dec 25/Dec 28. And it's also drabylon dollars!Sorry Lisa brianswalk ;)
1.
Today he’s coming home.
For good.
I feel like my life is going to be complete once again.
It was hard to be able to talk just on the phone or through a webcam.
It was hard to know he had a different life, away from me.
It fucking killed that I was not there for him all the time.
But that was the past. Now it’s time to smile.
Justin takes my hand, and together we look at Sonny Boy as he runs toward us, screaming our
names, and throwing himself in our arms.
Gus is finally back home.
2.
For a second, I think I’m going to die or at least to have an attack.
My heart beats so fast that it seems ready to explode.
Is this what being happy feels like?
The day Justin came home after a couple of successful years in New York was one of the best days in my life and I thought that I will never feel the same way.
Wrong! This is even better.
Because now, with the two boys I love the most in the world in my arms, I feel invincible.
Fuck! When did I become such a lesbian?
3.
“Daddy I like your new house. It’s huge!”
“It’s not new Gus. You’ve never been here before, but I bought it two years ago… before you moved to Canada.”
“You lived here alone?”
“No, I didn’t. This house was for Justin. It was our house. It didn’t make sense for me to be here alone.”
“But now you live here because Daddy J doesn’t live in that city anymore?”
“Exactly, Sonny Boy.”
“Can we camp here in the woods this summer? Please?”
“Whatever you want, son. And now let’s go home. Your mom is coming to pick you up soon.”
4.
“Damn! I’m getting old”
“What did you just say? Old?”
“Yeah, I said old. The real problem is that I meant it. I love Gus, but I’m not sure I can survive another day like this one.”
“Brian, he’s seven years old, he’s full of life. What did you expect?”
“Didn’t he ever hear about X-Box or PlayStation?”
“Brian! Kids need to play outside, to breathe air, not to stay closed up in one room.”
“That kid is going to be the death of me. He wore me out. And not in a pleasant way. Not like you always do.”
5.
“You mean like the last time we were in this room? Do you remember what you said that night?”
No… Damn! “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because you were stoned.”
Probably. “Not true.”
“You were, don’t try to deny it.”
“I wasn’t and I remember everything”
Think Kinney!
“Are you sure? Because I do, and I’m going to make you keep all you promised.”
“I always keep my promises.” If I could just remember them…
“So, from now on, you’re going to bottom every night?”
“What the fuck? I didn’t say anything like that.”
“You did.”
“Shit.”
“Told you. Stoned.”
6.
I wasn’t only stoned. I was horny too.
Because that night we made an important decision.
We talked about our future, what we wanted, about how our life was going to change now that he was back home.
We thought about doing it raw.
The idea of being inside him with no condoms made me harder than I have ever been.
I would have promised him the fucking moon if he’d asked.
My only problem is Michael, because there’s no way he’s not going to find it out.
And it kills me to know how much this will hurt him.
7.
Yes, I’m going to hurt my oldest friend, but I’m also sure that he’s going to be happy for me. For us.
He wasn’t Justin’s fan at the beginning, but through all these years, they’ve become friends, good friends, because let’s face it… Is there one single person in the world who can remain resistant to Justin’s charms? To his smile?
The little shit came into our lives and hit all of us like a hurricane.
He came, stayed, fucked everything up, nearly died, cheated, went away, moved back in, moved out again, turned our lives, especially mine, upside down.
* * *
“Where were you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You were lost in your thoughts. What were you thinking?”
“Nothing. Everything. You.”
“Wow! Your answer really helped me. Was it a good thought?”
“It always is when it comes to you.”
“Are you sure? Because I can think of a couple of occasions when I wasn’t exactly a great partner. Your opinion was different during those times.”
“Let’s not talk about the past, please. We both made mistakes. Let’s hope we’ve learned from them.”
“Tell me… when did you become the wiser one?”
“I’ve always been, but I let you think otherwise.”
8.
“I’m hungry”
“You always are.”
“Brian I’m serious.”
“I know. Me too.”
“I’m hungry.”
“I’m horny.”
“Let’s eat.”
“Let’s fuck!”
“Food and then sex?”
“Sex and then we can order something for dinner?”
“I’m not sure I could wait so long. I haven’t eaten anything since lunch. I’m starving.”
“And because you can’t wait, I have to resist an hour before being inside you? You’re just like a kid.”
“Said the mature one.”
“So? Who’s going to win?
“Ice-cream? It will make us both happy. We can eat and fuck at the same time.”
“I love how your mind works.”
9.
“Don’t be an asshole. You knew I had to go back to New York.”
“I know, but I don’t want you to.”
“Jesus, what’re you? Five years old? Am I talking to Gus or to his gorgeous father?”
“Fuck you.”
“I’ll be back in one week. We’ve stayed away from each other longer in the past.”
“True, it’s harder now, don’t ask me why. Christ! Please kill me, I sound like…”
“A lesbian? They just announced my flight. I need to go. And now kiss me drama queen. Give me something to think about for the time I’ll be away.”
10.
“I was reading a magazine where they suggested how to improve the sex life.”
“Do you think we need it?”
“No, but it could be fun. Why don’t we play?”
“First, tell me what it is about. Then, we’ll see.”
“Okay, they say that you don’t have to have an orgasm when your partner is away for a business trip.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? No way.”
“Com’on Brian. Think about the extreme pleasure when we’ll fuck next week. They say that the orgasm could last several minutes.”
“I said no.”
“You’re a coward. I dare you to try it.”
11.
“I miss you.”
“You miss me or my cock up your ass?”
“Ever the romantic. I liked the new you, the lesbian one. Where did he go?”
“He’s not happy after your last great idea. Now you’re talking with the horny me, the one that wants to fuck you badly. I could take a plane just to come there and fuck your brains out.”
“You’re used to thinking outside the box at work. Do it also in your private life. This is new and exciting. I’m sure this abstinence is not going to kill you.”
“But it’s driving me crazy!”
12.
“Did you see the picture I sent you this morning?”
“I did, but I can’t honestly understand the meaning of those towels.”
“They’re for our bathroom. Do you like them?”
“Not bad. I taught you well. Your taste is improving, princess.”
“Fuck you.”
“I wish!”
“Wait till I come home.”
“Don’t… don’t say it.”
“Don’t say what?”
“The word come. Please. Have some mercy.”
“The big Brian Kinney is asking for mercy? How come you’re funny nowadays?”
“You’re dead Justin. Seriously. I’m so going to kill you.”
“Okay, but you’ll have to wait till I come home to do it.”
13.
“What are you doing?”
“Thinking of you, having some red wine, trying to find the courage to tell you something.”
“What? What happened, Justin?”
“You know what? Life sucks sometimes.”
“Justin, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m drunk Brian.”
“Yeah, I can tell. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“I can’t keep my promise. One week is not enough; I’ll have to stay here longer than planned.”
“I see.”
“Say something.”
“What do you want me to say? It sucks, you were right.”
“I’m so sorry Brian.”
“It’s not your fault. We’ll survive. We always did. How long?”
“Probably one more week.”
Fuck!
14.
I know that Brian is upset. I’m not happy either.
One more week apart.
Damn! Why did I suggest that we try that stupid game? I’m so fucking horny right now.
I want to call him and listen to his voice while jerking off.
No… hearing his voice is not enough. And no, not even the webcam would work this time. I need to see him, to touch him, to feel him.
I look out of the window and I remember a time when this city, this view, used to leave me breathless.
Now, it just makes me feel alone.
15.
That little shit.
He trapped me into that stupid game and now he says he’s not going to come home for another week.
Seven fucking days! I’m giving up. There’s no way I’m going to be able to resist.
I need to come, I need to fuck, I fucking need his ass!
I can vent all I want but truth is, I’ll wait for him.
I kick something that is lying on the floor.
What the fuck?
His fucking art books. Does he know they invented libraries?
And suddenly it hit me and I know what I have to do.
16.
Way to go Kinney! For once you acted like the perfect boyfriend and look at the result.
You and your stupid ideas.
Well, they didn’t seem so stupid before.
Catching a red-eye was easy.
Taking a cab too.
And now? Where do you go?
You didn’t think you’d need an address at some point? A hotel’s name?
Think! Did he tell you something about where he was staying?
Why the fuck didn’t you listen to him carefully instead of always thinking about the next position you want to try?
But you’re here now, and it’s a beginning. A good one.
17.
Days are easy. Nights not so much.
I could go out, clubbing, but that would make me even hornier than I already am, so it’s better I keep myself away from all the temptations.
Me and Brian, we promised we were going to try the monogamous thing for real, and there’s no way I’m going to fuck it up.
I just hope he’s still hanging in there too.
And I just hope to be able to sleep tonight because I’m so tired I’m hallucinating.
Because there’s no way the man standing at the door of the gallery is Brian Kinney.
18.
“What are you….?”
“We’re leaving. Now!”
He looks gorgeous and… hungry.
He grabs my hand and drags me outside where there’s a taxi waiting for us.
I have just enough time to tell the name of the hotel before he crushes his lips against mine and we both groan from the instant pleasure.
Fingers in my hair, tongue in my mouth and his hard-on pressed against my hip.
God, I’m going to come just from kissing him.
“I’ll eat your ass, bite your soft skin, and I’m not going to stop until you fucking beg me to fuck you hard.”
19.
Hours later, we’re finally able to catch our breath.
“I can’t believe you’re here. You so love me.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Look at what you did! If this isn’t love…”
“You know, there was a time, during your years here in New York, when I thought you could give up on me, on us. I’m the worst boyfriend in the word. I’m fucked up. I still can’t fathom why you keep wasting time on me.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re much better than you think. You just don’t realize it. But I do.”
“That’s why we’re perfect together.”
20.
“When are you going back?”
“This afternoon. I promised Gus and the munchers I’d have them over for dinner. My son told me we need to speak. He had this serious face and believe me, it was hard not to laugh. But I couldn’t hurt his feelings. I wonder what’s going on with him. He said he has a secret mission.”
“You’re a good dad, you know that? Gus is a mini-you. He looks just like you, smiles and laughs like you, he’s smart and caring. He’s going to be a wonderful man one day, just like his gorgeous father.”
21.
Leaving him in New York was hard. Coming back to a cold, empty home was depressing.
I wish the girls and the kids were already here, so that I could stop thinking about how pathetic I am for missing Justin so much.
There’s a letter on the kitchen table I’m absolutely sure was not there when I left yesterday.
It’s from the clinic where we both got tested.
The results are back.
My heart skips a beat as I open it.
Fuck! What’s in here is going to change our lives forever.
I’m excited and scared at the same time.
* * *
I should have waited for Justin to open it, I know, but I couldn’t resist.
Brian Kinney: Negative.
Justin Taylor: Negative.
I laugh; don’t ask me why but it’s liberating.
I’m not going to tell him. No. This will be a perfect Christmas present.
That’s if I can wait for ten fucking days.
Because right now, all I want is to jump again on a plane, go back to New York and fuck him for days.
I can already imagine his beautiful face, his smile when he unwraps the gift pack.
Fuck – that reminds me I need paper and ribbons!
22.
I soon realized packing presents is not my forte.
I’ve never done this throughout my life. I have no patience.
Lindsay looks at the mess on the kitchen table and smiles warmly.
“Would you like me to help you?”
“No, thanks. I’m not going to give up. It’s just a gift for fuck‘s sake! It can’t be that difficult.”
“Well, let me know if you change your mind. What’s for dinner? I don’t see any food.”
“Shit!”
“Okay, listen to me. I’ll wrap the gift for you and you’re going to order something to eat. Deal?”
“Deal. Thank you, Wendy.”
23.
My phone rings just as I finish ordering pizza.
“Brian, I’m dead.”
“Hello to you too, Sunshine. Do they let you keep your phone in heaven? Oh wait. Are you in hell?”
“Very funny. Can you be serious? I’m dead because you’re going to kill me.”
“How’s that possible?”
“The gallery asked me to stay a few more days. We’re not finished yet. They need me.”
“No.”
“Brian!”
“Fuck. Okay. Do what you need to do and bring your ass home as soon as possible.”
“I love you.”
“For reasons I've forgotten now, I might feel the same about you.”
24.
“Hey Sonny Boy, are you ready for the big talk with your old man?”
“I decided I’ll come with you and Justin to that beautiful place with all the snow I saw in the picture you showed me.”
“To the chalet? I’m sorry, Sonny Boy. You can’t come with us. That’s a place for big boys.”
“I am a big boy.”
“Sure you are. But remember what I told you when you helped me book the vacation? Do you remember the secret I told you? Do you remember why I need to be alone with Justin there?”
“Yes.”
“Good boy.”
25
“Daddy, can you help me with Christmas presents? Mommy gave me some money. I want to buy something for you and for Justin, but you can’t know your gift. I need help for Justin. Can I buy him something?”
“Of course, Gus. It’s going to be a huge surprise, because he’s not expecting it. Do you have something in mind?”
“He likes music; he’s always singing and dancing. Maybe a CD?”
“Great idea, Sonny Boy.”
“Mom said classic music, especially violin, but I don’t like it.”
“Not a good choice. Madonna or Moby are definitely better… And Mel? You’re dead.”
26.
“Hey twat.”
“Hey asshole.”
“How was your day?”
“This morning I fucked a gorgeous man.”
“Do I need to be jealous?”
“Maybe you should, because I think he’s the love of my life.”
“Funny. Something similar happened to me.”
“Are your guests still there?”
“They left an hour ago.”
“How did it go?”
“Fine. Gus is a good kid, Lindsay helped me with something, and Mel was a bitch as usual.”
“Did they invite you over to celebrate Hanukkah with them tomorrow?”
“Yes. I said no at first, but Gus’s sad face changed my viewpoint significantly.”
“You’re a good dad.”
27.
“So? How did your first holiday celebration go? Did you have fun?”
“A dinner with two kids and two married couples? How do you think it must’ve gone?”
“That bad?”
“Not as terrible as I thought, but definitely not my idea of a fun night.”
“What are you going to do tonight for your second celebration?”
“Second celebration? What are you talking about?”
“It’s winter solstice today; the longest night of the year.”
“Really? Well, what reason do I have to celebrate? I’m here alone. I wish you were here. Then I would definitely know how to spend this night.”
28.
There’s a text message on my phone when I wake the next morning.
Going to the airport. Pick me up at noon. Love you. J.
Now that’s definitely a great way to start a new day.
He’s coming home. Halle-fucking-luya!!!
Okay, princess. See you in a few hours. Be ready because I’m going to fuck you so hard you’re going to forget your name.
But then he called.
I’m still with the Vette door open when my phone rings.
“Brian, we have a problem.”
And just hearing his sad voice makes me realize this will be a Sunshineless day. Again.
29.
“Please don’t…”
“I’m so sorry Brian. All the flights have been cancelled, and I’m afraid they’re going to close the airport. There’s a terrible snowstorm right now. I’m not even sure if I can get back to the hotel. Traffic is paralyzed.”
“Stay there, don’t move. Do you hear me? Wait until the storm slows down a little. I don’t want to worry about you being hurt.”
“Okay. Fuck! If I had finished the work at the gallery before, I would have been already at home by now and not stuck here in this fucking city I’ve started to hate.”
30.
Justin called again later and told me the airport was now closed.
And that was the moment our miserable Christmas Eve started.
Me, here at Britin, and Justin there, all alone. At least tomorrow I’ll spend the day with the family. He will have no one to celebrate with.
I could drive there, but I don’t want to disappoint my son.
I sit on the couch in front of the fire, with my old friend, Jack Daniels.
I must have fallen asleep because I didn’t hear anyone coming in, and when soft lips brush against mine, I think I’m dreaming.
* * *
But I’m not. He’s here. He looks tired but his smile suddenly lights up the room.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“You’re home.”
“I’m home. Merry Christmas, Brian.”
“How…?”
“I rented a car and drove back home.”
“Are you crazy?”
“Probably, but I was not going letting nature’s worst keep us apart.”
“Thank God I don’t have to face the family all alone tomorrow.”
“Is that the best you can say?”
“I love you.”
“That’s better.”
“I have something for you.”
I watch as he carefully opens the letter and then he smiles. The smile that always makes my heart stop.
“So... Negative?”
31.
Christmas was a magical day, but don’t tell anyone that phrase entered my thoughts.
The house was decorated, the food was on the table, the family was here.
Gus was thrilled with all the gifts he received, and Justin simply loved the ‘Greatest Hits from Madonna’ Gus gave him.
I was pretty happy too with the new Prada boots and the ultimate collection of James Dean’s movies.
There was just one gift left under the tree – mine for Justin.
“Brian, this is… a vacation?”
“One week, just you and me in a beautiful chalet where no one can find us.”
32.
“I’m fucking done with celebrations. Thank God we’ll be away for New Year's Eve. No parties, no family around. Just you, me, your ass and my cock.”
“Actually, today there’s another holiday to celebrate.”
“What?”
“Kwanzaa.”
“Kwa… What the fuck is it?”
“It’s a week long celebration honoring universal African-American heritage and culture.”
“And you know this because?”
“Everyone knows it, Brian.”
“Bullshit. You Googled it. This seems an extract taken from Wikipedia. You know how much I hate holidays and celebrations and I think you’re making fun of me. Well smart boy, you’re going to pay for this.”
“Promise?”
33.
I have to say that this chalet looks even more beautiful than the picture on the brochure.
The furniture meets my taste; there’s a Jacuzzi, a king-sized bed, big windows with a breathtaking view.
And snow. Lots of snow.
But above all, there’s peace. No cars, no traffic, no family calling us every other minute.
And of course, there’s a blond boy smiling and jumping like a five year old kid.
Everything is perfect and suddenly I’m scared. Scared I could lose everything.
“What are thinking about?”
“Nothing.”
“Brian, don’t shut me out, please. Not now. Talk to me.”
“Well….”
34.
“I’ll tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a beast. A gorgeous man outside but not a very good person. He didn’t believe in love because he never had any good example in his family. Until one day, a beautiful man turned his world upside down. He still thought he didn’t deserve to be loved, but the beautiful boy didn’t give up. He orchestrated a miracle. He showed Beast he could be happy. And now the beast is scared this could be just a dream.”
“Brian, I’m real and I’m here. Believe me – I’m not going anywhere.”
35.
We decided to try out the Jacuzzi right away. It’s huge, but the space doesn’t matter because we wanted to stay close.
“God Brian, this place is amazing. Can we stay here forever?”
“I bought you a palace and you want to stay in a chalet? Christ, Justin.”
“I love Britin. I think I’m just excited to be here with you, on a vacation. This is something new for us.”
He turns and places a wet kiss on my mouth.
“It seems we’re going to have lots of first times these days.”
“Are we finally…”
“Tonight. You. Me. No barriers.”
36.
There’s only one last thing to do.
Is it normal to be so nervous at my age?
I’m scared, excited and fuck! I hate to be so emotional.
I take out the old familiar box and Justin opens his eyes wide.
“Brian…”
“Justin… I know it shouldn’t matter if we wear these rings or not. Nothing would change in any case. We know how we feel for each other and fuck what people think or expect from us. But… it means something to me. And to you. I want this ring. I want to wear it. Because I love you.”
37.
I’m pretty sure New Year’s Eve in New York is fabulous.
The lights, the colors, the fireworks, all the people on the street.
But nothing compares with this moment.
I’m inside Justin. Raw.
It’s so warm, it’s different, it’s new and it’s simply perfect.
When we come, we come together. And for the first time in my life, I don’t have to move.
I kiss his lips and smile. His eyes are shining and he has never been so beautiful.
My last thought before falling asleep is that I’m happy and I want this for the rest of my life.