Bianca Spinks (underwhelmed) wrote in perdition_rpg, @ 2009-05-02 17:58:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! 1998-05, bianca spinks, seamus finnigan |
WHO: Seamus Finnigan and Bianca Spinks
WHAT: Seamus tells Bianca about Michael.
WHEN: Saturday, May 2nd
WHERE: St Mungo's
RATING: G
Seamus sat in a hard waiting room chair with his hands twisted in his lap. His Gryffindor nerves were nowhere to be found as he sat in complete silence. How was he supposed to tell her? How did you tell a close friend that their boyfriend was dead? Jesus. Michael was dead. Seamus couldn't get the images out of his head. That Death Eater had cradled him, talked to him, and then he'd just left. How could someone do that to someone else? Seamus fought because he was defending what he believed in. The Death Eaters were the ones attacking. It didn't matter anymore. Voldemort was dead. So were Seamus' friends. It was a huge price to pay for peace and he'd wondered over the course of the night, would he do it all over again, knowing what he would lose? Would any of them charge forward if they knew what was at stake? He let out a ragged breath and stood. He pressed his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans and he turned his back on the waiting room. He'd waited long enough. Seamus poked his head into the hospital room, giving a quick wave in response to greetings, and he crossed to Bianca's bed. He casually drew the curtains around them and then turned to her with as much of a smile as he could muster. "Hey, you." Bianca didn't know what to do with herself. Physically, she was on the mend, but her emotions were still tangled up inside her and she couldn't even begin to untangle them. She didn't know where to even begin, so she sat quietly, waiting as news slowly filtered to her bed and staring at the ceiling in the meantime. They'd won, but where was Michael? People filtered in and out of the room, but she couldn't bring herself to ask and ever passing moment made her hopes sink even lower. She shifted her eyes towards Seamus when he began closing her curtains. "Hello," she said quietly. The look on his face and the forced edges of his smile worried her, but she would wait. She would wait for him to say something before she let herself slip. He'd secretly hoped that she'd heard the news before he'd a chance to tell her but he could tell by looking at her that she was in the dark. As much as he dreaded what was to come, he knew that it would be best coming from him. Seamus was internally flailing. If he didn't speak soon she would figure it out. If he said the wrong thing she would be upset. No, she was going to be upset no matter how he said it. They hadn't gone over this scenario in DA meetings. "How're you feeling?" Stalling. "I broke a rib." He pointed to his chest and shrugged. "I'm sorry to hear that." Bianca struggled to keep her voice even and she intently watched Seamus. "I killed someone," she added, her voice giving a vicious tremble that she couldn't quite control. She supposed she could tell him about her own numerous injuries, but that she'd been responsible for the end of someone's life was easily the most difficult injury of the night. Plus, she didn't want to stall and she didn't want him to stall either. She wanted him to say what it was that he had come to say. She wanted her news. "What is it, Seamus?" He stared at her. He couldn't say it. All he wanted was to smile, wave, and leave. No, he had to stay. He had fought Dementors and Death Eaters, gave encouraging words to those who seemed less sure of themselves than he was, and now he could be brave one more time. It was what Michael wanted. He loved this girl and Seamus had a job to do. He would tell her just how much. "Bianca," he choked. So far off to a bad start. He steeled himself and started over. "Bianca, I have to tell you, first of all, that Michael loves you. He made it very clear how much he cared." His eyes filled with tears and he looked down. "Michael's...he didn't make it." He brought his eyes back up to meet hers and he shook his head, stepping forward just a little. "I'm so sorry." And there it was. Bianca inhaled sharply and pressed her lips together tightly as she let the news wash over her. Michael was dead? Michael couldn't be dead. This wasn't fair. She hadn't said goodbye. They'd had plans and he'd promised her that he wouldn't die. He'd promised. She turned her face to the side as tears welled in her eyes and spilled over. She hadn't known what to do with herself before, but now she felt utterly lost. Face still averted, she nodded at Seamus, acknowledging what he'd said. She couldn't speak. She couldn't open her mouth, because sobs and screams would come spilling out and she didn't want the other people in the room to hear her fall apart. She whimpered, deep in the throat, but that was all she would allow. This couldn't be happening to her. She'd lost so much already. Seamus wiped away his own tears as she turned away from him, nodding as she acknowledged the news. What was he supposed to do now? Did he excuse himself so she could be alone? Did she want him to stay for morale support? He'd never done this before. He'd never even been to a funeral before Professor Dumbledore's last spring. He stepped closer to the bed and he reached out his hand to take hers. It was probably completely opposite of what he should have done but it was a selfish act as well as one of comfort. He'd been trying so hard to deal with everyone else's feelings and needs over the course of the past 24 hours and he needed some semblance of comfort for his own piece of mind. He was expecting her to pull away but he gave her hand a squeeze nonetheless. He couldn't think of anything else to say. Bianca flinched at the feeling of Seamus's hand wrapped around hers, but instead of yanking her hand away she wrapped her fingers around his hand and squeezed down hard. Her shoulders slumped forward and she turned her face back towards Seamus, heart breaking just a bit more at the tears in his eyes. "I loved him too," she whispered, but a keening wail followed the declaration and the dam she'd carefully constructed around her sadness broke. She reached forward with her other hand and clutched at his arm, crying harder. "What am I supposed to do now?" He was fully aware that she was holding back and he plucked his wand from his pocket and cast a weak silencing charm around the bed. It probably wouldn't last long but it would allow Bianca a chance to let herself grieve without worrying about the other people outside the curtain. He quickly focused on Bianca again, though he didn't know how he was supposed to answer her question. He clutched her hand and gave the back of it a gentle rub with his thumb as he shook his head. "I don't know. Just remember the best things about him, you know? He was so brave, Bianca. It's important that you know how hard he fought for this school and the people in it." Seamus's words only made Bianca sob harder. She didn't care about any of that. She cared more about the fact that she would never again hear him say that he loved her or she would never again wrap her arms around him. She held on tightly to his hand and to his arm, leaning forward and pressing her forehead to the fabric of his sleeve even as her body gave a vicious twinge of pain. It didn't matter. No pain would ever hurt as badly as her heart did in this moment. She wished she'd let that Death Eater kill her after all, because she didn't think she'd ever be able to look at the world the same again. He didn't try to say anything else. He leaned forward and scooped her against his chest as he sank onto the edge of the bed. Their entire world had been flipped upside down in one night and now they were faced with the cruel realities of the aftermath. He didn't know what else to do so he would sit there and hug her until she sent him off because he couldn't bring himself to walk away on his own. He'd be there for Bianca when she needed him, just like he'd be there for the rest of his friends. Seamus would be strong because that's what people needed from him. For now he was a rock but it wouldn't be long before even he crumbled. |