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Tweak says, "This is going to cost you $100"

lavender is sure that living is worse (lavishly) wrote in pandorarpg,
@ 2012-01-15 01:28:00

Entry tags:

!status: complete, ^date: november 11 2003, character: lavender brown, character: michael corner

Characters: Lavender & Michael
Setting: Tuesday, sometime after 11 pm at Michael's flat
Rating: General public, that later becomes naked time
Summary: It's been another long day and Lavender Brown is quickly approaching End of the World mode and Michael gets to be there for that.

Yesterday was horrible and today hadn't been any better. It was just messy and complicated and bad, really, really bad. Lavender just wanted to curl up into herself and make the world stop or go back to what it was even just a few days ago because at least that was better than this. Everything just felt so unsafe.

Supper with Eliza and Darryl or even the surprise afternoon visit from her mum didn't really do anything to fix that feeling. Of course then there was the announcement about the database with Theodore and Michael. Goodness, Michael had made it just a little bit more difficult. He said he would die for her and romantic as that sort of thing was, she didn't want it because honestly she wasn't some heroine worthy to die for. No, she was just the girl who was putting even more people in danger with ripples reaching outward to hurt a lot of other people because her database had been stolen. It was just like Professor Trelawney had warned her about yesterday was going to come true.

Now it was well passed her bed time and she was still awake waiting for Michael to come back from work. Lavender didn't love the idea of imposing on him and staying at his place, but it wasn't like she could go back to her flat anytime soon and it right now it would be good to not be alone. She just needed to see him, especially in light of how much crying she had done in relation to him today already.

So, she was folded into the far corner of Michael's sofa with a copy of Peter Pan in her lap, wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets and her comfy pajamas. It was something that she read quite often and she relished in the familiar. Lavender could probably even recite large passages of it from memory, which was helpful in that she didn't have her reading glasses. Her wand was within easy reach on the sofa with her giving her some small sense that she had a little control over what was happening. Although honestly, she was just grateful that at the moment she wasn't about to break down into another bout of tears.

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lavishly
2012-01-15 06:33 pm UTC (link)

Lavender took the book from him and put it on the other side of the sofa. Peter Pan had been one of her favorites since she was a child. There was something appealing the story of a boy who didn't grow up. Plus there were fairies, pirates and a different sort of magic. It was an exciting thing to see performed on stage, and that feeling was something that comforted her. Except she didn't quite find that same comfort in the story of a boy who thought to die would be an awfully big adventure.

Almost within the same breath that Michael finally settled himself on the sofa, Lavender moved into his space, blankets and all. She threw her arms around him, registering his questions but not enough to answer them. Lavender pressed her chin into his shoulder, clinging to him and trying to make the world feel less fragile. "You don't get to die," she said after a moment, still stuck on that thread from earlier. "You don't get to die, not for me, not at all."

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mlcorner
2012-01-15 08:08 pm UTC (link)

It didn't take him very long to figure out what was going on. She was still caught up in what he had written earlier and now he was wishing he was more like Anthony and knew how to think a bit more before he did things because he was always getting himself into these situations by opening his mouth without thinking things through first.

Michael sighed, shaking his head a bit. He didn't really know the best way to approach this because he wasn't going to take any of it back which was part of the problem. He snaked his arm around her waist as best he could and tilted his head against hers. "Lav, we don't know what is going to happen, alright? You shouldn't even be worrying about that." He knew that wouldn't placate her, but he wasn't going to recede what he'd said.

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lavishly
2012-01-15 09:01 pm UTC (link)

If it was all possible she burrowed further into him. Exhausted and worn out, she was determined to not let go. It wasn't even the most comfortable position, but then again this really wasn't about physical comfort - that was just the easier medium to find what she needed. "Hamlet died," she said very plainly. "He said he defied augury, that the pieces would fall as they would and they all died." Hamlet didn't trust the warning signs, but instead believed in special providence, that things would work out as they were meant to.

Lavender could agree with him on the later sentiments, but not the first. "I'm Hamlet." Or maybe she was Ophelia, but that wasn't the point she was making here. "So that means you have to be Horatio." The only major character to survive until the end of the play. That was what she needed Michael to be.

"If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart, absent thee from felicity a while, and in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain to tell my story." Even just barely holding it together she could still pull literary quotes from her head. On other days it was one of those surprising, but cute hidden talents, today it was just kind of morbid.

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mlcorner
2012-01-15 09:44 pm UTC (link)

Now that she was bringing up Hamlet again, he sort of wished that he had never chosen that quote for their code word. He had mentioned it because it was kind of amusing and a bit of a joke toward Lavender, because Michael really didn't believe in the Divination that she did. But he was regretting it now, because she was throwing it all back in his face - using the play against him in the worst ways and Michael didn't like it. He enjoyed his Shakespeare, sure, but he never had expected to live it nor had he ever expected that Lavender would have it bloody memorised, for fuck's sake.

Michael pushed away from her so he could actually look at her. He put his hands on her shoulders, holding her firmly away from him and looking into her face with a look of pain on his own. "Lavender Rose Brown, stop it. Stop this right now. I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not speaking in hypotheticals with you. We do not know what is going to happen and until we do, I'm not going to listen to you continually talk about death. I honestly just cannot take it anymore. I care about you and it hurts me to listen to it so can you please just - just stop." Michael closed his eyes and dropped his hands from her shoulders, pinching his nose as though he had a headache. He may not have a physical one, but he certainly had one mentally. He was so tired of this and yes, he was ignoring the fact that he had said he would die for her but that was true Michael Corner form, after all. He was always deflecting when it suited him but ignoring it when others tried to do the same.

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lavishly
2012-01-15 10:43 pm UTC (link)

Lavender nearly whimpered, recoiling at the space he placed between them. She didn't like it and it was the exact opposite of what she wanted, possibly even what she needed. Maybe tonight she was just some sniveling girl instead of the all powerful amazon warrior she was sure was in there still. She felt pathetic, but the past 48 hours had left her feeling exposed and she didn't know how to fix it.

"How do I think it makes me feel when say you wish you could die for me?" She asked finding her words again, not quite meeting his eye anymore. "I mean I love you for how you see me, how you're the only one who I actually sort of believe when you say I'm beautiful and strong, and that I'm actually worth something, but at the same time I know you don't see all the pieces."

No one saw all of the pieces. That was how she wanted it and yer she still felt she was allowed to be upset when people didn't realize that she was worse than she seemed. "I'm not saying this to be dramatic, but I'm not someone who is worth dying for, maybe I was, but now I'm just a broken dead end, who is okay with not being happy because it's not like I'm unhappy.

"And you are just so much more than I deserve and you can be so much more, so when you say you want to die for me..." Lavender shook her head not really sure where that sentence was going or even how she had got there, but it seemed like an appropriate place to stop.

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mlcorner
2012-01-15 11:09 pm UTC (link)

Michael generally didn't pay much attention to how it made them feel and maybe that was selfish of him, but he considered their lives more important and he would continue to do so no matter what they said. And while all of these words would normally be something he would say to her - or even Anthony - he couldn't process them at all. He was stuck on three words she'd said as if they were so easy to say when she knew - she knew that it was a place he couldn't go. They'd been down this road before; they'd tip toed around the subject like it was made of glass and in many ways it was because Michael couldn't handle it. He couldn't deal with it. He knew it was there, he may even feel it, but admitting it was something altogether different and he didn't know why she was doing this to him.

He stood up because he had to get away from her. He really needed to get as far away from her as he possibly could right now, but he was still conflicted, knowing that leaving her alone tonight would be a terrible thing for him to do. Michael paced around his tiny living room, running his hands through his hair, tugging at it and practically growling. He wanted to run, to transform into a wolf and flee to the forest where everything made more sense to him because this - this just didn't make any sense at all. The fact that there was still something keeping him here didn't make any sense to him. He looked at her helplessly. "Why would you? Lav, I can't -"

He shook his head and his face grew hard. He wasn't going to deal with this. No, he wasn't even going to think about this. He scrubbed his face with his hands and then turned away from her. "Lavender, you need to go to sleep," Michael said. His voice had changed from the pleading, helplessness of a few moments ago. It was now even and controlled and slightly harsh.

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lavishly
2012-01-15 11:51 pm UTC (link)

She watched him, moving away from her like she was poison. "Why would I what?" She sat up, pushing the blankets to the ground, mentally going back over what she said. "Love you?" And she was reminded why she kept people at safer distances, why she didn't let people in because she only ever got hurt. They could say all the right things, but the truth always came out. "Or rather love at all or expect to be loved in return." It was a muted, tired sort of anger. And it all just hurt. Again.

She could have kept being that sniveling girl, but his tone just put her defenses back up, wanting to be mean instead. Lavender stood up, taking up her wand and just barely resisting the urge to throw his stupid potion at him. "No, clearly what I need to do is not be here anymore." Aside from a jacket and a pair of shoes, all of things she had at his place were still in her bag. so, she stormed off to get that and then put her shoes back on.

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mlcorner
2012-01-16 12:18 am UTC (link)

He didn't understand. Why was she getting angry at him over this? He thought they had an agreement, he thought everything had been clearly defined and now he had this. What the fuck was this? It was supposed to be unspoken, that was how it worked - that was the only way it would work for him. Yet she was saying it again and again and all he could do was lose it - he threw his fist at the wall and tried to ignore the fact that he had brick interior so the wall wasn't exactly going to give into his punch.

With his hand sufficiently bleeding he had to go stop her before she did something stupid because that's what Michael Corner did. "Lavender, you can't leave. I don't want you to leave. Where would you even go? It's not safe anyhow. Shite that stings!" Michael cradled his bleeding hand in the other one and attempted to ignore it as he watched Lavender putting her shoes on. "Why are you getting angry at me?" he asked, his voice raising a bit higher in desperation. "I thought we talked about this already! I told you - you said that it didn't need to be said! I told you I wasn't good at this shite and you said that it was alright - I don't understand why you are cross with me right now! I was the one who almost said it to you first, for fuck's sake, why in Merlin's name would you act like I don't care about you?" He was really not sure what the hell he was talking about anymore. He was barely certain if he remembered what all had been said in the early hours of that morning and his hand was really hurting him and he was having a bit of trouble thinking straight as it was.

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lavishly
2012-01-16 12:45 am UTC (link)

She jumped at his fist hit the wall, her bag and wand falling to the ground. Lavender could swear she could smell his blood and it caused her to pause, torn for a moment between what to do. He had punched a wall. It was all just twisty and not okay. So, she reached down to pick up her wand, tucking it away, while she finished putting on her shoes.

"You don't have to say it!" She was yelling now, hoping the anger would help distract from the fact she was crying again. It was like all she did now. "But...God, it's like you can't even look at me or be near me right now because I happened to say something true, something that I feel, which apparently is some great offense to you." True as it was, it was something that terrified her too, she just reacted to that differently and never all that consistently.

"So, I am solving the problem by going home to Eastbourne or even waking up Eliza, because even putting up with her would be better than this." Her sister's place wasn't that far away by tube or by foot and Eastbourne was only a pop away, assuming she didn't splinch herself in the process.

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mlcorner
2012-01-16 01:27 am UTC (link)

"Oh for fuck's sake, Lavender! That's what you think this is?" He couldn't believe that he hadn't figured it out sooner, but he should have known by what she had said just a few minutes earlier. But then again, he was too hung up on those other words to have really listened to the rest of it, so that's why they were here to begin with. He threw his hands in the air automatically, but immediately regretted the action because his hand stung violently as he stretched it and blood was flinging around and landing on his things. "Shite!" He grabbed it again and looked around for something to wrap it in and when he came up short he yanked his t-shirt over his head and wrapped it around the bleeding hand.

"God, Lavender, I can't even believe this! You think I am offended that you have feelings for me? How does that even make any sense? Why would I continually tell you how much I care about you and then not like it that you feel the same way? That's bloody mental!" And okay, the way he acted about this whole relationship thing was completely mental, but he didn't really need to go into that right then. "I mean, you said that you actually believe me when I tell you that you're beautiful and strong and worth just as much as anyone else - do you think I'm just making that shite up? I don't lie about this sort of stuff, okay? I believe every sodding word I tell you and yes it absolutely freaks me out when you say those words and it totally freaks me out that I could possibly feel it myself but I am in no way offended by it! It just freaks me out. To talk about it. And think about it."

Michael moved toward her, which may or may not have been a dangerous thing to do then but he had a point to make. "And I'm not going to let you leave this flat at half eleven in your sodding pyjamas when you're half hysterical and cross with me over something that is completely illogical." So Michael decided that he should just kiss her as it seemed logical enough to him at this point, even though for any other person in said situation it couldn't be any further from a rational decision. Michael had never really been a rational decision maker though and he thought that maybe this might be the best way of shutting her up and also his hand really hurt.

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lavishly
2012-01-16 04:23 am UTC (link)

She wanted to yell at him, to tell him that she was a woman, and one that didn't always make sense at all times, especially when it came to this. Because maybe it was easier to pretend that he didn't feel the same way, to be able to put that space back between them and not let herself be hurt anymore.

Except there he was closing in on any space she might have until there was nothing left. For a moment her body betrayed automatically responding to that kiss because that what you did when you were being kissed by someone you actually liked and normally enjoyed kissing. So, it took her a moment to realize that this was also some sort of diversionary tactic, so she pushed him back. "You don't just get to kiss me and suddenly everything is better! Even if you are really good at it!"

Certainly not when his hand was bleeding and was all jumbled up. "And you don't get to be the only one freaking out over this, over us. I'm already on edge as it is, add that to the fact that you were the last and only person I've been with in five years and..." Lavender let out a sigh. In that moment she didn't know what she wanted - to stay or run. "And your hand is bleeding because you thought it was a good idea to punch a wall!"

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mlcorner
2012-01-16 05:26 am UTC (link)

Michael wasn't surprised that she pushed him away from her, but he was rather glad that he at least got a response from her for a moment, if nothing else. And the way that she spoke to him after was supposed to be angry but it all just started to sound rather funny to him which either meant that he was amused by the comment she had made or he was beginning to get a bit delirious from blood loss which was definitely not a good sign. Hopefully it was not the latter.

Either way he was grinning now but something she said caught his attention and he stopped smiling finally. He didn't really need to bring it up or even ask about it but she mentioned it and he wasn't really even sure why she was mentioning it but she was and now he wanted to know. "I was the last one you were with? You haven't tried again - with anyone else?" It wasn't as if he expected her to run around shagging just anyone but he at least would have expected she had got there with someone else by now. But then considering how the last time had went, maybe he should have known better. He never should have agreed to it, he should have waited until later when she wasn't still so fragile but it was Lavender for Merlin's sake and she had thrown herself at him, how was he supposed to say no? "Shite, Lav, really? Is it because - because of how it went? I shouldn't have - I knew I shouldn't have, I'm sorry."

He felt a twinge in his hand and his face distorted in pain. He pressed the t-shirt down over it with his uninjured hand and sat down on the sofa. He probably had a potion somewhere around here for pain, but he wasn't rightly sure where. And moreover he needed to heal the wound too.

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lavishly
2012-01-16 05:54 am UTC (link)

She was still angry, there were still tears looming, but it had shifted somehow like how things with her usually did. And things felt all over the place already. Lavender took her shoes off and stopped by the sink to get a damp cloth for his hand before joining him on the sofa. "Give me your hand." Lavender might not have been much of a healer, but she the basics of healing, cleaning a wound, bandaging it up. She certainly could patch things up the non-magical way - she had a childhood before Hogwarts full of experiencing that.

Lavender waited expectantly for his hand so that she could take care of it and at least not have to worry about there being more blood. "And it had nothing to do with you then and it has nothing to do you with since then, but everything to do with me." It was too complicated to let people in, to have to explain everything she came with. She hadn't even told Michael everything and yet he was the one who person who had the most pieces.

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