Dani is a 100% sapphic goddess đ (actuallesbian) wrote in portland_logs, @ 2014-05-28 18:57:00 |
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Entry tags: | dani harper, santana lopez |
Who: Dani and Santana
Where: Dani and Samâs house
When: Backdated to last Wednesday, May 21st
What: Talking for now
Status: Complete
Warnings: None
After a few days staying at the house with Dani and Sam at the house, Finn had finally gone home on Sunday. She didnât know all the details of what had happened, but she knew Finn and Rachel had fought, but heâd gone home and cleared things up. She was glad. It wasnât that she didnât like Finn -- he was a really nice guy, and it was cool for her to get to meet him when he had passed away back home not long after she and Santana had gotten together. But two boys in girlsâ bodies were enough for her to handle, especially after their very eventful shopping trip. The looks theyâd gotten alone were enough to make Daniâs entire face flush red. The boys were just confused by the girlsâ clothes, but there was really no easy way to explain that to the people around them. Luckily, by the end of the day, they both had fitting clothes, and Dani hadnât been banned from the mall.
She had been spared the gender swap, thankfully, so sheâd been going to and from work as normal. She hadnât heard from Santana since their awful conversation on the network almost a week ago. And sheâd decided she wasnât going to try anymore. Santana was right; they were broken up. They couldnât be friends. Just like she and Quinn couldnât be friends because apparently, for the two of them, you either had to be BFFs or mortal enemies. She really understood why they were together now, and sheâd decided to just wash her hands of the whole situation. It left her life free of unnecessary complications, and she felt a little lighter because of it. That didnât mean she didnât miss Santana, though. She did. Every day, she missed her, and even though she knew it would get easier, it really didnât feel like it. Not anytime soon.
She was sitting at home in the living room late in the evening, her guitar in her lap, strumming out chords and scribbling them down on a piece of paper beside her. She wasnât feeling too inspired, but she was hoping if she kept working at it, something would jump out at her. So far, no luck, but she wasnât done yet. Then the doorbell rang, and she sighed, setting her guitar aside and going to answer it.
When she opened the door, it took her a moment to realize who it was standing on her front porch. She hadnât actually seen Santana in person since sheâd changed, but here she was. (Or⌠he. She still hadnât figured out the pronoun thing.) As much as she wanted to just close the door and walk away, it wasnât that easy. She still craved the other girl. Not⌠as much in this body, but still.
âHi,â she finally said quietly. âWhat are you doing here?â
It had been an eventful time lately for Santana. It had a week now that sheâd woken up to discover that she, along with several others, had been turned into the opposite gender. It had been interesting, to say the least, to be able to see things from the other side. She couldnât lie and say she hadnât had her fun in this body. She and Quinn had definitely had their share of fun. But, now the novelty had worn off and Santana just wanted to go back to being herself again. She missed her female body, she missed being a girl, and she especially missed the breasts sheâd spent a lot of money on. But so far, there had been no sign of anyone going back to their previous forms. It was annoying and slightly depressing to think that she might be stuck like this forever. This place liked to play games, that was no secret, but seriously, the fun was over.
After her trip to Canada with Rebekah, Santana had found that she was doing better with her control. And honestly, since her taste (no pun intended) of what being a real vampire was like, feeding on animals held no real appeal for her anymore. Sheâd basically gotten the hang of compelling and feeding from a human, so thatâs really all she wanted to do now. But with the hunters always watching, she couldnât. At least not where she could get caught anyway, she had to be careful. Very careful. Rebekah had taught her so much on their trip. Since theyâd gotten back and while she wasnât perfect, Santana had a much better handle on things now. It would only continue to improve and maybe soon sheâd even be able to be around her friends and girlfriend without Rebekah having to compel her not to attack. Hell, if she kept doing as well as she had been lately, maybe she could even go back to work soon. Well, once they got a witch to make her a daylight ring anyway. But until then, she was still stuck inside during the day, practically counting the hours until the sun set so she could get out of the house.
Santana had been waiting today for the sun to go down so she could get out of the house and go see someone. She hadnât really had a chance to see Dani aside from that first time when sheâd attacked and then sloppily compelled her. They hadnât really even talked since Dani unexpectedly broke up with her and then tried to be best friends. Santana didnât want to be friends with her, not because she didnât like her, but it was because she did like her (or love her, to be precise), that made her unable to just be friends with the girl. But, Santana missed Dani. She loved Quinn and she had Quinn, but she loved Dani too and she missed her. She hadnât really been very nice to her when she knew all Dani was trying to do was make the best of a bad situation she (or Quinn) hadnât asked to be put in. Santana had been the one to put both girls in this horrible situation because she was selfish and didnât want to pick one or the other. She just wanted both. Was that such a bad thing? Okay, so maybe it was, but whatever. It didnât stop her from making her way over to the house Dani shared with Sam and ringing the doorbell. Dani opened the door and looked at her curiously, taking a few seconds for it to dawn on her who it actually was. âHey.â Santana replied. âI donât know, I just...I guess I just wanted to see you or whatever.â She lifted her now broad shoulders in a shrug, lips pressed together in a firm line. âHow are you?â
âIâm fine,â Dani said, a bit curtly. She didnât know what else to say. It had been her decision to end their relationship -- or the messed up semblance of a relationship theyâd clung to since sheâd gotten here -- but it had been Santanaâs decision not to be friends. So what the hell was she doing here? It made no sense. Dani didnât just randomly show up on the doorsteps of people that wanted nothing to do with her. But then again, Santana had always been a little different than your typical person. In good ways. The best ways.
âIt was good of you to⌠check on me, I guess. But you should go.â He hand came up to cover the small scars on her neck, left behind from the last time she had seen Santana. It was an unconscious movement but still significant. She didnât remember any of that incident, but Santana had admitted sheâd been there. Dani was still a little pissed that memory had been taken from her, honestly, but maybe it was for the best. She wasnât sure it was something she wanted to remember.
Santana frowned when Dani told her she should leave. Part of her had been expecting it, but actually hearing it kinda stung. She hated that this was how things were between them now. Yeah, sure, maybe she was the one to blame, she was the one who tried to date both girls and hurt one of them in the process.
âCome on, Dani.â She started, pausing as her eyes dropped down where Daniâs hand covered her neck. It was where sheâd bitten her. Santana reached out, tentatively, fingertips sliding gently over the blondeâs hand, lifting it away from her throat. There were two scars there, puncture wounds where the fangs had pierced the skin. A permanent reminder of Santanaâs attack and failed attempt at compulsion. Now she knew how to do it right, not that it mattered in this instance. It was too late for that now.
Santana traced over the scars gently, a deep frown at her lips. as she studied what sheâd done to the girl. âIâm sorry.â She whispered, softly, her dark eyes lifting to Daniâs. âDoes it still hurt at all?â
Daniâs entire body tensed when Santanaâs reached out to touch her. She didnât feel afraid, but her heart was pounding in her chest. So maybe she was a little afraid, but she was determined not to show it. Fear would only make her an easier victim, and she wasnât going to let that happen. Not that it could. Despite their breakup, Dani was still wearing that locket Santana had given her -- but only because it had vervain in it, and she knew that would prevent Santana from trying to drink from her or compel her again. She might not have been able to remember the last time, but she didnât particularly want a repeat incident either.
âSometimes,â she answered, pushing Santanaâs hand away. âBut itâs fine. You didnât mean to.â She wasnât entirely sure she believed that anymore, but she was holding onto it. She couldnât bring herself to think Santana would ever purposely hurt her.
âYou should go, Santana, seriously. Weâre not friends, remember?â Maybe that was harsh, and she could see that it had stung, but it had been Santanaâs choice. Dani might have gotten out of a difficult relationship, but that didnât mean she wanted to stop seeing Santana entirely. That was what she had wanted. And Dani tried to tell herself it was better that way. Quinn was a huge bitch, and now she could have Santana all to herself. No Dani, no complications.
Santanaâs brow furrowed when Dani pushed her hand away and snapped at her like that. What the hell? She kind of deserved it, but she hadnât really expected it. Dani wasnât usually like that, but given all Santana had put her through, it was no wonder. âNo I didnât mean to. I was still learning to try and control everything.â She said, her tone a little harsh. She was defensive, she couldnât help it. âAnd no, I donât wanna go. Iâm trying to make peace of whatever, Dani. Canât you give me a fucking chance to do that?â
She clenched her jaw, trying to keep her emotions even. She was really working hard lately to keep everything under control. Why couldnât Dani give her a chance to make amends here? It wasnât like she was asking for a lot, just to try and make some peace with her. Santana felt bad for everything that had happened and she just wanted everything to be the way it was before. That wasnât ever going to happen, she knew that much, but it didnât mean she couldnât find some semblance of normal. Right?
Dani stood silently for a moment, taking in Santanaâs expression. She may have been a guy right now, but she was still Santana, and Dani knew how to read her. She was being genuine. She wanted to sort things out. But Dani wasnât so sure she was willing to let her. She loved Santana, but associating with her since sheâd been brought here had brought her more pain and hurt than anything else. She wasnât sure she wanted to go through more of that.
But when Santana looked at her, with that pleading expression on her face, she sighed and stepped out onto the porch, closing the front door behind her. She didnât know if the whole invite thing was in place for Santana, but she didnât want her in the house anyway. She wanted to be outside, a little more public, where someone could see what was going on if it came to it.
âIâm listening,â she said quietly, crossing her arms over her chest.
Okay, she was listening. That was a good thing. Except Santana had no freaking clue what she was gonna say. She hadnât exactly planned out what she would say or anything when she decided to come over here. But here she was and Dani was ready to listen and now she just kinda felt at a loss. That wasnât something that happened very often; Santana always knew what to say. She could fix any situation, usually in under four minutes. They called her âThe Closerâ and sheâd honed those skills to near perfection. But it was one thing to fix everyone elseâs problems, it wasnât so easy when it came to her own. Scandal hadnât really taught her how to fix that kind of thing. Olivia Pope could fix everyone elseâs issues, but when it came to her own, it was one big mess. This was why Santana related so much to that character and why she loved that show so much. She was Olivia Pope. Except now she was a vampire and well, a boy.
âRight.â Santana said, running a hand through her now short hair. God she hated that. She missed her long hair. She had amazing hair, even if half of it was fake. She looked damn good and thatâs all that mattered. But now, she had this short, flat, no style hair and it pissed her off. Which wasnât even what she should be focusing on right now. âDani, lookâŚâ She started, brown eyes meeting brown. âThis whole situation is really fucked up and itâs hard and weird and I donât even know what weâre supposed to do with any of this. All I know is how I feel.â She tried to convey with her eyes as well as her words what she was trying to say and how she felt. âAbout you and about Quinn. I love you, Dani. You know that. And I know itâs hard to hear, but I love Quinn too. Maybe you donât get that and hell, I donât completely get it either, but itâs the truth. I donât know what Iâm supposed to do with that truth because I donât wantâŚâ Santanaâs eyes moved down to the locket hanging around Daniâs neck and she smiled softly. âYouâre wearing it.â She said, reaching out to take the silver heart between her fingertips. As soon as it made contact with her skin, it burned and she hissed out in pain, dropping the locket back against Daniâs skin. âFuck!â She scowled, realizing her vamp face had slipped out, complete with fangs and she kept herself calm, trying to control it. Within a brief few seconds, she managed to shift back to her normal features. âSorry. That...yeah, that fucking hurt.â
Really, the things Santana was saying werenât anything different from what theyâd talked about time after time since sheâd arrived here in Portland. She didnât know what Santanaâs ultimate goal was. Dani had already made her decision, and even though it hurt, she was determined to stick with it. It was just too much drama, and Dani didnât want to deal with it. She was past this high school bullshit, and she had thought Santana was too, but she wasnât so sure anymore. The way sheâd picked that fight with Kurt in a public network post? Dani wasnât on Kurtâs side, but she still didnât think that had been the most mature way to go about things.
She jumped a little when Santana cried out in pain after touching her locket. She had never seen Santanaâs vampire face before -- well, she had, but she didnât have the memory of it -- and it was pretty scary. But she was surprised by how quickly Santana got herself under control again, and she couldnât help but express as much. âWow, youâre really good at that! Youâre sure you donât want to drink my blood or anything, right?â She was still a little concerned for her safety, but judging by Santanaâs reaction, the vervain in the necklace was doing its job.
âIâm a vampire, I always want to drink blood.â Santana arched a brow, a devious smirk playing at her lips. She missed her own lips too. She was hot as a guy, sure, but she missed her full lips that she could make even more plumped with gloss and lipstick. God, she missed makeup and her sexy clothes and that amazing body she had. Hopefully sheâd have it back soon enough. âAnd yeah, I want to drink your blood too, itâs just part of my nature. But, Iâm not going to, babe. Rebekahâs been really helping me work on the control thing.â She shrugged. âSo, while I want to, I can control myself from actually doing it.â
Santana had really came a long way since when sheâd first been turned. It was nice, not losing her control and being able to reign it in if she started to. She wasnât perfect, by any means, but she was definitely much better than she used to be. âWe went out of town and Rebekah taught me like, a bunch of stuff. It seems to be helping. And just as a backup, she compels me to make sure I donât attack you or Q if I need her to.â
Hearing that Santana always wanted to drink blood made Dani a little uneasy. But what had she expected, really? Santana was right. She was a vampire. She was always going to want to drink blood. But she seemed so calm about it now. Not so long ago, sheâd been the exact opposite. âShe taught you stuff?â Dani raised her eyebrows. âWhat kind of stuff?â She couldnât help wondered what it was Rebekah could have taught to make her seem so controlled. She was sure the compulsion helped, but it felt like something more too. Maybe she didnât really want to know, but she was curious, she couldnât help that.
Santana arched a brow at Daniâs question. How the hell was she supposed to answer that? If she told the actual truth, she would never look at Santana the same again. She might not ever want to even be around her ever again. Luckily, Santana was good at bending the truth to work in her favor. âJust stuff. Like, how to be a vampire or whatever. How to feed and compel and what to listen for so you donât kill or whatever. How to just like, keep my control so I donât hurt someone. You know stuff like that.â She shrugged. âYou have to lose control to be able to know how to keep control.â There, that was good. Vague, yet informative.
Dani nodded slowly. âGot it,â she said. She could understand that. If Rebekah had been able to help her, the details didnât matter. It was just good to see her keeping control. It was just good to see her, period, actually. Had the circumstances been different, she might have kissed her. But they were broken up, and Santana was a guy. âWell, Iâm glad youâre doing better,â she said, pressing her lips together and giving her another nod. She meant it sincerely, but she shifted awkwardly on her feet as she spoke. She couldnât help it. This situation was awkward.
âYeah.â Santana said. âMe too.â God this was awkward and uncomfortable and Santana hated it. She just wanted things to go back to normal. Or as normal as things could be now that she was a vampire. She just wanted things with Dani to not be so weird and stilted and more awkward than she imagined sex with Finchel probably was. How the hell would that work anyway? A giant and a midget. Itâd be like all nose and limbs and yeah, why the hell was she thinking about this anyway? It was disgusting. âI miss you, Dani.â Santana said suddenly, tilting her head as she regarded the shorter blonde. She tentatively reached out her hand, trailing a finger over the girlâs cheek. âThink you can go back to not hating me? I hate thisâŚ.weird awkward whatever the hell it is between us.â
âI donât hate you, Santana,â Dani said, lifting her chin to meet Santanaâs eyes. âBut Iâm not gonna play this game with you. If you canât handle being friends with an ex-girlfriend, thatâs your choice, but you need to tell me. Because Iâm not going to take any back-and-forth bullshit. I donât have the patience for that.â Honestly, she thought Santana was saying this because she felt guilty for the way sheâd behaved when Dani reached out to her. And she didnât want that. She didnât want a friendship with her ex-girlfriend borne of guilt.
Santana let out a heavy sigh. Friends. Dani wanted to be friends. Thatâs not what Santana wanted, but it really didnât seem like she was getting any other choice. âItâs not that I donât want to be friends with you, Dani. I justâŚâ How was she supposed to explain this? How was she just supposed to admit she was basically a selfish bitch that wanted both girlfriends and they should just be cool with that? âI want more than that. But I want both. Iâm not gonna lie and say I donât. Iâve tried to be honest about this whole fucked up situation since you got here.â She had too. Sheâd told Dani immediately about Quinn, it had only been fair. âBut, I get it, okay? Thatâs not cool with you and itâs not cool with Q either. If it was me, I probably wouldnât be either. So, if you wanna be friends or whatever, then yeah, we can do that. Iâd rather be your friend than like, nothing at all. You know?â
âI know.â Dani sighed, raking her hands through her long blonde hair and taking a seat on one of the chairs set out on the porch. She knew Santana wanted more; she wanted more too. But she couldnât stay in that sad semblance of a relationship anymore, and Dani was a take-charge kind of person. She wasnât going to just go around twiddling her thumbs. It was a hard decision, but it was one that had to be made, so sheâd made it. As much as she hurt, she just hoped it benefitted both of them in the long run. âIâd like to be friends, Santana. But if youâre gonna go back on it and get pissy about it again, I canât. Iâve had enough drama with this whole thing, especially with your bitch of a girlfriend.â Usually, she wouldnât say something quite so harsh about someone she barely knew. But in her experience, Quinn was a bitch. Even Kurt had said that if she was on Quinnâs bad side, the other girl would destroy everything she loved. She could not be on the other side of a relationship with someone like that.
âCome on, D, donât be like that.â Santana said, to Daniâs comment about both her and then Quinn. It wasnât like she didnât know Quinn was a bitch, she was, Santana was too, if they were being technical. But Dani hadnât had a chance to get to know Quinn. To know Quinn like Santana did. Then again, she had a feeling she was privy to that side of Quinn Fabray for a whole different set of reasons that most people werenât going to have the same access to. âLook, Fabrayâs a bitch. Iâm not gonna deny that. But, so am I and you love me, right?â Santana smirked. Even with this face, the smirk was basically still the same. âBut letâs be honest here, why the hell do you think you two hate each other so much? Youâre both having to share all this. Itâs enough to make anyone all kinds of crazy.â She teased, that smirk never fading. It was true though, she was one hot piece and they both wanted her, she got it.
âI hate Quinn because sheâs given me no reason not to,â Dani corrected her, lifting an eyebrow. She didnât usually hate anyone. She was a chill, down-to-earth, friendly person. But she meant what sheâd said -- Quinn hadnât given her any reason not to hate her, even though she reached out not once, but twice, to try to befriend her. Maybe it was unfair, maybe she was being too judgmental, but she felt like she was in the right and nothing Santana said was going to change her mind.
But Santana wasnât really trying to defend Quinn. She was being her usual cocky, arrogant self, and a smile spread across Daniâs lips involuntarily. âYeah, yeah, whatever you say.â She wasnât entirely wrong. Dani did want her, and she did want her all to herself, but that wasnât the reason she hated Quinn. And she didnât really want her all this much in her condition. She gazed at this person with Santanaâs mannerisms and Santanaâs attitude and Santanaâs smirk, but she didnât really see Santana, the girl she loved. She saw a guy who she was only attached to because her girl was inside there, somewhere.
Santana could only imagine what Quinn had said to Dani. It wasnât that she was a big fan of this whole thing herself and she was a bit (see: a lot) jealous and had the tendency to be possessive. While sheâd asked Santana about whether or not she was still dating Dani, back before theyâd actually broken up, and threatened to start dating other people herself, she hadnât mentioned anything about talking to the other blonde. But it seemed theyâd talked, maybe even on more than one occasion. âLook babe, Iâm not saying to be BFFs with Quinn or anything, but she really is cool. I know it doesnât seem like it with whatever the hell happened with you two, but...yeah.â She wasnât really sure what to say there. It wasnât like those two were going to be friends and she got that.
That smile only made Santanaâs grow wider. She loved Daniâs smile. It had always given her all these nervous butterflies and that panicky, stinky sweat under her boobs. So, maybe that wasnât happening now, since those rambunctious twins that lived on her ribcage were currently MIA, but the fluttery feeling was there still. That wasnât changing. She really, really wanted to kiss Dani, but given that her girl was a 100% Sapphic Goddess, she knew there was no chance of that in this body. âSo, anywayâŚâ She said, the slight awkwardness returning. âWhatâs been going on? Howâve you been?â
Dani nodded. She was hearing Santana, but she wasnât sure she believed her. She wasnât seeing Quinn objectively; she was seeing Quinn as her girlfriend. Maybe Quinn was cool, Dani didnât know for sure. But her first impression told her otherwise, and first impressions were pretty hard to shake.
âIâve been busy,â she replied to Santanaâs questions. âIâve been working and I had to take Sam and Finn shopping for girlsâ clothes. It was definitely an experience,â she chuckled. âYou should have seen the looks we were getting. They were not, uh, subtle. At all. Everyone in earshot knew they were guys in girlsâ bodies.â
Santana couldnât help but laughing at the mental image of Finn and Trouty, in their new girl forms, shopping for clothes with Dani. âGod, I donât know how you did it. I wouldâve killed them.â She said, then paused. âYou know, not like, for real.. Just...metaphorically speaking or whatever.â She shrugged. That joke wouldnât hold the same weight as before. Besides, with the lack of sense of humor some of her so-called friends had these days, she had to apparently be careful what she said or they'd probably have those hunters staking her in a heartbeat. Awesome friends she had. Good to know how loyal they were. Whatever.
âThis stupid gender change or whatever the hell it is can be over anytime now. It was fun at first, but Iâm totally over it. I miss being a girl. Not that Iâm not super hot like this, but this has nothing on me as a girl.â Santana smirked, switching the conversation to something she knew much better; her own arrogance.
âYouâre way hotter as a girl,â Dani agreed, her eyes raking over Santanaâs body. It just wasnât the same. She was a full-on, 100% lesbian, and the male body had just never done anything. Even though she loved Santana, she still preferred her female. She couldnât help that. âAnd I knew what you meant. I know youâd never hurt anyone intentionally.â She smiled genuinely, reaching out to touch Santanaâs hand. She was becoming a little more comfortable, less snippy and annoyed. She had always been able to relax in Santanaâs presence, and now that theyâd kind of talked things out, she could again. âWanna come inside?â she asked.
Santanaâs mouth curved into an easy smirk at Daniâs comment, arching her brow as she looked at her. Of course she found her hotter as a girl, she wasnât into both, like Quinn seemed to be. But, hey, nothing wrong with that. Santana herself had gone through that phase too. But Dani, sheâd been the first full on lesbian Santana had dated and been with. It was pretty awesome, she had to admit. Not ever having to worry that her girlfriend was going to leave her for some guy. It always seemed to happen. Both times Brittany had cheated, broken up with her, whatever, sheâd gone running to guys. First Stumbles McCripplepants and then Trouty Mouth. It was a total insult. But whatever, she wasnât ever gonna have to worry about that and she honestly had to say she was glad that headache was over.
At least Dani seemed to know Santana well enough to know she wouldnât ever really hurt someone intentionally, despite what sheâd become now. She was a vampire and it had been a horrible and difficult transition, but at least she knew she had a few of her friends on her side. It was lame, but she kinda needed that right now. So when Dani asked her if she wanted to come inside, Santana ran her hand over her short hair and nodded. âYeah, Iâd like that.â She said with a grin. She didnât really want to be âjust friendsâ with Dani, but right now thatâs all the blonde was offering and rather than not have her in her life at all, Santana decided she would just have to deal with it. Following Dani inside, Santana figured this was step one of learning to be her ex-girlfriendâs friend or whatever. It wasnât the step she wanted to take, but it was a positive step in what she hoped was a good direction. Only time would tell.