Getting the basics out of the way first. I have no idea who I am, where I am, or what's going on. I don't seem to have a twin and I have a distinct lack of sprogs or weapons (more's the pity). I can't speak for the lovely young woman who was asleep on the couch beside me when I woke up, though.
Also, I really need a fag. And a mug of tea. Just saying.