This is one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful things I've ever read. Justin left in 507 for good reasons and to see those spelled out to see that separation extended is so painful. I love that this is from Brian's POV because it really is his struggle to come to terms with his feelings for Justin, to realize loving Justin is going to hurt in some way whether they are together or not, to figure out if what he feels is strong enough to make the choices not sacrifices. I felt that journey in its agonizing slowness. I felt Brian and Justin loving each other and hurting each other with that love and trying to make it all word. (I was chanting to myself Xie called it a reunion fic, Xie hated angst, Xie would never leave them apart and broken, it helped a little). I love that Brian just saying the words didn't fix everything and God that really may be the saddest thing I've ever read.
I appreciate the touch of Brian and Michael still being estranged because the bombing changed things for more than just Brian and Justin. Although where is Lindsay in this fic? Brian going back to Pittsburgh after seeing Gus implies somewhere else, but I wasn't sure.
I waited. I tried not to think about the ten thousand things this could be that I wouldn't want to hear. when I heard the shower, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, or just get up and leave.
But I followed him in. Oh brian that should have told yuo something
He put his hand on my arm. "It doesn't change anything, though, does it? We still want... different things." It was arguable at this point in my life that I knew what I wanted anymore, but I shrugged. I finally looked at him, and he was staring at me like he'd never seen me before. "I can't fucking do this," he said, and got out of bed. I got out and stood there while he pulled on his jeans. "Do what?" He nodded at the bed. "This. Sleep with you. Listen to you tell me you love me, now, after it's…" He stopped. I supplied the fatal phrase. "Too late?" He looked right at me. "Pointless. And painful." I snorted and thought, you have no idea, Sunshine. My heart, little tiny pieces
We just kept dancing, and after a while I kissed him. He smiled against my mouth, and I wondered what people would think about me kissing someone. There were guys dancing nearby whose mouths I'd turned away from. I doubted anyone there that night knew why, though. Fuck, these days, even I didn't know why. Still the king of denial
Well," he said. "I guess you could take me for a ride and we could see if we can figure it out together." Yes, Yes, YES Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!