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Tweak says, "keep your strength up sunshine"

Britin (_alicesprings) wrote in qaf_challenges,
@ 2008-02-25 19:09:00

SHOT BY SHOT
Title: Shot by Shot
Written By:

0corona0
Timeline: Episode 306
Rating: PG-13
Summary: This is based on a plotbunny by

girloftheburbs: What if Justin had accepted the drink from Brian at Woody's after he got back from Harrisburg?
Author's Notes: Thank you,

malli_, for beta-ing. This has been on the burner for a while, now I’m glad that I got it done!
Theme: What If... Challenge

When Brian offers to buy him a drink, Justin involuntarily would like to say yes.

But he has a boyfriend.

Justin almost has to laugh then, because when he was with Brian, he had guys buying him drinks all the time and it was okay. And then he chuckles for real, because it’s fucking ridiculous that he’s worrying about whether it’s okay for Brian to buy him a drink while Ethan is fucking some drooling admirer. Now. Right at this moment.

“Sure.”

Even his voice sounds as if he had cried all the way back from Harrisburg. And maybe he has. Maybe he also stopped at a parking lot and screamed his anger out to the highway, and maybe he listened to impossibly loud music, hoping it would drown him, but most of all, his thoughts: Did you really believe him?!

A new drink appears in front of him: Jim Bean. Of course. Drinking escapades with Brian come to mind immediately, nights of which he doesn’t remember much else than a feeling of absolute satisfaction the morning after, despite headaches and dry throats.

“Where’s your fiancé?”, Brian asks in a soft tone, making Justin glance into his face, just to catch those eyes, trying to guess what he’s thinking… an old habit. He doesn’t expect to see so much as worry or even affection. Justin knows better than that.

Or does he?

In the moment that he meets the hazel eyes, Justin wants nothing more than to tell Brian everything. Just get it all out there! He could call Ethan the names he’d given him on the ride home, asshole, motherfucking son of a bitch and in the end the worst of all: Liar. Justin knows that he would be listened to, but he also knows that Brian’s answer, in the best of all cases, would be a blank stare and a calm: “Are you saying your husband’s name is Ethan?”

In the worst case, it would be: “ I told you so.” And, even more awful: “You’re a waste of my time.” Because both would be true.

So instead he says: “Just playing somewhere.”

Good boy, Justin. If you can make yourself believe that, too, you’ll be up next for the Oscars.

“Well… luckily, you’ve got this”, Brian replies and touches the ring briefly. His voice is not overly sarcastic, not as much as Justin expected – or deserves. He stares at the ring himself, and can’t believe that he fell for that cheap trick. “It’s a way for us to be together.” Lying in the tiny bathtub with Ethan that day, it felt so true. Why am I so fucking dumb?

Again, he wants to turn and tell Brian. Or sink into his arms. In that moment it’s not a sexual thought, but the urgent need for soothing and comfort after he has burned out his anger on the drive back. He remembers embraces after nightmares in the dark, remembers them even better than the dreams themselves. Remembers lowly-whispered words and lovely lips, kissing it better.

Don’t be stupid. Things always seem better looking back. Remember, he didn’t love you.

But doubt has crawled into his mind. He’s not so sure anymore.

Brian raises his glass of Bean. “Bottom’s up.”

Justin clinks his own against it and downs the liquid quickly, welcoming the burn with open arms and on his tip toes. Before he has even put the glass down, the bartender is lining up shots on the counter for them. Justin watches them warily, knowing he has no money to pay for getting sloshed. At that moment, Brian flicks his tab across the bar. “On me”, he says to the bartender indifferently, then sees that Justin is playing with a pack of matches.

“Want a fag?”

A cigarette sticks out of the offered pack invitingly. He pulls it out and answers: “Badly.” It’s his first joke of the day, and Justin is grateful that Brian laughs. That dirty, quiet laugh, tinged with something he doesn’t want to think of when he’s starting to get drunk.

Between nicotine, alcohol and that smile with a crooked tooth, shot by shot, is Justin reconsidering love.

(Post a new comment)

	secretsolitaire 2008-02-25 02:06 pm UTC (link)
	Very interesting scenario! Nice job. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:19 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! I liked the idea a lot as well, that's why I just had to take girloftheburbs' bunny. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Shot by Shot (Anonymous) 2008-02-25 10:10 pm UTC (link)
	Really, really loved this story. Just about perfect in characterization, tone, and action. Thank you. FanSee (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: Shot by Shot 0corona0 2008-03-02 02:21 pm UTC (link)
	Wow - thank you very much, FanSee! I really appreciate it because I know that you give honest feedback. I hope you don't mind me asking if you discovered a lot of language-errors. I know that the last couple of times you did and I'm always happy to know about my progress/non-progress. ;) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	kata_ny 2008-02-25 11:17 pm UTC (link)
	aww.lovely.ian is history.and a smile with a crooked tooth?what is better than that? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:22 pm UTC (link)
	Your icon is awesome. :) I always felt like Ian had already lost in that scene, yep - and thank you for noticing the crooked tooth! I just had to include something in which Brian wasn't perfect, so to speak, which of course makes him only more perfect. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	randysgirl_645 2008-02-26 03:46 am UTC (link)
	that was great (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:23 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	singlewoman 2008-02-27 03:09 am UTC (link)
	Nicely done. An interesting twist. And loved the last line. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:23 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! I guess I only wrote the whole damn thing for the last line, so I'm glad it worked out. ;) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	xmaniac1x.myopenid.com 2008-02-27 04:34 am UTC (link)
	Awwwwww that's really interesting.... I liked the artistic style of that episode a lot, so on my own, it would've been hard to imagine a different scene, but I like your interpretation and where you took the scene. It's beautiful... :) Very mellow angst, with soothing undertones... Heh if that makes sense :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	libra2 2008-02-27 01:04 pm UTC (link)
	Very mellow angst, with soothing undertones Like fine wine :p (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:26 pm UTC (link)
	hah, awesome, my fic is like fine wine! :D ;) (Reply to this) (Parent)

0corona0
2008-03-02 02:25 pm UTC (link)

I personally liked that scene a lot, too - wasn't it so well shot? The long moment of Justin's blinking eye at the end was quite perfect, so awkward and... I don't know, I guess meaningful at the same time.

I'm all the more glad that you liked this interpretation - I really tried to keep to the brilliant atmosphere of that scene (Underworld's "Sola Sistim" was on repeat when I wrote this).

Thank you so much! :)

(Reply to this) (Parent)

libra2
2008-02-27 01:01 pm UTC (link)

Justin knows that he would be listened to, but he also knows that Brian’s answer, in the best of all cases, would be a blank stare and a calm: “Are you saying your husband’s name is Ethan?”

Perfect Brianspeak!

“Want a fag?”
A cigarette sticks out of the offered pack invitingly. He pulls it out and answers: “Badly.”

*grins*

I wouldn't blame Justin for caving... Brian's voice was pure velvet that night *died* I swear to God, it kills me every time and then I have to rewind.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:28 pm UTC (link)
	squees Thank you so much! Brianspeak is so difficult that I feel good about myself everytime that I get it right. G Me too! The sexual tension in that scene was incredible... how can he talk like that? I melt every single time... ahhh. In my dreams, Justin does cave that night - in my mind I think he wouldn't. Because, as he said, Brian's too good for that. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	rosy5000 2008-02-27 04:13 pm UTC (link)
	I would have loved to have seen more of them together in that scene. Very nicely done. Love the last line. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:30 pm UTC (link)
	Me too - that scene was brilliant, the underlying sexual tension and also the weird sense of affection. When I have to remember the word mellow, I think about the atmosphere in this scene... Thank you very much! :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	noteverything 2008-02-27 11:13 pm UTC (link)
	Want a fag?” A cigarette sticks out of the offered pack invitingly. He pulls it out and answers: “Badly.” It’s his first joke of the day, and Justin is grateful that Brian laughs. That dirty, quiet laugh, tinged with something he doesn’t want to think of when he’s starting to get drunk. Beautifully written. Thank you! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:32 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you so much! I like it a lot when people point out their favourite lines. :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	notreallyme10 2008-02-28 12:38 am UTC (link)
	I really enjoyed this. Painful to read but so dead on. Beautifully done! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:32 pm UTC (link)
	Your icon really says it all. Thank you so much! :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	happier_bunny 2008-02-28 03:45 am UTC (link)
	:( Ouch, so sad, but telling. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:34 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you sad--on the other hand, through writing this, I probably did. ;) I'm glad that it got to you - it definitely did get to me when I was writing it! Your icon is perfect for this. Thank you very much! :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	not_yet_defined 2008-02-28 04:15 am UTC (link)
	this was very nice. :D (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:34 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you very much! :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	luceononuro 2008-02-28 10:16 am UTC (link)
	The story is perfect - completely and this “Are you saying your husband’s name is Ethan?” is the best Brian line in this whole challenge - for serious. ♥ (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:35 pm UTC (link)
	is the best Brian line in this whole challenge - for serious. You just got my eternal and undying appreciation for that - thank you so, so much! I'm blushing for real here. :P (Reply to this) (Parent)

	kimberbaby 2008-02-28 04:39 pm UTC (link)
	I've never read a gap filler for this scene, and this is beautiful, painful and perfect. :X:X:X (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:36 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you so very much! :) You make me one happy writer! xxx (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kimberbaby 2008-03-05 05:59 pm UTC (link)
	Can you point me in the direction of more of your writing? I'd love to read more. Thanks! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-07-11 08:54 am UTC (link)
	Well, this is so incredibly late that I don't know if you're still interested. I'm sorry, but I'm not really checking my InsaneJournal yet (in fact I only got an account to keep participating at qaf_challenges). Anyway, if you still want to read more, all my fics are over here at my LJ. I'd be very happy to hear from you! :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	virit 2008-02-29 07:08 pm UTC (link)
	I love the last line, especially that smile with a crooked tooth. :))) LOL (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:36 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you! I love the crooked tooth as well - doesn't it make him even more perfect? :D And your icon feels beautiful after writing this. laughs (Reply to this) (Parent)

	herefordroad 2008-03-01 05:26 pm UTC (link)
	i enjoyed what you did with this scene. i did find a touch of humor: “Are you saying your husband’s name is Ethan?” but mostly i found hope: "Between nicotine, alcohol and that smile with a crooked tooth, shot by shot, is Justin reconsidering love." terrific fic. jeannie (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:38 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you very much! :) This was a very hopeful fic - I found the original scene already very hopeful. It was when I thought that they'd be back together soon because I felt not only the underlying sexual tension (which was so there!) but also a kind of affection. I'm glad you saw the hope, because I didn't intend for this to be sad. :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	sjmpets 2008-03-02 04:53 am UTC (link)
	brian knew. if not he wouldn't have stayed. loved it. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-02 02:38 pm UTC (link)
	Of course he did, but he didn't have to address it. You gotta love him for it. Thank you very much! :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

_alicesprings
2008-03-02 11:16 pm UTC (link)

Great gapfiller.

In the moment that he meets the hazel eyes, Justin wants nothing more than to tell Brian everything. Just get it all out there! He could call Ethan the names he’d given him on the ride home, asshole, motherfucking son of a bitch and in the end the worst of all: Liar. Justin knows that he would be listened to, but he also knows that Brian’s answer, in the best of all cases, would be a blank stare and a calm: “Are you saying your husband’s name is Ethan?”

and this

“Want a fag?”

A cigarette sticks out of the offered pack invitingly. He pulls it out and answers: “Badly.” It’s his first joke of the day, and Justin is grateful that Brian laughs. That dirty, quiet laugh, tinged with something he doesn’t want to think of when he’s starting to get drunk.

Between nicotine, alcohol and that smile with a crooked tooth, shot by shot, is Justin reconsidering love.

are perfection. Thank you for writing!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-03-03 04:38 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you for reading and liking! :) A couple of people have told me that they like those lines, and I'm always glad when readers point their favourites out (it's so hard to construct a graceful sentence that makes sense too ;)). 0corona0 (Reply to this) (Parent)

	(Anonymous) 2008-03-04 10:43 pm UTC (link)
	I really really enjoy your writing. DEAD ON characters to me. it's amazing. I can't wait to see more stories by you pop up on the communities :D --buffyann (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-07-11 08:58 am UTC (link)
	I know this is crazily late, I'm sorry! I only check my IJ every once in a long, long while. But thank you so much for your feedback! Especially DEAD ON characters to me makes me love you. ;) I usually post my fics at my LJ and sometimes at bjfic@LJ, but I haven't really found a good place to post yet except for those. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	besamislabios 2008-03-07 06:03 pm UTC (link)
	This was a great gapfiller, I loved it. ;) Between nicotine, alcohol and that smile with a crooked tooth, shot by shot, is Justin reconsidering love. Loved your ending line. ;) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	0corona0 2008-07-11 08:59 am UTC (link)
	First of all: Thank you so much! Secondly: I'm very sorry that this is so late, but I only check my IJ once in a while. I thought I had activated e-mail notification but apparently I didn't. ;) (Reply to this) (Parent)