orbit orbit orbit (piratesword) wrote in pirateshiped, @ 2007-12-19 05:46:00 |
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Entry tags: | draco malfoy, harry potter, harry/draco, hp, r, slash |
FIC: and the water runs red
Title: and the water runs red
Pairings/Rating: Harry/Draco, R
Summary: the voices inside your head are never quiet and are always talking to you and they tell you things that you don't understand so you decide that you must write them out because maybe when you see them they will finally make sense to you.
Warnings: Angst, blood, character death, insanity, implied abuse at a mental ward, self mutilation.
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: The way this is written is intentional. I do, in fact, know my alphabet. And I know where my CAPS key is. And, yes, I know when to use punctuation. :) I was watching Quills, which inspired this. Thanks to sioniann for the beta.
A/N 7/2/06: srta_mizuki has translated this story into Portuguese.
a.
you aren't sure if it is possible to count them all but you try anyway because you think that counting the brightshining stars is the only thing that keeps you sane.
g.
the healers laugh at you and tell you that you were never sane to begin with.
m.
sometimes when you are sitting alone alwaysalwaysalwaysalone in your room, you stare at the ceiling, and swear you can remember things. what you remember never makes sense to you because it's nothing more than fragmentspieces of something bigger, something important that makes the doctors and other patients look at you with something you rather think may be fearhate in their eyes.
s.
when you close your eyes you see green eyes.
y.
friday is how you mark your week. it is the only day you keep track of because on friday the crazy lady visits you. you don't recognize her but then again you don't even remember your own name so maybe you did know her once. she rambles on about nonsense things like crumple-horned snorkacks and thestrals and blibbering humdingers and these things bore you because you aren't sure what they are, but you listen to her anyway because sometimes she'll give you shypained smile and say 'harry never wanted it to be this way' and you don't knowremember who harry is but you know she must be right because when she speaks you feel something other. than. pain.
b.
you watch the healers during the day. your eyes follow each and every one that comes across your path and when you see them holding their sticks (wands?) you feel your fingers itching to curl around a not-so-familiar piece of wood you knowfeel you once must have had.
h.
when the stars are not out and the sky is clear you recite the alphapbet because it makes you feel safe because you think that you remember that the green eyes used to do that when he lay in bednexttoyou when you had nightmares.
n.
there is a woman in the same ward as you who collects wrappers. every day a brown-haired man comes and sits with her and they count her wrappers together. you don't know why but this makes you jealous and so you steal her wrappers one day when she is out on her walk and hide them under your mattress and in the middle of the night you stare stare and stare at them and wonder why it is that nobody will share their wrappers with you?
t.
the voices inside your head. the voices inside your head are never quiet and are always talking to you and they tell you things that you don't understand so you decide that you must write them out because maybe when you see them. maybe when you see them they will finally make sense to you.
z.
you realize you don't have any ink.
c.
the patients in your ward are not allowed to have sharp objects, so you make use of what you already have.
i.
they wash your sheets twice a week and the water runs red. so instead you write your story on the walls stroke by stroke by stroke by strokestrokestrokestrokestroke. and when they wash the walls the water runs red.
o.
the matron is healing the cuts across your arms. and wrist. and legs. and chest. she gives you a sharpscared look and tells you not to do it again and you nod only to make her stop talking. and all the while you are wondering where you can write. where you can write. where you can write.
u.
when you behave and sit still and finally stop writing they sometimes let you go outside. you wander around aimlessly and avoid staring at the trees and the grass because the colour of them reminds you of greenbright eyes and that disturbs you. instead you focus your gaze on the sky and you stare and you stare and you wonder to yourself what it would be like to fly.
d.
you think that perhaps the woman has finally realized her wrappers are gone because she is screaming and screaming and screaming. you can hear the healers trying to calm her and you can hear things hitting the wall and you can hear her screaming and the healers telling her to be quiet and you swear you can hear the crack of her skull against the floorjustlikegreeneyes.
j.
you think you remember that night when you are huddled in your bed, afraid to make a sound because he healers might come after you next, that you and green eyes had had a fight.
p.
you want to write again because you know the truth about the woman with the wrappers and you want to tell the crying brown-haired man what really happened that night but you can't remember how to speak and your pillowcase is just too small and so you write again on your sheets and when the healers take them from you and wash them the water runs red.
v.
one day you are sitting outside on a bench and you can hear two people talking on the other side of the shrubbery. you glance at the nearest healer and see that they are ignoring you and so you lean over and you hear 'malfoy killed potter, you know' and you wonder idly if you ever knew either of them.
e.
the nightmares are occuring more and more now and sometimes you think that you just can't take it and you stay awake and you stare out at the sky and try to count the stars but it doesn't keep you sane.
k.
and the waters and rivers of egypt ran red.
q.
when you close your eyes you see green light and it reminds you of green eyes and so you curl up and stare at the wall that is not green and will yourself to forget.
w.
you write about green eyes the next day. you write about how he met the green light and how everything is greengreengreengreengreen. and when they throw your clothes in the wash the water runs red.
f.
you sit on your bed and stare at the covers that are now tinged pink and you think that maybe this malfoy was innocent?
l.
you see the brown-haired man sitting in a chair near a door. he looks sad and is staring into the wrapper ladys room. you don't like the look on his face so you take your stash of stolen wrappers and give them to him and when he smilesatyou you swear you can see green eyes smiling, too.
r.
the next morning, you hear the rumours that malfoy is to be executed for the murder of potter despite the fact that he is supposedly insane.
x.
malfoy killed potter runs over and over and over again in your head and you remember things but they don't make sense because you see a wolf and taste chocolate and don't know malfoy or potter and so you write things and you write them and you write them and you write them and when your tears fall the water runs.
red.