Who: Cecilia and Kain What: An apology, angst and woe, and making up When: Tonight right after Kain and Yuri, uh, "talked" Where: Cecilia's room at the clinic Warnings: I don't think so? Besides Kain being stupidly guilty.
Kain was still afraid of this apology because of how it was bound to end up. He already had it in mind that this was it for them... the end of the relationship entirely. She may be willing to defend him on journal comments, but he seriously doubted things could ever be the same now. Not once he'd broken his promise. Not after he'd willingly forfeited his mind to evil. Too many fuck ups against her. He loved her still, which was why it would be very hard... probably the worst thing he'd ever done. He didn't know what he'd do after this. But he had to see her anyway, since he might not ever again.
Though it was Yuri's fault he was doing this at all, really. The other had to burst in and go crazy on him. Now his door was in need of repair (again) and he had an imprint of a foot on his face, but... he was actually leaving the room, which was an improvement. He was just afraid that if he got out, he may not want to return. The mountains looked more appealing by the moment. Maybe...
For now, though, Kain headed to wherever she was in the clinic, flowers in hand as per Yuri's suggestion (more like forceful demand) that he get her something. Not that he didn't want to, he just wouldn't have come up with the idea on his own. At least he'd remembered to get certain types of flowers, from that shop he'd gotten those others before. That part was all his own doing. The same while camellias as before... but also purple hyacinth this time. The purple held a clear enough message: "I'm sorry, Please Forgive Me, Sorrow." He didn't think he deserved the forgiveness part, but he did need to give her his apology. To be a man about this, no matter what was going to happen. It's what his father would have wanted him to do. Even if he dreaded the outcome.
Cecilia, for the past few days, had been in and out of consciousness. She had been feeling terrible about it, considering she had visitors coming to see her often, and she had been so out of it... ugh. Right now though, she was awake and mostly in her right mind. There had been a lot of thinking done in her awake hours, and trying to remember things that were there and not so clear. Mm, she'd have to remember eventually.
But it was so boring being cooped up in here! Cecilia hated being stuck in here, but there wasn't much she could do. She was guessing somewhere in her getting to this clinic, whoever had gotten her personal items had her crests too. If she had those... then she wouldn't have to stay here. So she thought. Argh, she was getting hungry, too... they didn't have anything GOOD here to eat, and that was certainly a problem, especially for Cecilia. When she was allowed to go home, she was going to stuff herself silly with chow mein or something that wasn't hospital type food. Anything was better than that!
With a sigh, she turned to the window to stare almost longingly out of it. To be outside, running around outside under the sun... soon, she hoped. She couldn't take much more of this.
Kain really wanted to turn around now, but the thought of Yuri somehow randomly popping up again prevented that. He didn't doubt that he'd continue harassing and kicking him around until he did something. With a sigh, Kain came across the right room he'd been directed toward and knocked, then opened the door. He didn't say anything- couldn't- but walked across the room and awkwardly stood watching her. This wasn't good. He had hurt her bad enough to still be in here, he was the one responsible... it was worse now, since he cared about her and… Ugh. He was an idiot. He'd leave flowers and just go. Go climb the mountain and stay there. Going over to set them on the table, he looked down. Ok, he'd just say one thing.
"...I'm sorry…"
That was it. Nothing more could be said. Kain kept staring at the floor, too afraid to face her directly.
It was probably just the doctors. They liked to knock and then open the door. So, Cecilia paid no mind to who was actually walking into the room. It wasn't until the voice spoke did she turn around, and she saw Kain there. There were flowers on the table next to her, and... "Are those from you?" They were pretty. There were purple ones this time, too. Scooting herself over enough, she took them carefully into her hand, and brought them to her nose. That was something else she'd have to do; buy flowers for her room. She missed the smell of them, and... arrrgh, that related to the outside world, didn't it? Well, at least she had a piece of that world, for the time being. "Thank you," she whispered, looking up to Kain. There was an awkward silence, though. He had apologized, and... what was she supposed to say to that? Cecilia glanced from the flowers to Kain, and then back to the flowers. "Um..." Smooth. But it broke the silence. "I'm sorry, too."
Kain nodded to her question. Then crossed his arms and continued looking down, getting an intimate knowledge of the floor's pattern. He sighed again. She had apologized too, but for what? That at least almost got a bit of a spark going in him, though it lasted for a brief moment for him to say in a firm tone, "You have no reason to apologize." Unless... there was something more she was going to say. That the 'sorry' was a prelude to the inevitable: Sorry, but you've hurt me too much for this to work... sorry, but you can't be counted on to keep promises... sorry, but... Arrgh,it pained him to think. He spared a glance at her, nearly started freaking out, and then composed himself enough to talk. "I understand... you don't need to say it. I only came to bring those and apologize. I wish you all the best in the future. I..." Too hard to say. Too much that could be said, and he had no idea where to start. "I'll... I'll leave now if you'd prefer that." The less time spent on this, the better. He could be out of her life in a matter of hours if that was how it had to be.
He knew what she liked, that was for sure. But his tone, when he spoke back... Cecilia flinched some, and glanced up at him. "But..." It was probably futile to argue back at him. But what was he saying? He was confusing! "Kain, what- you don't have to leave, I don't want you to." Not only was it horribly boring being alone in the clinic room, it was boring without someone to at least talk to. "Will you stay? Please?" She paused for a second, and frowned some. "And.. what do you mean by you wish me the best in the future? I don't understand..." She had no idea what he meant, in all honesty. His talk like that was just... confusing. Why was he saying things like that? If he stayed... maybe she would find out? She was hoping that would be the case. She wanted to make sure that she would, and that he would talk to her. "If you mean... you're going to be with the other girl, well... that's fine too, I just want to know."
But he didn’t want to drag this out, didn't she understand…? Wouldn't she prefer it was over with as little pain as possible? Not that it was going to be easy, anyway. Still. Kain's eyes drifted floorward again. "I don't want to be with anyone else." That was what had set all of this off in the first place, and it pretty much gave him the same ache that it had before, too. When Rosa had arrived, she'd inadvertently stirred up a lot of difficult memories… feelings Kain had once had to repress, and... it was hard returning to it. Even if he really didn't feel the same about her, he couldn't forget entirely.
"...I know you're probably thinking you've had enough of me and what I'm capable of. I understand and don't hold it against you. So... I'll leave. It's the right thing for everyone." His expression saddened. Here came his usual stong envy and countless other negative feelings... over the thought of her moving on to someone else one day. "...Just... be happy, ok?"
...what? "What do you mean you--" Oh. Did he mean her? "Do... do you mean me? You don't..." Cecilia was hitting herself mentally now. He had, after all, told her that he loved her, that day they got into that fight. She had to ask it straight, then. Taking in a deep breath, Cecilia turned to look at him with a serious look, and spoke. "Kain. I want... I want an honest answer. I know you'll be honest with me. Do... do you really love her that much? To the point you'd rather...? Even though, you just said you..." Argh, this was getting difficult. She turned from him with some sort of an annoyed sound to glare at her flowers. "I just... I just want to know, that's all. What you said, if it was true. I just... I want you to be happy, and whoever it's with, I don't mind. As long as you're happy and smiling, then I'm happy. I... I could never have enough of you, Kain. I know how you are, and I don't care. I don't..." This was getting really hard.
"I don't actually hate you. I know I said I did, but... I don't. I hate that bad side of you, but that... that's not the true you. The Kain I see now is the real you. I don't want you to leave, Kain. I never would. You deserve to be here just as much as anyone." Perhaps she was just naive. In fact, she knew she was. But she just couldn't hate him. Finally, she looked back up to him, with a small smile. "No matter what you choose, I still... really love you."
She didn't hate him? Even after all of that... and her saying she hated him was something which had been haunting his dreams even more than Harken had been lately. It scared him, thinking of a world without Cecilia there. Without Cecilia, he was cursed to a very depressing existence. Back to how he'd been before, which was even more of a jerk and antisocial bastard. Cecilia had brought out the best in him, and lightened him up a little. In some ways, he hated that he'd become so attached. This wasn't supposed to be how it went. He wasn't supposed to care... to love... but it had happened anyway, and he didn't want to be rid of it.
"Cecilia..." He now looked at her with that same melancholy expression. "Someday it might go too far. This being 'how I am' isn't good enough. Not for you. I don't want you to be in constant peril from someone who's supposed to love you. If... if I take it too far one day..." He'd be killing them both if he killed her. There was no hope for retribution or renewal after that. Yuri had helped him realized it wasn't too late now, and he absently rubbed at where he'd kicked him. But... what if. "...it's selfish of me to keep you as mine against your will. You're the one who has a right to find someone else, not me. I broke a solemn promise to you, and harmed you again. As for who I love, it's you. Only you. I haven't ever- you're- the only one I've ever felt like this about. I certainly don't feel that way about Rosa. I... I guess I should explain about her though?"
"I don't care how far it goes. You always come out of it, and... the more it happens, the more I fight back. I know that's what I have to do. I did this time, right? I... guess I thought if I said I hated you, it would snap you out of it, too." Cecilia fiddled with the petals of the flowers she held, mostly as a distraction, or something to focus on. "You're not keeping me to yourself against my will. I promise. That's not the case at all, Kain." She turned slightly to face him, and smiled a little. "I wanted you to make the choice, on what would make you the happiest. Like I said... if you're happy, so am I." Even if it meant he was happy with someone else, seeing him smile was something she wanted to see, no matter what made it happen.
Her smile faded though, when he said that she was the only one he loved. Oh. "You... Cecil said she was a childhood friend. Someone you've known for a long time, right? Unless there's more? I really didn't get anymore than that..." But maybe she didn't need to know? Cecilia wasn't sure, and went back to looking at her flowers. "And... I don't care if you broke a promise. No one is perfect. It happens. I can forgive you for that. I probably drove you to it, anyway. You didn't seem to happy with me, after all of that. So... that's why I was sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad, or upset, or anything like that. I just... I did it to see you happy. I didn't want to leave you, unless you chose that." Maybe she was being selfish? She was really unsure about that. But, what was said had been said, and she had said her apology. Even if he felt that she didn't need to do so, she had. She felt better, most certainly.
...Oh. He sure felt stupid for thinking she would reject him and ask him to leave her. Kain still looked at her with surprise. Then, she not only didn't hate him, but she really had only said those things because she was trying to do the right thing for him. He'd thought she was just telling him to leave her, but... she wasn't. She still would be with him if he wanted. That was, if he wasn't afraid of the threat he could become... he knew it would happen again, it was stupid to pretend otherwise. It was hard. But he didn't want to give Cecilia up if she was ok with it.
"Well, uh... we grew up together. Rosa was... the first person I ever, uh..." He got increasingly redder as he spoke. Discussing these feelings was awkward with anyone, and it wasn't a subject Kain ever spoke straightforwardly on. "First person I had feelings for. Just a stupid crush that, uh... that I couldn't fulfill. She never liked me in that way. I had a problem with that and it was... a lot of why I was driven to evil for the first time. I keep hurting people I love, don't I?" He frowned deeply. "When she showed up, I was afraid of those feelings returning... afraid they might not have left. But... now that I realize it better, I know that they're not there anymore. She's only a friend. Or was, I hurt her too. I only love you, Cecilia... that's the only promise I can make for sure about anything."
He was cute like this. She had never seen him like this, so... awkward, and... was he blushing?! Cecilia watched him as he spoke, listening to his every word. Near the end, she shook her head. She knew he never meant to hurt those he loved, whether it be a friendly love or otherwise. But, there was more it seemed, and she listened carefully again. That's what it was? Oh. "You should talk to her," she said quietly, looking back to him. "Talking with me made you realize that... you were thinking the worst about us, right?" Trying to talk might make things better. "You should be happy with your friends. And... I understand now. About Rosa, I mean. I guess... mm. Maybe I was... jealous? Sort of? I guess it's silly of me to be that way now, since you just said that you only see her as someone who is a friend." After all, it was only her that Kain loved!
For a moment after that, she was quiet. Thinking, really. Finally, she held her hand out to him, with a smile. "I'm glad you told me. Thank you. I feel better about that." Jealousy wasn't something she really felt; it was something that had only happened a few times, even back home. She was lucky that those feelings passed quickly. Cecilia wasn't one for jealousy, it only made her feel sick to her stomach. It had hurt, seeing Kain say that, but it also brought up those other unwanted feelings. Now that it was straightened out, it wasn't so bad. She didn't have to feel like that.
She bit at her lip some, looking at him now with a shy look. "I... I still... love you. No matter what."
At least the awkward moment was over. Kain breathed a sigh of relief over that. It was probably one of the hardest things for him to do, talking so openly about his past longing. It had been as hard, he recalled, when he told Cecilia the truth about loving her. Now that she knew about everything... maybe it made things better. He was beginning to regain a little bit of hope.
"It's... it's ok. I understand jealously better than most people. It's a terrible feeling." Kain might as well have his picture in the dictionary under that word. He breathed a sigh or relief. "I wasn't in my right mind when I wrote that stupid thing about her, anyway. Though I won't let it be an excuse. There's no excuse for my behavior lately. I was wrong. I'll do all I can to repent for it. For your sake, Cecilia, I..." His voice got lower and he looked at her. "No matter what. I love you and it'll stay that way." Now, he leaned in to put his arms around her. He needed it, and finally felt enough confidence to do so.
No matter what. Cecilia liked the sound of that. "No matter what, huh...? Well... I know I can believe you on that. I know I can. I can always trust you when it comes to things like this." When he actually put his arms around her... she had missed this. It was as bad of a want as it had been when he had broken through for that short time not so long ago. About a week or so? Somewhere in there. Cecilia grabbed onto him, holding on to him as tightly as she could. "Thank you," she mumbled into him, just... comfortable staying like that. "I just... need you, is all. Just you, only you." It wasn't the same, without him. She didn't like it, or want to be without. Even thinking about him choosing someone over her to be happy with hurt, as much as she wanted him to be happy either way he chose. Knowing he chose her made her so happy...
"Will you stay?" She asked as she sort of pulled away from him. "Until whenever their visiting hours are over?" She gave him a pleading look, not like she had to actually give him that look, though. "I really want you to. I have... a couple more questions I want to ask. Will you answer them?"
It had been very hard having his mind free, but being without her. Especially when it had seemed really bad, as if there was no hope for them to fix things. But... Cecilia was an amazing girl, and certainly better than he deserved. So much more forgiving than he'd given her credit for, and he knew how she was. He nodded. "I'll stay as long as possible. Longer, even." Hell, he could sneak back in and stay with her, if it helped. It would do him a lot of good. He'd certainly go find her stuff, too, like her crests to help her healing process and get out of here faster. He really... really couldn't bear to be alone still, but he wasn't going to talk about that part out loud. It made him seem weak and he wasn't. But despite his being so used to being alone, he just... couldn't handle it right now.
"Ok... questions," he said, trying not to make it sound too much like dread. "Sure, I'll... I'll answer anything you ask to the best of my ability. Promi- Well. I'll attempt." Kain didn't like promises right now, and was afraid to make any. But he wanted to do his best for her.
She started to tug at him, to get him to sit next to her, and once that was done, she leaned against him with a smile. "Longer? What, you would sneak in?" Cecilia started giggling, not wanting to laugh too loud, lest she bother the person in the rooms next to hers. "If you do, make sure you get the right window, ok? You don't need to be sneaking into someone else's room!" That wouldn't do at all! "I don't mind if you stay as long as you can. It's boring in here. I don't have any books to read, or anyone else to talk to when there's no one in here visiting. So... I like the company." And he was the best sort of company. Again, she toyed with the petals of the flowers, he had brought her, content with sitting there in silence for a moment, thinking of how to phrase her questions.
Finally, she piped up, looking at him shyly. "Ok. First question, then. We're... still... together, right? Nothing has changed?" She had to find that out, first and foremost. The next question was a little more difficult to word, so hearing his answer to that would hopefully help so much more in asking.
This was very comfortable. Kain felt a lot better, and like he could just fall asleep right now... he realy hadn't gotten much rest in days. Too much on his mind. Tiamat could only chase away so much darkness; for the rest of it he needed Cecilia. "Well, I'd figure out which room was yours, I swear it. I need... well, I've... it's not the same without you." He sighed, looking away for a moment so the brief awkwardness could pass. But she was talking already, so he had a question incoming. Kain looked at her. "I don't want to change anything... I don't think I could handle it being any different, if you... if you want me to be honest." That was about as honest as it got for Kain, who was struggling to keep talking. But it was how he really felt, and while the mood to be direct lasted, he'd keep it going. "That is, if you still want it that way, too...?"
Of course he would. He would find her. He always did, didn't he? Kain was good at that, and for that, Cecilia was grateful. She nuzzled against him before he answered her question, not really able to stop herself from doing so. It was like a second nature, a want to do so, a want to be close to him. When he looked to her, her eyes met his, and stayed locked on to them. She knew he wouldn't lie about that. She could see it, too. "I do. I just... wanted to make sure, you know? I'm happy, with the way things are. I don't think I could be any happier." Her free hand, the one that wasn't holding the flowers, found one of his hands, and squeezed it. Right. Next question. Cecilia bit her lip, and looked away from him. "Do you... Kain, do you remember everything that happened that day? I mean, that day we fought. Uh, you know which one I'm talking about, right? The one about a week ago. It sounds weird, but... it's important." He had to remember, as much as he probably didn't want to... right?
Kain squeezed her hand in return when she took his. Good. At least... nothing had changed there. He had been preparing himself for it the last couple of days as if it were a definite thing. It had kept sickening him to even think of. But it was going to be ok. He felt like a tremendous burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Kain again frowned though, as she brought up something he didn't like thinking of. It would stay in his dreams for a while, no doubt. Would resurface on bad nights. Ugh. Slowly, he nodded and spoke in a very low tone. "Yeah, I... I always retain my memories when it happens. It's a terrible thing, to know you're acting in a way and unable to do anything about it. I remember everything." He'd wanted Golbez to give him oblivion, but that just wasn't possible- his consciusness watched and knew everything. "Why... why do you ask?"
Ok. It was as she thought. He had remembered the last time anything had happened, so it only made sense he remembered now... Cecilia looked away from him, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I didn't want to bring it up, but... what happened? I mean... how did I end up here?" She finally said, looking up at him with a concerned look. "I mean... that's the only thing I don't know. I can't remember it at all. I won't be mad at you or anything like that if you tell me, I know bad things happened that day. I just... want to know. You're the only one who can tell me. You were the only other person there." It had been really terrible, considering. Cecilia had been trying her hardest to try to remember, but... it didn't want to be remembered. Maybe if Kain told her, it would jog her memory? It was a possibility, and one she had to try, especially if she had a chance to remember what had happened. That was a priority right now. Her head hurt from trying to remember on her own, and she was getting tired of that. She was already feeling sort of sleepy now, but she had to stay awake. She needed to know.
"Oh? I, uh- I… uh... I wasn't there. I left you and... Wait." Kain paused, trying to sort his thoughts out. It was sometimes hard, when he had to think through those times his mind was out of control. One would thing it would get easier the more it happened, but, no... it was never easy. Always a tremendous mental strain. Kain always had a fear that maybe he really would lose it all after it happened so much. He closed his eyes. Waited. Concentrated. When Golbez had been right there, he'd told him... he'd said that he... Now Kain's eyes opened wide and he gasped in shock. But why, when they'd rather see her dead? WHY? "It can't be... Nononononononono." Kain began freaking out, shaking and shouting out his frustration. He couldn't think coherently for a moment, nor answer her with any sane response.
Uh? What was he...? Cecilia watched him before he started freaking out, wondering what he was going to say, when he started to suddenly freak out. Oh no! What had happened?! "Kain! Kain, calm down! I didn't-- Kain, you have to stop, the doctors will think something is wrong with me and-- KAIN!" She was grabbing him, trying to get him to calm down and look at her. "I didn't mean HOW did I get here like that, I meant what caused me to get here! Calm down, please?" She hadn't expected him to react like that! It was almost scary, the way he was freaking out. She was certain she had never seen this happen, and she was also very certain she never wanted to see it again. It was... scary. Kain never had a breakdown like this. "Please, calm down Kain, you're worrying me!"
It took Kain a moment to understand what exactly she meant... why she was... but that meant... It meant delving into those memories even more and they weren't pleasant by any stretch of the imagination. The thoughts of what caused her... how much he'd hurt her... it was too much. For a moment the freakout only worsened, and Kain had that alarming feeling of losing it- but without Golbez doing a thing to cause it this time. He felt like leaping up and running away. Going somewhere quiet and hidden. He forced himself to stop shouting at least, making himself focus on Cecilia's voice. Just... listen to her. That was a good idea. Just listen to Cecilia. Get his mind back in place. He needed to.
"Kain, please, please calm down. You're really scaring me. Please...?" Seeing him like this was truly frightening. Cecilia was practically on his lap now, facing him, and trying to get him to calm further. "You just... need to calm down, and calmly tell me what happened. I... I don't know what happened, I really don't. I just... I just want to know. You're the only one that can tell me. I remember... I remember you confronting me, I remember calling the two Guardians, and... and I remember you acting as if you were normal, but... but nothing after that. I need to know, Kain. Please? Tell me? I won't be mad, I can't be mad at you. It just... my head hurts so much if I try to remember, I can't remember, for as hard as I try to remember. I just want to know what caused me to be here. Please? I... I love you, I do, nothing will change that, ok? Not even what you'll tell me, I promise, I promise..." Cecilia moved to wrap her arms tightly around him, hoping it would calm him down further. "I love you, ok? You just... please tell me?" She whispered to him, before giving his cheek a small kiss.
This... seemed to help. Slowly but surely, her words and touch soothed him. Kain wrapped his arms around her and leaned against her, taking deep breaths to steady himself. God, he was glad no one else could see him now... he'd never had a reaction like that before. Only having his mind taken over was comparable. Even then... he'd never been around Cecilia when something like that happened. It took him a few more minutes, holding her and getting enough focus to talk. "...s- sorry. Its... I... did some horrible things. What do- do you..." Kain close his eyes and looked down, repressing another wave of emotion. "What... do you exactly remember last? When I played that horrible trick...?" He shuddered to think that he'd done such a thing to her.
There. That seemed to help...? She hoped so. Cecilia held him just as tight as she had been, rubbing his back to help him focus and breathe. "That's what I remember clearly, yes. Everything else after is... sort of fuzzy, and then it goes blank. I just remember... you playing that trick on me, and then... it's blank. Then I woke up here." It was a little upsetting, not knowing what had happened. Oh, but she had an idea! Carefully, she moved away from Kain, and grabbed the chain around her neck, pulling the Teardrop from under the clinic clothes she had been put into. The light from it always helped before, right? Would it help now? She would find out. Placing it into both of her hands, it started glowing. Not a lot, but enough. "Does it... does it still soothe you? I know it did before, but... but I want to make sure."
"It... it does..." Kain kept on focusing on his breathing, keeping it slow and steady. He stared at the light in the Teardrop, realizing how good it felt to see that again. Without it, he literally was lost in the dark. He kept clinging to Cecilia, not caring what she would think of him doing so. "I... I upset you terribly. After the Guardians came in... that lightning one, I tricked you and then...and then when you were... I just... I used some item to silence you. Another item that brought on a bad spell, it... I ended up just... going berserk on you after than. You were helpless by that point, but like a monster I..." His voice went to a whisper for the last words. "...kept attacking." What a dishonorable, despicable thing to do. He was worthless, behaving in such a manner. Forget ever being accepted back home, or among the dragoons. This realization made him have to repress another freakout, holding Cecilia tighter and closing his eyes. "I'm... so sorry..."
Good. It was working. He was calming down, it seemed. She didn't mind that he was holding her tightly; if it helped, then she didn't mind. But as he talked, her hands lowered, lowering the Teardrop as they did. She barely remembered being silenced. It was fuzzy. But him going completely... berserk... on her...
"I don't even remember that. I sort of remember you silencing me, but... not the rest of that."
That scared her the most. She wasn't even sure what caused it. "Kain, I... no, it's ok, I... I forgive you, I do. I forgive you. You would never do that like this, and I know that. You're... that's not you, that's not the way you are." Cecilia pulled away from him, and got his face level with hers. "Kain. Look at me. You're not evil. Not you. Golbez may make you like that, but... you're not truly evil. I know you aren't. You're a good man, and I know that you would do anything to protect someone you love. You did for me, didn't you? You went so far as to fight your way into the castle, and bring me somewhere safe. Because... that's you. That's the Kain Highwind I know. It's the Kain Highwind I love, too. Even... even when Golbez makes you do things you regret."
Kain looked at her, getting a sad expression at first. She sounded so sure of herself, all of those things she said... he wanted so badly to trust her word for it. She had more faith in him than anyone should have right now. It baffled and amazed him. Cecilia did that so often, though... just by being herself. "Even if... I willingly chose to be turned like that?" He looked down, ashamed. "When I thought you were breaking up with me, I... it's stupid, but I lost it. I approached Golbez and asked to take my mind away. It was an idiotic thing to do. It meant losing control and... it didn't get rid of my memories. As usual, I still sort of knew what was happening... It didn’t solve anything. Just made it all worse."
"Even if you willingly chose to be turned." Cecilia drew close to him again, to whisper to him and try to make him feel at ease. "I still love you, very much. I'm sorry I made you think that I was... doing that. I didn't mean to let you think that." Carefully, she leaned in and kissed him softly, and smiled a little. "Even if you did it on purpose, I don't hate you, and I forgive you. I couldn't hate you, not ever." Again, she kissed him carefully, stroking his cheek. "You're always so good to me, and you protect me. That outweighs the bad, always. I don't want you to change. Not ever." There was conviction in her voice, and she meant every word she said. "I love you, Kain. I always have." Even as a friend, it had always been like that. She had a feeling it would always will be like this, and she didn't mind that at all.
Giving her another strong, tight hug, Kain stayed with her like that for a moment. He didn't know why she was so good to him, despite what she'd experienced. Maybe he'd wake up and have it all be a dream one day. Who knew? He already felt a lot better than he'd have thought he would, though. Especially when she kissed him. When she said those words. After everything... "I- I'm not going to fail you again. I'm still... really sorry about that promise being broken, and I swear to you I'll do what I can to make up for it. I owe you so much... I'll be worthy of you somehow. I'll... I'll keep trying to be."
Already he felt as if he wouldn't be able to stop without first making up for his failings. He would pay his penance and beyond, for her. He wasn't sure how... as much as he might be tempted to ask Yuri for ideas, maybe he'd be able to figure it out on his own. He hoped so. Kain kissed her now, hesitantly at first... but then a second time, more comfortably.
"Kain, don't worry about it. I'm really not mad at you. Not angry. And I don't hate you. I mean it. I could never hate you. But I know you'll do what you have to, and I won't be able to change your mind. But I don't mind. I already think you're worthy of me." Cecilia ignored the slight discomfort she had when he hugged her tightly; it would heal up and hugs were more enjoyable than pain. And it was Kain, she wouldn't let on that she was sore from whatever had happened the week before. He was already feeling bad as it was, no need to make him feel worse. "I think you're plenty worthy of me," she said before he kissed her. His first, hesitant kiss made her smile a little, but the second kiss... this was one of the things she loved about Kain. She knew the two of them were probably awkward when it came to these things, but she didn't mind. No matter what happened to him, even if he was evil, he always came back, and... he did things like this. The little things made her happy she was with him, and she was honoured he would have even wanted to be with her like this. He had done so much for her already, why wouldn't she want to forgive him?
Her hold on him got a little tighter. Cecilia relaxed into his arms, already feeling as if she wanted to beg the doctors to let him stay with her overnight. Maybe she would. If it meant having one of the most comfortable nights for sleeping, she would definitely think about it.
This felt... better. More normal, more like himself and not whatever pathetic person he'd been turning into. Kain hugged her tight again, before letting go to a more comfortable hold. He wondered if he'd ever agree with her about those things. It was going to take a lot of work after this... "...Thank you." He didn't know what else to say at first, really, not after all of that. Though he had a feeling there was just one little thing more. He wouldn't argue with her, despite his own feelings. He couldn't deny or refuse her her own beliefs, after all. So... no disagreement. Not this time. All he wanted was this, actually. For things to be as they were before his screwing them up. He didn't want to ruin it. Leaning close to her, he added the rest of what he felt he had to say. "And... even though I said those things to you when I was out of my mind, I still... it never changed anything. It never will. I love you, Cecilia."
"I love you too, Kain. I don't think that will change." There was no way it could change. Cecilia snuggled him a moment more, before moving away from him and sitting back down next to him. "I think... I'll ask my doctor if you can stay with me, when he comes in to check on me. I'd feel better if you could." She took one of his hands, and glanced at it briefly, only to bring it closer to her and look at it, before looking at his other hand... before she smiled widely. "You're still wearing them! They're that important to you?" Of course, she spoke about the rings she had gotten him for Valentine's Day. She was a little surprised to see that he still wore them. Not that it was a happy thought, but she was almost curious to ask if he would have been wearing them if they hadn't ended up together again, but... decided against it before she could even think on it further. "I'm glad, though. That means you like them." That made her even happier than she had been, all things considered.
Kain thought that sounded incredibly good to him. He wouldn't admit to her just how much he wanted to stay around her. Even one night would help... after the last few, he really needed it. "If it will make you feel better, then… yes. It's better than sneaking back." That settled that matter. So until they worked that out, they could just relax here like this. He glanced at the rings he still wore and nodded. "Of course they're important to me... I like them a great deal and... well, and they're from you." Two very major reasons, really. "I can promise one thing, I suppose. I won't ever take them off." It seemed as simple enough one to make, something he at least couldn't screw up.
"It would. I think it would be the best way to sleep. I mean, I've just sort of fallen asleep at any given time the past week, but not lately...? So when I sleep on my own it's not very comfortable. But with you with me, I think it would be." More than it had been, most definitely! Cecilia glanced at the rings again when Kain said that they were important to him, smiling more and more as he spoke. "Well... they made me think of you. So... now I'm really glad you like them! And... you mean that? I'm... well." Hearing that he'd never take them off... that sounded so wonderful! "All right. I know you'll uphold your promise. You're a noble dragon, after all." She glanced up to him. "My noble dragon, I mean." Of course. He would always be her dragon, even if they weren't together. She decided then, in her mind, that she would be very angry if anyone else called him that if they ever broke up and he found someone else to be with.
As she leaned in to get comfortable with Kain, the doctor came into the room to a strange sight (or what would probably be a strange sight to someone else), and grinned. "Having a party in here?" Cecilia glanced over to the doctor, and shot up straight with a "No! Nothing like that!", only to hear her doctor laugh. The blonde girl moved to the edge of the bed to sit, and let the doctor check her over. "Everything looks good," he said as he went over his routine, "I think you'll be able to be released soon." Which was good news for her! Cecilia smiled some and looked to Kain. That was good news! "Though, visiting hours are almost over, and-" The doctor started to say before he was cut off by Cecilia. "Can he stay with me tonight? Please? And-- not like that! Just... please? I think I'd sleep better if he did." Her doctor looked at Kain, then back to Cecilia (who now had a pleading look pointed in his direction), before sighing. "Fine, I'll let the nurses know. Be good in here, all right?" He said as he turned and left the room.
Once he was gone, she let out a cry of victory, and went back to where she had been next to Kain.
That... had gone better than he'd have thought. Cecilia had a way with people, and convincing them to do things, it seemed. He was glad to hear that she'd be back at the quad soon too. Then he could stop worrying about her... maybe consider that thing Yuri had mentioned earlier, but he still wasn't up for thinking of things like that. For now, he just wanted a good night's sleep. He felt like he hadn't had one since... well, since freeing his mind again, really. He glanced at Cecilia.
"That was... Well. Good job. I'm impressed." He felt like he could just crash here in a moment. He was worn out, between fighting Yuri (and getting a damn footprint on his face)... and just the emotional stress of the evening. Everything was going to be ok, though. It'd take some time to fix some things, but this was the best way to start. "And yes, to what you were saying. I'm your dragon. For as long as I wear these rings." So that was... uh, forever, was it? Kain had never thought of it in that way before. He didn't want to break up anytime soon, though, so... it wasn't like it was so strange.
"Hehe, thank you," she said as she laid down next to him. She felt the sleepy feeling coming on, and it would only be matter of time before she passed out completely has she had been doing this past week. "It got him to give in, though, right? And you get to stay. Oh!" She sat back up, and took the flowers off of her bed, putting them on to the side table. "Don't want to kick those off of the bed, huh?" That would be bad, and not what she wanted. When he replied to her about being her dragon, and his promise about the rings, she laid back down again and looked up at him. "All right. My dragon for a very long time, I hope. I'll have to hit someone on the head if they call you that, if you ever find someone else. Just so you know, I mean." Cecilia smiled, one of her genuine smiles, as she spun one of the rings around as much as she could, yawning a little. "Mm... I guess I'm getting tired. We... we can sleep comfortably tonight, I think."
It would be the same, if someone ever took Cecilia away. Kain didn't think he'd be able to stand it. He had a hard enough time with jealousy as it was. So... he just wouldn't think of the idea of breaking apart. Neither of them wanted it. So... it was ok. They'd be ok. Kain half-smirked. "I know how threatening that staff can be, too... so you'd be able to get rid of anyone like that fast. Not that there'd ever be." Kain couldn't see what appeal he'd have to someone else. Not when he did such a good job at keeping them all at a distance. All but a select few, and Cecilia closest of all those. He would have to set things right with his other friends... maybe later, whenever he next woke up. For now, he contentedly rested with Cecilia. "This is fine... are you comfortable enough?"
It was almost an evil smile that her smile turned into. Almost. "Of course it is. It can be deadly. I use it to smack people with so I can eat them." Cecilia started to giggle, as she curled up next to Kain. This was much better than it had been. "I'm just fine, Kain. Are you worried?" It seemed like it. That was just like him, really. She nuzzled him a little, then sighed contentedly. "I know I'll sleep more soundly, like this. You're a comfortable dragon. And a noble dragon. And a very very loyal dragon, and... and..." Cecilia yawned again, this time her eyes not opening after she did. "And you're a very loving dragon. I think that's what I love most about you." She was glad that everything between them would be fine. That was something she was very grateful for. She wasn't sure what she'd do without Kain, and Cecilia was glad she had him back to himself again. "I don't want you to change, Kain, not ever..." She got closer to him, opened her eyes sleepily, and kissed him, before getting comfortable again. "I love you, Kain." And with that, she was asleep. It was the best kind of sleep she had had for some time.
That was the most amusing and... ok, cutest... thing he'd seen in a long time. Cecilia always knew how to cheer him up, even by doing something like that. He was just glad to hear something as simple as her giggling. It was ok now. Everything was... He'd worry about other things tomorrow. For now, he really needed the sleep. He closed his eyes and listend to what she said. Opened them to look at her and kiss her once in return. Maybe he wasn't as hopeless with this as Yuri seemed to think he was. Kain hugged her once more. "No... nothing's going to change. Never like that again. Not if I can help it." He drifted off to a dreamless sleep soon after. Things were as they should be, once again.