One of the things that I find most compelling is the way that this story demonstrates the inevitable nature of Brian and Justin's relationship. Did you feel this way as you read? And if so, were their specific points where this was made clear to you, or was it more of an overall feeling you got from the entirety of the story?
The inevitability of their relationship was clear throughout and highlighted for me by specifics like:
Brian checks his watch. He never used to wear one.
My interpretation of this is Brian is now, more than ever, acutely aware of the passing of time, of the minutes ticking down to an irreversible deadline. He has to make sure he’s on time, this time.
Also, there are two references to Brian telling Justin to drink water and one to Justin being allowed to feed Brian anything he wants. This mutual concern for the other’s sustenance speaks volumes. Especially of Brian’s for Justin. After all, you can survive without food for a month, but will die from lack of water in just days.
Early on in the fic, Brian “steadies” and “herds” Justin on the street during their first meeting in the real world. These verbs conjure up the image of a caring protector - pointing to Brian’s true feelings.
And here, Justin’s imprinting his hopes for the future into Brian’s head:
He leans his cheek against the leather of the sofa, lets Justin slowly trace roadmaps on his skull.
As much as I love this story, it's difficult for me to read due to the angst level, which comes directly from the fact that Brian and Justin have endured a lengthy separation, and one that both of them truly thought was permanent. But I also find a type of angst in the waiting. As their new friendship develops, as their lives slowly intertwine, as they become close in a way that they haven't been before, as they quite literally fall in love with each other, there's an underlying pensiveness that adds a subtle air of trepidation to the story. Do you feel this as well? If so, where do you think this comes from?
I liked your idea of trepidation and reread it from just this viewpoint. It’s in the words and imagery the author uses. Things are out of sorts:
The cooling vent needs cleaning. feels something pounding behind his eyes. face looks different in the mirror, the crawling worry in her voice. disease that has crept inside of him, paralysis. The first time they have sex . . . there is another man in bed with them. as if the world might rotate beyond him. he can’t find the energy. he tries to disappear altogether.
It’s also in the persistence of old behavior patterns. Like when Brian promised he’d come over but was waylaid by his dick:
In the morning, over coffee, Justin finds out that Brian stopped at a nearby supermarket for cigarettes and ended up fucking the manager behind the dairy case;
Or here, where there is an implication of not being truthful with yourself, and a lack of communication:
Just what they’ve shifted into, Justin doesn’t examine too closely. He turns it down quietly, and never tells Brian.
Here he’s remembering how he used to react to Brian:
Brian stinking like something that crawled out of somebody’s jock strap. Justin being so fucking grateful.
And here there’s a hint of the present day Justin possibly reacting in the same way:
The one time he had refused, Brian had spent the next few days in a snit, and Justin had gone out of his way to be accommodating ever since.
I absolutely loved the way the author described the love growing between them especially because of Justin’s less than romantic (almost ominous) take on it:
There’s a telltale silence in the air, this thing that pulses and breathes between them.
In the spaces between their words, something has been growing.
Finally, this made me think of the movie of their life and how the future is unknowable and a mystery to them:
Justin falls asleep with his head on Brian’s shoulder twenty minutes after the opening credits. He’ll never find out how it ends.