InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Let's be bad guys"

noli timere messorem (defyuntildeath) wrote in paxletalelogs,
@ 2017-02-12 17:08:00

Entry tags:

kali, loki

Well, I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer
Who: Nishka and Jayati
What: drinking and talking, the usual
When 2/11 4PM
Where: The Last Stop
Rating: PG-13 at leat probably for language

Jayati was familiar with bar going types, though each different sort of bar attracted a different bunch of people. People who were at a bar to drink (especially alone) at 4pm usually fell into a few categories; social anxiety type who wanted to drink but couldn't deal with the crowds of nighttime, the type who hated their home and didn't want to be there even when they had no jobs and bored people who tended to need alcohol when they were idle.

Of course, the fact that it was a Saturday changed things a bit, along with if it was a cop bar or criminal one. The Last Stop was neither of those things, though there were a few plain clothes that came in after shift and more than a few who ran in the circles she used to. She stayed out of both groups ways and didn't interfere, the local chop shop and small time thieves were none of her business as far as she was concerned.

Still. She liked the bar at 4PM, it wasn't too busy, the people tended to not be overly rowdy, and they usually were the type to know exactly what they wanted already. So overall, she was in a good mood. Better, when she saw Nishka come in. The two had started off their acquaintance in an unusual way, but it had settled into if not friendship(although it was close, if nothing else because there was a level of trust between them) then at least a solid sort of respect and rapport between them.

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defyuntildeath
2017-02-15 06:31 pm UTC (link)

Well. Shit. That was unexpected. Jay wasn't entirely sure how to react to it if she were being honest, most of the allusions to their pasts had been purposefully vague and for good reason. This threw off the balance and showed a great deal of trust that she wasn't used to.

Pep talks weren't her specialty, especially when the person had legitimate concerns and baggage with them like Nishka seemed to. So she grabbed a rag instead to wipe down the bar, trying to hide the way her face transformed into a snarl about the trip to the ER. There was only the sound of rushing blood in her ears before she forced it down--even she had standards.

Finally, "It may just drop, by you or by him. But that doesn't mean you can't take what happiness you can until then." She wasn't an optimist, and wasn't going to lie about it, "But look, heartbreak obviously isn't going to stop you from developing feelings, so embrace the inevitable instead of wasting energy denying it." It's like her, she wasn't going to stop being angry and violent, so instead she had embraced it and learned how to do it better. Oh, and to make money from it.

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nishka
2017-02-15 06:49 pm UTC (link)

She thought on that for a long time, pulling apart the pros and cons in the other woman’s words. The truth was, she was just so tired of all the bullshit. She wasn’t 20 anymore, and as much as she told herself otherwise, she wanted to be done with that life. Getting drunk, picking up guys, staying together for a short time and then fucking it up, only to do it again. She wanted…well, what she and Rafe had. And she hadn’t known it was something she wanted until she had it.

She tipped back the last of her drink and put the glass down, chewing on the inside of her cheek for a moment. “What would you do?” she asked, though even as the words left her mouth she knew she was asking the wrong person. “If you were in love with someone that…you couldn’t have…all of?” She hadn’t planned on saying it; it was as if someone else was speaking with her voice. She hadn’t breathed the word ‘love’ since she and Rafe got together, and even now it felt awkward on her lips.

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defyuntildeath
2017-02-16 04:55 am UTC (link)

At that question she gave a wry laugh, "Well in theory I think partnerships should be equal, both people should put in equally, so I would say fuck 'em" The twitching of her fingers gave in and she poured herself another shot, staring at the clear liquid contemplatively before she tossed it to the back of her throat.

Jay tapped her glass with her finger, "More?" Sidestepping the question for a moment before going back to it, "In practice though, I'm the one keeping things from the other person." She gave half a shrug, not feeling guilty for the admission in the least, "It's part of the package with some people I think, you can wait for them to change, or you can get out before it starts to get to you too bad."

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nishka
2017-02-17 03:02 pm UTC (link)

Nish let out a humourless laugh at the simplistic answer, which did not at all fit with her situation. She couldn’t just leave, because she was already in too deep. If she left now, she would be hurting herself just as much as if she stayed. It was the exact situation she didn’t ever want to be in again, but here she was.

She met the other woman’s eyes when she tapped her glass, nodding without a thought, but as she watched the liquid being poured, realized that she probably should have said no. She sipped at it while Jay talked, listening quietly, but then shaking her head. “Or you can just take them as they are,” she suggested. The thought wasn’t a conscious one; the words surprised even her as they left her lips, though they seemed to make sense as they hung in the air between them. “I just hope he can do the same for me.” She drank too much, she knew it. She couldn’t say no to anything or anyone offering her pleasure. She had a temper. She…heard voices. She would by no means be a perfect girlfriend, and it was only a matter of time before he figured that out.

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defyuntildeath
2017-02-17 06:13 pm UTC (link)

As a friend she should probably be worried about Nishka using liquor as therapy, though she was by no means the only regular to do that. But it definitely didn't seem to be helping her mood.

Jayati rolled her neck across her shoulders while she cracked her knuckles and gathered her thoughts, "Just don't accept things you shouldn't just because you're lonely, don't let the justifications outweigh the benefits." She took a deep breath, "If he can't then fuck 'em, but you might as well enjoy it now right?"

Her gaze settled on the doorway and the bit of light that shined through the sides, "The only person I was ever really tits over heels in love with said he accepted me, and it ended with me having to cut 99% of my ties, leave my home state I loved and change my name. But you know what," She looked at Nishka with steel in her eyes, "I don't regret it, take the happiness that comes even if it's temporary." There was nothing but conviction and sincerity in her words, belief never wavering in what she said.

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nishka
2017-02-17 06:35 pm UTC (link)

Slowly, a smile crept over her lips, and this time it reached her eyes. “I am happy,” she said. “He makes me feel…well, it’s hard to describe.” She looked down at her glass, toying with it against the bar. “I’ve never been with anyone like him before.” And that right there was why she was so terrified to lose him. And why, when she couldn’t be with him, it hurt more than she would admit to. Especially to him.

“Also, my cat likes him, so I guess he can stay,” she added with a chuckle, downing the last of her drink. She fished in her pocket for her credit card and put it on the bar with a sigh. “I should go…I have to work in the morning. I think…tomorrow I’m going to get some takeout and watch a movie with my cat and just…pretend it’s like any other day.” Valentine’s Day was a made up holiday anyway. Fuck Valentine’s Day.

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