InsaneJournal

Graphic Number 17: "The List"
Title: The List
Author: xie_xie_xie
Timeline: post-507
Rating: PG-13
Warnings, if any: None
Author's notes: Thanks to my beta!
Graphic: 17 by cam_a




Mel was pulling her sweater off over her head while she came into the living room. "Christ, can you believe that asshole and his juvenile, pathetic little fuck-off?"

Lindsay put a hand over her eyes for a second. I just laughed a little, and shook my head.

Melanie's head emerged from under her sweater. "I mean… oh fuck. Justin."

"Jesus, Mel." Lindsay's lips were white.

"It's not like I haven't heard." I kept drawing JR, who was sleeping in Lindsay's lap.

Lindsay's head whipped around. "Who told you?"

"Who hasn't?" I'd heard from Ted, from Emmett, from Debbie, and even from a red-faced Michael.

Melanie and Lindsay sniped back and forth for a few minutes. I just kept sketching, wondering how JR could sleep so peacefully with all the tension in the room. But I guess, despite everything, she felt safe in her mother's lap.

I felt my hand start to ache. I was almost done, so I put my pencil down. "I should go."

Lindsay stood up, and let Melanie take JR. "I'll give you a ride."

I turned down Mel's offer of coffee while Lindsay went and got Gus. I heard him complaining about having to leave, and then JR started crying. When Mel and Linds started fighting again, I went out onto the front porch to wait.

There were tears on Lindsay's face when she came outside, and on Gus', too. She didn't say anything until we'd been driving for a few minutes.

"Sorry for the 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf' routine. It seems to be a regular thing for us these days." She glanced back at Gus, who was staring out the window from his car seat. Like father, like son, I guess. "I know we shouldn't put the kids through this."

I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry for… everything."

She smiled, then it faded. "I'm sorry you found out about Brian's idiotic… stunt. I swear, sometimes he's more immature than Gus."

I told her not to worry, and asked her to drop me at the diner. I was hungry, and if Debbie was working, I'd get twice as much food as if she wasn't. What Brian did, or why, wasn't any of my business anymore.

Debbie was there, but the diner was packed. I filled my own coffee cup and sat at the counter. She managed to slip me a plate of fries while I waited for her to take my order, but it was a while before things quieted down. She waved me over to a table she was still swiping with a dishrag. I tried not to think about the bacterial count on the towel.

She sank into the booth across from me. She looked tired.

"Let me get you some coffee, Deb."

She shook her head. "That's okay, Sunshine, if I drink coffee now, I'll be up all night."

I took a sip of mine. "I can drink coffee right before I go to bed, and still fall asleep."

She snorted. "I can, too. Then I'm up every half hour peeing." She laughed at the look on my face. "Too much fucking information? You boys can dish it out, but you sure can't take it." She looked at my face a little harder, but didn't say anything except, "So, what can I getcha?"

After she put in my order, she sat down again. "So, Justin, what's wrong?"

I shrugged. "I was at Melanie and Lindsay's… or, I guess, just Melanie's… and they were fighting. It just sucks to see them like that."

She looked at me for a while. "And you and Brian not together, too. Must be hard."

I didn't say anything, just drank my coffee.

She reached across the table and pinched my cheek, hard. "All I can say, Sunshine, is that asshole is crazy if he thinks he's fucking the ten hottest guys in town, if you're not on that list."

Which of course was the exact moment Emmett and Ted walked up.

"Ooooh, Brian's fuck-off list is the topic du jour?" Emmett slid into the seat next to me, and Debbie got up and surrendered her side of the booth to Ted.

"Apparently." I smiled at Betty, who refilled my coffee cup before filling Emmett and Ted's. Then Debbie brought my food, which I'd half-finished by the time she was done taking their dinner order.

Ted glanced at me from across the table. "So, Justin, how are you doing?"

I laughed. "I'm surviving the brutal disappointment of not being on their list, if that's what you're asking. It's hard, but at least I still have my art." I paused. "And my ass."

Emmett snorted coffee and Ted looked alarmed.

I shook my head. "Private joke."

Emmett turned back towards Ted. "I notice you're not on it either, Teddy."

"What, did they publish it in Pittsburgh Out?" Ted frowned at his empty cup, and tried to catch Betty's eye. "As if I'd participate in such a juvenile and demeaning competition." He glanced at me. "No offense."

"It has nothing to do with me." I ate the last bite of my burger, and started in on my fries.

"I don't know," said Emmett, that dreamy romantic look I'd come to dread in his eyes. "I think this is Brian's way of getting over you, drowning his sorrows in ten hot asses."

Ted shook his head. "Unlike his behavior prior to Justin moving out?"

Emmett frowned. "Good point." He looked at me again. "So, Justin, what would you have done if they'd put you on the list?"

I smiled at Betty, and she hurried over with the coffee pot. Good to see the smile still worked on some people. "Brian would never have done it."

Emmett wrinkled his forehead. "Why do you say that?"

Debbie came over with their food, and sat down with us again, so I never answered him. I probably wouldn't have told him the truth if I had, just said something like, "Brian's already had me. Why would Brandon give him a handicap of one?"

But when I climbed the stairs to my studio that night, a bag of lemon squares and a to-go cup of coffee in my hands, my bag banging against my back with every step, I thought about it again.

I thought about Brian's face when I asked why we were still doing this. I thought about the pause before he wrapped his arms around me when we said goodbye. I thought about waking up from nightmares, kissing in the street the night Stockwell lost the election, holding him while he puked his guts out from radiation.

And I knew that wasn't why.