InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "SQUEE!"

Rachel Berry (shinessobright) wrote in portland_logs,
@ 2014-05-10 02:49:00

Entry tags:

finn hudson, rachel berry

Who: Rachel and Finn
Where: Their home
When: Tonight after this.
What: Talking
Status: Incomplete
Warnings: Nope

She didn't want to think about it anymore tonight. But as Finn was out in the living room, Rachel lay in bed and it just hammered in her head over and over and over. She didn't mean to take over so ... aggressively. She didn't mean to dismiss anyone's ideas. Or did she? She'd been wanting to do something for Santana and she did remember talking about it with Blaine and yes, she took his idea and molded it into something that she preferred and then spoke with Rebekah about it.

It wasn't vindictive, even if that's what it could look like. She could blame it on the fact that she hadn't auditioned for a single acting job since being in Portland, which left her with only her waitress job to pass her time during the day. Or she could blame it on the fact that she wanted something. Something big and special and it would be all because of her. But it wasn't. It was Blaine. It was all Blaine and she felt terrible after the fact. Of course, he didn't believe her. Why should he? It was so blatant.

"I don't want to talk about it."

She didn't look at Finn when he finally came to bed. She didn't actually think that he'd want to talk about this. He would just want to show up and celebrate, not actually plan it. No, that was reserved for her and Kurt. And Blaine. God. It was like every time she thought about it, her guilt intensified. She had to make it up to him. But giving it back to him, all of it, hadn't worked and now she'd have to think of something much more special and deserving.

"He's so angry with me."

And no, that wasn't an invitation to actually talk about it. Except it was and Rachel rolled on her side and looked at Finn as he turned toward her.

"I didn't mean to."

Which that was the truth. It wasn't on purpose, she just got carried away. At the time, she thought she was doing a great thing. Something that would bring them all together. She'd been hammering at Finn all week to think of the perfect song, but so far he hadn't come up with anything. She had a song already picked out. She was so ready and now ... now it just seemed like a distant fantasy that was never going to actually happen. Because the point was all of them being together for Santana and Kurt and Blaine were part of that in every way.

But now it would be put on hold until everyone was comfortable. She'd have to talk to Rebekah and let her know. At least it was a surprise and Santana had no idea that it was even going to happen.

"I still don't miss New York." She smiled then. Even with all of its dark days, Rachel Berry would take Portland over New York any day. As long as she had Finn, she knew she could get through anything.

(Post a new comment)

finny_bear
2014-05-12 05:26 pm UTC (link)

Finn was pretty irritated with Blaine -- but that wasn't unusual. The guy was a pain in the ass at best and a whiny little idiot at worst. Finn didn't like the way he talked to Rachel because she wanted to get this thing for Santana going. Sure, it had originally been Blaine's idea, but he had mentioned it once and never again. How was Rachel supposed to know he still wanted to go ahead? And why the hell did it matter? This was supposed to be about Santana not about Blaine getting his way.

So he was a little mad when he came up into the bedroom, and he knew Quinn was pretty pissed too, judging by the look on her face when she'd gone off into her bedroom. But he didn't think either of them were mad at Rachel. She was trying to do something nice and Kurt and Blaine had gone and ruined it. Again, not really unusual.

He could tell Rachel wanted to talk about it, even though she said she didn't, but he waited. He waited until she brought it up and made it clear by the way she was looking at him that she really did want to talk about it. He didn't mind. Talking about it was the best way to make everything right. He'd really learned that, especially lately. But before he could get a word out, she was smiling at him like that, and he smile back.

"I wish you could be there, though. I know I'm dead and everything, but...you're supposed to be on Broadway, you know?" He was grateful for the wormhole in a way, since he know he was dead back home and at least this place gave him the chance to be alive again. But it had taken Rachel away from Broadway an Funny Girl. Everything she'd ever dreamed of in exchange for this weird place that turned people into vampires -- both permanently and temporarily.

"Don't worry about Kurt and Blaine, okay? They're being stupid." They were always stupid. "You're trying to do a good thing, Rachel. Just focus on that."

(Reply to this) (Thread)

shinessobright
2014-05-13 12:55 am UTC (link)

"I'm supposed to be here with you." She meant that with all her heart and soul. She wouldn't have it any other way and she knew that she reminded him all the time, but it was still so life changing. Much like Santana's transformation. Santana was supposed to be dead, but she was alive - as a vampire and Finn, he died and now he was here. Rachel never wanted to let him go. She'd never want to go back to New York unless he was there with her and since that couldn't happen, this was her New York, right here and looking back at her. Her dream was laying in front of her telling her not to worry about it and it was all going to be okay. She couldn't ask for more.

"I just feel terrible. I took his idea and totally made it my own." She frowned. "And it was going so well." In her head. "I had spoken to Rebekah, I had a day set, a venue, you and I were thinking of songs." She smiled sadly and shrugged as she moved on her back. She wanted to put it off and she would, she just wasn't telling Finn that right now. Because he would be so angry with her. What if Santana wasn't ready? What if she did show up and try to eat Blaine or Kurt. She'd never forgive herself, much like there were parts of her that she couldn't forgive when she lost Finn. Wasted chances. They spent too much time apart when they knew that they belonged together.

"They're not stupid, they're hurt." She turned her head, looking at him. "Maybe they'll come around. Maybe they won't be so scared. It is different. I mean, I did try and kill you a couple of times and I love you. Can you imagine Santana?" She smiled, trying to ease some tension. Santana did seem calm when Rachel talked to her, but Rachel could understand why. It must be so lonely being without friends and stuck in a home with vampire's that you've only met a couple of months ago.

How was that easy?

(Reply to this) (Parent)