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lavender is sure that living is worse (lavishly) wrote in pandorarpg,

The adrenaline seemed to burning off now, the immediate fear passing and settling on that sort of uneasy clarity or at least something like clarity. The pieces were falling into place. Even if she was still trembling, she grounding herself in the waking world, which could be just as bad as her nightmares.

A sad smile fell across her face as she watched him react. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but she saw what she needed to see. "Except that you are there and I'm here."

She was so conflicted, so contrary. What she wanted was not at all clear in how she acted or even in what she asked for. Lavender was divided and truly torn about everything, especially who she was. She wasn't sure she would ever be able to trust herself, she didn't even think that he trusted her. And yet she wanted him to lie to her, to hold her, and tell her everything was going to okay, when she knew it wasn't. Or even that she couldn't have that.