Finding first-person-Brian fic thrills me, because we usually don’t get to see inside his head and must deduce from his behaviour what might be going on in there. But it’s also a worry, because what can be written from the POV of someone who appears to have little internal dialogue going?
By keeping Brian’s consciousness fixed on what he sees and what he does, instead of talking out his thoughts/feelings, you easily pass the challenge you’ve set yourself. Amazingly, you do this without making me feel you’re staring at the words ‘show, don’t tell’ in some writer’s handbook.
By the time Brian steps into the shower with Justin (whose delight in it delighted me), we already have a clue that Brian feels something for him and is, unknown to himself, letting him in. The clue is your opening scene, where Brian rejects breakfast with a trick. With Justin he’s different - and you don’t jump up and down in front of me to tell me that. The simple fact that Brian even engages in the simple act of laughing and joking with Justin says a lot in light of how Brian usually is with his pick-ups. And you didn’t even tell me how he usually is - I could tell from that first scene.
You tell us that Brian sees Justin not only as fuckable, but beautiful. But you don’t say that. Instead you say ‘His eyes are blue and clear, and water is beaded on his eyelashes and dripping from the tip of his nose.’ (By the way, I adore this image - it is exactly what I like about seeing someone in the shower, the water dripping like fat little jewels, from exactly those places!)
Soon Brian licks a stream of water near Justin’s ear and down his shoulder. You’ve got the sensuality of Brian there that includes but goes beyond his genital need.
Later, Brian liking James Dean movies is a subtle but clear way to show that Brian’s macho cool is something he’s learned to cultivate and project, and not what he essentially is.
Something else I love here is seeing a Justin who doesn’t fight for Brian’s attention. But he’s not playing games, he’s just in the moment and at ease with himself. ‘So are we going to fuck now?’ ‘That was fun, thanks.’ ‘Mmmm ... Nope.’ Not only do I love this Justin for his own sake, I love him because he gives us a chance to see Brian attracted to him unmuddied by the conflict-based motivations, like guilt, that we find in canon. Pure. continued in my next comment. Please read on