LMoM: The Diary of a Death Eater Whore, Part 4 (SS/RL) Title: The Diary of a Death Eater Whore 4/31 Rating (this chapter): NC-17 Pairing, all-over: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape Pairings, this chapter: Remus/Severus Kink(s): alpha!Remus, bdsm, wandplay Challenge: LMoM 2008 Word count: 5,000 Link to all chapters: here. Notes: Beta by the lovely envinyatar15 and wonderful red_day_dawning. Summary: Severus Snape returns to a post-war wizarding world without the Dark Lord. No matter the Dark Lord died, his followers still won the battle and the power to rule. In this new world, former Order members are forced to get by as best they can - those who haven't escaped - even if the occupation is not to their liking. Some have even become quite successful and sought after - like the infamous Remus Lupin. The question is: will this new world order make it impossible for love to develop and grow between two such different people as a Death Eater spy and a paid man, a werewolf whore?
Severus wondered whether he was going insane. It was a theory he wouldn't entirely dismiss, since working so closely with Lucius and some of the other high-ranking Death Eaters had stretched Severus' patience thin to the limit of snapping. Some of them were annoying enough to drive him bonkers. Lucius hadn't, however, done too badly, but there were indeed one or two of his closest employees who needed to be... not employed. Severus had had it. He shook his head, left Lucius' office, informing Lucius that it was Sunday, and he had expected to have the day off.
Severus went outside. He needed air, needed to walk the restlessness out of his body. One step took another as he - hidden by a charm - walked through the Muggle streets, from Kings Cross, along Regent's Park to Bayswater. How he suddenly appeared to be standing outside the house he had sworn he would never go back to was quite incomprehensible.
Looking at the dark house, so vastly different from when Lupin and Oliver had their office hours, Severus wondered what Lupin was like when he wasn't working. If he was exactly as short-tempered and dominant as Severus had experienced him two days ago. Maybe it had just been a rare bout of anger. Or maybe Lupin had really changed? Severus admitted to himself that he was tainted by his former occupation as a spy. So he was curious about Lupin. Very curious. His sudden growing comprehension of Oliver and Lupin's situation hadn't made the curiosity lessen. The only thing that made Severus slightly anxious was that he couldn't put a finger to what it was that made him unable to stay away. He hated Lupin. Why this interest in his person? Severus didn't understand.
So, for the fourth time in just as many days, Severus Snape was standing outside a high-class brothel asking to be let in. The House-elf who opened the door was the same that had denied him access last time, or so he thought.
'I want to see Mr Remus Lupin,' Severus demanded in a tone that didn't leave room for refusal. 'Now.'
'Folly will fetch Mr Wood,' the elf said, and disappeared. Maybe someone had instructed it not to debate with visitors, especially visitors who were Severus Snape. Some minutes passed before Oliver appeared. He was wearing a dirty Quidditch uniform and his hair was messy, as if he'd just come home from a game.
'I didn't think you would return,' Oliver said, without preamble. 'You seemed to understand.'
'I do. I think I do,' Severus replied, uncharacteristically subdued. 'I am not here to... I have come to ask Mr Lupin if he could spare half an hour to talk to me.'
Oliver sent Severus a small smile. 'I wouldn't count on it. It takes something to make him angry, a task you managed beautifully. But since you are asking this politely, I think you already know that.'
Severus didn't say anything. Oliver had a point.
'I'll ask. But don't get your hopes up.'
'Thank you, Mr Wood.'
'Oliver. After all you've had your cock down my throat. It somehow constitutes some kind of familiarity between us.' Oliver grinned and sent Severus a wicked smile. 'I wasn't acting when I said I had fantasies about you in school. That one was the real thing. If it hadn't been for Quidditch, I'd have made sure to have detention with you at least twice a week.' Oliver winked and ran up the stairs, showing exactly how fast and fit he was, leaving a scent of sun and sweat lingering in the air.
Severus had the decency to blush.
It took about ten minutes before Oliver returned. His face was serious. Severus assumed Lupin had denied to see him. Well, at least he had tried, which was more that could be said about the idiotic werewolf. Severus huffed.
'He says,' Oliver said, 'that you know the conditions already. He agrees to see you, but,' Oliver paused as if he was repeating something in his mind, 'only if you are willing to agree to them. Otherwise you'll have to leave.'
Severus considered his situation for a moment. He had to see Lupin, and if Lupin wanted to play rough, Severus could manage. After all he had endured the Dark Lord's Cruciatuses and torture. If Lupin thought he could get back at Severus by making him his slave, he'd be the wiser very soon. Nevertheless, Lupin seemed to have grown a spine, and well... curiosity killed some cats, but not this one. Severus nodded. 'Tell him I accept,' he said, stubbornly.
Oliver just stared. 'You are aware...'
'Aware of what, Wood?' Severus snapped.
'Just be careful. He is not the same calm person you knew a decade ago, and whatever it is you have promised him, he's going to take it. The wolf makes him, er- impatient.'
'Fascinating. It is not as if I can't handle the puppy.' Severus didn't like the way Oliver looked, but he was sure Lupin wouldn't be a problem. They just needed to talk, that was all.
'Please, Professor. Moony has an... unpleasant appointment tomorrow, and he is not in a good mood. Promise me to tread carefully.'
No matter Severus had promised Oliver Wood he could handle Lupin, he realised he might not be able to keep that promise. Oliver was right. Remus Lupin had changed. Severus knew that already, but any doubts were eradicated as soon as Severus opened the door to Remus Lupin's flat. It wasn't the room Lucius and he had visited. This was obviously Remus' private flat. It reflected the man as Severus knew him before, though: furnished with sturdy mahogany pieces, bright, lively colours and a few paintings, some of which even seemed to be Muggle. Lupin sat in a low, modern sofa, legs up, dressed in Muggle jeans and nothing else. His hair was tied back in a pony-tail. For a brief moment, Severus wondered how it would feel to loosen the ribbon and run his fingers through the shiny hair.
Remus looked up when Severus walked in. 'Close the door, please.' he said softly. He hesitated, waiting until Severus had done so. The man looked slightly nervous. 'Oliver told you my conditions? That you were mine to do with as I please, if you choose to stay here?' Remus wanted to speak with Severus, ask him all the questions that had popped up since the former professor had visited the first time. Only Remus wouldn't have Severus treat him like a doormat. That time was long gone when Remus Lupin just took what was dealt. That was the only thing that had improved in the wizarding world. Werewolves were respected. Feared, yes, but still respected. Since half the Ministry's employees regularly ended up in Moony's bed, the notion that werewolves were no good had vanished slowly but surely. Some even seemed to appreciate the wolf's aspects. Often loudly, and in not so many words.
Speaking his mind, Remus said, 'Then you know what to expect. You either agree or leave, Severus. I am not your whipping boy any longer. What will it be?'
'Why?' Severus asked. 'What will it gain you to treat me... like that? I saw you with Lestrange. How little you... wanted to...' Severus had forgotten he shouldn't be here. He had forgotten he didn't want to participate in the wolf's idiotic games, and he had forgotten there was a time when he'd rather have died than to let Lupin touch him even with a ten feet pole. All coherent thought disappeared at the sight of the naked chest and the tight jeans and Lupin's confident pose. There was this annoying voice in Severus' head screaming, 'No!'. He ignored it. The only sounds he could recall in his mind was Lucius' pained cries and Lestrange begging for more. Severus wanted to know what the difference was between that and what Lupin demanded of him now. Severus wanted more of the rough wall and the wolf staring at him. What he didn't want was the knowledge that Lupin's eyes went dead and distant behind his back when... if... Oh god!
'Go away, Severus,' Remus said politely. 'I am sorry, but I am not talking to you if you are not agreeing to my conditions.'
Severus suddenly felt desperate. He had counted on a bit of fighting, a few explanations, and then try to give some kind of veiled apology and leave. This wasn't at all going the way he wanted it to. 'Please, Lupin? Just one question. I promise to leave if it is not...' Severus didn't know what to say. Lupin just watched him, looking jaded and tired; the professional mask slipping over his face again.
'Very well. One question. Why, you ask? Because you insulted me.' Remus' bored expression changed, and a look of longing replaced it. 'Because I want something... someone who knew me... before. Because you need to learn we sometimes have to do things we don't want to do - if you haven't already learned that lesson. Because I at times want pleasure given to me, not just taken from me.' Remus wasn't even sure he understood it himself. He felt hungry. Not for food, those times when he was willing to do anything for the next meal were forgotten. No, he was hungry for sex, for comfort, for tenderness. Food and Galleons he had, but the rest... he didn't count what was going on downstairs as sex. It was mere fornication. Work. He even had spells to fake a release. Severus... there was so much between them that this could never just be for Moony's talents in bed. Hate, yes. But it was still better than the sound of Galleons being dropped on a nightstand. It was true. Love and hatred... if he couldn't have one, the other would at least be true, without pretence.
'But... you hate me? And I most certainly hold-' Severus stopped. He realised the moment he had looked into Remus' eyes and seen emptiness had changed something in the way he regarded Lupin. Severus took a deep breath. What did he have to lose? Sex? It wasn't as if he'd had much of that before. Status? Hardly. Anybody of importance had been buggering Lupin, no matter it was mere business transactions. There wasn't that much to think about, apart from the inevitable humiliation of taking back twenty years of carefully nurtured contempt. And Severus could leave, if things didn't go the way he wanted them to. There was always that. Severus nodded. Maybe he needed this, because even if it felt wrong, it felt right too. Like a challenge. Maybe he had just missed living on the edge. 'All right, Lupin,' he said. 'I accept.'
'Good. And for the record, I don't hate you. I'd not have set conditions like these if I didn't want you to agree to them, Severus. Just so you know.' Remus smiled. Even if it wasn't close to full moon, he felt as if he was ready to crawl out of his skin. Usually, Oliver would have offered, just to bring a friend relief. But this was better, much better. The wolf wanted the fear and the arousal, and Remus... he wanted to search for that spark he had once felt. All in all, a pleasant deal. If Severus could be tamed a bit. 'Have you ever agreed to something like this... before?'
'Like practically being owned by somebody and jump when he tells me to?' Severus sent Lupin a wry smile. 'No, never. The Dark Lord and Dumbledore... they always asked me nicely.' Severus grimaced. 'What do you think, Lupin? Being at the Dark Lord's beck and call? This can't be half as bad. I trust you are not trying to either kill me or sacrifice me for the greater good or even get me a tacky tattoo? I am not going to do this, if you insist on tattoos.' Severus suddenly found an odd sense of humour in this. The situation was simply too absurd not to be amusing, at least a little.
'Not right away, no. I am not that fond of tattoos myself.' Remus had to pause to hold the wolf reined in. His brain tried to process the fact that Severus Snape had just agreed to be Remus' toy. It didn't make sense. However, he thought he had seen a need in Severus' eyes as he had him pressed up against the wall, and there had been no doubt how Severus' body had reacted to being handled roughly. But that the man actually had the bollocks to allow himself to give in to it - that was impressing Remus more than anything else Severus could have done or said. Nine years was a long time, and it had been a long time, too, since Remus was easily impressed or intimidated with anything or anyone.
'Do I have any say in this at all?' Severus asked calmly. It was as if a feeling of relaxed contentment had settled over him. It felt as if he had given in to a long dormant craving he had been suppressing for years; the need to be ruled and still be his own person. He didn't have to decide for himself when he was here, didn't have to worry (much), just do what Lupin told him to. If he was to judge by what he had seen until now, it wouldn't be that awful.
'No. If you decide to leave before I say you can go, you will not be allowed to return. That is the only choice you have,' Remus told Severus firmly. There would be no testing of limits in that direction. 'Do you understand?'
'I am not a retarded idiot, Lupin. I am very much capable to understand a simple sentence.' Severus was sneering. What did Lupin think he was?
'Good.' Remus' mouth pursed in an arrogant smile; a quite uncharacteristic expression, even for the jaded werewolf. 'Then I suggest you get over here and kneel in front of me.'
'Have you gone nuts? Not in a mil-'
'Severus. Now! You do not want the wolf to fetch you.' Remus could feel the beast inside him wanting out, wanting to rip and tear and take and dominate. Remus agreed wholeheartedly, he just preferred a slower pace. Remus shifted on the sofa, straightening up. 'Come here.'
There was something in Lupin's voice that made Severus' body react. Fear of the wolf that Lupin threatened to unleash, of course. But it was as if a flush of pleasure flashed through Severus, too, making lower parts of his body wake up. Merlin, if Lupin could make Severus hard just by talking to him. Oh bloody hell! Severus took a step - maybe one of the hardest he had taken in his life. Did he really want this, Lupin's dominance? To give up himself to a man he didn't know, didn't like, didn't want? The answer was yes. Severus was no coward, and he hadn't had a decent challenge for years.
Severus took another step, then another. It seemed as if this dominant Lupin had a way to overrule any sensibility Severus had ever been in possession of. Severus' heart was pounding as he took the final step and paused before he sank down on the floor, gracefully. The carpet was soft, and so were Lupin's amber eyes, not at all like the empty expression he had when he was... working.
'Good,' Remus said. 'I think you may have a reward. Oliver tells me you like it rough. Is that true?' Not that Remus really was in doubt, because Severus would never have reacted the way he had done in the hall, not to mention now, had he not had a desire for 'rough' and 'dominant' and 'hard'. As Severus hesitated, Remus' look became more feral. The wolf was not satisfied with the human's submission. 'Answer me,' Remus growled.
'What do you think, Lupin? I am letting you do this because I'm in love with you? Have you fucked your brains out already?' Severus glared up at Lupin. He was not going to stand for this a moment longer, no matter how aroused he was, or how tempting Lupin looked. He wasn't going to kneel, either. He put a hand on the sofa to get up, but didn't manage before Lupin had grabbed him hard and pushed him, face down, onto the sofa. Severus didn't manage as much as a word before Lupin was over him.
'Oh no, Severus. But I am willing to assist you in getting your brain fucked out, if you don't mind.' Remus moaned as Severus moved and the rough wool of his robe rubbed against his nipples. Remus slid his fingers down Severus' shoulders, over his arms, until he could entangle them with Severus' thin fingers. Remus undulated slowly but rather roughly against Severus' well-formed arse. Remus wouldn't mind to have his cock inside it very soon. Severus fought weakly under Remus' body. There were bad things and good things about being a werewolf, and the extra strength it gave Remus definitely was a benefit now. 'I'll make you obey, Severus,' Remus growled. 'I'll make you scream and come, just like you wanted to.'
'Gerrofme!' Severus tried to get up from the sofa but couldn't. He hadn't known Lupin was so strong. He yelped as Lupin ground his erection against his arse, a hard cock slipping between Severus' cheeks, only separated from his skin by thin layers of fabric. Arousing images of what Lupin wanted to do to him floated through Severus' mind, and he wanted it so much, too, but there was no way he could let Lupin know. Maybe Lupin understood, because suddenly there was a growling voice; a ghost of hot air against Severus' ear.
'You are free to go any time you want to, my Severus. But there will be no return. Is that a risk you want to take?' Remus bit Severus' ear, letting his tongue slide in to lick its shell.
The No! Severus let out was quite a bit louder than he had intended it to be. In fact, he hadn't intended to let it out at all.
'Stop fighting me,' Remus said. 'You'll get it rough later, but not now. Right now I just want you to give in. Let the wolf get what it wants. Don't make me release it, Severus, because you are not ready for that yet.'
'I can take anything you bloody well can dish,' Severus snapped. 'I am not made of glass.'
'More like barbed wire and steel.' Remus kissed Severus' cheek from behind. 'But I am known to be able to let even metal melt. Give in, Severus.'
'I am still here,' Severus groaned, fighting back, mostly for the show of it. He could feel the determination to get up and out disappear more quickly than ice under the spring sun.
'I've noticed,' Remus whispered. 'Now straighten up and unbutton your robe.' He wanted to touch Severus' skin. He wanted to see if he could replace the expression of reluctant need on Severus' face with pure lust and abandon. The wolf was roaring. It was impatient, but Remus managed to push it back. He didn't want to hurt Severus for real. He wanted him to come back for more since it was the only chance Remus had to see himself, the real Remus Lupin, reflected in somebody else's eyes. It wasn't just about dominance and lust.
'Let go, then,' Severus said, accepting Lupin's demand. Lupin pulled him up and let go of his hands. Severus fumbled with the small buttons, slightly apprehensive. This hadn't gone the way he had planned at all. He had wanted to be relatively reasonable, and all he got out of it was to kneel on the floor for a bloody werewolf. Severus' cock reminded him there were pleasant aspects, too. He managed the buttons, and his black robe and the white shirt underneath it hung loosely from his shoulders.
Remus put his hands underneath the robe, pushing it down Severus' arms. Severus made a nice gasp, inflaming the wolf. 'Shhh,' Remus said. 'You are going to like it.'
Somehow Severus wasn't in doubt. He wished he could see Lupin's face, though; the thought of lifeless eyes and the mechanical way Lupin had taken Lestrange hadn't left him. 'Lupin...' he tried, 'I...'
'Remus.' Remus leaned in and kissed Severus' neck. 'I am Remus here. Not Lupin or Moony. Remus.' He kissed Severus' neck again. There were large scars on it on each side. Remus licked one of them and Severus groaned.
'Remus.' Severus managed to say the word neutrally. He breathed in deeply. Lupin would make him beg for this, he knew already. 'I want to look at you. Please?' It was odd, because a few days ago, Severus would have preferred Lupin's back. Or nothing that had to do with Lupin at all. Only now it mattered, Lupin's need and accept. Severus had been a tool for too long not to understand how it felt to be used. He wanted to be sure neither of them felt that way.
'Stand. And take the rest of your clothes off.' How odd. Remus had thought Severus was too shy or too angry for them to be face-to-face. He watched as Severus obeyed, almost numbly disposing of his boots and underwear. Remus looked appreciatively at Severus. He was thin, a bit too thin, but slender, almost lanky. Not bad at all. Severus' cock was thick and long, beautiful. Remus suppressed a desire to lick it. Not today. Later. If Severus decided to come back. 'Sit down on the sofa,' he demanded. 'Pull your legs up and open yourself to me.' Remus said the words as if he saw it as a mere formality; that Severus would obey instantly. He wasn't as sure as he sounded. The possibility was there, that Remus could push too far, and Severus would get up and leave. Remus didn't want him to. Both he and the wolf alike liked the prospect of having access to Severus' body.
Severus did what he was told but it cost him a lot to keep the calm surface. To push away the voices that shouted at him that he was debasing himself, that Lupin was his enemy, that this was wrong, wrong, wrong. Another, smaller, voice asked if it was wrong, why did it feel so right? Severus couldn't answer that, and it made him able to obey. He blushed. It was hard to expose oneself when one was basically shy. He managed, hooking his arms under his legs and spread them. The reward came instantly. Remus' eyes were definitely not dead and indifferent. The feral expression was that of a hungry beast and, for once, Severus appreciated it. There could be no doubt Lupin wanted this.
Lupin reached for his wand. 'First, I think I am going to play with you,' he said huskily. 'Make you ride my wand until you are so aroused you want to scream.'
Severus bit his lip. He could feel his opening quiver. Just the thought of Lupin pushing his wand in there made Severus want to cry out and offer Lupin anything he wanted!
Lupin cast a spell. Severus gasped loudly as the wand was pushed inside him. It was slick and not hard at all, and the wand vibrated, gave off an almost electrifying sensation that seemed to spread inside him. 'Oh. Ohohoh!' Severus couldn't hold back little moans. He moved a little, rotating his hips so the wand moved inside him. Oh! Oh bloody Merlin! Then Remus began to push the wand in and out, slowly fucking Severus with it. Severus' groans became louder. Remus played with him, moving the wand around, letting it brush over his prostate, then rotating it to widen Severus' channel. Severus had no idea for how long Remus had been tormenting him. 'Remus!' Severus cried out at last, damned close to coming.
'Not yet, Severus. When I tell you to, not before.' Remus smiled. He liked to hold so much power. He loved to see the expression of deep concentration on Severus' face. The intensity. With the self-control the man had, Severus would make a wonderful toy to torment and give pleasure and release.
'Ca- can't.' Severus' voice was shaky, ragged with moans. 'Please. Please, let me come!'
'No.' Remus thrust the wand in, hard, before he pulled it out of Severus' arse. He knew limits when he saw them. 'You are allowed to come when I come. Not before,' he said, and made it sound like an order. Remus looked down at Severus. As he lay there, with rosy cheeks and his legs wide spread, his hole open and slick, Remus couldn't remember having had more lust for anyone for a very long time. He'd been horny, aroused, yes. He had appreciated all the male beauty he had seen through the years, but no one had been as beautiful or as arousing as Severus, offering himself willingly, for nothing else than what had been between them through the years. For hate and arousal and fear. It was a deal too, but one Remus liked. He leaned in and kissed Severus' inner thigh. 'Ask me for it, and I'll fuck you. Hard. Like you want it.'
Severus closed his eyes and bit his lips. He couldn't beg. He wanted to scream at Lupin, and curse him. He couldn't. On the other hand there was no way he could deny that he wanted it hard, and he wanted Lupin to do it, no matter how much he hated him. Severus suppressed another moan and took a deep breath. 'Please? Fuck... fuck me?'
'Anything you ask for,' Remus said huskily, and pushed inside Severus' tight hole. 'Oh... Severus...' Remus let out a deep growl. The wolf had been patient, very patient, and now it had had it. Remus lost it, happy Severus really wanted "hard". The position was awkward, but a hand buried in Severus' hair made Remus able to hold on, making Severus whimper from the pain. The wolf liked that too. They took Severus hard, the wolf and the man, fucking him ruthlessly. Remus, halfway drowning in the sensations, reached up and pulled Severus into a kiss, biting and sucking and taking his mouth as well, not caring whether Severus kissed back or not.
It didn't take long. Remus had nobody to please but himself, and it was a relief to let the wolf rut and fuck and spurt into Severus' tightness. 'Come,' Remus moaned and kissed Severus again, tasting the deep moans he let out as he, too, came in large splashes over Remus' naked chest.
They slumped together, breath damp and loud in the silence. Remus leaned his head against Severus' shoulder. He could feel Severus' breath like warm puffs in his hair. He felt alive. For once, he felt alive! Remus stroked Severus' cheek slowly, could barely reach it with a thumb, but he was too satisfied to even move his hand. His mouth was close enough for him to kiss Severus' collarbone. It made Severus stop breathing for a few seconds. Then Severus nuzzled Remus' hair, letting out a deep sigh.
'We have gone insane?' Severus asked, making it sound more like a statement than a question. 'Or maybe someone cast a lust spell?'
Remus thought about it for a little. The risk was there, that some unknown wizard out for revenge had bespelled them. 'Yeah,' Remus just said. There really was no way to deny it, no matter the reason for such a spell. 'But if you don't mind, neither do I.'
'I... don't.' Severus moved a little to get more comfortable. He still had Remus' cock inside him, and he realised he definitely didn't mind. Not when the man had given him this immensely satisfying orgasm. His relaxed state made him unable to keep his defences up. It was as if Remus sensed it and he, too, moved, somehow making them end up in each others' arms on the sofa.
Severus really wanted to protest. Really. He decided he could do that later, when it wasn't so damned pleasant to have strong, warm arms wrapped around him. Severus considered their common insanity. Was it true when he told Remus he didn't mind? He wasn't sure. It was disconcerting at best, that he had fallen in bed with a man he disliked so intensely, and even feared at times - not that anyone could ever make Severus admit that. But Merlin, the sex had been good!
Severus' eyes were heavy. Remus whispered something and a soft blanket hovered over the sofa for a moment before it flapped down to cover the both of them. It was nice that the sofa was wide enough for two. However, Severus knew he should get up and leave and never return. In a minute he would, he told himself. As he drifted into a relaxed sleep - the best he'd had in years - he mused over the fact that he had returned to the wizarding world to rule. He was the adviser for the Minister for Magic. He was to take over the position of Headmaster of the most esteemed wizarding school in Europe. And now he had given himself up to a famous concubine werewolf he despised. If he stayed.
Severus didn't think fate could be more sarcastically surrealistic than that.