First...wow. Kudos to you for putting so much thought and effort into your questions for discussion. I've sort of tried to think about what I'll say when I do mine and so far I have nothing but "Yay!" and other squeeful sentiments.
And this is perfect because it matches the sense I get that Justin, himself, is slightly removed from his life - holding events and people (especially Brian) at arm's length. Yes. Just totally yes. This is one of the things that I noticed first about this story. I never felt that Justin was that removed in canon and it bothered me some at first, but then I decided that probably Justin *would* be removed because he hadn't had the same experiences that we saw in canon. He never got Brian back, never fought for him. He just lost him...
One of the things that I find most compelling is the way that this story demonstrates the inevitable nature of Brian and Justin's relationship...I think in a lot of ways, the whole story points to it...I always thought they would end up back together, but I wasn't sure WHEN or HOW. One of the first passages that made me think there was no hope for either of them was this one.
When Brian finally picks his trick for the night, he gives Justin a friendly kiss goodbye, lips sliding warm and bourbon-sweet against Justin’s own. Justin feels a comfortable tendril of warmth coiling in his stomach, drawing up tight against his lungs, and it explodes in a smile as Brian walks away. That's a little more heat than a friendly kiss, imo.
I will feel like a total dork if I get this wrong, but I'd guess the "canon element" that gives you chills is when Brian tells Justin about having cancer.
“Obviously,” Brian drawls, but he reaches up and pulls Justin’s hand onto his shoulder, holding it there. He twists their fingers together, and Justin wants him to kiss them. He feels the skin on his knuckles crawl in anticipation. “I guess for me it was when they found the cancer in my ball.”
Justin prefers to be annihilated.
It feels like he doesn’t have a brain, or a body, or lips or teeth or a tongue. Just the beating of his heart in empty air. “What?”
And if that's not it, it's DEFINITELY mine. My heart hurts every single time. For Brian's pain and for Justin's painful reaction.
Overall, I was the most impressed with the starkness of this story, of this Brian and this Justin. It's harder than canon is to me, Justin is so much more jaded and even Brian seems more removed from everything. It's only when they start to fall in love that some of the harshness starts to fade. I think the author also deliberately writes in a style that reflects that. Short sentences. Description that's specific, but not flowing or rambly. Crisp dialog...not a lot of bullshit.
Favorite passages:
On Tuesday when Brian is working, Justin takes Michael to a gallery that is showcasing the artwork from comic books. They’re staring at a picture of Superman bursting out of his suit and tie when Michael says it.
“He’s in love with you, you know.”
Justin’s breath hits a trigger in his throat, but he doesn’t look at Michael.
Calmly, he says, “We’re not going to talk about this.”
Justin does know.
and
Justin has the sense that time is passing too quickly, as if the world might rotate beyond him. He has the sense that they’re both waiting for something that will come too fast.
And then it does.
“I love you, you know,” Brian says one day, when they’re lying together smoking a joint on Justin’s kitchen floor. It’s hot out. The tile is the only place where it’s cool.
It surprises them both that Brian is the first one to say it in this new context, Justin thinks. It really should have been Justin or never at all.
Justin feels it, he really does, but for some reason he can’t say so. This must be what it’s like for Brian, when he’s not stoned and pliant on Justin’s floor. This paralysis.
He opens his mouth, and he means to say something sweet, something comforting and kind.
Instead, he says, “Brian, quit hogging the fucking weed.”
Brian probably won’t say it again for a long time.