Johanna frowned thoughtfully. "I... maybe. Part of me wants to, but part of me is legitimately scared about what kind of parent I'd be to a kid. I mean..." She hesitated. "What exactly has Finnick told you about what we went through?" Because she wasn't going to tell her about the Games if Finnick hadn't already. That was their shared story, true, but she wasn't going to tell it first. Chloe and Finnick were involved; that made it his story to tell first.
And what Johanna had done in the games made her sick. She'd had to do it, true, but she hadn't wanted to. Hadn't liked it. Had been good at it, though, and that made her wonder what kind of person she was. Was she the kind of person that deserved to raise a child? Did she deserve to have that kind of goodness in her life? But at the same time, if she was worthy of being chosen by Arva, then obviously she was. She just had to realize that first -- nobody ever said she wasn't hardheaded. And if they did, they were lying to you.
"But I'm here, so I mean, hey. I've got to at least have the potential to make a good mother, right?" she said optimistically. "I'd just... probably need a lot of help with the whole managing things part at first. But then again, who doesn't?"
It was strange, how talking to Chloe had made her realize that yeah, she would keep her child if given the choice.
"But I don't know if I'd keep every child I had," she said. "Which brings up how I'd choose who to keep and who to give to Arva. And how I'd feel about the choice. Which I think would be the most heart-wrenching part of motherhood."