InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "In and out my mind goes. "

Malia Tate | Teen Wolf (wantsherfurcoat) wrote in paradisolog,
@ 2016-04-08 22:29:00

Entry tags:

~malia tate (wantsherfurcoat), ~mandy slade (divine_miss)

WHO: Malia Tate and OPEN
WHAT: being thinky
WHEN: Friday night
WHERE: On the outskirts of camp
WARNINGS TBD
STATUS: Open/Incomplete

Malia, despite what people thought of her, wasn't stupid. Neither was she cold, or heartless. She simply had different priorities - survival and her own well being being paramount. That, and the morality and social skills of a coyote. All the social conditioning young girls got in middle school and high school passed her by, and so much of it seemed strange, or went completely over her head.

Which meant, in combination with all the crap she'd been through, that Malia didn't have very many friends. Actually, back home she didn't have any. The people here from her future said that changed, but she wasn't sure exactly how, and that made her deeply sad. Because despite being different than most girls her age, she did have at least one thing in common with them - she didn't want to be alone.

And even though she's slept with two guys here already and even though she was pregnant with Isaac's kid...she felt so, so very alone.

She'd tried to explain to Isaac how she'd felt, but she'd made a mess of it. She wasn't in love with him or looking for romantic fripperies, she was just searching for a connection. With anyone. Just something to give her a reason to try being human. Because really? She had so much pain in her heart and no way to know how to express it. Her sister and mother's death would be forever reflected back to her in her eyes, but it was more than just that. Stiles didn't want her. He'd made that perfectly clear. And why should he when he had Lydia? Isaac was wonderfully kind to her and she wanted him as a friend, but he was so broken and ge'd been with Allison - another beautiful girl so utterly unlike her that she knew she could never compare.

And everyone else here seemed either frightened of her, or like they wanted to use her as the butt of a joke. They didn't see the girl inside who was desperately hurting and lonely, who simply yearned for a friend she could connect to. It was something she'd never had before and she was pretty sure she never would.

Because she'd promised Isaac, Malia hadn't left the camp, no matter how badly she'd wanted to. Instead, she was sitting with ge'd back to the fire, her knees pulled up, and her head resting on them as she gazed off into the dark nothingness of the forest.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

smileslie
2016-04-16 11:42 pm UTC (link)

Once upon a time, Mandy might have rolled her eyes a such a cliché statement. But now...well, it was still cliché, but she understood the feeling still being quite real. After all, that was a good part of why she wasn’t trying to go on proper dates back home. How could anyone understand what she’d lived, let alone understand why she’d gotten out the way she had.

“And let me guess, trying to explain it hasn’t gone spectacularly?” she smiled ruefully. “I’ve been there more times than I care to count. Incredibly different circumstances I’m sure, mostly because I’ve been talking to people paid to listen, but I know what it’s like. Sort of.” She waved vaguely, huffing,

“Or, I’m just trying this--sympathetic ear business for the first time in literally years and am probably sounding like a complete twat. Take your pick, but,” she shrugged, “I’ve not really got anything or anyone else to be doing at the moment, so. If you’d like, I’m all ears.”

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wantsherfurcoat
2016-04-17 12:05 am UTC (link)

"I don't..." She sighed, defeated. "Words are hard."

So very hard. She hadn't used them for so long, and now she was trying to use them for complex subjects like feelings.

"I guess..." She paused, then just let it out, deciding that maybe if she talked enough, she'd be able to get close to the truth. Maybe?

"See, I'm pregnant. And I'm excited about it. I mean, maybe I shouldn't be, but I wanted this and I want to help Arva and all that, so it's all great, right? But at the same time I don't know who I can talk to about...well, the way I'm feeling. Not about the baby but...I mean, I really want to be its father's friend, but I don't think he trusts me. Nobody trusts me. Nobody knows me. Or they think I'm weird because I'm not very good at being human yet."

She reached up and ran a hand through her dark blonde hair.

"I don't know how to make people not be afraid of me. Or think I'm a freak. And I mean, I don't want to completely. I don't want them to think I'm soft and fuzzy. I just want them to know that I can be nice too. If they earn it."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

smileslie
2016-04-17 05:16 pm UTC (link)

Most people, Mandy thought, probably would have found it abstemiously bizarre to be listening to someone talk about not knowing how to be human. But she'd lived with someone who had sometimes been positively convinced he was an alien messiah, and she'd humored it all with smiles and nods, so hearing it from someone who wasn't high as a fucking kite--well, it was odd, but it was actually comparably easy not to crack up.

"It would seem to me," she said carefully, leaning her arms against her legs and peering at Malia, "that the simplest route would be to possibly be nice to people before they've earned it, so they know it's possible. Now, that's much easier said than done. Believe me," she laughed a bit, "I've been human my entire life, and I had to be very nice to people who definitely hadn't earned it to keep my life going, and I found it very trying more often than not." How often had she just wanted to strangle Shannon, or at least throw her out because the girl knew nothing and had taken what was the closest thing she'd had to a job as well as helping her lose her husband? But she'd smiled and welcomed the girl and called her 'luv' just because the show had to go on.

"But sometimes, faking it, or at least trying to fake it, makes actually doing it quite a lot easier. And that goes for a lot of things." What? Just because she was jaded as fuck didn't mean Mandy wasn't going to slip in a double entendre whenever she got the chance.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wantsherfurcoat
2016-04-17 06:30 pm UTC (link)

Malia looked at her like she'd lost her mind.

She wasn't about to be nice to people who didn't deserve it. It wasn't who she was. It wasn't what she did. She was pretty much the type to believe that everyone sucked and everyone wanted to hurt her until they took the time to convince her otherwise.

"So...basically I'm supposed to do all the work, change everything about who I am, and then they'll like me?"

Because that? That sucked.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -