it took me longer. He was standing on the roof of the hospital, considering his options, jumping, flying, being a dad, finding the shiny pretty blond and fucking him until he forgot he was a dad.
it's when i fell in love with him and i have loved him every minute of every day i've seen him since. He's easier for me to love than Justin is. He's fundamentally deeply flawed, and i find that so hot.
I never, for a moment, questioned his love of justin, or that he'd do the right thing, even when he questioned it himself. when faced with the easy or the difficult, he always chooses the difficult, even when he doesn't have to. sometimes i want to weep for him, and sometimes i want to weep with him, and sometimes i want to weep for the people he's hurt, but i always want to hug him, and pet him, and tell him that he deserves the easy, and the fun, and the love and the family that he's created.
i want to tell him that it's a fucking miracle he's as whole as he is, and when he questions his right to hapiness, i want to promise him that he's totally allowed to laugh at something other than someone else's misfortune...
i also want to rejoice with him, when he smiles, really smiles, not that smirk, or that chagrined charm thing he does, but just smiles because he's happy, because in that moment, he's where he wants to be and for that moment he's not questioning it...
i love that.
i love when he's like that with michael, stoned, drunk, or just generally silly, i love when he's like that with Justin, or lindsay, and later, even ted.
i love how much he treats debbie exactly the way grown men treat the mothers they love. he laughs and snarks and in the end, really needs her love and approval and when he's sick, he doesn't mind so much if she makes sure he's warm and taking care of himself.
i love how in the end, he will never let anyone sacrifice what they want... even if it kills him that they have to leave... and if they want to come back... he's there, because he's as loyal as they come.
so when did i start loving him? when he showed that his dark side wasn't just some club boy act...
when did i stop? if it ever happens, i'll let you know... but i can't forsee it.