InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I step out of the ordinary."

Seamus Finnigan (firewaterburn) wrote in pandorarpg,
@ 2012-02-06 01:27:00

Entry tags:

!status: complete, ^date: november 15 2003, character: ernie macmillan, character: seamus finnigan

Who: Seamus and Ernie.
What: A visit of St. Mungo's doesn't end well.
When: Saturday, around 2AM.
Where: St. Mungo's
Rating: PG-13 at the very least for language.

Seamus felt like throwing up, but he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to get anything past the knot in his throat. He'd been on edge since leaving the Leaky almost two hours ago, and the dread had only gotten worse with every passing minute. Especially when he didn't fine Dean or his mother waiting for him at home.

Seamus had been fully prepared to walk in their little house and find the two of them laughing over pints in the kitchen. He would have chewed bother their heads off for making him worry and cursed that bloody owl for being so stupid, but they could have laughed about it later. Except they hadn't been there. And they hadn't been at his mum's place in Limerick, either.

By the time Seamus got to St. Mungo's he was fighting down panic, fists clenched and jaw tense. He strode through the doors of the main entrance half-hopeful and half-dreading that Dean or his mum was there. Hopefully Ernie had found out something.

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ernsthename
2012-02-06 07:01 am UTC (link)

Ernie was right that it would take him less than forty five minutes to figure out whether either Dean or Mrs. Finnegan made it to St. Mungo's that evening. It took him another thirty minutes to finish the paperwork for a report for Dean as he was fairly sure that something was wrong.

And the rest of the time he sat at the main lobby of the hospital running his hands over his eyes and then through his hair, and then back again. Despite all of that sleep for the past couple of days (he had spent most of that day sleeping after recovering from the 'nightmare' and cleaning up his spare room at the Finch-Fletchley's) he still felt and looked exhausted. But he was at least somewhat functional now. And at least he was still alive.

Ernie looked up each time he heard the door open, and spent what seemed like an endless amount of time pondering what would be said. Or if there's any good way of putting it.

For a moment he thought he had figured that out, when he looked up again and noticed Seamus walking into St. Mungo's he promptly forgot what he was going to say. It was probably the look on Ernie's face that spoke more, sooner, and louder than he did. "Seamus. I'm so sorry--your mum--they've found her. They'll need you--someone to identify her. They haven't found Dean. I've put in a report and they should be on the case right now. I'm so sorry."

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firewaterburn
2012-02-06 05:16 pm UTC (link)

It didn't take long for Seamus to spot Ernie. The lobby was fairly empty at this time of night and the Hitwizard stuck out among the clean, gleaming surfaces. Seamus felt a bit of relief when he first saw Ernie, if only because he had someone to worry at in person. But then Seamus saw the look on Ernie's face and he stopped dead in his tracks.

"No." He was shaking his head in denial before Ernie opened his mouth "No!" The word came out forceful, loud, as if Seamus's sheer force of will could make it not true. "It's not her. They're wrong! You're wrong!" This had to be some kind of mistake. It wasn't his mum. She was fine, with Dean, wherever they were. He had to hold on to that or he'd fall apart.

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ernsthename
2012-02-06 10:27 pm UTC (link)

"I wish I were, but Seamus, I don't think I am," Ernie said with a sigh, getting up from his seat. He felt himself torn between the distance of professional duty (even though he was not on duty right then and there) and habit, and the empathy one would have towards a friend. The distance of the former was a significantly more comfortable place to be.

"Well we've found someone. And it seems likely that it is her, but you can let us know if it isn't her if you would just come with me," he said, trying to convey a degree of calmness that really shouldn't exist in such a situation. But Seamus needed to calm down; freaking out and being in complete denial with him (or even arguing with him) wasn't going to help. "Or is there anyone else--like other family--you can contact for such a situation?"

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firewaterburn
2012-02-06 10:37 pm UTC (link)

"You're wrong," Seamus repeated, but there was far less conviction behind the words this time. Ernie just seemed so resigned, like he knew already and this was just a formality. But he had to be wrong. Seamus clung to that as he forced his legs to work, taking halting steps forward.

Seamus didn't want to go where Ernie was taking him. He didn't want to entertain the possibility that Ernie might be right. But what choice did he have? Even if Seamus didn't want to know, the authorities had to make sure. Seamus didn't know where his father was. His cousin Fergus has moved to America with his family a few years ago. Who else was there? "There's no one else." The words were quiet, too quiet to have come from Seamus on a normal day, but nothing was normal. Not any more.

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ernsthename
2012-02-06 10:59 pm UTC (link)

Ernie turned away for the moment that he wanted to give Seamus a rather sympathetic look, and had walked just slightly ahead of him towards the hospital morgue. He wondered at the luck that had befallen him these past week or so.

It was enough that he wished that he hadn't glanced at his journal for the few minutes that he had that night after having woken up from spending most of the day sleeping or resting, or both. But he knew that it was important to be there for a friend, that it was particularly important for trying times such as these. He hesitated just for a moment outside of the morgue, wondering if Seamus would prefer that he just stay at the reception.

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firewaterburn
2012-02-07 04:02 am UTC (link)

All too soon they reached the morgue and Seamus realized he could barely remember the walk from the lobby to here. The looked about, the gleaming white of everything almost hurting his eyes and the complete lack of smell was unnerving. But it was hardly something he registered.

There was a hospital worker waiting at the doors, his face carefully blank as if he'd been through this countless times before. Maybe he had. Seamus didn't want to think about it.

Not glancing at Ernie, Seamus took a deep breath and walked through the morgue doors. He could hear someone follow behind him, but Seamus couldn't take his eyes off the sheet-covered body laid out on the table in the middle of the room. They'd been waiting, he thought vaguely as he drew closer with each dragging step.

The morgue worker seemed to appear out of nowhere on the other side of the table and without any preamble, he drew back the sheet.

Seamus stared down into the waxen face of his mother until his vision went blurry. He did realize he was crying until the tight ball in his chest burst from him in a ragged sob. His mother was dead. Just like that, his reality was changed forever.

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ernsthename
2012-02-07 04:27 am UTC (link)

Ernie's suspicions, concerns and fears were confirmed with the cry that came from Seamus. He had lingered at the back of the room, just at the door. He figured that he wasn't at work, and when he wasn't at work, he was firstly and foremost a friend. That's why he didn't wait in the reception.

He was one who was deeply shaken by what this all meant since Dean was supposed to be with her, and just filled with the sadness and uncertainty as to what to do or if anything can be made better. It was why he typically waited in the reception instead--the feeling of powerlessness was oftentimes overwhelming. He wondered if it were alright to approach or whether he should just let Seamus be and wait at a distance. But he couldn't really help but at least in a quite awkward way be there, or around.

"I'm sorry," he said as he approached Seamus. For lack of a better word or words. He wasn't going to go into any detail about where she was found or that Dean wasn't anywhere to be seen. Not while Seamus was like this.

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firewaterburn
2012-02-07 05:04 am UTC (link)

Seamus barely heard the words past his sobbing. He gripped the side of the table in a white-knuckled grip in an effort to keep himself upright under the weight of crushing grief. He'd survived the war, and he'd been glad for it. But he would gladly suffer through decade more of the pain he'd endured that last year at Hogwarts just to have his mother back.

Just to have Dean here to comfort him.

Strangely, it was that thought that made Seamus tamp down on his pain and swallow back his tears. He reached out a shaking hand and pressed it to his mother's cold forehead. "Codladh sámh," he murmured, voice thick, before pushing away from the table with more effort than it should have taken. He head felt heavy and stuffed as he wiped his face on the sleeve of his jacket, but when he looked at the morgue worker, his gaze was steady. "What happened to her?"

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ernsthename
2012-02-07 05:30 am UTC (link)

"She likely was attacked at some point," the worker started. "She sutained a cut on her left wrist, but had died from the Killing Curse."

Ernie tried to pat Seamus comfortingly on the shoulder, and had he a bit more presence of mind he would've wondered how Justin managed to not seem to feel as awkward around people in situations such as this.

"They haven't found Dean," Ernie added. "And I've already filed a missing persons report for him, but hopefully he's alright."

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firewaterburn
2012-02-09 04:21 am UTC (link)

Seamus's breath left him in a rush of shock. He'd thought—hoped, of all things—that maybe it had been her heart or one of those sudden brain things that struck without warning, but to know his mother had been so coldly murdered?

A chill ran through him, followed immediately by a hot flood of anger. Fists clenched at his side in a white-knuckled grip, it took all of Seamus's will to swallow down the acidic words that wanted to spill forth. Instead he looked to Ernie, eyes hard and bright and red-rimmed. "You find who did this, Ernie, and you find Dean. You lot do it before I do because I swear to God—" He stopped and closed his eyes briefly. "You have to promise me, Ernie." He needed that right now, some small hope.

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ernsthename
2012-02-09 05:43 am UTC (link)

Ernie was somewhat startled by the sudden flash of anger, it wasn't something that was completely strange or unknown in such a situation. It just was unexpected, probably since he himself just was already coping with the display of sadness that he had prepared himself for more.

He looked back at Seamus, wondering if the feeling of powerlessness to what was happened to be clearly written across his face as he felt it damper all of his thoughts. He knew that something needed to be done, but knew that they were far from figuring it all out. He swallowed the lump in his throat before speaking. "Well, we'll do our best, Seamus--that's what I can promise. Everything that could be done is being done as we speak." He felt himself being kept together through practice at keeping an objective facade, as the feelings of hopelessness and sadness almost just threatened to pull him apart.

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firewaterburn
2012-02-09 05:54 am UTC (link)

It wasn't good enough and the look on Seamus's face—half incredulous and half disappointed—made that clear. He knew Ernie couldn't really promise him, but Seamus would much prefer false hope over equivocations right now.

"Yeah, all right," he said, looking away, eyes skating over the recovered form of his mother before settling on his shoes. It wasn't all right, the hard edge to his voice making that clear, but what could he do? "What do I do now?" he asked no one in particular. He'd never had to deal with the particulars of a death before, had never even thought about it.

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ernsthename
2012-02-09 06:13 am UTC (link)

Ernie tried to hug Seamus, but felt awkward, and just stopped that. "He is still out there; and his case would be top priority at this point." Well since there was a slim chance that he'd be alive, and even alright. But Ern knew better than to say that.

"Now that she's been identified, there isn't much more that can be done right now. Vera at reception can forward some options by owl when she gets here in the morning. But for now you need to take care of yourself and get some rest." He paused to look more directly at Seamus once more, having found himself in the standard procedures and practicalities. "Since your place is not close by, you can feel welcome to stay at my flat in Diagon Alley. I haven't been back since the other day, but it's on the third floor so I suspect that it should be fine."

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firewaterburn
2012-02-09 06:34 am UTC (link)

Seamus wasn't expecting the hug—this was Ernie, after all—but some part of him appreciated it despite the awkwardness of it all. And he especially appreciated the reminder that Dean was still out there and alive. Dean was alive, Seamus told himself. He had to believe it or he wouldn't make it.

"I...All right." He appreciated Ernie explaining the process somewhat. Seamus needed something to cling to when he felt so adrift. And the offer of a place to stay was more welcome than Seamus initially realized. The thought of going back to an empty house right now filled him with something akin to dread. He couldn't go home, not alone. "Thank you, Ernie. You're a god mate." Seamus rubbed away the returning prick of tears with the heels of his hands. "Can we just go?" The grief and the rage had drained away without warning, leaving him hollow and numb and so very tired.

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ernsthename
2012-02-09 06:50 am UTC (link)

"Of course. If you're ready to, we don't have any further need to be here," Ernie said, relieved that Seamus didn't seem to be putting much of a fight around the need to get out of there, and to be somewhere with company.

He moved to steer Seamus out of the room by the elbow, thanking the morgue worker as they moved to leave. Ernie found himself just mentally needing to get out of there himself.

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