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hermoniny ([info]hermoniny) wrote in [info]pandorarpg,
@ 2011-12-20 16:31:00

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Entry tags:!status: complete, ^date: november 08 2003, character: hermione granger, character: ron weasley

Who: Hermione and Ron
What: Coming out of hiding and actually talking
Where: Mione's Flat
When: November 8, 11:30am-ish
Rating: PG-13 for language at most



Hermione rushed about her flat, tidying the place up a bit, not that there was much to do, but she hadn't really cared much for the way her place looked in the last week, given the circumstances. Still, the place looked a bit unlived in, and it bothered her. She knew Ron would care less, but her mother had taught her better than to have her place in shambles when company was coming over. Once the place was in better shape, she hurried to the kitchen and dug around in the fridge to see what she actually had that was edible, since she'd told Ron she had some stuff. Really, she just didn't want him to find an excuse to not come over until later. She really needed to see him, he was all she had in the world now, or at least, it felt that way. What she did know was that she needed to be with him right now, becuase neither of them should have to go through all this on their own. Mione pulled a few hunks of cheese out of the fridge and found half a loaf of bread in the bread box. It wasn't much, but it would have to do, she guessed. She pulled plates out, sliced the bread, and set it out on the counter for when he arrived. She imagined it wouldn't be long.

Hermione sat down on the couch and cracked open one of the many books she's checked out of the library and started reading about the legend of Pandora once more. There were a few variations of the story, but for the most part, they seemed to basically match up. Still, even after reading every single one she could get her hands on, she felt like there should be more that she could glean from these pages. She sighed, wishing she had more to bring to the meeting than just some variations on an age old story, that most people knew already. She decided she should probably focus more on the dreams that people were having, that might give her a hint as to what they were actually dealing with, and maybe help her find a stronger connection to the Pandora thing. At that moment there was a knock at the door, and Hermione put the book down, half glad for the distraction, half nervous out of her mind about seeing Ron. They hadn't really spoken much or seen each other since a few weeks before Harry's death. They were in one of their off again spots, but not because of disagreements, just because of work getting crazy and things demanding their attention. But she needed him now, and she had a feeling he could use her around too.

Hermione smoothed out her blouse and hurried to the door, taking a deep breath before opening it and attempting to put a smile on her face, but it was half hearted, and tears rimmed her eyes when she finally saw him. Whether he was ready for it or not, Hermione threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, as she was known to do. "I'm so glad you're here, I've missed you, I'm sorry for not contacting you, I know I said that already, but I really am," she babbled quickly.


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[info]pigwidgeoned
2011-12-21 12:04 am UTC (link)
Ron thought about not going. Not because he didn't want to see her, because it was Hermione and of course he wanted to see her, but because he was afraid of what she might think of him. He knew that she'd already said she didn't care but she hadn't actually seen him yet. He also didn't know what he was even supposed to say to her, because it might be easy enough to talk to her about Harry, but it still felt like a sword in his side every time that he did. He wasn't sure if it was rightly worth the trouble.

Once he'd popped outside the door of her flat, he hesitated from knocking for a while, afraid of what waited on the other side. But he knew it was just Hermione and this was stupid of him to be worried about seeing her - he'd known her since he was eleven years old for Merlin's sake. When he knocked she seemed to be at the door in seconds and before he could even say 'Hi' she was already crying and talking and hugging him and he froze, not really sure what he was supposed to do first. Finally he wrapped his arms around her waist, breathing in the scent of her hair, surprised how long it had been since he'd smelt it.

"Blimey, 'Mione. It's alright, yeah?" He rubbed her back a bit before asking, "Can I come in now?"

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[info]hermoniny
2011-12-21 12:45 am UTC (link)
It felt nice to have him hug her back, and she burried her face in his shoulder for a second, just taking comfort in him actually being there, and also enjoying his smell. It really had been too long. Of course then she felt a little awkward when he asked if he could come in. Too much too soon, she told herself, she knew him well enough to know she had to take things slowly. For Merlin's sake, it had taken seven years for anything to even happen between them, Ron took things at about as slow as humanly possible, without going backwards.

"Of course, yes, sorry, come in," Hermione pulled away and motioned towards the inside of her flat. She closed the door carefully behind him, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment and taking a deep breath. She wanted things to be normal between them, but she had a bad feeling they would never be quite the same again. Maybe someday that wouldn't be a bad thing, but right now it just made her sad. She turned around and smiled again. "Would you like something to drink? Eat, maybe? I've got some cheese and bread, not much, but its more than what I've eaten lately." She went to the kitchen and brought the plate over to the coffee table, then looked at him, not sure what she should say. "I'd ask how you are, but that seems like the wrong question right now."

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[info]pigwidgeoned
2011-12-21 01:33 am UTC (link)
When she offered him some food, he frowned a bit when she mentioned that she hadn't eaten much lately. He was about to say something but he closed his mouth because he had been doing the same thing and if it hadn't been for Ginny bringing an array of sandwiches made by their mum, he might have starved at this point. He didn't like hearing that Hermione was doing the same, though.

Ron stood awkwardly near the sofa while Hermione went off to the kitchen. He ran his hands through his hair and then shoved them deep into his pockets, glancing around the flat nervously. He'd been here before, of course, but he was hoping he might find something new to focus on. He felt awkward in his own body. When Hermione came back with the food and spoke, he shrugged his shoulders a bit, hands still in his pockets. "You can ask me whatever you want to, Hermione," he said without really thinking because that's how he felt. "I'm not sure I know the answer though."

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[info]hermoniny
2011-12-21 01:57 am UTC (link)
Hermione hadn't recieved any food from Mrs. Weasley, but she half suspected that she believed Hermione would take care of herself, even in the face of adversity. She figured though once word got back to her about her lack of taking care of herself, Mrs. Weasley would be sending an array of foods, and possibly a howler about how she should have contacted them, or come to the Burrow even, but she wasn't really going to worry about that for now. She'd seen how devistated Mrs. Weasley had been at the funeral, she hoped that the woman was more concerned for herself at the moment and wasn't worrying about people outside of her family.

Hermione felt just as awkward as he did, but she wasn't surprised by it. It was what she'd expected really, and it didn't change the fact that she needed to see him, no matter how awkward it might be. "I know, I just figured I knew the answer already. I don't know how to answer that question either. I'm nervous about the meeting tonight. I'm afraid everyone is going to be worrying about us, and I don't think either of us needs that right now. I half want to stay here and hide, but I know I should go, if just to share my research."

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[info]pigwidgeoned
2011-12-21 03:40 am UTC (link)
Ron didn't really want to talk about the meeting, especially not like this because his reasons for going weren't at all well intended like the others. The only reason he'd even said that he would go in the first place was because he'd still been brassed with Ernie at that point and he thought it would be a good opportunity to confront him. Now hearing Hermione talk about her research and mentioning how the others might be offering condolences - something he hadn't even considered at the time he signed up - made him feel like a huge git for ever putting his name down.

He almost said that with the way he'd been treating everyone he doubted anyone would be worrying about him, but closed his mouth on that one. He didn't know how much Hermione had seen in the journals, but he didn't need to reaffirm for her how stupid he'd been recently; he was sure Ginny would do that for him eventually anyway. "I think they are going to be focused on the nightmares more than us," he offered finally, though he wasn't really sure if that was true. He knew that Harry would still be mentioned and that would mean apologetic glances toward Ron and Hermione every time. "I'm sure they're going to need your input, 'Mione."

He didn't want to stand around feeling this uncomfortable anymore, so he decided to sit down in front of the food and feel uncomfortable there instead. The change of scenery really did nothing but fill in a few seconds time, but at least it gave him something to do.

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[info]hermoniny
2011-12-21 04:24 am UTC (link)
Hermione followed his lead, sitting down after him. She hadn't actually paid much attention at all during the last week to what had been going on in the journals. She'd mostly been hiding from everyone as much as she could without worrying people and trying to avoid actual personal contact, which was impossible, but she didn't stop trying. That was why she was feeling guilty, because she knew that she was far from the only person grieving, and they all needed each other right now, not to be cut off from the group as a whole, as she had been. But even though the logical side of her knew that, she still didn't want to see anyone. Except Ron. He was really the only person she felt ok around right now.

Hermione leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees, then her face in her hands and rubbed at her eyes. "I just don't think I can take the looks anymore, Ron. I mean, it seems like I can't pass even a complete stranger without them staring at me, or offering condolences, or wanting to pat me on the back, as if that will help, or comfort me!" Hermione hadn't realized how frustrated she was with all of this until she'd started talking about it. She hadn't spoken a word of anything to anyone since it happened, now she was getting the chance to speak her mind to someone she trusted. "I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I wish my parents were here, but they're not due back for another few months. And everyone keeps looking to me like I'm supposed to know what to do, and I have no idea! No amount of research will give me answers for this!"

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[info]pigwidgeoned
2011-12-21 04:52 am UTC (link)
Ron hadn't really expected this, not from Hermione. She always seemed to be the one who had it all together and somehow he had expected that she would still have it together, even if it was Harry they were missing. It was a stupid thing for him to believe in, but it was still something he thought, because it was all he had ever really known from her. And to hear her voice everything that he'd been feeling the past week, everything that he'd been saying was quite a shock. He felt like ice water was being poured down his back. He should have been there for her, he shouldn't have left her alone like this. They were both going through the same things and he had just left her alone. What the hell was he thinking?

Ron put his arm around her shoulders and shook his head, even though she wasn't looking at him. "I-I know what you mean, 'Mione. But I s'pose-" he couldn't believe he was about to say this because it wasn't at all what he had been saying the past week, but this was Hermione and he wanted to be there for her if he could, "they don't really know what to do either so they are just saying whatever comes naturally to them. No one expects you to know how to react either. I don't know that anyone knows how we're going to react, really." He had no idea what he was saying, to be honest, but he felt like he'd failed her, not being around this past week and if he could say anything that might comfort her then he'd damn well say it.

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[info]hermoniny
2011-12-21 05:24 am UTC (link)
Hermione pulled her face out of her hands long enough to glance over at him as he put an arm around her shoulders. That felt better, more natural, more like old times, but there was still that aching hole of dispair in the center of her, but he helped dull that pain, even if just a little. She rested her head on his shoulder casually, again not wanting to push things too fast on him. She knew they were in one of their off again spells, but she kind of hoped that would be over soon, not only because of recent events, but because she missed him. And if she knew what he was thinking, she'd feel awful. She never wanted him to feel guilty about all this, it wasn't like she'd made herself readily available to anyone after all.

"Yea, I know they mean well, it just is so unbearable." She couldn't help but dread the meeting later that day. She was so torn between wanting to see everyone, and that being the farthest thing from what she wanted. She just wanted to stay there, leaning on Ron, taking this moment to just completely get away from every responsibility and pain that was weighing on her. "I can't stop though, I can't stop looking for an answer. People we know and care about are having these nightmares, and are really scared, Ron. I have to help them. But I don't have time, between work and everything else. Plus Harry was trying to figure out what happened in the Department of Mysteries the night all this started, and I just feel like I should pick up where he left off, you know?"

It occured to her then that while she was finally spilling everything she'd been feeling and dreading, she wasn't giving him a moment to speak. "What about you?" She asked, sitting up a bit and really looking at him. He looked as tired as she felt, and was probably feeling as run down and depressed too. "How are you holding up?"

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[info]pigwidgeoned
2011-12-21 10:47 pm UTC (link)
Ron listened to her, feeling his heart clench when she mentioned what Harry was doing the night all the nightmares had started. This was what had got Harry killed, he knew it was. If they kept it up, even if the two of them weren't having the nightmares like Harry was, would it get them killed too? This was the reason Ron had left all this alone; he knew that the more they dug into all this, the worse it was all going to get, especially for he and Hermione. He wasn't sure if he could tell Hermione this though. He doubted she would take it well even if he was just looking after her. He rubbed her back a little before saying, "We've just - we've got to be careful, Hermione. Even if we haven't got nightmares of our own, that doesn't mean that this shite isn't dangerous and meddling in it won't get us killed too."

The last thing that he wanted to do was talk about himself or how he was doing. He didn't rightly know how he was doing at the moment. He felt conflicted for the most part. He'd been so angry before and now, being with Hermione, he felt like he had just been an idiot - yet not completely. He still wasn't sure that they should be getting involved in all this, not if it meant getting killed. Sure Harry had done it, but Harry always had a bit of a hero complex, even if he didn't want to admit it. It wasn't something Ron disliked about him, but it had put them into dangerous situations more than once and Ron wasn't sure if he wanted to get into this one. "I'm - er, I'm here. It's a start." It also wasn't an answer, but it was all he could really give.

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[info]hermoniny
2011-12-21 11:31 pm UTC (link)
"I know, Ron," she said, leaning back into the couch and adopting a serious look. "I agree, caution is important, but we have to find out what's going on, we have to stop more people from dying. I don't know if you've noticed, but that's kind of what we do." She said it not as a trying to convince him way, but in an exasperated way that said she clearly had no idea how they'd become those people, or why they were those people, but alas, it was true. "If we don't figure out what's going on down there, then who is? And on top of that, we owe it to Harry to finish what he started. He would want us to stop others from dying." Hermione felt her heart sink saying those words, they were true, but they hurt. She would love to let someone else take over, but she wasn't sure she trusted anyone else.

She offered him a small smile. "Yes, you are here. I suppose that's a good start, but it doesn't really answer the question." She put her hand hand on his shoulder and gave him a small, reasurring squeeze. "I don't want you to drink yourself into trouble, Ron," she said, taking a slightly more serious note than she really wanted to, but she figured she was one of the few people who could actually get through to him too. Hell, if it got to it, she would get Ginny to help her organize some kind of intervention to kick his ass into shape. "I'd die if I lost you too," she added as emphasis to her pervious statement.

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[info]pigwidgeoned
2011-12-22 12:33 am UTC (link)
Ron sighed at her words. It may have been what they did five years ago, but that was because of who they were friends with; it had been a incidence they had fallen into, it wasn't something they had chosen to do on their own. And it was the DMLE's job to figure this shite out anyway, not the DA's; he just didn't want Hermione or any of his other friends putting themselves into danger when they didn't need to. And of course she said it, the thing he had been so angry at Ernie for saying. Yet this was Hermione and she did know what Harry would want of them - what Harry would want of Ron. Was he doing anything right by his best mate? Or was he turning out to be the biggest disappointment a friend could ask for? "I know, Hermione, and you're right. Harry would want us to stop others from dying. Us: the DMLE, whose job it is to protect people. Harry was an Auror, 'Mione and that was his job. It's my job too. We're working on these cases and we'll use what the DA can provide us with to help solve them." He felt a bit bad, telling her that she shouldn't be involved in this knowing what she was capable of, but having already lost Harry, he wasn't willing to lose her too.

Ron covered her hand with his own and squeezed it. "I'm fine, Hermione. Don't worry about it." He didn't really want to consider her last statement, which was basically the same for him as it was for her. It was best not to think about that.

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[info]hermoniny
2011-12-22 01:05 am UTC (link)
Hermione stared at him as he spoke, not fully surprised at what he was saying, but not agreeing with it in the slightest. She frowned, not hurt, but not happy about this either. "Ron, I know you are saying this to keep me out of the line of fire, but if you think for a second that I'm going to sit around and let other people do things while I do nothing, then you really don't know me well at all." She shook her head a little. "Maybe at one point in the past I may have been able to let the authorities take care of things, but I just can't now. Too many years of jumping into the middle of things that were none of our business I guess, it's a hard habit to break." Mione leaned forward again and pushed the pile of books around on her coffee table to show how much she'd been doing and how little it had helped so far. Clearly she needed to focus her efforts somewhere else, and while she had her ideas of where to go, she decided right now was no the best time to bring that up to Ron.

She smiled a little when he squeezed her hand. It was more comforting than she'd expected it to be. "No, you're not. But neither am I, and I would be more worried if you were fine right now." She held onto his hand and leaned her head against it as well, just taking a moment to sit in silence.

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[info]pigwidgeoned
2011-12-22 07:55 pm UTC (link)
Ron knew that she would say this, but it didn't mean he was done trying. If she didn't know that then she didn't know him at all. "I didn't mean for you to do nothing. But this isn't Voldemort, Hermione. We don't know what we're dealing with this time. We can't just jump headfirst into this." He knew that the DA was meeting for this purpose, but that wasn't the reason he had even agreed to go. They were just lucky that some of them had some training in investigation now.

He looked over at her, resting her head on his hand, on his shoulder and he realised how much he missed it. How much he'd missed her and missed this. Ron loved Hermione with all of his heart and couldn't imagine being with anyone else no matter how many times their relationship seemed to fall apart over the past five years. They always came back to one another and even if she did somehow find someone better than him, he did not ever see himself finding anyone else in the world that was as amazing as Hermione Granger was. "You've just got to be careful, 'Mione."

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[info]hermoniny
2011-12-23 03:48 am UTC (link)
She rolled her eyes a little, "It's just frustrating. I'm not even working in a deparment that is useful right now. I feel like I'm wasting time in my department, when I could be putting my skills to better use somewhere else. I didn't even go into work the last few days because I couldn't bring myself to spend time on anything other than research. Not that being burried in the library is good for me either, but at least I have a better chance of coming across something useful there than I do at work."

Hermione missed it as well. She loved him just as much, even when they were fighting or in one of their off moments, and even if he thought there might be someone better than him out there for her, she didn't. After everything they'd been through together, she couldn't imagine ever sharing her life with anyone else, and she didn't want to. "I will be, I promise. But only if you will be too."

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[info]pigwidgeoned
2011-12-23 05:45 am UTC (link)
Ron raised an eyebrow at her. "Hermione Granger not going into work? Isn't that like you missing a lesson or not studying for a test?" He offered a bit of a smile, because it did sound a bit odd for her to do that, although they had skipped an entire school year too. Of course she would have had to be on the run anyhow being Muggleborn so it didn't make much difference in the end.

He nodded and lifted his free hand to brush some hair out of her face, but really he just wanted to touch her cheek. "I promise."

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[info]hermoniny
2011-12-23 06:04 am UTC (link)
She laughed a little and looked up at him. "I know, it's downright blasphemous! They probably think I've died or gone insane, or both." It really was quite outrageous, and it felt completely wrong to her, but at the same time, more important things demanded her attention, so she didn't feel bad about it, and her boss had said she could take some time off after Harry's death, which she hadn't done right away. He hadn't specified how much time though.

She smiled at him as he brushed the hair from her cheek, and nodded in response to him. She leaned up then and planted a kiss on his cheek. "I hadn't realized just how much I've missed you the last few weeks." she said with another small smile.

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[info]pigwidgeoned
2011-12-23 06:43 am UTC (link)
Normally it wouldn't really matter, her making a joke like that, but these days it just didn't sit right, especially not right after Harry. He knew it was just a joke but he still felt uncomfortable hearing it but he tried not to let it show. He hadn't taken any time off work, though it probably would have been better if he had. Of course it's not like they were letting him anywhere near Harry's case anyway.

He gave her a rather crooked grin in response, nodding. "Yeah, I know what you mean." Ron leaned forward then and pulled her into a hug because it felt like the right thing to do but also because he just hadn't had the comfort from anyone else for a while and maybe he had needed it. He'd been offered it, of course, but he just didn't think he could accept it from anywhere else. None of them could understand, not like Hermione could. He hadn't meant for it to go like this, for his chest to clench in the way it was now, for these feelings to burst through him and then the words—the words he'd been avoiding all week, "I miss him, 'Mione." His voice cracked a bit, and he held onto her tightly. "I dunno what to do now."

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[info]hermoniny
2011-12-24 03:06 am UTC (link)
Hermione's face fell again when she realized that the joke hadn't gone over quite the way she'd intended. All she wanted was to see him smile, but that was asking a lot this close to everything that had happened. Still, she'd be damned if she wasn't going to try and find a way to make him smile again, maybe not today, but some time soon.

She was glad to hear he'd missed her too, even before Harry had died. At least it wasn't just her. When he pulled her into him, she wrapped her arms around him and tucked her head under his chin. She felt infinitely better in that moment than she had all week. She'd also been offered comfort from elsewhere, but hadn't taken it. It hadn't felt right. But Ron was Ron, she'd never turn away from him, especially after she heard his next words. She felt her throat close up a bit as a few tears leaked down her cheeks. And here she thought she'd cried to the point where she wouldn't ever cry again. "I know," she whispered. "I miss him too, so much." She didn't know what to do either. She felt like she was spiralling out of control, it was only a matter of time before she crashed. "I just keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare."

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[info]pigwidgeoned
2011-12-26 05:17 am UTC (link)
He felt like if he let go of her then he'd lose control of himself and everything else in the world. Things had been so wrong lately and the only thing that made much sense right now was her. She was all that he had left of Harry and he had to hold onto her as tightly as he could for fear of losing his best mate completely. "I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm good enough to make it without him."

Ron wasn't incompetent, but he had always had Harry by his side and they'd always worked together. Now he just wasn't sure if he could go it alone. He had Hermione, but it wasn't exactly the same, seeing as he saw Hermione in a different way these days than he had before so their relationship wasn't like his and Harry's had been. Ron was what Harry would miss most in the world and while Hermione might be the love of Ron's life, Harry was probably the one that Ron would miss the most as well.

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