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Seamus Finnigan ([info]firewaterburn) wrote in [info]pandorarpg,
@ 2012-01-13 00:44:00

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Entry tags:!status: complete, ^date: november 11 2003, character: lavender brown, character: seamus finnigan

Still Friends?
Characters: Seamus and Lavender
Setting: Tuesday, November 11, after 9AM at Rising Loaf
Summary: Seamus comes to make nice with Lavender. We'll see how it goes.
Rating: At least PG/PG-13 for Seamus being Seamus.


Seamus tried not to take the driving rain as a bad sign as he trudged down Diagon Alley towards Rising Loaf. He could have been home, warm and dry, and spending another cozy hour with Dean before they both had to start getting ready for work, but instead he was out in this bloody weather.

He did have a purpose. He intended to find Lavender and apologise to her for what he'd said the other day. Not the bit about her being wrong about Bianca - that he still believed, especially after the morning paper - but all the rest he'd said to her. Seamus could see how he might have been a bit out of hand afterwards. Especially with Dean giving him that look.

So here he was, going out of his way before work to make amends. And maybe grab a bite and some tea while he was at it, he thought as he entered Rising Loaf and was immediately enveloped by warmth and the smell of fresh-baked goods. Seamus made for the counter immediately, shaking water from his hair as he went. He got in line behind a wizard who'd either been sent on a breakfast run for his office or was just extremely hungry if the amount of food he was ordering was anything to go by.

While he waited, Seamus looked about, trying to see if he could spot Lavender.



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[info]lavishly
2012-01-13 03:34 pm UTC (link)
Today had been one of those mornings that Lavender was glad she didn't have to work the counter or even see the front of house if she didn't want to. Her morning had been off to a bad start when she was woken at three o'clock to be told there had been a break in at her flat. And being right about what she saw yesterday didn't do a thing to calm her nerves, not when the original database was missing and to add insult to injury, Skipper, he beloved Betta fish was dead.

She had been told more than once that she didn't need to come in to work today, but she needed to do something and Michael's kitchen just wasn't good enough. And for the most part it had gone well, at least until the Daily Prophet hit the streets and people started to come in asking after her. Normally any increase in customers was a good thing, but Lavender didn't want to have to talk about how she (probably) saw Pandora Zurlo in her fireplace yesterday.

So, she had stayed tucked away in the back, not bothered by the curious masses at least until Eliza stopped by on her way to work to check in. Their relationship was strained on the better days, but her sister had invited her over for dinner later today so they could catch up. How she had actually made it through the breakfast rush and was starting on some of the desserts for the midday rush was probably more a result of stubbornness more than her ability to do her job well. Merete seemed to understand that as well and in a slower moment popped back into the kitchens to suggest that in place of her break, Lavender just called it day.

While she had been insistent to work five hours ago, now she was done. The exhaustion from it all had finally caught up with her and she was ready to go relax, especially as Merete had offered Lavender to head upstairs to their flat and rest. So, she hung up her apron, adjusted poppy pin on her shirt and made sure that the baker's assistants could handle the rest of work for the day. Normally she would have simply gone out the back, but she wanted to grab something to snack on from the front.

It probably wasn't smart to wonder how this day could get more complicated or worse because with her luck the fates would find a way to show her. So, she wasn't that surprised that during a precursory scan of the shop her eyes locked with Seamus's. Lavender rustled up just enough of that same determination from before to approach him rather than run in the other direction. "Look if you're here for a repeat of yesterday maybe we can save it for another time." Her words came in a long sigh. "It's already been a really long day and I just can't handle anything more, okay?"

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[info]firewaterburn
2012-01-14 04:00 am UTC (link)
Seamus spotted Lavender emerge from the back almost immediately. He knew she'd seen him, and for just a second Seamus debated going over to her, but Lavender made the decision for him. Seamus watched her stride toward him, torn between trepidation and concern. She looked positively wrecked, and he knew she'd been through a lot the last couple of days.

However, her idea of a greeting immediately got Seamus's back up. His jaw clenched and he bit his tongue, keeping a picture of Dean's look in his head until he could say as even;y as possible, "I came to apologise. And check on you. But if you're not in the mood..." Well, then, this was a bloody waste of time.

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[info]lavishly
2012-01-14 04:28 am UTC (link)
"I'm not in the mood to be yelled at." Lavender sighed. She was wrecked and even through those even words she could feel it. There was something else. And today was just not a good day and no one was going to simply get the sweet version of her, least of all him.

"I've already been run out of my flat, now there was a break in this morning, important things are missing, and my fish is dead. So, yeah, not in the mood for a repeat of yesterday." Still, she could stand down just for a moment, to give him a chance to make amends if that was what he was actually here to do.

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[info]firewaterburn
2012-01-14 05:51 am UTC (link)
"I wasn't-" Seamus stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose for patience before speaking again. "I wasn't going to eat your head off, Lav. I know you've been through a lot and I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry your place got broken into, and your stuff stolen, and your fish dyin'." Seamus took a breath, a hand running through his hair and mussing the damp strands even more. "And I'm sorry about what I said Sunday. That was...a bit much at the end there." Even if he did still think she'd blown things out of proportion. It didn't change the fact that he'd crossed a line and he was honestly sorry about it.

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[info]lavishly
2012-01-14 06:03 am UTC (link)
Lavender wasn't sure if it was better or worse that this was happening in such a public setting, but here they were. She bit the inside of her cheek, shaking her head at the comment about him knowing that she'd been through a lot. As far as she was concerned he didn't even know half of it. And it wasn't her things that were stolen, but one very specific item that just made her all sorts of uneasy, but as far as she knew he wasn't connected to that so she didn't feel the need to correct him, not when he went and brought up their row from the other way.

That had been a real punch to the gut. Every bit of that row unsettled her, made her question if they were even friends at all. "You know what hurt the most? Still hurts the most?" Swallowing, she blinked back the tears welling in her eyes. The last thing she honestly wanted to do was cry with an audience, but she was on edge. "Is the fact that regardless of if you thought I was off my rocker or not, it was with a total disregard for the fact it was, still real for me, and that I'm not okay. And sure, maybe it's easier for you to just think that I'm being nutty Lavender Brown, but that's actually worse for me."

And sure, she did sometimes keep her friends at safer distances, but nothing was safe anymore. That much seemed abundantly clear and she was torn between the warning of keeping her friends close because she would need them and wanting to put as much space between them as possible because she was dangerous.

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[info]firewaterburn
2012-01-14 06:28 am UTC (link)
Seamus stared at Lavender in confusion and growing discomfort. He'd never dealt well with tears, especially not from those of the female persuasion. And it really didn't help that he had no idea why Lavender looked like she was going to cry in the first place.

"I..." Seamus stopped, at a loss for what to say for a moment. "Look, Lav, I have to be honest, I don't really know what you mean. But I've never thought your were nutty. I just...don't understand. What was real for you?" Seamus was really starting to regret coming there today. The rain had been a sign after all, but it was too late now. He wasn't about to just walk out of there in the middle of...whatever this was. He and Lavender had been through too much together for that.

Seamus ran another restless hand through his hair. "Look, let's, uh, have a sit down and talk about it, yeah?"

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[info]lavishly
2012-01-14 06:51 am UTC (link)
She took a deep breath trying to calm herself down a little. Lavender led them into table in a nook, out of the immediate public line of sight. "I just don't understand how you can be supportive of Justin's decision and not even consider what I'm going through." He could disagree with her, but she needed some sort of validation. Even if it was just to say I recognize what think and what you might feeling, but I don't agree.

"What's real for me, even more so now, is this feeling that I'm going to die and not just easily, but like horribly and now before that happened or even as it happens other people are going to get hurt too." Lavender wiped at her face, to remove some of the tears that the act of blinking couldn't simply hold back. She was losing it and it wasn't going to be pretty, but nothing about what was happening to her was pretty and she was within her right to lose it.

"And I'm trying to figure this thing out and whatever I'm doing is apparently wrong or whatever but not no one is offering anything better, they - you are just on your own thing." So she kept saying it in the hope that someone would listen and actually believe her. For now she had Michael on her side, but that was all sorts of complicated. "Instead I just feel like all of these people who I think are my friends aren't actually."

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[info]firewaterburn
2012-01-14 07:40 am UTC (link)
Seamus let Lavender guide the way to somewhere a bit more private and sat at the table nestled away in the back. As Lavender aired her grievances, Seamus thought he might finally be getting an inkling of what she meant, but only barely. Because surely she had to realize that she wasn't the only one having these nightmares? Wasn't the only one desperate for relief from the recent upheaval in everyone's lives?

Instead Seamus said, "You're not going to die, Lav." His voice was steady with conviction. "There's no way some tart with a box is going to off you, not after surviving so much." Trying not to let her tears unnerve him, Seamus grabbed a napkin and offered it to her as he added softly, "I'm trying to see where you're coming from, Lav. I asked you why you thought - why you think what you do. Explain it to me." He couldn't understand why Lavender couldn't just do that. Hell, Seamus knew he wasn't the quickest when it came to this sort of thing. This was nothing new. But he was trying and he wished she would meet him halfway.

Her accusations of not being a friend hurt - and, truth be told, made him a little tetchy - but he kept it in check for the moment. "Look, we're all in the dark here, Lav. You're not doing anything wrong, it's just...We all just handle it differently."

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[info]lavishly
2012-01-14 08:11 pm UTC (link)
Lavender took the napkin from him, using it to wipe her face a bit better than her hands managed. "You know, I'm getting really tired of that. People saying that and expecting me to accept it as fact when it really doesn't work the same way." And sure she wanted to believe that she wasn't going to die, but just about everything else said that was not true. "And it doesn't work like that, just because I survived 'so much' doesn't mean I get to live, I mean Skipper didn't." Dramatic as it was, she had seen her fish as sort of an extension of her soul. He had been there with her for so many years, had survived right along with her only to be killed when the database was taken.

"And I don't know how to explain it because it's just something that is, I feel it, I've seen it and any time I've tried it's all just turned on me." It ultimately came down to her core beliefs and those weren't easy things for her to explain to people who didn't care or even sort of understand where she was coming from. Many people believed in a high power, found comfort, purposes and even guidance in religion and in many ways Divination was that for her. Only the things she learned from it felt a lot more tangible.

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[info]firewaterburn
2012-01-15 02:56 pm UTC (link)
Seamus was trying to be understanding, he really was, but the way Lavender was talking, like she was already fated to die...No, Seamus was having none of that. "Since when have you gotten so..." He struggled to find the word. "Fatalistic? Why are you acting like you're going to die and there's nothing you can do to change it? You have survived so much, Lav, and you know why? Because you fought. You are not your bloody fish." His voice had risen, but not enough to draw attention. Not yet at least.

"Felt it? Seen it?" Seamus let out a breath of frustration. "Is this about Divination? Did you get a vision or whatever that actually told you something?" Seamus couldn't pretend he seriously believed in Divination, but he knew Lavender did. It still didn't explain anything she'd told him yet. Or not told him, as it were.

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[info]lavishly
2012-01-15 04:57 pm UTC (link)
"Because you know some way to stop a being powerful enough to do wandless magic?" She wasn't really asking him the question because like he said earlier they were all in the dark here. Except for her the dark meant death and maybe that was fatalistic but things were feeling pretty fatal right now. Maybe she had fought in the past, but back then there felt like that was something she could actually fight against. There had been a possibility they could win, but she didn't feel that way anymore. This all just felt worse than living through the war, through what Greyback did to her.

"One who was watching me yesterday and probably the same person who stole my database this morning and only my database?" It probably wasn't the smartest thing to be having this conversation in public, with those curious gazes of the regulars drifting over toward them. After all, she was talking about what so many people wanted to know more about. "But hey, maybe I've won some favor by giving her a list of people to kill next, but I think that the more likely thing is it means I'm next."

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[info]firewaterburn
2012-01-15 11:45 pm UTC (link)
"I know that no one's immortal," Seamus countered. "And I know everyone makes mistakes, even the the powerful ones. Especially the powerful ones because they think they can't be touched." And Lavender was buying into it. Yeah, Seamus knew she had more reason than most to be scared for her life, but that just meant she had even more to fight for.

"The fact that she left you alive means she's getting bloody cocky. She thinks you can't do a damn thing to stop her and - Wait, database? Your dream database was taken?" Seamus had heard about it in passing, but he knew exactly what it was and what that could mean. "Lavender, you told the Ministry, yeah? Tell me you told them about the database."

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[info]lavishly
2012-01-15 11:59 pm UTC (link)
"Or maybe I just got lucky this time because I'm a paranoid freak." Lavender couldn't imagine that many witches or wizards had safe rooms to retreat to. It wasn't a normal thing that homes came with, but Lavender wasn't normal, not even close. She pressed her face into her hands, trying to make this all go away, but she knew from experience that wouldn't work. It didn't even fix anything a little.

"Yes, magical law enforcement knows. They were the ones who told me it was taken. I even gave them information from my copy of it." Her words came with a heavy sigh as a thread of guilt unwrapped all over again. Even if she had done everything that she could have, it didn't feel like it was enough, so it would keep eating at her like those damn pixies.

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[info]firewaterburn
2012-01-16 02:19 am UTC (link)
Seamus couldn't argue that point with any real conviction. Lavender had been acting a bit paranoid lately - what with accusing friends of murder and all. The erratic, if-you're-not-with-me-you're-against-me lean to her behavior was also worrying. But Seamus knew better than to bring that up, not right now at least.

Seamus hesitated a second before resting a hand on Lavender's. "Lucky or not, you got another chance. For whatever reason, you've got more time to help figure this thing out, and just waiting around to die isn't going to do you or anyone else any good."

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[info]lavishly
2012-01-16 03:14 am UTC (link)
"I'm not just waiting around to die!" She said pulling her hand away from his. It was a bit too loud, but she was just feeling unhinged right now. "Like up until recently, I've been one of the few people trying to figure out what's happening because I'm marked for some sin, for something horrible inside of me that no one wants to recognize."

No one believed her. They didn't see her and yes, most of the time she didn't want them to see her for what she was, but it was undeniable now. Or at least she thought that was the case. "So, maybe instead of everyone telling me rather emptily that I'm not going to die that you actually do something about it and not just write me off as some foolish little girl."

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[info]firewaterburn
2012-01-16 03:42 am UTC (link)
The outburst was unexpected, but Seamus far preferred it over the crying. Tears left him floundering, but he knew how to handle anger. "What are you bloody talking about?" His voice rose to meet hers. "What sin? You're talking like you deserve this or something! You think Penelope deserved this? You think Harry did? Do you think they were all meant to die because of some 'sin'?" He'd been raised Catholic - well, as much as his magic and his mother's wrangling could manage - but Seamus hadn't put much stock in original sin for all the unfairness of it. And whatever imagined crime Lavender might think she was guilty of, Seamus didn't buy it for a second.

Reaching across the table, Seamus caught her face between his hands, made her look at him. "Lavender, we keep telling you because we want it to be true, all right? You might find it empty, but I - we have hope, dammit. No one is writing you off. No one. But you can't expect anyone to help when you won't explain anything." He took a deep breath and forced himself to soften his tone. "I've asked you twice now, so please, please, Lavender, try to make me understand."

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[info]lavishly
2012-01-16 03:58 am UTC (link)
Lavender was willing enough to use anger to cover or compliment her tears. It was even better that way for her too. Anger was just easier to channel into something slightly more productive than just entirely recoiling in on herself and letting go. "I don't know! It's something Professor Trelawney said yesterday, about how we're being punished and that we are marked for something because this Pandora sees us for what we are." She still wasn't sure exactly what it meant and Seamus was probably not the person to tell, but it had came up so there it was.

She sighed, meeting his gaze through the tears still in her eyes. Lavender had gotten herself so worked up that she wasn't sure what she was supposed to explain to Seamus and make "What, Seamus, what do you want me to explain to you?"

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[info]firewaterburn
2012-01-16 04:45 pm UTC (link)
"Oh Christ, you're going off something Trelawney said?" No wonder Lavender had wound herself up so much if she was taking some sort of prediction from Trelawney of all people as gospel. "Lav, Trelawney's predicted the death of practically everyone she meets. If her so called predictions came true even half the time, I'd say a fair amount of the Hogwarts student body would be toes up before Christmas break." He knew Lavender bought into Divination, and that was all well and good, but believing anything Trelawney said was something else entirely.

And the fact that Lavender still wouldn't - or couldn't, he was starting to suspect - explain her suspicions about Bianca, couldn't seem to focus on that one hinging issue for Seamus, really made him worry. He hated to think it, but maybe Lavender really had gone a little...off.

Seamus sat back, letting his hands fall from her face. "Nothing, Lav, I..." He shook his head. "Nevermind." He stood. "I should probably go. Work, and all..." And maybe he'd have enough time to send a quick owl off to Michael beforehand.

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[info]lavishly
2012-01-16 06:22 pm UTC (link)
"She didn't predict death! Well, she did, but not that we didn't know about and..." She threw her hands up in the air before letting them fall back onto the table. To think for just a moment she had thought this wasn't going to be a repeat of yesterday. While it wasn't exactly, it certainly didn't feel any better, not when he was getting up to leave.

"Fine, that's just great." Shaking her head, she turned to him, still sitting because if she stood she could have easily crowded his space and she didn't want that. "It doesn't matter what I say, does it? So that's why you're not asking, I'm trying Seamus, but, God, there is just so much, it's too much and I'm not even sure I feel safe about anything anymore, but I'm trying and what, you can't meet me part way there?" Lavender held up her hand, indicating she didn't want him to answer the question because it wasn't really a question.

"So, yeah, maybe you should just go to work."

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[info]firewaterburn
2012-01-16 06:36 pm UTC (link)
"Don't you put words into my mouth, Lavender," Seamus snapped before he could stop himself. He'd reached the end of his rope. "That's not what I said! It's just that what you're saying doesn't make any sense! How can I meet you halfway when I don't even know if we're having the same fucking conversation?" He ran his hands through his hair in frustration, leaving it practically standing up on end.

"Yeah, all right, I'm leaving," Seamus shot back as he turned to leave. "But do everyone and yourself a favor, Lavender? Get some help." He didn't want to hear what she might have to say to that. He'd tried listening and it had gotten him nowhere. So he left the shop without a backwards glance, worry and anger churning uncomfortably in his stomach.

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[info]lavishly
2012-01-16 06:58 pm UTC (link)
As Seamus left, Lavender buried her face into her hands letting out a frustrated sound. She just felt like they were on opposite ends of the world right now and it was probably better he was leaving because they weren't getting anywhere. And who did he think he was telling her to get some help?

She would stay there a minute longer, waiting for storm to dissipate even just a little before she went upstairs to take a nap. At least there she wouldn't have to deal with anyone for a little.

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