Santana Lopez is also known as Snixx (holysweethell) wrote in portland_logs, @ 2014-08-03 12:25:00 |
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Entry tags: | dani harper, santana lopez |
Who: Santana Lopez & Dani Harper
Where: Their house
When: Shortly after this log, super early morning, July 30th
What: Trying to deal with Santana’s guilt
Status: Complete
Warnings: Blood, talk of death
It was well past one o’clock in the morning, and Dani couldn’t sleep. She and Santana had been fighting for the most of the day, well into the evening, and no matter how many times she tried to make peace, it somehow turned into yet another fight. She was just trying to protect Santana. This whole Enzo debacle was too much for her; she was doing well, but she had still only been a vampire for a few months, and she only possessed so much control. Dani had been doing her research, and she knew about the blood lust (first hand on that one) and the heightened emotions. While she couldn’t deny the perks of the heightened senses, speed and strength, it was the emotional side that concerned her most. Santana was a pretty emotional person before she became a vampire, and heightening that was only going to be harder on her. She wished Rebekah had just handled this herself. She was the one who had chosen to compel Enzo, so why should it be Santana’s decision to take it away? It didn’t make any sense, and frankly, it pissed Dani off. It was just too much pressure.
She had been texting Santana since the Teardrop closed, at just after eleven o’clock, but she’d gotten no response. Every text she sent was ignored, even the phone calls she made rang through to voicemail. She didn’t like this, but what was she supposed to do? She liked to act like she was fearless, but knowing there were vampires out and about at night scared her. She knew most of them had daylight rings, so they could just as well be out during the day, but the sunlight still comforted her. Even the dumbest of vampires wouldn’t come after someone in broad daylight, she hoped. She wondered if that was what was holding Santana up. Had she hurt someone, killed them? The thought made Dani’s stomach drop. She knew it was in Santana’s nature now, but if she had… killed someone, Dani didn’t know what she’d do. She didn’t know if she would be able to support her, so she prayed to God it wasn’t that.
When the door finally opened, Dani stood up and waited as Santana entered, arms crossed over her chest. And then she took in the sight of her blood and dirt caked clothes, and her anger faded into fear. “What… What happened?” she asked weakly, staring at her girlfriend with frightened eyes.
Once Santana had broken the kiss and Rebekah had assured her it wasn’t even an issue, she let her guide her to the car and even drive her car back to the Teardrop. Grabbing her stuff, Santana looked down at her phone she’d left behind and sighed as she saw the numerous missed calls and texts from her obviously worried girlfriend. It wasn’t like Santana to not respond to Dani, even when she was mad, she would still reply, even if just to be a bitch. So the fact that she’d gone several hours now without a single answer, she could imagine had left Dani in almost as near of a panic as she’d been when she’d called Rebekah earlier.
Saying goodnight to Rebekah, who encouraged her to go on home to her girlfriend and assured her she would stay behind and finish up anything that needed tending to, Santana slid behind the wheel of her car once more. This time, she wasn’t driving far out of Portland to bury someone, to cover up a death she’d caused, but to drive home. To her girlfriend and her pathetic attempt at normalcy. But nothing was normal for her anymore. Nothing ever would be again.
Parking her car in front of their house, Santana sat there for a few more minutes, her head laying back against the headrest. She wished her Mami were here, to hold her and sing soft Spanish lullabies to her and tell her everything would be okay. Santana wondered if her mother would still be as accepting of the vampire thing as she’d been with the lesbian thing. Or would she disown her like her abuelita had? She was a monster now, a true one now, more so than the so called one she’d been in high school, tormenting those she considered less than her. She was a murderer. She’d taken an innocent life in a moment of weakness and loss of control. How did these other vampires deal with this? Maybe she just needed to suck it up and deal with it, pretend she was fine, push it down and go on like everything was okay. Santana had plenty of practice with that, why couldn’t she do it now? Maybe she could, once she’d processed it all.
Finally, she climbed out of her car, grabbing her bag and making her way to the door. She’d long since taken her heels off and her feet were just as disgusting as the rest of her. The gorgeous dress she’d only bought a few days ago was blood soaked and covered with the dirt of the grave she’d dug, her hair, usually shiny and sleek, was dull and matted, caked with dried blood and more dirt, same with her bare arms and legs. Santana Lopez looked like she’d been through a war, or a zombie apocalypse and she had not come out looking like her usual smoking hot self, in fact, it was a curious sight to see that gorgeous girl she usually was hidden beneath the guilt, remorse and shame that lay smeared across her like battle wounds.
Santana looked up as she opened the door and stepped inside, keys in one hand, her bag and shoes in the other, and met Dani’s angry eyes. As her girlfriend took in the macabre sight before her, that anger in those dark eyes reflected the fear Santana felt wash over her and nearly smother her with its intensity. She dropped her bag and shoes, tossing her keys on top of the expensive purse and stepped over it. “Can you just unzip me? I really need a fucking shower.”
Dani was hesitant, still processing the sight of Santana before her. It wasn’t something you could take it with one look. You had to go piece by piece, take in first the hair, then her face, her neck and on and on. She looked like she’d just risen from the grave, like the vampires you read about in storybooks and saw in old movies, as opposed to the kind she actually was. Dani didn’t know if she could bear to be near her -- the smell and the sight were like an assault on her senses -- nevermind touch her.
Still, she breathed in deeply, letting it out slowly through her nose and moving in close. She didn’t speak, didn’t question what had happened any further. If Santana wanted to tell her, she would tell her; Dani wasn’t going to repeat herself, especially given the state she was in. It was obvious something had happened, something bad, which made Dani question if she even wanted to know. She carefully unzipped Santana’s dress, then reached up, pushing the straps off her shoulders to help her take it off entirely. “Maybe a dry cleaner can get this out,” she suggested softly.
Santana waited for the onslaught of questions from her girlfriend, but after the initial one, that she’d ignored in favor of help removing her dress, none followed. She was grateful for the help, for being able to get the dress off her body and as Dani pushed the straps down over her shoulders she had to peel it from her stomach area where it was dried to her skin by all the blood. Stepping out of it, Santana stiffened at Dani’s words. She wouldn’t ever be able to wear it again, it would only serve as a reminder of this horrible night. “No.” The brunette said quietly, shaking her head. “Burn it. Just throw it out, burn it, I don’t care.”
Dani’s eyebrows drew together. She wasn’t sure how to feel about this. Santana never, ever threw out a dress. Especially not one as pretty and expensive as this one had been. It had been practically brand new not long ago, and Dani thought it could be fixed, but she wasn’t really in a position to argue either. So she nodded, picking the dress up carefully and bringing it into the kitchen to put it in the trash can. “If you need to shower… you can go,” she offered. She wanted to talk, but well, Santana was a mess, and it was making Dani a little uncomfortable, honestly.
“I just need…” Santana was looking at Dani, but she wasn’t really looking at her, but more like through her. But she quickly looked away, she couldn’t meet her eyes, not after what she’d done. Santana was ashamed and her guilt was overwhelming. “I need to get all this off me. Do we have any bleach?” She tried to joke, but her sarcasm was off and flat and she wasn’t feeling it anyway. “Whatever, I’m going upstairs.” Santana said, turning to climb the stairs, she was afraid she was about to start crying. Again. God, she was pathetic.
Santana looked so wounded. It killed Dani to see her that way, and so she followed Santana upstairs. “Let me start a bath for you,” she offered, touching Santana’s shoulder. She didn’t want to push her to talk, but with how broken she seemed to be, the least Dani could do was try to take care of her. So, she turned on the water, making sure it was just the right mix of hot and cold and sat on the edge while it filled, reaching out to where Santana was seated on the toilet to hold her hand.
Santana knew it didn’t matter if she argued, Dani was going to do this whether she wanted her to or not. Given the night’s events, to be completely honest, Santana just really, really didn’t have the energy to argue with her about it. Instead she just sat down on the closed toilet and waited quietly as her girlfriend started running her a bath. Her eyes drifted down to the deep crimson staining her caramel skin and she squeezed her eyes shut only opening them as she felt the touch of a hand against her own. Santana didn’t pull away or really even move, she felt numb, almost in shock and so she just sat there, waiting as Dani grasped her hand. The water was nearly half full when Santana felt the tug at her hand and her girlfriend telling her to get in. Standing, Santana stepped out of her panties and allowed Dani to help her peel her bra off and into the bathtub. Sinking down into the hot water, she tried to ignore the way the water turned the red color as it faded from her skin.
Dani stayed silent while Santana sank down into the bathtub, doing her best to ignore the way her stomach turned when the water began turning a pinkish red. It was blood, there was no doubt in her mind about that. She must have been feeding and… something had happened. Dani knew she needed to know, that total honesty was needed to keep their relationship steady and stable, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She wasn’t sure if she could take it. So, she stayed where she was, being quietly supportive while Santana bathed.
Finally, Santana couldn’t take it anymore, she grabbed the loofah and lavender body wash and started scrubbing her skin clean. But, it felt like no matter how hard she was scrubbing, it wasn’t coming off. The blood was there, staining her perfect skin. She could still see it, so she kept trying to wash it off. Tears were in her eyes as she scrubbed harder and harder, practically scrubbing her skin raw. “It won’t come off.” She whispered, mostly to herself. “I can’t get it off.”
Dani’s heart broke as Santana began scrubbing harder and harder at her skin. Although she knew, ultimately, it wouldn’t do any damage, given the way she healed these days, it still hurt to watch, and Dani couldn’t stand for it. “Baby,” she whispered, moving forward and kneeling on the ground beside the tub. She reached out, taking the loofah carefully from Santana’s hands. “I need you to tell me what happened.”
As the loofah was gently pried from her hands, Santana finally looked up at Dani, who was kneeling by her with concern all over her face, asking what happened. “Isn’t it fucking obvious, Dani? I’ve got blood all over me, there’s blood in the water.” She laughed, it was empty and sarcastic. “I’m sitting in a literal fucking bloodbath right now. What do you think fucking happened? I killed someone.” Her voice cracked as she said it, but she tried to harden her face to repeat it. “I killed someone.” But it came out small and her voice cracked again and she bowed her head in shame. “I didn’t mean to.”
Dani had tried to convince herself that it was anything but that. Maybe she’d just gotten messy eating or hell, maybe someone had attacked her. But no. There it was. She had killed someone. Her girlfriend had killed someone. She probably should have expected it; she was a vampire, so it wasn’t that far out there anymore. But it was still kind of a shock to the system. “I’m sure you didn’t,” she finally responded. Santana wasn’t a killer. A bitch, yes, but not a killer. “Why don’t I… drain this?” she suggested. She pressed her lips together, taking a half second to brace herself before putting her hand into the tub to open the drain.
“Okay.” Santana said, watching as Dani reached into the reddish colored water and started letting the water drain from the bathtub. She sat there, watching as it got lower and lower before she finally broke the icy, uncomfortable silence between them. “I need to wash my hair, it’s in there too. Blood and...dirt.” She frowned. This sucked, she knew Dani was judging her, that she was scared of her now. She could feel the fear, hear the hitch in her breath when she’d told her and the hesitation and the way her heartbeat changed.
“I’ll, uh. I’ll help,” Dani offered softly. She was a little scared, but she was trying to calm herself, remind herself that she trusted Santana and she had never hurt her before. Once the bathtub had drained, Dani began filling it again, reaching for the small pitcher they kept on the shower rack and began filling it up to rinse Santana’s hair as thoroughly as she could. And then she began washing her hair, trying to dig as deeply as she could without hurting Santana. Thankfully, it was mostly dirt, so while it was gross, it wasn’t making her sick to her stomach.
Santana just sat in the bathtub, hugging her knees to her chest as Dani washed her hair and started to rinse it out, the water sliding down the drain was dirty this time, barely any notice of the crimson tint to it. “You need to start wearing your necklace.” She said, not even turning to look at her girlfriend. Thankfully, Rebekah had compelled her and she wouldn’t hurt Dani, but she really felt this overwhelming need to make sure her girlfriend started wearing that necklace again. She didn’t want to take any chances. The last thing she wanted to do was have a slip up again and this time kill the girl she loved.
“Why? I trust you,” Dani said automatically. She wasn’t sure that was entirely true after Santana had just confessed to killing someone, but she had herself convinced it was different with them. Santana loved her too much to ever hurt her. Right? When she’d finished with Santana’s hair, she moved to the sink, running her hands under some warm water before pulling back, grabbing a towel off the hook for Santana as she started to step out of the bathtub.
Santana’s eyes closed as Dani immediately responded exactly how she knew she would respond. It was natural and automatic and while Santana had known Dani would argue her on it, or insist she trusted her, she had a backup plan. Something she hadn’t wanted to do, but she was going to have to. Stepping out of the bathtub, Santana took the towel and wrapped it around her body, tucking it in between her breasts. “Dani.” She said, her hand pushing a clump of her wet, dark hair out of her face. She waited for her shorter girlfriend to turn around and she caught her eyes and held the gaze. “You will wear that vervain necklace I got you. No matter what, you will wear it at all times and not take it off. You’re going to go find it and put it on right now, okay?”
Dani had just turned to dry her hands, but when Santana said her name, of course she turned around to face her again, and she was mesmerized by her, just listening to the soft sound of her voice, looking into those gorgeous eyes she loved so much. And when she’d finished speaking, all Dani could do was nod. “Sure,” she murmured. “I’ll go get the necklace.” She always kept it in the kitchen drawer where she left her house keys, so she’d remember to put it on when she left for work. And so, without another word, she moved out of the bathroom and downstairs to get it, latching it around her neck herself. She knew Santana wouldn’t want to, because it stung when she touched it.
Santana frowned, watching as Dani obeyed and disappeared from the bathroom to do what she’d been compelled to do. She watched as she descended the stairs and once she had gone out of her sight, Santana turned to look at herself in the mirror. She stared at her reflection for a few long seconds, her frown growing deeper as she looked at herself. As she, in her new opinion of herself, stared into the eyes of a murderer. She’d killed that guy, with no regard to anything. It had been quick, simple even and in the heat of the moment, the new vampire hadn’t even cared what she was doing. She’d been angry, driven by erratic emotions, anger and a primal instinct. She was a monster now, a killer in every sense of the word. She stood there, hands grasping either side of the counter as she stared at herself until she couldn’t stand the sight of herself any longer and without warning, Santana drew back and punched her reflection in the face. The mirror shattered, slicing deeply into the flesh of her hand, a large sliver of the glass protruding from between her knuckles as she held it up to look at it. It hurt, but not as much as it should, not as much as she’d hurt him. She just stood there, staring at her blood covered hand, gashes from the glass healing quickly, aside from the big piece that was still stuck in there, deeply, a steady stream of blood pouring from it like a small, red river down her hand and arm, dripping down onto the shag carpet of the bath rug at her feet.
Dani was on her way up the stairs when she heard first a thump, then the sound of glass shattering. She hurried the rest of the way upstairs, stopping dead in her tracks as she took in the sight of Santana just standing there, motionless. A piece of the now broken bathroom mirror was lodged in the palm of her hand, and there was blood just pouring down her arm, dripping steadily onto the carpet Dani had so painstakingly picked out just a few days before. She licked her lips, tentatively stepping forward and grabbing a hand towel off the counter. She pried the piece of glass as gently as she could from Santana’s hand, watching as the cut -- which had seemed so deep a moment before -- healed instantaneously. She turned on the sink, guiding Santana’s still bloody arm under the water. She carefully scrubbed it clean and dried it, then looked up at her with a small smile on her lips. “Come lay down, sweetie,” she murmured. “You should rest.” It was the best she could muster up. She didn’t know how else to help, not with a situation like this.
Santana’s eyes didn’t move from her own hand as she heard the speed of her girlfriend’s heartbeat pick up as she reached the top of the stairs. She was mesmerized by the way the blood, this time her own, flowed so freely around that jagged piece of glass buried so deeply in her hand it actually had came out the other side. In through her knuckle and all the way out through her palm, blood pouring from both sides, staining the beautiful rug Dani had picked out. She finally did look up when she felt Dani’s hand on her arm, holding it while, with a hand towel wrapped around her own hand, she pulled the glass free from its new home in her hand. Santana stared, unblinking as the wound simply healed as if it had never even been there. Only the blood remained as a reminder of what had just happened and soon, thanks to her ever caring girlfriend, that was gone as well.
Rest was suggested and Santana just let Dani lead her into their bedroom, standing there so numbly as the shorter girl actually dressed her in a clean pair of panties, boxers and a tight black tank top. Santana stretched out on the bed as she was tucked in and she just laid there, staring into space. “I killed someone.” She said, quietly, her voice coming out small and very uncharacteristic of her usual self. Her dark eyes sought out Dani’s. “I killed someone.” The soft voice repeated, as if trying to believe it herself.
“You didn’t mean to,” Dani whispered, sliding her arms through the sleeves of a t-shirt before she slid into bed beside her girlfriend. She couldn’t understand this, she couldn’t relate, so she couldn’t comfort Santana properly, and she hated herself for that. All she could do was try to handle this, to let Santana vent and cry and do whatever it was she felt she needed to do. “You’re so good, baby. It was an accident, I know that.” And she did. Her fear had gone away, but her anxiety was still higher than usual. It wasn’t that she thought Santana would hurt her or anything like that, but this whole situation was just stressful. Seeing Santana walking through the front door bloody and dirty was stressful. Watching her cry and seeing her hurt was stressful. Because she couldn’t fix it; she didn’t know where to even begin to start.
“I did mean to.” Santana argued, hating herself for this whole situation. Hating herself for killing someone, for losing control, for crying, for everything. “In that moment, I meant it. I just…” There were those tears that made her look so weak and pathetic when she was anything but. “I wasn’t in the mood to deal with it and he just kept pushing me and he wouldn’t shut up and I just…” Her watery eyes met her girlfriend’s. “I lost it, Dani. I lost control and I...killed him. Right there in the alley. He just stared up at me with these…” Santana squeezed her eyes shut, seeing the guy’s eyes again. Would that haunt her forever now? Would she ever stop seeing it? “Dead, empty eyes. I just sat there, looking at what I’d done. I couldn’t move and I didn’t move until she got there. Until she came to fix it.”
Dani was on her side, watching Santana carefully as she spoke, reaching up to wipe the tears away when they started falling. She could imagine what Santana had seen, and she didn’t like it. She didn’t like to think of her girlfriend as a killer, even if… well, she was now. There was no changing that or going back. But she was so kind and sweet to Dani, and she loved her and wanted to protect her more than anything. Dani couldn’t reconcile the Santana she loved with the type of monster it would take to do this. She wanted to see them as two separate beings when, really, they were one and the same.
“She?” Dani questioned, her eyebrows knitting together. “Who? ...Rebekah? She helped you? How did she--” No. She stopped there, pressing her lips together and closing her eyes. She didn’t want to know. As long as they’d made it so Santana was safe, she didn’t want to know.
Santana hated the small, subtle change she’d seen in Dani’s eyes. It was small, almost insignificant, but she’d seen it, watched it flicker across those eyes that had always looked at her with more love than she’d ever witnessed in her whole life. But there it had been, this combination of fear and something else, maybe disgust or doubt that she could do this. The thought of losing her girlfriend made Santana’s stomach knot up even more and she didn’t know what she’d do if Dani left her or didn’t want to be with her. She couldn’t think about it though, not right now. She’d lost Quinn, if she lost Dani too, she wasn’t sure she could handle that.
“Yeah, Rebekah.” Santana nodded, pressing her lips together before continuing. “I...called her after it happened. I was freaking out and I didn’t know what to do so…” She shrugged. That had been the only logical thing to do.
“She helped you,” Dani filled in. She slid forward, tucking her head under Santana’s chin and gently rubbing her arm, trying to soothe her. She was glad for that. Rebekah clearly adored Santana, and she could understand the side of her that Dani didn’t. She couldn’t deny that she worried sometimes. Rebekah was unbelievably beautiful, and in comparison, Dani was just okay. Santana liked hot people, and Rebekah was a hot person. But she wasn’t focusing on that now. She was just focusing on the fact that Santana was alive, and Rebekah had fixed it as best as she could. All Dani could really do now was hope the hunters didn’t find out.
Santana wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s small frame as she pressed closer against her. She could feel that necklace pressing against her chest, luckily enough there was a barrier of fabric between it and her skin, but Santana wanted to feel it, burning into her flesh and punishing her for what she’d done. “She had to, I was a pathetic freaking mess. I panicked, I didn’t know what to do, or how to fix it and I knew she would.” Santana closed her eyes again, the boy’s face greeting her as she did. She quickly blinked them back open, if only to rid herself of that vision. “We got it cleaned up and…” Santana swallowed. “Taken care of.”
“That’s… good,” Dani tried, a small smile flickering over her lips as she looked up at her girlfriend. She pressed a tender kiss to her cheek before snuggling against her chest again. “I’m so sorry you have to deal with this,” she said softly. “I wish there was more I could do… to help.”
“I just let everything get to me and then...this guy he just wouldn’t shut the fuck up.” Santana started to explain. Dani hadn’t exactly asked her to tell her what happened and she wasn’t planning on giving out super graphic details or anything, but she wanted to tell her. At least some of it. She didn’t want to hide anything from her girlfriend, she’d been more open and honest and truthful with Dani than she’d ever been with anyone. “He wouldn’t listen, even when I pretty much freaking warned him. He just kept running his mouth, kept making those…comments and I just….lost it. I completely lost any and all control I had and in a matter of seconds...just seconds, he was laying there, all contorted and...dead, staring up at me with those eyes. There was so much blood, I was covered in it. What I didn’t...drink, I was wearing. It was everywhere, Dani.” The tears had returned as she explained, going into much more detail than she’d meant to. “Fuck, I’m sorry, babe, I shouldn’t have told you all that... God, I just...I should go. Sleep downstairs or maybe go somewhere else. You’re not safe around me, Dani. You’re not safe with me. I can protect you from everything but the one thing you need the most protecting from.” Santana said quietly. “Me.”
Dani’s stomach clenched as Santana went on to explain just what had happened tonight. She hadn’t been sure she could take it, if she could hear details. While a part of her wanted to stop Santana as soon as she started, she didn’t. Santana needed to talk about it, and as her girlfriend, Dani wanted to be there for her, to listen even if it pained her. And she could tell Santana was sparing her the gorier details, so she could at least be thankful for that. It did make her nervous, and it did make her see Santana in a way she never had before, she didn’t want her to go. If anything, she wanted the opposite. “Santana, I trust you,” Dani said firmly, pushing up onto her elbow to look down into Santana’s eyes. “I trust you,” she repeated. “You’re sleeping right here, with me, in our bed. I won’t feel safe without you.”
“What if that…” Santana paused, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head. “What if that had been you, Dani? It could’ve easily been.” She tried to convey how serious she was. “What if I’d killed you?” She liked to think she would never hurt her, not like that, but what she’d done to that guy she would’ve never expected either. She’d not been in control of any part of herself. “I could have!” She pressed her lips together in a firm line, eyes searching Dani’s. “I still could. What if...Dani, you’re not safe with me. I’m scared I’ll hurt you.”
“You won’t hurt me,” Dani whispered, stroking Santana’s cheek with her forefinger. “You would never hurt me.” She knew that, in her heart, but she could never seem to get Santana to believe it the way she did. It didn’t matter if she’d been terrified of the girl not an hour ago. Deep down, it was still Santana, the girl she loved, and Dani was sure that girl would never, ever hurt her. She would hurt herself before she’d hurt Dani. “I’ve shown you that,” she whispered, touching a fading scar just below her collarbone. “I can show you that again.”
Santana’s eyes followed Dan’s fingers as they traced over one of the scars she’d left on her beautiful skin. Yet another reminder of the monster she was, biting her girlfriend, feeding on her on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times a day, depending on the circumstances. She could only imagine how many scars she’d left on Dani’s gorgeous body and it made her frown at what she’d done. Even if it had been insanely hot, and either happened during or led to some seriously amazing sex. “No.” Santana whispered, shaking her head. “Dani, no. I can’t take that chance, it’s too dangerous!”
“I trust you,” Dani insisted, pressing a soft kiss to Santana’s lips. This was the only thing she could think of to assure Santana that she was in control. Tonight, she had been overwhelmed, probably due in part to arguing with Dani and having so much pressure put on her shoulders by her sire. But ordinarily… Yes, sometimes, she could get a little overzealous, but she had never once really seriously hurt Dani from taking too much. Usually, she was amazingly controlled.
“You shouldn’t.” Santana whispered, rolling over onto her back and looking up at the ceiling. So many times she’d fed from her girlfriend, she’d been able to stop, she’d never taken too much blood or hurt her. There had been a few times that she’d struggled with it, that she’d nearly gone too far, but she’d managed to stop, to keep from killing Dani. Sometimes she’d hurt her a little more than usual, she’d get a little too rough, leave bruises to accompany those fang marks, but she’d never crossed that proverbial line she put in place. Even if sometimes that line got pushed further than it should. Even if sometimes the only thing that got through to her, that got her to stop, was Dani’s voice pleading with her to stop, or whispering her name so helplessly it snapped her out of it. It was a dangerous, dangerous game they both got off on, Santana couldn’t deny that, but it had to stop. Before it went too far. No matter how bad she wanted it, even now, just thinking about it made her tingle with that anticipation, set her entire body on fire just thinking about the fire they were playing with by doing what they did. “You just...shouldn’t.”
Dani knew she had a habit of romanticizing what happened when Santana fed from her. It was sexy, in a bad, dangerous way. She knew there were times she had to beg for Santana to stop because she could feel her heart slowing and the life just fading out of her. But she would say and do whatever she could to make Santana feel better. This was all she had to offer her, and now she was turning her away. Dani knew it was stupid, but she couldn’t help feeling the tiniest sting of rejection. “But I do,” she said softly. “Please.”
There was this stirring in Santana that never failed to come alive when Dani begged her like that and that wasn’t just some vampire thing either; she’d been turned on by that even as a human. But there was something different about this, having her sweet, kind girlfriend beg so hard for something so bad, so dangerous was a serious, serious fucking turn on. It made her ache and want Dani more than she already did, made her need her like she’d never needed anything or anyone. But she couldn’t, not now, not after what happened tonight. “Dani…” Santana said, her voice coming out a strained whisper, her struggle evident. “No. We can’t. I can’t. I don’t want to risk what might happen.”
Dani nodded, a soft, half-smile touching her lips. She had tried, but Santana was just so pitiful right now. She was scared and upset, but she was stubborn as ever. Dani knew when to give in gracefully instead of continuing on and coming off more pathetic than ever. “Okay,” she agreed. “But you’re staying here, with me, in our bed. Understand?” She smiled, more genuinely, at Santana’s nod and settled down into her arms. She was so warm and soft and just clutched onto Dani like she was terrified if she let go, she’d disappear. “I love you,” Dani assured her, warm breath gusting over Santana’s ear.
Santana was relieved that Dani was willing to let it go so easily, while she wanted it just as bad as she knew her girlfriend did, the risk was just too great. But, she did give in and agree to stay there, in their bed with her and as Dani settled into her arms, Santana clung to her tightly, she didn’t know what she’d do if she ever lost her. Plus, she was feeling the guilt of what had happened with Rebekah, which if you wanted to be technical, was kinda cheating if you really thought about it. Santana sure as hell wouldn’t want Dani kissing or feeling up any other girls, she’d have a trail of bodies to clean up if that ever happened. She didn’t want to keep it from Dani because if the truth ever came out, it wouldn’t be good and Dani would be doubly hurt for the act itself and for Santana keeping it from her. Maybe she should just tell her. But that thought was quickly forgotten as Dani’s warm breath hit her ear and sent a shiver down her spine and spreading out across her entire body. “Mmmmm.” She hummed out, clinging to Dani even tighter. “God, I love you too, Dani.”
Dani smiled, closing her eyes and nestling into Santana’s arms. It may have been an eventful night, and she knew they would have issues to deal with later, but she was content now. Santana had calmed and was staying here, holding her tight, and the exhaustion she’d been pushing aside was taking over. Dani would figure out how to make things right for her first thing in the morning.