testdog65 (testdog65) wrote in qaf_challenges, @ 2007-04-14 17:18:00 |
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Original poster: _alicesprings
Title: Evidence
Written By: methan_ol
Timeline: S4
Rating: PG-13
What if : Michael didn’t talk to Brian about the cancer.
Author's Notes: I’d love to thank my wonderful beta, fansee.
***
Brian was tired. Ted sent him home, practically throwing him in the cab. Everything pissed him off. This fucking treatment, this fucking cancer, his fucking reflection in the mirror. The reflection of an almost dying man with dark circles under his eyes, a pale skin. If Brian had the energy, he would have broken this fucking glass.
Yeah, Brian was tired. The morning radiation session had worn him. All he wanted at this moment was to crawl in bed and never leave it again. He opened the loft door, shutting his eyes.
When he slammed the door and opened his eyes, Brian felt suddenly nervous. Brian Kinney was never surprised, never shocked or scared but sometimes he was too exhausted to pretend.
In the darkness, sitting on the bedroom stairs, someone was staring at him intensely. Someone with furious blue eyes. Brian sighed. Just what he needed.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
His voice was rough and Brian tried to make it sound angry. But Justin didn’t make a move, didn’t even blink. He just stayed there, his hands on his hips, his elbows on his knees. His hair was messier than ever. If Brian was in the mood, he would have fucked him right there, on the floor.
“You know it’s a crime to break into someone’s place like that, Justin.”
“You remember my name, good. You’ll need it when I’m be finished with you.”
Brian shivered and didn’t know if it was caused by the cold and sharp tone of Justin’s voice or something else. Brian tossed his coat on the sofa and made his way to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water and waited.
“So? To what do I own the pleasure of your presence?” he said.
Justin stood and Brian tried to remember since when Justin had begun to seem so tall and strong in his gestures. Blue eyes stared at him angrily.
“When would you have told me?”
“Tell you what?” Brian answered.
“Don’t! Just fucking don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about!”
Justin’s voice grew a little bit louder, full of anger, and when his hand suddenly hit the counter, Brian barely stopped himself from jumping. Game’s over.
“You fucking believe this bullshit, ha? That I’d never find out?”
Brian expected Justin to laugh, even nervously but he didn’t and just at this moment, Brian started to think that maybe he’s gone too far.
“That in ten years, twenty years, in the middle of one of Deb’s dinner on Sunday, you’d have told us “Yeah, I know what it’s like. I had cancer myself.””
But Brian didn’t answer because this tone and this look were sharper than ice and as intense as fire.
“So. WHEN?” Justin almost yelled the last word.
“Never.”
“I figured. Do you know?”
“Know what?” Brian sighed, pissed off.
“It’s been three weeks. Three weeks that you’ve been avoided me. Three weeks without a call, without a kiss, without a fucking look, Brian! Three fucking weeks! You practically banned me from this place, saying : “I have work to do”, “Busy, busy”, “I don’t want you here when I’m trying to work, or sleep or WHATEVER!” Justin shot back again.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME! ” Brian yelled.
“I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER WHO I AM!”
Brian didn’t say a word, he just started feeling weak again.
“I’m your partner for fuck’s sake! I’m right here!”
“Yeah and for what? Leave?”
“Jesus fucking Christ Brian! YOU push me away! YOU have rejected me every fucking time I’ve tried to come near you! Every fucking time since Ibiza!”
“Bullshit.”
“Oh yeah? Just in the pure tradition of Brian Kinney, gradually but methodically you’ve thrown me out. I was thinking that, “Okay, maybe he just wanted to be alone for a while, just to rest,” and now what? Three weeks without a word.”
“Get out!”
“Oh no. You’re the guilty party here! You’re this fucking drama queen who couldn’t trust me! You don’t trust me, Brian. Like I’d leave you!”
“I don’t want your pity! I don’t want you hanging around just because poor Brian is sick! I don’t want you!”
“Bullshit!”
His knees were shaking and Brian decided to make his way to the sofa. Justin followed him and pushed him down on the cushions. Justin stood there, looking down at him with fury.
“You want me here but you’re too fucking scared and too fucking proud to admit that!”
“You believe you know me but you don’t, Sunshine. You don’t know what I want.”
“Youth? Power? Perfection? Fucking?” Justin replied with sarcasm.
Brian felt pain in every part of his body. His eyes hurt but he didn’t show it to the man standing in front of him, so tall and confident and angry. Brian remembered the time when Justin stood up in front of his father, in front of Hobbes or in front of everyone on Liberty Avenue, during his pink t-shirt phase, but this time was different. Justin made him feel uncomfortable, like he was a child or an accused on trial.
“I know you, Brian. I know that despite what you show to everyone, you hate being alone, or rejected. You’re fucking terrified!”
Brian wanted to stand up, to yell at him and throw him out of his place, but his body didn’t move. And suddenly, the cold and infuriated fire in Justin’s eyes vanished, his tense muscles relaxed a little bit and slowly, Justin straddled Brian’s lap without putting pressure on him, barely touching him. His arms circled his neck and the blond head went down against his neck, softly.
The tense and suffocated silence disappeared. Brian could feel the lips tenderly kissing his sensitive skin, eyelids caressing his neck.
“Don’t fucking do that again.” Justin whispered.
Brian shut his eyes tightly, slowly tightening his hold on Justin in his arms. This smell, this warmth. He missed that more than he’d never admit.
“Don’t shut me out, I’ll never leave you alone. Did you forget? I’m on to you.” Justin said softly.
“I know.” Brian whispered.
“You’re gonna be alright. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Whatever you want.”
“You’re too exhausted to argue, right?” said Justin playfully.
“Fuck yeah.”
“I know it would a good time to go down on you.”
“Twat.”
“I know.”
Justin released him, stood and gave him his hand. Justin smiled and Brain saw the same smile and the same look he had at the prom or during the Stockwell-unemployment thing. The thing that made his heart beat a little bit faster.
“Wanna sleep?”
“I think that’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever said to me.” Brian answered.
Justin’s smile wasn’t the brightest or the most beautiful he had ever smiled, and his eyes didn’t forgive Brian yet but it’s O.K. It’s a new start.
END