Bianca Spinks (underwhelmed) wrote in perdition_rpg, @ 2009-03-05 01:35:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | ! 1998-03, bianca spinks, padma patil |
WHO: Padma Patil and Bianca Spinks
WHEN: Wednesday, 4 March 1998; before dinner and after Care of Magical Creatures
WHERE: Library
SUMMARY: Padma and Bianca study.
RATING: PG
STATUS: Complete!
Wednesday was by far the most welcoming day of the week to Bianca. It was a half-way point and finishing one relatively unscathed was a small victory. The week had already lost and she was victorious. Unfortunately, this Wednesday was different. There was an ache in her chest and, though there were no visible signs of damage, she certainly felt scathed. Bianca had agreed to the study session with Padma against her better judgement and had rescheduled the day before out of pity but all she wanted was for it to be over. There was a sense of something overwhelming growing in her and she wasn't exactly sure what it meant. She wasn't sure spending time with Padma, whose identical twin was the source of quite a bit of Bianca's grief, would help any. It was too late, however, and she busied herself with unpacking her study materials as she patiently waited for her study partner to arrive. Padma arrived in the library a bit later than she was supposed to meet Bianca, looking like she had barely slept a wink the night before. This was because, in fact, she hadn't. The night had been fitful, and each time she managed to fall asleep, she awoke more exhausted than she had been before. She'd run into Mannan at breakfast, more distraught than she'd ever seen him and ended up skipping Ancient Runes to comfort him. The lies she told him only made her feel worse. Stepping into the library, Padma looked around for Bianca and when finally spotted her, she made her way to the table. She'd given up worrying about her NEWTS the day she had to Cruciate most of her dormmates, but at the same studying it was a welcome escape from her thoughts. "Hello," she greeted miserably. Watching Padma approach, Bianca was somewhat surprised to find her looking so miserable. She'd expected Padma to be unhappy with the Carrows' decision to choose Parvati as their sacrifice in Dark Arts but she hadn't expected Padma to be quite so honest about it. "Hello," she responded evenly, scrutinising the Ravenclaw's features and feeling oddly sympathetic towards her. "Are you all right?" Padma sat down at the table across from Bianca and hooked her bag on the back of the chair. "Yes," she said as she sat down, though anyone could tell that was a lie. She took out her Ancient Runes textbook and set it in front of her and began rummaging through her bag for a quill. "How are you?" "I'm fine, thank you," Bianca answered, her eyes on the cover of Padma's unfamiliar textbook. When it became clear to her that Padma wasn't simply reaching for her Arithmancy text, Bianca shifted uncomfortably in her seat and angled the cover of her own Arithmancy book towards Padma as if to remind her what it looked like. "Is Ancient Runes an interesting class?" She leaned forward to peer at the text now, attempting to politely point out Padma's error. "Oh Rowena," Padma exclaimed, feeling rather sheepish when she realised her error. "I'm sorry - I don't even know what I was thinking." She put the book back and found her Arithmancy text and some parchment and set them out onto the table. Elbows on the table, she put her head in her hands and groaned. "I don't even know what chapter we're on now," she confessed, sounding and feeling like she was going to cry. Feeling even more uncomfortable, Bianca merely shifted in her seat again and gave Padma a brief smile before returning her attention to her textbook. "Chapter 13," she said finally, her fingers flipping through the text to find the chapter in question. She paused in the middle of chapter 11 and impulsively leaned forward again, lowering her voice out of courtesy. "Are you absolutely sure you're all right?" A sigh. "I just need to study and get my mind off things," Padma said, flipping open her textbook. She looked down at the page - somehow she had actually flipped right into the thirteenth chapter - and then leaned back against her chair. "Oh, I don't know," she finally admitted, looking up at the ceiling. Bianca pursed her lips and looked down at the pages of her book, idly flipping them to the right chapter. She didn't feel equipped to broach the subject of her study partner's twin and her kneejerk reaction was to excuse herself but she remained seated. She let the silence linger between them for a few moments before she spoke again. "I meant what I said. About discussing...things. If you'd like, that is." Bianca was a member of the Inquisitorial Squad with her, but she had also been Parvati's dormmate for seven years now, and Parvati insisted that she wasn't like the rest of them. If anyone could understand how torn Padma was supposed to be feeling, it would be Bianca. While Padma didn't want to use her sister's impending doom for selfish reasons, maybe it could help Bianca see differently. If not, well, then at least maybe Padma would have someone to talk to. "Thank you," she said, her face starting to get hot again like she was going to cry. "But- I mean... what is there to even say? How the am I supposed to be feeing here?" Since she was struggling with her own feelings on the matter, Bianca didn't quite know what to say to that. Her relationship with her own siblings was always strained at best and she couldn't even imagine the situation reversed. Indifference would have likely been her reaction. However, Padma and Parvati's relationship had only been strained for a short time in comparison to Bianca's with her siblings. It was entirely different. "I suppose," she paused, taking a deep breath and then dropping to a whisper, "I suppose it would make sense to be upset with the decision. She is your sister." Tears began to well up in Padma's eyes and she quickly blinked them back, determined not to cry again today. "Well, yes." That wasn't really in question. "But... should I be angry at Parvati for being so thick and possibly making herself a target? Or is that not even..." she guestured with her hand, unsure of which word to use, "because Ruby hasn't cause any problems and she was chosen for the sixth years." She lowered her voice. "Should I be mad at Draco for refusing to do the curse when he obviously can? Should I be upset with the Carrows, whom I support, for choosing her? Or the students who wouldn't do the curse in class for bringing this about?" She put her forehead to her hand, a tear finally rolling down her cheek. "Or do I just cry more?" Bianca lifted her hands helplessly. She wasn't good with tears and she wasn't good with answers. "I don't know." She screwed up her mouth and considered Padma's questions. She hadn't decided who to be angry with yet either. "I think...Parvati is partially to blame. Or Parvati's nature rather. But," she stopped, hesitant, and lowered her voice even further. "Parvati has never made an attempt on anyone's life. And Draco Malfoy is entirely capable of performing the Cruciatus Curse." Padma just nodded, not wanting to waste the energy it took to speak when nodding would do just as well. She knew there was something she could say, something that maybe could help persuade Bianca like she and Parvati had been wanting to do, but she couldn't figure out what it was, not when the only thing going through her head was her sister's... death sentence. "I know," she finally whispered. It was quiet in the library and while Bianca deliberated what to say next the silence was stifling. "I think-," she started but then stopped, not sure if she wanted to confide in Padma with their conversation about Cruciating their Jarveys still weighing on her mind. Bianca blamed Draco. It was his thoughtlessness that was to blame. "I would be angry with Draco if I were you. He was the only one who refused." Oh was she ever. Angry didn't even begin to describe how Padma felt when it came to Draco, though she knew she couldn't show it. She was glad, at least, to hear Bianca say that, though she wasn't sure where to go from there with it. Parvati would know what to say. Instead she just nodded her head again and felt daft. "I just," she started, deciding to take a risk, "I just feel so torn." "That makes sense." Bianca didn't exactly think it was very healthy to feel torn, not with the Carrows threatening to kill people before the year was over, but she understood. She was torn as well and Parvati was only a dorm-mate with which she shared occasional banter. "I wouldn't exactly share that with anyone else, but I do think it makes sense. They should have chosen someone else." Though she privately thought they shouldn't have chosen anyone at all. "Yes," agreed Padma, "Or just let it go, since they got everyone else to do the curse." She hated the Carrows. She hated them so much. "I don't intend to repeat that," she added. "Please promise me you won't tell anyone? I can't - I'm in the Inquisitorial Squad. I like the Unforgivables and think the Carrows run things right and I can't feel torn about this." She looked straight into Bianca's eyes, pleading. "Please?" Bianca was taken aback by Padma unintentionally agreeing with her and even further taken aback by when she began pleading. It was especially strange because Padma was repeating the same mantra that Bianca herself had been using. Though she had no reason to believe that for Padma it was a mantra at all, she suddenly felt comfortable for the first time since she'd sat down. "I promise," she said quietly. "I won't tell anyone." Padma smiled in return - it was a forced smile, but the best she could give at the moment. "Thanks," she whispered, then leaned backward, opening up her Arithmancy book. She wasn't sure what it all meant, but something about the conversation felt good to her. "All right," she said aloud. "Chapter 13." |