MORE whack than crack its ownself, EMBRACED is a 91-chapter (so far) B/J vampire!fic WIP that is more crackly and stank than the deep‑fried pig cracklin's my cholesterol‑drenched Southern heart loves so much!! There are almost 700 comments to this smutty crackfest of awesome awfulness. (Good to know there are so many other crackheads out there, although they seem dreamily oblivious to the fact that they're crackheads. I say: Be loud and be proud! Let your Crack!Whore banner wave free!)
The Lure: The banner by The Pandemically Prolific Pannkakan is sooooooo hauntingly beautiful, and it sucked me (pun fully intended) in to this vamp!fic.
The Reality: EMBRACED is beyond badly written. Gives a whole new meaning to bad!crack!fic. Filthy and hilariously funny at the same time. Explicitly violent and yet moralistically preachy. The incongruent mores of this story keep me twisting my eyebrows more than Brian Kinney ever did, laughing, wiggling in my chair, scoffing, cursing, and somehow accepting the same within the context of the story while vehemently disagreeing.
Just a few highlights (and I'm only on Ch. 49):
·Vampire!Brian, who can do supernatural things with his vampire dick and tongue and whose blood gives Justin LSD trips
·RockStar!LostBoysTownFounder!Justin (Vampire!Brian's "embraced one" with The Most High Holy Blood Ever Known to Mankind)
·More beautiful, tasty BOYS than my (your) perverted mind ever dreamed of
·More wealth than The Fifty Richest People in the World Today, times thousands of years
·Brian douching Justin's ass
·Brian sticking his dick and tongue so far inside Justin’s ass that he touches his heart
·Emmett as the flaming, benevolent Vampire Fagan of Liberty Avenue
·Deb, Mother Hen of the gay vamps, embraceds, and familiars of Liberty Avenue (and then some)
·Celebrity!Vampires, Celebrity!Embraceds, and Celebrity!Familiars
·Oprah gets dissed!! *does the Snoopy dance*
·13‑year‑old girl has sex with 15‑year‑old boy with full encouragement of parents, siblings, and others (and the girl’s “visionary” brother watches the whole time) =O
·A Daphne sammich
·Speshul Guest Star appearances by Ellen DeGeneres, Count Dracula, and The Cullens (from Twilight)
EMBRACED is a head‑on, multiple‑train wreck of swollenheaded!bad!crackfic!writer, worshipful!beta, in‑denial!crackwhores and an out‑and‑proud crackwhore who openly admits she can’t stop sucking on the pipe.