Ianto Jones does coffee and snark (nosuitnoservice) wrote in portland_net, @ 2014-08-28 07:26:00 |
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Entry tags: | ianto jones, steve rogers |
Companions/Torchwood
Okay, I fucked up this whole situation.
I'm bad with words. I'm really bad at trying to explain pretty much anything that doesn't have something to do with facts.II wasn't always this bad.I have a pretty roaringThe survivors of Canary Wharf only met up twice, and the second time was a funeral. Someone said afterwards that no one really survived and I don't know if that's completely true, but I'm pretty sure sometimes that I left all the best parts of myself back there. That's not meant to get sympathy, in fact I'd really rather it not, but
This is really fucking difficult for me to even think about so I'm not sure how it's going to come across, but I am aware thatI definitely have aCanary Wharf changed me, a lot. I nearly died. Almost everyone I knew did die.I haveSometimes I feel like nothing is real, and I can't always trust my emotions. Sometimes I even know that, in the moment. But even if they're completely irrational, I still feel them. I can't explain why, maybe there is no why.
I never meant to attack anyone. I'm sorry. If I could take this whole thing back I would. I thought it would be better to be open about it than to bottle it up, but I handled it really badly because I could only ever go halfway towards an explanation that makes any sense. I don't dislike any of you and I really am trying. I'm not really sure what to say to make it better.
Anyway, for now I'm just going to go and be alone for a while, so, if anyone replies, I'm not ignoring you. I just can't deal with a conversation right now.
Added:
Steve RogersNormally this would be the sort of thing I'd know, but, well, I don't. But you're pretty well-connected... do you know if there's anyone working in [...] maybe veteran's affairs, who knows about the wormhole?