|Britin (_alicesprings) wrote in qaf_challenges,|
@ 2010-02-12 07:58:00
Brian stared at Justin, hearing his own words hanging in the air. No apologies, no regrets? He had plenty of the second, but couldn't choke out the first. So he walked out of the room.
Justin followed Brian onto the terrace. "It doesn't matter."
Brian didn't look at him. "Of course it matters."
His hair needs cutting, Justin thought, trailing his fingers over the nape of Brian's neck, his other hand touching his shoulder. And then he stopped.
Brian's hair. Slipping through his fingers, brown and soft, glints of silver. Ragged ends.
"Brian," he said, slowly. "Are you sick again?"
Brian’s shoulder stiffened beneath Justin’s gentle touch, and he stared blankly out at the city that lay sprawled out before them.
“Why would you think that?” Brian stalled for time; answering a question with a question was one of his favorite diversionary techniques.
“Why not give me a straight answer?” Justin challenged, and Brian let a sad smile cross his face at the choice of words. Diversionary techniques never really worked on Justin in the past, why the fuck would they start now?
“I don’t know the answer, Justin.” Brian glanced in his direction and quickly dropped his gaze at the mix of emotions he saw playing across Justin’s face. “As far as I know, I’m fine. But if I was sick again, would that make a difference? Would it absolve me of my sins?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Justin answered quietly, moving directly in front of Brian, waiting patiently for him to focus on his face. “I’ve already told you whatever happened, it doesn’t matter, not now, and not in the future. Why is it so hard to believe me?”
“Because you know that I’m going to keep fucking things up. It’s what I do, Justin. It’s why you need to keep your options open, and not tie your ass to me. This latest fuck-up is proof that I can’t give you what you deserve.”
Justin laughed and stepped closer to Brian, hand reaching up to rest lightly on his cheek, ignoring the flash of annoyance that crossed Brian’s carefully blank expression. “What I deserve? What about what I want, Brian? I haven’t wanted to be Mrs. Brian Kinney since I was seventeen. Even when I thought I wanted what Ben and Michael had, I wasn’t buying into the whole happily ever after shit.”
“Maybe not, but when someone promises you a commitment, and then less than six months later fucks around on you, that should matter. That should piss you off.”
“Brian, you’re not breaking your promise to me by tricking. We agreed a long time ago that monogamy is not something that would work for us long term. What is so different this time?” Justin watched Brian closely, not sure what he was looking for, but knowing he would recognize it if he saw it.
There. It was just a flicker, hardly more than a twitch really, but Justin narrowed his eyes and felt a coldness trying to find its way into his core. Brian had quickly glanced up and met his gaze, but immediately looked past him, into the horizon, seemingly fascinated by the toxic vapor that hung over the city. In that instant he glimpsed a distance in Brian’s eyes, a pulling away that he hadn’t seen in a very long time.
“Tell me, Brian.” Justin struggled to keep his voice calm and his expression neutral. Any sign of weakness when Brian was like this and there was a good possibility that he would completely shut down. He thought back to what Brian had already told him, certain that something he had said was the key here.
They’d been down this road before, and in situations where they weren’t as committed to each other as they were recently. There would be an undetermined amount of time when Brian would completely turn his back on tricking. They never discussed it, it simply became their new reality until the next time Brian got restless or freaked out, and then the cycle would begin again.
For his part, Justin rarely tricked, and in most cases it coincided with Brian’s lapses, since he tended to encourage threesomes with Justin at those times. The only rule that they agreed to carry on from the early days of their non-relationship was the no-repeat policy, and as far as Justin knew neither of them had ever been tempted to break that one. Picking up a piece of anonymous ass had never been difficult for either of them over the years, so variety was never a problem.
Brian remained silent, eyes avoiding his, and Justin sighed as he realized that he was going to have to figure this one out on his own. He turned away and paced the length of the terrace, knowing that staring at Brian and looking like he was waiting for an answer was not the way to go about this. The preferred way to handle this would normally be to let Brian fuck him, and wait for him to open up a little post-fuck, but Brian had made it clear he wasn’t in the mood for fucking or sucking tonight, which was the main reason Justin assumed he was hiding the fact that he was sick again. Sex was always somewhere on the agenda with them. What the fuck was wrong?
He had just returned from an extended trip to LA to work on the final editing for the last installment of Rage: Trilogy, and Brett had worked his ass into the ground trying to meet the studio deadlines, leaving virtually no time for phone sex or even phone calls. But they’d been apart for longer periods of time with just as little contact, and while that was usually a catalyst for Brian to start tricking again, it certainly wasn’t reason for the present queen out.
They hadn’t been using condoms in the months leading up to his LA trip, but again, they’d had a few rounds of raw fucking in the past. It always ended with condoms suddenly reappearing on the night stand, but that was the way it worked with them. No apologies, no regrets. After fifteen years, Justin had made peace with any existing fragments of breeder-type expectations, and he was honestly happy with the life he shared with Brian.
Justin suddenly stopped and tried to look casual as he gripped the terrace railing so hard his fingers cramped up. Oh my God! Brian had said something about keeping him safe, what if--?
He spun around and returned to Brian’s side, grabbing his arm, even though he knew Brian would be able to feel the slight tremor that was running through his body. “Do you need to get tested?” Maybe the condom had broken with a trick. They had both been lucky over the years, and something like that would explain why Brian was acting so freaked out. Fuck him, but Justin was hoping that he had hit on the answer, because he was running out of acceptable possibilities.
His hopes were dashed when Brian shook his head and pulled him into a tight embrace, resting his chin on Justin’s hair, and blowing out a quick puff of air as he answered quietly, “No, it’s nothing like that.”
Justin tried to feel comforted by the warm arms surrounding him, but he just felt like he was suffocating so he squirmed free and asked the last question he could think of, trying not to feel like he was about lose at Russian Roulette.
“Who is he?” Startled silence, and then:
“No one you know.”
“Is it over?”
“Justin, it only lasted a week.”
An entire fucking week?
“Was it a client?”
“No. It was a junior member of the Brown Athletics team.”
A fucking Kinnetik employee?
“The Chicago trip last month?”
After all these years, why now?
“He was convenient, and he reminded me of you.”
The next level of pain management? Was this the way the Kinney mid-life crisis finally manifested itself?
“Did he stalk you?” Brian hesitated and Justin knew he was right. He also knew this was an inevitable situation. “Did he fawn all over the boss, and stroke your huge ego?”
Brian smirked and Justin started to breathe again. They would be okay. This was unexpected, but this was also an enemy that Justin understood, and could deal with successfully.
“You realized you broke the rules, and so you decided to queen out instead of begging my forgiveness. Is that right, Mr. Kinney?” Justin circled Brian lazily, relieved to see much of the tension start to leave Brian’s body.
They would be fine. Justin would find out from Cynthia who had been the junior member of this Chicago team, and have a discussion with him on how not to get ahead by giving head to the boss. What was wrong with kids today?
“I think you need to do some major sucking up to me, or at the very least, some major sucking if you want me to absolve you.” Justin moved back around to face Brian, and cupped his balls invitingly, smiling as he captured Brian’s attention completely.
“But this is it, Brian. Kinnetik employees, especially junior team members that stalk you and remind you of me, are off-fucking limits. Remember that if you value your remaining ball.”
“Why Sunshine, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were jealous.” Brian teased as he undid Justin’s pants, and reached for his cock.
“My partner is the hottest fucking fag on the East Coast, of course I’m jealous.” Justin growled jokingly, enjoying the way Brian immediately preened. But he thrust his hands into Brian’s hair and pulled his head down so he could bite his chin in warning, before he pressed their lips together in a fervent kiss. “I just need to make sure he doesn’t forget that I fucking love him and he belongs to me.”
Brian pushed Justin’s jeans to the ground and sank to his knees, attention focused on the job at hand. “Duly noted.”