InsaneJournal

Graphic Number 9: "A Letter"
Title: A Letter
Author: arlad
Timeline: exactly after 513
Rating: PG-13
Warnings, if any: none.
Author's notes: A letter from Justin. To the artist, thank you for your amazing work, it’s absolutely gorgeous.
Graphic: 9 by badbadpixie




A Letter

Brian,

I’m here, on the plane on my way to New York City. I wish I had a canvas in front of me, my palette and brushes, so I could paint the red love, the blue despair, the black anger, the white weak hope. But all I have is a battered piece of paper, and an old faulty pen.

I know I’ll throw this away the moment I get off the plane, you’ll never read it, and I’ll erase this moment of weakness from my mind. But now, right this second, I need this.

I can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe I had the strength to leave, to leave you, lying there alone. I know you were awake, just as I know that a single glance or word would’ve shattered me. I could barely walk out that door, could barely slide it closed on your prone figure – the single most heartbreakingly beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

I left you, Brian, and I don’t know how I’ll make it. I haven’t been without you since I was 17, not really. With Ethan, in Hollywood, before the bomb – you were still there, always, taking care of me one way or another. I don’t know how I’ll make it, but I know that I have to. I know that I have to try, and that I need some time to be me, to grow into myself. Because I won’t ever be whole unless I learn to stand on my own two feet, unless I make my own way.

Like you did, Brian, just like you’ve done all your life.

And there it is. You’re my inspiration, Brian, always have been. But you’re also the reason why this is the single hardest thing I’ve ever done. Is it really only time? Will you be there when I come back? Will you come to me?

Rationally, I know I can’t expect it. People change, things change, life happens. But I have to hope it’s true, that time can’t touch us, that we’re beyond it. That one day, there’ll be no bombs, no fear, no New York, no excuses. Just us.

You changed my life Brian, from the first moment I met you. You’ve kept your promise. I was going no place special, until I met you.

Fuck, I love you. I love you so much, the words sound stupid.

I want to go home. I want to take a plane back the moment I land.

I’ll do it, Brian. I’ll make it. For me. And always, inevitably, for you.

Only time.

Justin