Entry tags:

#lmom 2008, author: snapelike, kink: collaring, kink: d/s, remus/severus

LMoM: The Diary of a Death Eater Whore, Part 30 (SS/RL)
Title: The Diary of a Death Eater Whore 30/31
Rating (this chapter): Mild R. There will be NC-17 tomorrow.
Pairing, all-over: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Additional pairings, this chapter: None
Kink(s): D/s, collaring. If you thought other chapters have been soppy...
Challenge: LMoM 2008
Word count: 3,500
Link to all chapters: here.
Notes: Beta by the lovely envinyatar15 and wonderful red_day_dawning.
Summary: Severus Snape returns to a post-war wizarding world without the Dark Lord. No matter the Dark Lord died, his followers still won the battle and the power to rule. In this new world, former Order members are forced to get by as best they can - those who haven't escaped - even if the occupation is not to their liking. Some have even become quite successful and sought after - like the infamous Remus Lupin. The question is: will this new world order make it impossible for love to develop and grow between two such different wizards as a Death Eater spy and a paid man, a werewolf whore?

Back to chapter 29

30th May, 2008 - Sacrifice

The French doors leading out to the balcony were open. The sun had barely risen over the horizon Severus couldn't see. The characteristic silhouettes of London's chimneys and roofs were dark against the budding daylight, blocking the view of the sun's voyage over the morning sky. The birds in the park across the house were singing; some had mates already and fluttered around in the greyness, searching for worms and nesting material. The air had a slight scent of dew and damp air; the London traffic hadn't yet polluted the new-born morning. The steady, never-ending river of cars streamed by somewhere, on one of the larger streets. London was barely awake; still stretching and yawning before the city rose with the people living in it.

Taking a large drink of the hot, black coffee he had made for himself (even Folly was asleep in her nest in the cupboard next to the fridge), Severus watched the morning unfold. The sun slowly painted the grey sky with golden-pink strokes as he stood there, in deep thoughts. He should have been in bed, resting in his lover's arms, but he hadn't been able to fall asleep. He had been thinking. Barely a month had passed since his return to a wizarding world that had changed more than he had thought it would. Severus wasn't sure what to think of it. He had everything he wanted now - almost. He had status, respect and acknowledgement. He had almost absolute power. He could do whatever the hell he liked to. He had freedom.

In fact, he had everything he had ever hoped for in his life except for one thing.

For a moment, his line of thoughts were disturbed as a blackbird and his wife fluttered by, singing loudly. The brown female settled in a tree, her mate proudly sitting on one of the top branches, busy telling the rest of the world that she was his, although not in so many words.

Severus smiled an uncharacteristically warm and tender smile as he watched the blackbird. He recognised the feeling. It was precisely how he felt about Remus: he needed to protect him, to take care of him and love him. Severus could somehow see the similarity: he, too, always clad in black, had placed himself on a high branch, telling everybody that Remus was his!

Except Remus wasn't. Remus Lupin belonged to the Ministry of Magic. That was why Severus knew he would always miss that one thing in his life if he were to be truly happy and satisfied: the knowledge he could kneel in front of Remus Lupin and ask him to become Severus' for the rest of their lives. Severus knew he rarely loved; when he did, his feelings were true and long-lived, so he didn't think his love for Remus would just disappear. It would only grow stronger.

He had done everything he could to make Remus' life easier. He had killed for Remus; put honour, reputation and standing at stake, and still it wasn't enough. He had sold his body to make them equal, and Severus knew the gap was still there: the deep, invisible abyss that would separate them forever, even if they would never be apart.

Love was to fall forever, but not alone. Not into the darkness that separated loved ones just because someone had decided this was how things were supposed to be.

The sun rose over the rooftops in a flare of golden flames. The night had been chased away, and a new day took over. The sky turned blue as the sun made the last rags of the night's cloak disappear. Severus turned his face up against the sun's warm fingers, ridding his mind of the heavy thoughts. He had one possibility left. A lifeline. A promise from friend to friend; one Severus had wanted to keep. The wizarding world was not a place where one stood defenceless. A promise given in exchange for a life saved. A promise that might one day save Severus' life.

And, Severus knew precisely what to do with it. Without belonging to Remus fully, his life would have no meaning. He would just be another customer, buying Remus' life with kindness and loving words.

With lies.



'Isn't it a bit early for you? I thought you were busy with that Mr Lupin of yours?' Lucius leaned back in the deep chair and folded his hands. 'And why the gloomy glare? Hadn't had coffee yet?' Lucius turned his head and called his secretary. Percy had the decency to blush when he stuck his head in and saw Severus sitting in the chair across Lucius'. 'Coffee for Mr Snape, please,' Lucius ordered. 'Black, Severus?'

Severus just nodded and waited until Percy had closed the door. He was a bit distant, still, lost in thought. At Severus' return to the wizarding world Lucius had promised to fulfill one wish from him, no matter the nature of it. It was a valuable promise to have, but to Lucius nothing was worth more than his precious son. His debt to Severus could only be repaid by something similarly valuable. Severus could ask for vast riches, for the death of an enemy or for his own life. Only there was but one thing that was as valuable to Severus as Draco was to Lucius. To use his wish now was right. 'I've come to collect my wish,' Severus said bluntly, not caring to be diplomatic, even if he had known how to be. And to ruin any political career I've ever had the chance of having, he silently added. The post as Headmaster didn't mean much, not compared to what he would get in exchange for it.

Lucius looked questioningly at Severus. 'And the wish? It doesn't seem as it is something that will make you happy, judging from the look on your face.'

'Oh, it'll make me happy, all right. But it'll also make me unemployed, and probably in dire need to go back to the Muggle world for good.'

'Mr Lupin, hm?' Lucius laughed. 'Salazar, Severus! Now you are going all knightly and whatnot. Do you really want to...'

'I'm in love. I love Remus more than anything.' That should make a point. Severus didn't care if Lucius thought of his relationship with the damned wolf. Lucius knew so many other interesting things about Severus that one or two more didn't matter.

'And you only realised now that you could use your wish to free your werewolf from his contract? I'm amazed how slow you can be at times.' Lucius leaned forward, resting his elbows on the paper-strewn desk. 'You fell in love as soon as you had finished hating him for what he did to you as a child, am I right?' At Severus' sneer, Lucius just grinned and continued, 'it is not particularly clever, no, I agree. I suppose you have thought it through? Ah, of course you have. Otherwise you wouldn't be here.'

Severus considered why he had even cared to say anything, since Lucius seemed perfectly able to both figure things out and hold long conversations with himself about it. 'Just give me his bloody contract, Lucius. Don't lecture me, I know what I'm giving up for his sake!' Severus glared at his friend. How typical of Lucius, he had to thwart Severus' (considerable) nose in it. 'I also know he's worth it.' Severus sent Lucius a crooked smile. 'I am going to ask him to live with me, if he'll have me. I doubt it is... compatible with my position. It will make you too vulnerable.'

'Oh poor hurt fowl,' Lucius mocked, imitating a well-known Muggle bard. 'Lord, it is just like when I fell in love with Narcissa, I was unable to think a coherent thought for more than a year.' His eyes narrowed calculatingly. 'And the contract you have with me? You are going to break that, just on a whim?'

Severus looked up, surprised. 'Remus is not a whim,' he sneered. 'And you are not seriously suggesting I shouldn't? Break the contract with you, I mean, because there is no way I am not claiming Remus' contract, just to please you and the Ministry.' He sent Lucius a similarly calculating look. 'What are you suggesting?'

'As little as I want to loose my lovely, albeit paid, source of feral pastime fun, I acknowledge your right to Mr Lupin's contract. But that doesn't mean your contract is not valid, does it?' Lucius smiled, obviously satisfied with himself. 'Severus, nobody but the involved Death Eaters know what Remus Lupin chose to do for a living. I doubt anyone who had him in his time in Knockturn Alley ever cared to see other than his cock. We can always send someone to Obliviate the entire street. Nobody knows, and my Aurors can take care of anyone who doesn't understand to keep their mouths shut. Not even his son knows about his past, neither does my formidable sister in law.' Lucius stopped Severus' outburst with a raised hand. 'Yes, I know Mr Lupin's choice wasn't exactly a choice, but he became a prostitute before I had any say in how things were done in the wizarding world. No matter what, his choice of profession is secret to all but his clients, and I cannot see how Mr Lupin's line of work should prevent you from taking the position you have already agreed to take. I suppose he wants to retire?'

'I haven't asked. I don't have to. Not exactly the dream job.' Severus considered Lucius' words. 'So you'd still let me...'

'I'd still. And I suppose you have already made sure to have enough, let's say... Pensievic evidence, should one of Mr Lupin's regulars make any unfortunate moves toward revealing anything to the public?'

Severus just smirked. Of course he had, and he didn't even want to justify Lucius' question with an answer. He was in love, not a bloody fool. A Pensieve could be a very useful instrument and Severus had seen a couple of things at the brothel that could make most Death Eaters' wives particularly angry with their husbands.

'As a former... recipient of Mr Lupin's er- talents, I am sure you are not going to be bored this side of the century. I am happy to see you finally in love with someone. Mr Lupin's-'

'That's not Remus. That's just what he let you all see!' Severus' voice was sharp as a razor. 'You may all have had his body, but his mind is entirely his own!'

'I know, my friend. The man that was Moony is not your Remus. That is what I envy you - despite having my lovely wife whom I am still in love with, mind.'

Percy interrupted them, serving the coffee. They were quiet until he had finished pouring. They both sipped the hot drink before Lucius put his cup down and took his wand. 'One wish?' he asked again. 'You are certain, Severus?'

'Lucius!' Severus' tone was a warning, and signalled his patience had come to an end.

Flicking his wand, Lucius summoned an old, dusty scroll from somewhere in the building. It came flying through the half-open door and landed in Lucius' lap, letting out a small dust-cloud. Lucius coughed slightly and handed the scroll to Severus. 'We're even now,' he said. 'Not that I will ever stop regretting being the one who was sent to fetch you for Lord Voldemort... to what could have been your untimely death.' For once, Lucius both sounded and looked honest. 'I do love you, Severus,' Lucius said, solemnly, as if the words were bittersweet. 'Sometimes I wish... I think I may envy Mr Lupin what he has found. I will never forget that... you were once mine.'

'Yes,' Severus just said, getting up from his chair. No matter Severus, too, loved his life-long friend, his heart had been lost somewhere in London, and Severus wanted to go find it, since he had an explicit notion it would be in the hands of said Mr Remus Lupin, werewolf and now former courtesan.

As soon as he was outside the Ministry, Severus Apparated directly into Remus' house. He didn't know who had the pleasure of Remus' company that particular day, if any, but Severus would make sure the gentleman in question would leave disappointed (and mostly unhurt) if anybody had dared to show up. Severus swayed for a moment, breathing in deep to get rid of the light nausea, supporting himself with a hand on the tapestry-hung wall.

Folly popped up, signalling that Severus had to be quiet. 'Is early. Master is still sleeping,' she whispered. 'Professor Snape has to be quiet.'

'Professor Snape is going to wake up Mr Lupin,' Severus growled. 'And you are going to bring Master Remus breakfast.' Severus hesitated a moment. 'And Champagne.'

'Oh!' the small creature said. 'Is Remus Lupin happy? Is Remus Lupin going to celebrate?'

'Curious little bugger,' Severus said, and pushed the House-elf towards the kitchen, almost kindly. 'Just do as you're told. And none of Mr Lupin's... former acquaintances are to be let in. Ever. In the future you may inform them Remus Lupin has retired.'



The curve of an eyebrow. The way the pink lip arched, a dip in the middle, room enough for a finger to rest there. A neck; slender and white as a swan's, delicate and strong. Severus couldn't take his eyes off Remus, his beautiful lover, sleeping so peacefully. Nobody could have lived through difficulties and years of humiliation with the dignity Remus had. Severus' eyes rested for a moment on the spot where shoulder and neck connected. Remus had a scar there. It didn't mar his beauty, just emphasized it with this flaw, creating a contrast of ragged scar tissue in the midst of the pale golden perfection.

Severus wanted to reach out and touch. He couldn't. Remus was not awake and able to give him permission. This was an important moment in their life together, and Severus had found it fitting to slip into the mindset of a submissive. He wanted to offer Remus everything: His life, his love, and what Remus desired so much: freedom. It was scary, in a way. Severus didn't think Remus would reject the gift, and just break free of everything. There was a risk. There was the tiniest chance that Severus was included in the world Remus could now dispose of. However, not likely. Severus hoped Remus' feelings for him were true.

Folly had been in the bedroom, bringing a bottle of Champagne and a more substantial breakfast for Remus. Severus had just waved the House-elf off before she woke Remus up. Severus, when left alone, had undressed, carefully folding his clothes and placed them on a chair.

He kneeled on the floor beside the bed, waiting for Remus to wake up. He was naked, his eyes directed at the floor. In front of him he had placed two things. One was a slightly yellowing scroll. Remus' freedom.

Severus didn't know how long it took before Remus finally stirred and moved in a rustle of white sheets. He just sat there, becoming more and more certain the decision he had taken was right. Remus opened his eyes, and they were golden like the morning sun.

'Severus?' Remus reached out, barely awake, only to find Severus' side of the bed empty. 'Severus?'

'Yes.' Severus kept his voice low, silken.

Remus laughed softly as he discovered his naked lover on the floor. ''You look wonderful,' Remus said and rolled up on his elbow, close enough to be able to touch Severus' face. 'Look at me, lover,' he demanded, making Severus raise his eyes. 'Won't you come up here and share breakfast with me? I can see Folly has served us already.'

'Not yet,' Severus said. 'If it pleases you, I have something to ask.' Severus put a hand over Remus' entangling the werewolf's fingers with his own.

'Finding you naked before me always pleases me.' Remus took Severus' hand and pressed a kiss to it. 'You may ask your question.'

'Thank you.' Severus reached for the second thing he had brought before he looked at Remus again. His eyes were neutral, as not to reveal his thoughts. 'I want to give myself to you,' Severus said. 'I want to be yours. Now. Always.' He held up the soft, narrow collar he had held in his left hand. 'As you are mine, I am yours.' Severus held out his hand, the collar twisted like a small ebony snake in his palm.

'It really means something to you?' Remus said, following the curls of the soft leather with a finger. 'More than just a collar?'

'Yes. I want live with you.' Severus let Remus in, opened his mind to let his lover see the deep love he held for him. 'If you want to. I want to be yours to have, and I want you to be mine to protect.'

Remus smiled softly, tenderness evident in the way he looked at Severus. 'I want to accept. I love you, Severus. But I am not free to do so. I will always be tied to the Ministry. There will always be a part of me I am not allowed to give to the man I love. It is not fair to you.'

'And if it wasn't so? If you were free?'

'Then I would accept. All of it. I could own you because I could give you all of me in return. If you want to live with me now, I will be happy. If you will love me, I will love you back, but I will not take your freedom, since I have none to give.' Remus' hand closed around Severus', making his fingers close around the collar like a night-blooming flower at sunrise.

Severus didn't fight it. He kept his closed fist in Remus' hand. 'Then take this of me instead,' Severus said and bent down to kiss Remus' fingers before he held up the small ministerial scroll. 'I have never loved anyone as I love you.'

Still holding Severus' hand, Remus took the scroll, looking searchingly at Severus before he let go of his hand. He sat up properly in the bed, the sheet pooling around his waist in soft waves. He broke the seal, recognising Thicknesse's seal and the imprint of Lucius signet ring. He unrolled it carefully and began to read. 'But...' he stopped and looked at Severus. 'This is...'

'Your freedom.'

'And yours.' There was a happiness in Remus' eyes, a tone of sparkling joy in his voice. 'I cannot ever thank you for...' Remus had to stop for a moment. 'How strange how my freedom is to bind, and yours are to be bound.' Remus bent down to let his lips slide over Severus' cheek, ever so softly. 'I will bind you to me, if that is your wish. Because of you, I have something to give. Freely.' The words brushed against Severus' skin, a warm whisper.

'It is.' There was no doubt left. No holding back. Severus had finally found the man he wanted to share his life with. To give himself up, but not his self, was the way he wanted to confirm what he had already told Remus in so many ways. 'Please, Remus?'

Remus put his hand over the collar. 'When you wear this, it is nothing but a visible sign you are mine. That you belong to me. Your will is mine, my strength yours. I love you.'

'Yes.' Severus could feel a bubbling sensation of relief and satisfaction. Of peace.

Tenderly, Remus closed the collar around Severus' long neck. It wasn't a sign of slavery or ownership, but of devotion. They were equals now.

'Come, my Severus,' Remus demanded, 'I want to make love to you.' Remus' eyes were glittering, and he smiled, brightly, sharply, as he pulled the sheets aside to let Severus into his - their bed.

Severus sank into Remus' embrace. This time he didn't need any orders or any pain. He kissed his lover's mouth, his cheeks, his neck, before he was turned over, on his back. Spells where whispered, and Remus slid between Severus' legs and into his body. Wrapped around each other, entangled, they moved so slowly, as if every sensation and every kiss was too important not to cherish for some time before the next kiss, the next touch. Arousal and love mixed; sweaty body against sweaty body. Cries mingled with moans, moans with release.

After they had both come, they didn't move away from each other, just stayed like that: Severus on his back with Remus' arms around him, as if there was nothing else, no one else in the whole world.

Remus slid a finger over the collar before he kissed Severus lovingly.

Severus knew he were exactly where he belonged. He was home.


On to chapter 31