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Tweak says, "This is an ex parrot!"

Lydia Martin personifies (eunoia) wrote in paradisolog,
@ 2016-04-07 21:23:00

Entry tags:

~lydia martin (eunoia), ~stiles stilinski (devoided)

WHO: Lydia Martin & Stiles Stilinski
WHERE: The shelter she's offered to share with him temporarily
WHEN: Thursday night
WHAT: Feels
WARNINGS: Like...probably just angst?
STATUS: Complete

It's not meant to be like this; not what I planned at all. I don't want to feel like this.

She shouldn't care. She didn't care. Lydia absolutely did not care that Stiles and Malia made out because that was the whole reason she'd cockblocked Scott. Because she'd wanted Stiles and Malia to have a chance to take the natural course they were meant to take. Well, that and she didn't want to end up in the middle of a feud between the two of them back home when things inevitably went bad via hurt feelings and broken bro codes. Stiles and Malia were supposed to be together and Stiles was the most important person in the world to her in the wake of Allison's death, of course she wanted him to be happy and fall in love with Malia the way he was going to back home, anyway.

So why in the hell did it bother her to hear about it?

Lydia didn't want Stiles. Not like that. She loved him, of course she did; Stiles was her best friend, how could she not? But the feelings that he'd had for her before — which she told herself that he no longer had because it felt better to think that way — were unrequited. She wasn't ever going to feel for Stiles the way that she suspected some part of him wanted her to and she couldn't help that. The fact that Malia had felt comfortable coming to her to tell her that the two of them had hooked up should've made Lydia happy. So why wasn't it?

And if that wasn't enough, reading Darcy's novella-length horror story of what she had to "look forward to" over the next few months only compounded Lydia's upset. This was a terrible idea. All of it was a terrible idea, what the hell had she been thinking? Lydia wasn't ready for this, she hadn't mentally prepared herself, she hadn't asked what to expect from someone who'd experienced it, she chose Stiles when all that was ever going to do was muddy the waters of a friendship that she held dear...

Lydia hadn't ever felt so stupid in her entire life.

Lying down on the jungle floor inside her shelter, Lydia stared at the wall and willed her unease to go away. Or for sleep to come. Either would've been fine; whichever had come first.

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eunoia
2016-04-09 02:26 am UTC (link)

"Honestly, Stiles, I'm a lot more likely to tell you if there's something specific I don't want. At least I think I am...I don't know, I feel like I'm losing my mind all over again, I don't know anything, I'm not doing anything right," she mumbled against his shoulder as she curled in against him and closed her eyes. "This baby is making me stupid already and it's only been four days."

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devoided
2016-04-09 03:03 am UTC (link)

"Lydia, your body is being flooded by hormones right now," Stiles said. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

It felt nice having Lydia in his arms and he knew that he needed to be very careful over the next few months that he didn't get so caught up in this whole thing that he fell head over heels for her again. Based on the rules she set forth before they agreed to this, he knew there was no chance of them actually being together and he was okay with that.

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	eunoia 2016-04-09 03:09 am UTC (link)
	"I know that!" she spat out without missing a beat. She knew that the hormones in her body were going haywire but that didn't excuse the stupid decisions she'd been making up to this point. "I hate this." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	devoided 2016-04-09 03:11 am UTC (link)
	Okay then. Apparently this was going to be a very long three months. Rather than say something else that would upset her, Stiles simply cuddled her a little closer and stroked her hair. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

eunoia
2016-04-09 03:17 am UTC (link)

"I'm so tired, Stiles...already," she admitted weakly, curling closer when he pulled her against himself. "We only just started and I'm already so tired. I feel like everyone's watching us and judging me and it's nobody's goddamned business and I'm trying to act like things are the same with the pack but they're not the same; this isn't my pack, like...I just hate this. Everything."

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	devoided 2016-04-09 03:21 am UTC (link)
	"Lydia, you are one of the strongest people I have ever known," he said softly. "If anyone can get through this, it's you. And when have you ever cared what other people think of you? You might have acted like you did, but you and I both know better." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	eunoia 2016-04-09 03:24 am UTC (link)
	As Stiles kissed the top of her head, Lydia squeezed her eyes shut even tighter, feeling the prickle of tears threatening behind her closed lids. "Are we doing the right thing...?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

devoided
2016-04-09 03:26 am UTC (link)

Stiles felt like this might be a recurring conversation for the next few months. A part of him was wondering the same thing, but he knew that if he admitted to having doubts, it would make things worse for Lydia and his primary job in this whole thing was to make things easier for her.

"Of course we are," he said. "It's a big part of why we're here. Besides, can you imagine how awesome our kid is gonna be?"

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	eunoia 2016-04-09 03:29 am UTC (link)
	She shook her head a little and sniffed, taking a deep breath and sighing it back out. "It's not even really our kid, Stiles... You're a sperm donor and I'm an incubator, it's Arva's kid," she reminded him and maybe that was the wrong decision, but keeping it when she was an eighteen year old girl herself was no better, that was for sure. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	devoided 2016-04-09 03:31 am UTC (link)
	"It's still our genetics though," he pointed out. "I mean, this kid is going to be a combination of us. Which automatically makes him or her awesome, even though Arva will be raising them." At least in Stiles' mind, that's how it worked. He might have a mental image of an adorable little redhead with pigtails who loved Star Wars. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

eunoia
2016-04-09 03:35 am UTC (link)

Lydia hid her face against the crook of his neck. Their child was going to be the product of a clinical, calculated decision by its mother presented to a biased father in a light manipulation of his feelings in order to be raised by a goddess somewhere on a sex island. As far as she was concerned, if they ever got to see their child, he or she would probably completely unrecognizable.

...and where the hell did that line of thought come from, anyway?

"Oh my God, my head is all over the place right now..." she confessed.

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	devoided 2016-04-09 03:37 am UTC (link)
	"I wish we could just, like, pop in a DVD and watch a movie," Stiles said. "Take our minds off of things." He paused. "I could just tell you the story of Star Wars, if you want. It won't be quite the same, but maybe it will be a distraction?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	eunoia 2016-04-09 03:43 am UTC (link)
	Lydia looked up then, her face drawn with lack of amusement and she blinked slowly at him. "Really?" she asked dully. She laid back down. "You know what? Go for it, maybe I'll finally be able to fall asleep," she added in the same tone before peeking up at him again with the tiniest ghost of a smirk. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

devoided
2016-04-09 03:49 am UTC (link)

Stiles grinned as she settled back into his arms. "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was an intergalactic war," he began. He didn't get too much further than Luke taking the droids home to his aunt and uncle before he realized that Lydia had, indeed, fallen asleep. He brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes and kissed her forehead before settling in to hopefully get some sleep himself.

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