Yeeeeeesh yer terrible at tellin' stories, making that dumb boyscout Cap'n America look like the most exciting dude in the world. And that's just wrong, y'know?
Where's the pirates? The explosions!?!?! The devilishly handsome and unbelievably charming merc that saves everyone? Kids these days...rassum frassum angsty stupid storytelling...
Very bad man!?!? Y'need a WAY cooler villain name than that...sh'yeah. Zach Conners sounds like a bad accountant...WAIT A SEC! I see the potential, baby. You hire the 'Pool man to come up with yet backstory and we're golden.
PS
How hot is this princess? We talkin' Black Widow hot? Cuz if so I'M SO IN.
And I thought you said this babe was llivin' in a castle? So how'd this jackwagon just get to the house? Yeeeeesh, could at least have some sharks with lasers or somethin' in the moat...