LMoM: 1979 (Part 20~ June 1, 1979)
Title: 1979 Today’s Date: June 1, 1979 Rating: R Word count: ~1,300 Pairing: Remus/Severus, Remus/Sirius Kink(s): vanilla today Challenge: Lusty Month of May 2008 Summary: 1979: One of the worst years of Remus's life. Also, one of the best. Today’s Episode: It had been a blissful month. Then Sirius arrived at Remus’s door. Notes: The possibly insane blpaintchart has agreed to speed beta and Brit pick for as long as she can stand it while I try this…so generous is my Chart!! Not only that, she is veritable font of ideas! Also, thank you to McKay for running this crazy thing.
He certainly couldn’t call it a relationship. Beyond the fact that he simply had no idea what being in a relationship would really entail, Remus was fairly confident that Severus would never accept such a label, and he wasn’t too sure how he felt about it himself. Besides, as far as he knew people in relationships tended to do things such as go out in public together, or tell their friends they were seeing each other, or appear to know each other if they passed on the street, and none of those elements were a part of the whatever-it-was that he and Severus had together.
So, he couldn’t label it, but who cared about that?
He and Severus had orchestrated time together almost every day in May. Either Gideon was pretending not to notice, or he was still too preoccupied with grief to pay attention, but with Severus’s paranoid protection charms they seemed able to mask their presence wherever they went. They would plan their next rendezvous as they parted, sometimes from one of their flats in the thin grey dawn, sometimes from a pub on a drizzly afternoon, sometimes from a cheap Muggle inn at supper. They avoided any sort of routine. No routine became their routine.
More than once, Remus had waited at their agreed upon meeting place and Severus had never arrived. Remus didn’t ask about it later, and Severus never elaborated. Hours after, inevitably, Remus would receive a curt note by owl, listing the location and time of their next meeting, often that same day. It became part of the routine as well.
Their hours together were focused and intense and raw, all cocks and hands and mouths and halting, obtuse conversation. Remus made sure to laugh at least once whenever they were together, to attempt some balance with Severus’s dry seriousness. They could not get enough of each other, although they would never dare acknowledge that in any way other than the physical intensity between them. When Remus was buried deep inside Severus and they were face-to-face, skin-to-skin, Remus sometimes felt that their minds were actually connected, that every sensation between them was shared completely.
Severus became Remus’s addiction, his daily employment in lieu of looking for work, or healing the rift with his friends, or thinking of Dorcas, or working for the Order, or visiting his mother, or even eating or sleeping properly.
Sometimes it occurred to Remus that he knew almost nothing about Severus, not really. Even though he also knew him completely.
He shouldn’t have been surprised when it all started to fall to pieces.
It was a rare night that they had planned to spend apart, and Remus was startled by a sharp knock on the door. Gideon was spending the evening with his brother, and Remus didn’t see anyone else anymore, apart from at the occasional Order meeting, and those had been few and far-between. His pulse accelerated, and he grabbed his wand and approached the door.
“Who is it?” he called.
There was a noticeably long pause before a familiar voice said, “It’s me, Moony.”
Sirius. Fuck.
Remus unwarded the door and opened it a crack, peering out. Sirius’s grey-blue eyes stared back at him. Gods, those eyelashes. It had been a fucking long time since they had been alone together.
Remus opened the door. “Sirius. Come in,” he said.
Sirius had a grim expression and was all business, pushing into the flat and turning quickly to face Remus as he shut the door. His tense, nervous energy flooded the room.
“Are you still buggering Sniv…Snape?” Sirius asked.
Remus breathed deeply to keep his calm. “Great to see you too, mate. Yes, it has been a long time, hasn’t it?” he said, taking a seat on the sofa.
“Moony, it’s important.” Sirius appeared to be in a near panic, a state Remus had never seen him in before. It was disconcerting.
“Sirius, I haven’t seen you for months, not really. I don’t think the first thing I want to do is get into a fight with you,” Remus replied.
Sirius sat down in the chair opposite Remus, tapping his toes in an anxious rhythm. “My brother has joined up with Voldemort, you know,” he blurted. “Regulus. The little shit.” He paused and swallowed hard. “We had a massive row, but there’s nothing to do once you’ve joined. You’re in for life. Not that he wants to get out of it.”
Remus’s mind could only barely keep up with Sirius’s whirling, unbelievable words. He still could hardly believe Sirius was there at all. “Gods, that’s awful. I…I don’t know what to say,” he stuttered, his brain flooded with images of studious, shy Regulus Black, little brother to them all, now a servant of Voldemort.
“I haven’t seen him for months, but we crossed paths on the street two nights ago, and we started in on each other, and one thing lead to another, and…well, now I know,” Sirius continued. Remus was suddenly aware of a faint bruise on Sirius's cheek. “Little cock-sucker, telling me how Mum and Dad are so fucking proud of his fucking commitment to blood purity or some such crap.”
“That’s…awful.” Remus could not think of the next thing to say.
“Moony, here’s the thing,” Sirius said, and his tone dropped as he leaned forward in the chair, staring intently at Remus, “Regulus wasn’t alone. He was walking with…with Snape.”
Remus didn’t let his expression alter, but he swallowed, deeply.
“With Snape?” Remus was pleased that his voice was steady. “Well, of course. They would have been friends at school, I imagine,” he explained, mostly to himself.
“I don’t think they were, actually.”
Remus’s mouth was very dry. He licked his lips.
“Remus, listen to me. I don’t think Regulus is spending time with anyone right now unless they are mixed up with all of that dark shite.” Sirius’s tone was almost pleading. “He’s Severus Snape, Moony. He’s still the greasy twerp who would hex us all as soon as look at us. He’s one of them, Remus.”
Remus shook his head very slightly. He didn’t think he could speak.
“What if he…” Sirius’s voice was hesitant as he went on. “What if he was…with you just to get close to an Order member. You know, like a spy…”
Suddenly, Remus was through listening.
“He’s not,” he said, rising from the sofa. “What are you trying to do, Sirius? Why are you here?”
“I’m trying to help you.”
“Your help isn't necessary.” Remus walked to the door, intending to usher Sirius out.
Sirius stood up and grabbed Remus by the arm, spinning him around. His grip hurt. “Do you know what Snape was doing with my brother two nights ago?”
Two nights ago, Remus thought…they had fucked each other raw in Severus’s flat until four…then Severus had said he needed to go…he never said to where...they had parted for the evening…he'd never even mentioned he knew Regulus...
Remus knew he had been quiet for too long. Sirius nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Maybe you should ask him.”
Remus felt oddly hollow, his mind mercifully glazing over, the grip of Sirius hand on his arm the only distinct sensation he had at the moment. He knew he was staring and silent, and the moment dragged on far too long…
Then, everything went pear-shaped, and Sirius was pulling him closer, and before Remus knew what was happening, Sirius’s mouth was on his in an open, seeking kiss. Remus was too lost to respond much, but he knew he didn’t want to, and the kiss slowly brought him back to himself, bit by bit, the familiar comforting taste of Sirius turning sour. He shoved Sirius away, hard. He could be strong when he needed to be.
“No,” Remus panted, trying to shake off more of the fog of shock, shaking with anger. “If you wanted me to believe you really were trying to help, that was the last thing you should have fucking done.”
Sirius released Remus, and ran a hand through his black hair. “Bollocks. I know,” he murmured. “But I'm not wrong.”
He turned around and let himself out of the flat without looking back.