Dissidia Final Fantasy, Warrior of Light/Squall, there are no happy endings, because nothing ends
Multi-part comment because it's oddly long. Not all that explicit, either. But I tried. :|
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Wrapped in solitude, surrounded by white and light and intangible little shreds of hope, it was all too easy to lose one's mind.
Maybe that was why, Squall thought, keeping his eyes shut tight and his breaths slow and even, hoping he could give at least a passable pretense of having fallen to sleep. Maybe that was why he'd finally stopped resisting, finally given in to the temptations of touch and taste and warm, slick skin on skin that promised to drive him to distraction, blocking away the thoughts that raced through his head until the only ones left were more, harder, faster and he didn't have to worry any more. Crystals, fighting, gods and goddesses and tales of a conflict without end - for a short time, all of it had vanished and he'd finally felt at peace until reality came crashing back down on him, somewhere in between the most exquisite pleasure and the slow return of outside sensation. Sticky-wet with sweat and release and the lingering remains of biting little kisses, all too clearly aware of the heavier body that rested atop his and the finely-trembling hand threaded into his hair, he'd tried so desperately to push the thoughts away again but they'd stubbornly stayed and he found himself tasting bitter regret on the back of his tongue.
Had it really had to end? To leave him quaking and broken, lying beneath the Warrior of Light on Cosmos' very own throne, and wishing that he could step back a moment in time to the point he'd actually felt whole again?
It almost made him want to cry.
He wasn't sure whether he was glad or sorry, now, that they hadn't remained like that - that they'd shifted apart and gotten more comfortable, strong arms wrapping themselves tight about his waist as he curled on his side and feigned exhaustion in the hopes of being spared any post-coital conversation, even as silence threatened him with its stifling cloak and made him feel like screaming just to rend it to shreds. He resisted the urge as best he could, setting his teeth to the inside of his lip in the hopes the pain would provide some distraction, but the quiet only pressed down thicker still and he suddenly felt as if he were suffocating. Perhaps it was fitting, to have his breath stolen away by this little splinter of time, where he really didn't need to worry but without something else to focus on he couldn't help himself; the absence of distraction simply brought all those nagging little demons back into his head, swirling faster and faster through his brain and he thought that maybe he was going to scream now, the sound welling up so quickly it took all his effort not to gag on it--
"You're trembling."
--snap - and his cheeks flushed vivid crimson as the concerned voice at his ear, completely unfooled by his pretense of slumber, brought him back to reality again so quickly he thought he could hear himself break free of the quiet and he took a sharp, gasping breath. "...Too quiet," he offered finally, hoarsely, the whole explanation at the same time it just wasn't enough, turning suddenly over before he knew he was going to move and burying his face against the closest thing that would hide it, the still-damp and soothingly warm curve where neck met shoulder proving itself more than capable of hiding the surroundings from his helpless eyes. "...Felt like screaming. Don't want to think any more. I - wish we hadn't stopped." He felt as though he was choking on the last sentence, but it slid free of his lips before he even had time to wonder whether he'd regret admitting it so openly, and he was sure he had to be turning redder still as he waited nervously for the reaction. Maybe it was too much, maybe he wasn't supposed to say such things, it was just a one-time pity fuck so the both of them could lose themselves for a little while and those kinds of things were better suited to something ongoing, weren't they?
Maybe he was just an idiot who couldn't hold his tongue when he needed to the most.
A slow breath, then quietly at his ear - "It isn't simply being alone that you fear - but being alone with your thoughts."