Becker fought off a smirk, feeling marginally embarrassed now that they had been back for a few hours now. Such open displays of emotions were so unlike him. But he had been so wrapped in the moment, the unadultered joy of seeing his missing friends come through that anomaly that the old rules had hardly mattered. Now the lines of personal and professionalism were securely back in place and Becker was still having trouble deciphering what was ‘personal’ and ‘professional’ with them anymore. There was a time for questions like that, but now wasn’t it.
Suddenly the tone of Danny’s voice changed, and Becker didn’t miss it.
”You need to stop doing that, Hils. It’s not your fault.”
He looked up at the nickname, glancing discretely around as he did so. No one here, as far as he knew, knew what his first name was. He hoped to keep it that way; the last thing he needed was for Matt or Jess to catch wind that big bad Captain Becker’s first name was Hilary, and he’d never hear the end of it. From Danny, though, the name wasn’t a taunt, even though he distinctly remembered a time when he’d used it against him like leverage. It was simply a way to get under his skin and get him to listen. And sod him if it didn’t work. He was listening, even if he didn’t want to hear it.
No matter how many times people told him, and he’d had quite a few people tell him this in the last twenty four hours even, that what happened wasn’t his fault; he couldn’t believe them. Sure, he wasn’t responsible for the anomlies in the first place, he wasn’t a psychotic woman hellbent on destorying the human race, he wasn’t the future predator that tore Sarah Page to pieces, but it was all relative. The simple truth that he could have done something, could have worked harder to stop them from going, or could have insisted on going with them, or tried harder to keep Sarah back at the ARC, where she’d be safe, but he didn’t. He’d let his friends split them up and go through that anomaly without backup, he’d made the decision to let Sarah go on the rescue mission and the results from those disasters, however indirectly, were entirely his fault.
His attempt to lighten the mood worked and Becker let out an inward sigh of relief as they slipped into the easy scapegoat of humour. Sometimes it was easier to forget for a little while, even if he knew the humour was only a mask, a fale pretense put up with the selfish desire to ignore the pain and the guilt that had been buzzing around in his head for the past twelve months.
”I’d like to see you do better. Finding a barber in the Valley was a nightmare. The hominids haven’t really got the hang of the opposable thumbs business, and scissors were a disaster in their own right.”
Becker laughed, surprised when the sound came out genuine. His comment had been an intentional diversion, but Danny’s answer was so genuinely Danny that he couldn’t help but be pleased.
“Did you try asking them?" he joked. “Who knows, maybe you’d have been responsible for the earliest human hair dresser."
The tone of lightness depleted when Danny declined his invitation. Becker’s mouth turned down in a frown, his brows pinching together in concern. He hadn’t been expecting that answer. For the briefest of moments, he felt a twinge of hurt. Where did this leave them, then? Was this Danny’s way of telling him that what they had before the Rift Valley was nothing important? The thought didn’t leave a pleasant taste in his mouth, and he tried to fight off the disappointment. Now wasn’t the time to think about himself.
His eyes didn’t miss the way Danny’s hands clenched into quivering fists at his side, and he felt frustration well up in him. When hadn’t he known Danny Quinn to be stubborn? He wasn’t entirely sure, but the action told him Danny was putting up a front, trying to buy his way out of the offer Becker presented him, for one reason or another. Becker wouldn’t have it. Whatever it was that was bothering him, they could face it together. Danny had been alone long enough for Becker to even consider accepting his refusal. He needed to remember that he had friends here.