...*carefully de-lurking*... I don't know when I first noticed I loved Brian. It was never a question. I can't remember because when I saw my first episode on German television, 102 or 103??, I was immediately and completely blown away, even though it was dubbed. Brian was a big part of that, but of course also the sex, the whole feeling of the show, everything about it. It was a life-changing experience.
I went into a complete frenzy, went onto the internet and stayed there until all four seasons that had been released at the time were delivered from the States. Then I watched them all in a row. Those first days and weeks are a little bit blurred. So I can't pinpoint the exact moment or scene when I knew I loved Brian. I just found him utterly irresistible, insanely beautiful, sexy, confident, no-nonsense, sharp and unhealthy to feel attracted to (but I didn't care). I was stunned by this character.
All his flaws, the indirect way in which he showed his love, the hidden insecurity, I loved that even though he was so damaged he built all those walls and shut himself off to any kind of feeling, he still loved in such a desperate way. There was something indestructible there in spite of all the pain management. I think I had to watch the series for the third time before I could actually acknowledge and appreciate any other character.