Entry tags:

#lmom 2008, author: snapelike, kink: non-con, kink: prostitution, kink: role play, remus/macnair, remus/severus

LMoM: The Diary of a Death Eater Whore, Part 13 (SS/RL)
Title: The Diary of a Death Eater Whore 13/31
Rating (this chapter): NC-17
Pairing, all-over: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Additional pairings, this chapter: Remus/Macnair
Kink(s) Warnings: slight h/c, role playing, attempted rape and ditto murder. This chapter is... disturbing. Consider yourself warned.
Challenge: LMoM 2008
Word count: 3,700
Link to all chapters: here.
Notes: Beta by the lovely envinyatar15 and wonderful red_day_dawning. Ooops. This came a bit close to deadline, so any errors are mine and not the brilliant beta team's. Is now betaed. Blame the betas for any remaining errors! ;0)
Summary: Severus Snape returns to a post-war wizarding world without the Dark Lord. No matter the Dark Lord died, his followers still won the battle and the power to rule. In this new world, former Order members are forced to get by as best they can - those who haven't escaped - even if the occupation is not to their liking. Some have even become quite successful and sought after - like the infamous Remus Lupin. The question is: will this new world order make it impossible for love to develop and grow between two such different people as a Death Eater spy and a paid man, a werewolf whore?

Back to chapter 12

Tuesday, 13th May, 2008 - Reality's Ugly Face

It was the birds that woke Severus up. He lay for a little while, enjoying the heaviness of Remus' arm around his waist. Severus didn't want to move. The spring air was warm, and the scent of blooming trees and flowers from the small park outside was such a pleasant addition to the comfortable soreness and the relaxed state he was in. To be honest, he didn't want to wake up and face the reality: that he was so attracted to Remus Lupin that he had lost any control he had ever held over himself. That he was lost in Remus, just as it seemed as if Remus wanted Severus as badly. Badly enough to confront his - albeit dead - friends about their relationship, if only by photographic proxy.

Severus didn't know if they had a relationship. He had no words for what was going on, other than a few to describe the utter idiocy of it. He was a high-ranking Death Eater, Remus only a servant. Still, Severus wanted what he was offered. What really disturbed him was that it wasn't enough. His return to Remus indicated he wanted this relationship, the care - everything Remus offered. And it still wasn't enough.

The clock on the wall struck seven.

'When do you have to leave?' Remus opened his eyes, turning his head a bit on the pillow. 'I wouldn't mind staying in bed with you,' he said, that way informing Severus he regretted nothing from their night together.

'At eight.' Severus entangled his fingers with Remus'. 'Lucius likes to get as much done as possible before the Ministry opens to the public at 9.30.' Wincing, Severus turned around, every movement reminding him how ruthless Remus had been, and how tender. Severus had never been made love to the way Remus had made love to him. Never had anyone been so intent that his pleasure was above anything else. 'I wouldn't mind staying, either' he said, and raised Remus' hand to his lips so he could kiss it.

'Breakfast? Before you leave? We can stay in bed, and ask Folly to bring some?' Remus sat up and, since Severus didn't look neither angry nor as if he wanted to flee, Remus kissed him. 'I'd like to use time in bed with my lover,' he murmured, 'since I have one for the first time since...'

'Since the war,' Severus continued the sentence. He tilted his head a bit, inviting Remus to kiss his neck. 'You are my first too. I didn't have time - or the urge for that matter - while I was in Bulgaria.' Speaking about their relations didn't seem as difficult as it had yesterday.

'Bulgaria, hm?' No wonder no one in the wizarding world had known where Severus Snape had gone. The rumours had been many, most of them telling about Snape's gruesome death. Remus rubbed his thumb over Severus' naked stomach and kissed him again, paying attention to his jaw this time. There was a slight stubble tickling Remus' lips. 'And now... ' Remus felt foolish to ask. 'Where do you live now? Wales? Or at Lucius' manor?'

'No. In Wales. Small village, Muggle.' Severus looked up. There was an expression in his eyes, as if he were about to ask something important. 'You could come... visit? Maybe stay for a few days, if-'

'I can't go anywhere, Severus.' Remus was almost snapping. 'I can't leave London. I am bound here, magically. I couldn't leave if I wanted to, I'd just end up here again.'

'So you are truly a slave?' Severus was appalled. Remus couldn't go where he pleased in Britain? 'You can't go to visit friends?'

'No. I am sent back here if I try, Apparated.'

'Why did you let them do this to you?' Severus knew why. Lucius had said it: that Lupin's son was too important for him.

'This is how it is: this house, Severus... I have earned it.' Remus' face became the professional mask he usually wore. 'I have been selling my body for years to make certain my son would never have a fate like mine. I have earned Galleons enough that neither my son, nor I, will never be hungry or homeless. It is a lovely house, this. But it is nothing but a cage, a gilded cage.' Remus reached for his wand, and tapped a small bell. 'I can summon my house-elf, I can have what I want for breakfast. I can stay in bed all day, and read any book I'd like. But I cannot have my freedom. I gave that away for my son. When all comes to all, it was a bargain. You of all people should understand. I could have paid for his freedom with my life.'

Severus did understand. They had both paid with what currency they had - paid for the lives, or in Severus' case the death, of people they loved. 'I'll talk to Lucius about this,' Severus said, determined to ease Remus' life in that regard, if he couldn't do more than that. 'If the Minister's advisor, the esteemed Headmaster of Hogwarts, is not going to be able to have his lover visiting, the rules have to change.' Severus knew before he had finished the sentence, that he, indeed, wanted to have Remus with him whenever it was possible. Wales, Hogwarts, Notting Hill. Discreetly, of course, but that was what he wanted. And it was still pure, unblemished foolishness. Severus didn't even dare to think of what Lucius would say.

'You-' Remus began. 'You are willing to recognise-' This, me, our connection?

'Oh, stop it, Lupin! You are still a puppy angling for attention and a biscuit.'

'I am not angling, Severus.' Remus smiled softly. 'I am just... amazed that you trust me enough to do this for me. The way I trust you.'

'Trust, hm?' Severus considered the notion. He did trust Remus; what had happened between them had been impossible without trust. 'I have trusted you with my life during the war, Lupin. Of course I trust you,' Severus said firmly, now that he had convinced himself. 'But do you trust me?'

Remus looked confused. 'Oh, Severus... Why would-'

'Enough to let me in on your life and work?' Severus was curious. He had this feeling of being kept out, and he didn't like it. Knowledge was power, and he could use the information to push Lucius to gain a little freedom for Remus. 'On who your customers are?'

Remus looked up at Severus for a few seconds. Then he took a decision. 'Macnair. I am going to service Macnair today.'

'Thank you.' Severus pulled Remus into his arms. 'You won't regret it. I need to know. I am willing to speak to Lucius, and I will tell him we are-' Severus hesitated, knowing now that he had stepped over an emotional border which would not let him return to his previous dislike of Remus Lupin. 'I will tell him,' Severus continued, 'that we are lovers. To know who uses your brothel might give me the upper hand.' Severus kissed Remus' hand. 'I'll try to make him ease the conditions of your contract.' Severus smiled softly. 'And I'll come back to you every day, since you cannot go anywhere until I've made Lucius give in.'

Remus felt as if he was melting slowly. There was this wonderful warmth in his heart that flared and burned, obviously connected to Severus' words and the promise they held. 'You truly are a strange man,' Remus said. 'I knew you were complicated. Two weeks ago you would rather have ran out of here, and now you-'

Remus wasn't able to finish the sentence. Just as Severus didn't get any breakfast, either. An hour could be used for so much more interesting activities.



Remus took another spoonful of the porridge. The walls were cold and damp. Thinking of the sunny May day outside did not help. The shackles clanked and clattered when he moved. He really wished he knew what time it was, but the dank cell had no clock, nor did it have any natural light. The weak candle in the corner made a pale circle of light that didn't even reach the heavy iron bars. Remus was hungry, bored, and very, very alert. That was how it was when Macnair was visiting. Remus didn't dare let down his defences for as much as a second.

He looked up at the spot on the wall that hid the one-way mirror. It was a relief to know that one of the other men was standing there, in the small, secret room, keeping an eye on things. There had been a few unfortunate incidents where Macnair had crossed the line. Remus was, unfortunately, forced to service the man, he just didn't want to perish during the attempt. The only positive thing was that Remus had a lot of time to think of Severus and what had happened between them the night before as he sat, chained to the wall. It made Macnair and his utterly deviant desires entirely insignificant. Soon, Remus would be out of here. Remus wanted this over, so he could go back to his flat and to Severus, who might have returned from the Ministry. There was a chance. Remus felt as if he had been in the stupid cell forever.

Remus scratched his shoulder. The prison uniform wasn't exactly comfortable, made from wool as it was. It stank. Remus wondered who had used it before him. Scooping up the last of the cooling grey substance in the bowl, Remus leaned back against the granite wall. Hopefully, Macnair was soon tired of wanking in his Dementor robes. Refraining from neither sighing or rolling his eyes, Remus waited. It couldn't take much longer before Macnair couldn't hold back and would come hovering down the narrow corridor to the cell. A few moments of uncomfortable anxiety and it would be over. For this month.

Remus heard a rustle of fabric outside the cell. Macnair had probably been sitting there, jerking off for Merlin knew how long. The man usually got off just by dressing as one of the horrible creatures, and by hovering outside the bars. Remus was fine with that. He could even understand the pleasure of having someone (that indeterminate someone who seemed to have transformed into a certain somebody since yesterday) chained and ready to use when one wanted it. Remus would love to have Severus naked and shackled, tied up and defenceless. As for Macnair, it was the last few minutes before he left that were bad. Really, really bad. Five years, and Remus still hadn't got used to it.

He chased the thought of Severus away and arranged himself against the wall, just in case Macnair wanted to finish himself now. Remus sat limply, with an empty expression in his eyes, beautifully impersonating a person who had already had his first slight kiss from a Dementor. Macnair preferred it that way. Remus closed his eyes. Damned, he felt awful. Playing a Dementor's victim always made him feel as if he condoned what the Dementors had done while they were guarding Azkaban. He felt dirty.

At last there was a slight creaking as the door swung open, and the whiff of cold air that followed. Macnair performed some kind of charm to surround himself with it; it just made the whole scene so much more unpleasant, and far too realistic. Macnair hovered closer. Remus was pushed down on the floor, quite brutally. Still performing the role of a Kissed prisoner, Remus sprawled there, staring emptily at the ceiling. Macnair's cold hands turned and probed and pulled, until the trousers of the tattered prison uniform were ripped open. Then a cold finger was pushed into his arse, and a similarly cold hand was wrapped around his cock.

Remus did nothing. He was paid to do nothing, which was good, since there was no way in hell he would ever find this the slightest arousing. "Disturbing" was more like it. Remus didn't have his wand with him, so he couldn't cast the erection spell. The lack of a wand was also one of the reasons he never did this without having somebody watching from behind the one-way mirror. Remus really didn't want to die just because he was forced to cater to Macnair's perversions.

He bit down a whimper as Macnair forced his long nail into Remus' slit. It was bad enough with the finger in his arse, but Macnair seemed to be unusually persistent today. The Death Eater used some time on moving it around, and Remus needed all his determination not to cry out. Thank the Lord he was so used to unpleasant pain from his transformations. After some time it stopped. Macnair pushed Remus' legs up, then ripped the trousers open at the bottom. Five minutes... Remus bit the inside of his cheek. Five minutes and it would be over. He really hoped Oliver was paying attention. Macnair was always at his most dangerous at the end.



'Oh, hello, Professor Snape.' Oliver nodded, but he didn't send Severus the usual bright smile. Folly opened the narrow door to the secret room to let Severus in. 'Remus told me you were allowed to... watch when he is working. If you are able to be quiet and not interfere.' Looking a little worried, Oliver asked, 'are you sure you want to? Macnair is... well. See for yourself.'

'It doesn't go away just because I ignore it, Oliver.' Severus had returned to Notting Hill after work. As usually it was late, the sun had gone down already. Severus had found Folly in a better mood than the other times he had been welcomed by the house-elf. Maybe Remus had told the creature that they were lovers now. He had been slightly surprised when he was let into Remus' flat, served a decent dinner, then informed that 'Master Remus Lupin wants Professor Snape to go where he wants to. Professor Snape may go downstairs if he wishes, but only into the secret room, and only if he promises not to disturb Remus Lupin when he is with clients.'

'No. But maybe today is not the day you would want to acquaint yourself with Moony's work.' Oliver had turned around, watching the odd scene through the mirror.

Severus stepped up next to him. 'Macnair, yes. Remus told me.' He felt and inexplicable spark of anger and possessiveness inside.

'He likes Moony to perform... well... I don't think there is any doubt of what Macnair wants.' Oliver's voice was cold.

'I am not sure I like this,' Severus said. 'When is it over?'

'A few minutes.'

Severus found that to be very comforting. That way he might be able not to stride into the cell and rip the man off his Remus. And maybe hex him a little. With each and every Unforgivable known to wizardkind.



Leaning over Remus, Macnair rubbed himself against Remus' crotch. The man knew Remus didn't want to be penetrated, but still he cut it so close. Remus could feel the head of Macnair's leaking cock against his opening, a disturbing pressure. He managed to keep still, and to keep his eyes open and empty as he knew Macnair liked it. Macnair's moved one hand to Remus' throat, the icy, slimy fingers sliding over it.

Macnair's breath was damp and closer to Remus' face than he liked. The grey rags of the Dementor's robe slithered over his skin like spiderweb: sticky and soft and unpleasant. The Death Eater was rutting against Remus' cock, and the hand around his neck tightened. Remus was becoming nervous. This was a bit more insistent than usual. He tried to move his arm, but the shackles were interrupting any free movement. If only he had had his wand.

Suddenly, Macnair closed his hand tightly around Remus' neck to hold Remus down. Macnair crushed his scabbed lips over Remus' mouth before he could prevent it. Remus began to fight, but the lack of air made him dizzy. There was this rattling sound of Macnair's sucking breath, and a hard pressure between his legs, as if Macnair tried to enter him.

The world became fuzzy.



'Snape, quickly!' Oliver turned, wand in hand, and ran out the door, not waiting for Severus to follow. Severus had no problem understanding. In a few seconds, they were in the fake cell; Oliver sending a hex at Macnair that sent him sprawling against the stone wall. The man flopped limply to the ground. Oliver was over him in an instant.

Oliver didn't have to ask Severus to take care of Remus. He was at his lover's side before Macnair had hit the floor. Carefully, Severus put an arm under Remus' shoulder, lifting him up a bit to check if he was breathing. Severus was relieved when he sensed the light ghosting of a slightly ragged breath against his cheek. Good. Severus pulled off his robe and covered Remus; the half open prison uniform disgusted him, and he didn't want to see his lover in this humiliating position.

'Is he all right?' Oliver asked behind him.

'Yes,' Severus managed; the anger boiling inside him made it hard to speak. 'I think you better get Macnair out of here, or there will be casualties.'

'I will. If I don't kill him myself. Trust me, I'd like to.' Oliver looked as if the opposite team had just caught the Snitch right under his nose.

'Save some for me,' Severus growled, and moved his wand over Remus' throat and the flaming red and blue mark that Macnair's fingers had left. Severus took a deep breath. Healing charms demanded calmness. He began a low chant to heal the bruise from inside, to ease Remus' breathing. He pushed away any need to dispose of Macnair in particular cruel ways until Remus' chest began to rise and fall, indicating free passage through the windpipe. The relief Severus felt was immense.

He pulled Remus up to sit. 'Can you hear me? Remus, please?' Severus brushed Remus' hair back from his face, worried beyond belief. If Macnair had hurt Remus in any way, Severus would personally create a hell for the man that would make Azkaban, including Dementors, look like a nice trip to a five star hotel. 'Please, love?

'Sev- Severus?' Remus coughed and scrabbled to hold on to Severus. 'I-' The world was coming back, and it seemed somewhat more pleasant now, since somebody had seen it fit to remove Macnair.

'Thank Merlin. I was so-' Severus held his lover, stroking his back softly. 'He's gone. Oliver has sent him away. He's never going to hurt you again.' Severus continued to comfort Remus, letting him cling to him. Remus felt so small and weak in his arms. 'If you are ready, I am going to help you upstairs,' Severus said. He presumed Remus would like a bath and to get rid of the disgusting rags he was more or less wearing.

'Yes,' Remus croaked. 'Bath.' His throat hurt, and he wasn't sure if he was bleeding from his opening where Macnair had tried to force his way in. Severus was calm and warm and safe in the middle of this.

'Slowly.' Severus helped Remus stand. 'I am going to Apparate us.' He wrapped his arms around Remus, and sent them both into Remus' lush bathroom.

Remus winced as they landed. *Think I'm hurt,' he managed, not wanting to let go of Severus.

'I know. I saw what he did.' Severus tenderly removed Remus' hands from his shoulders and made him lean against the wall. 'Do you want me to help you?' he asked, not knowing how much this had hurt Remus, not only his body, but also his mind.

'I'd like that.' As if replying to the unspoken question, Remus made a small, pained smile. 'It is not the first time someone has tried to take advantage of the situation, and tried to step across my limits and break the rules, Severus.' It wasn't the first time, either, that Macnair had gone too far, however, never this serious. There was a good reason Remus didn't want to be alone with customers like him. 'I'm all right.'

Remus stood there while Severus fussed over him, running the bath, and disposing of the prison uniform - including his own best office robe. He did not want to keep anything that had touched the filthy rags. It felt most satisfying to set fire to the small pile of rags and see them disappear.

Severus truly had a way with a wand, even despite his dislike of "wand-waving". Soon Remus' physical wounds were healed and Severus held out a hand to help Remus into the water. 'Thank you.' Remus didn't let go of Severus. 'Would you...'

'If you want me to.' Severus looked worried at his lover. This wasn't normal. Remus was... rattled.

'Maybe you could hold me? I'm not... broken, but...' Remus could feel the shock fighting its way to the surface of his mind. It wasn't as if he hadn't been prepared, it was just the fact that it had been a necessary, and not just a precautionary effort to prevent Macnair from coming this close to murder that hit him hard. Knowing he had no way to refuse Macnair because he was one of the customers who was forced upon him shook Remus more than he liked to think.

Severus undressed quickly and stepped down into the huge built-in tub. He sat down next to Remus and pulled him into his arms. He didn't know what to say. Remus had been right when he had said Severus didn't want to know what happened at work. Now it was too late, and Severus felt powerless, impotent.

Remus cuddled up, once more clinging to Severus. They sat like that for a while, not speaking, just listening to the small fountain that sent water clucking and splashing down the steps to the tub. Then Remus' breathing became ragged, as if he was holding on to painful sobs. 'I can't... he... he is coming back... a month... can't deny...'

Severus took a deep breath. He tilted Remus' head up and kissed him, ever so softly, to wipe away the memory of Macnair's greedy mouth on his lover's beautiful lips. Then Severus kissed Remus again and again, until he had established that Remus Lupin kissed Severus Snape and no one else. Anyone who tried to take a kiss from Remus would answer to him! After a little while, Severus withdrew and looked his lover deeply in the eye. 'I swear to you he will not come back,' he said, solemnly. 'I don't care what I have to do, but I will do whatever it takes. Anything that is necessary, Remus.'

Oh, Lord. Anything.


On to chapter 14