InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Snoogans."

michael corner is reluctantly growing up (mlcorner) wrote in pandorarpg,
@ 2011-12-08 18:02:00

Entry tags:

!status: complete, ^date: november 06 2003, character: lavender brown, character: michael corner

Characters: Lavender Brown and Michael Corner
Setting: Lavender's flat, 6 November 2003, 7:42pm
Rating: PG
Summary: Michael is going to get Lavender to let someone in if he has to force himself in—which he just might.

Michael was really worried about Lavender after writing back and forth with her in the journals. She didn't sound anything like herself and he really didn't know exactly what was wrong with her but with the nightmares he just wasn't sure how stable she was and if she should be on her own. She'd never admit to anything otherwise but that didn't really matter to him just then; he wanted to know that she was safe and the only way to do that was to go to her flat and see for himself and stay with her if need be.

His original plan was to try and con her into going to the meeting but he wasn't really thinking about that anymore after seeing how she reacted to him in the margins. She seemed so unwound and the way she was talking about dying, he was just so worried for her. He didn't live that far from her now and the walking did him some good to clear his head. He knew she wouldn't react well to his storming her place like this, but he would deal with the consequences as they came. Michael stopped at the cafe to grab some food for them both before continuing toward her flat. He had to hope that she would at least open the door for him so that he could push his way in before she slammed it in his face or he may not even get in—but he had to get in. He had to be there for her. He didn't care how angry she was, it was better than her being alone.

He raised a hand and knocked quietly, hoping that it would make her think it was someone else. Michael was generally a loud and boisterous knocker. If she didn't open the door, he'd have to try and break in. What if she was hurt or in some sort of trouble? He'd have to do it, for her sake.

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lavishly
2011-12-10 03:41 pm UTC (link)

He was too close now. Too close and she needed space. She could feel the lump in her throat filled with the uncertainty of what came next. All she knew was that it was a little bit safer if she didn't look at him in the eyes. Except that at this distance it was unavoidable, she couldn't not look as those words weighed heavily.

After a moment she pulled away from him, a swirl of anger and tears picking up in her stomach. "Don't you get it?" It was desperate now as she went over to the side table to pick up her deck of cards. "I'm not giving up, Michael, it's just..." As she spoke, she shuffled the cards before laying them out in a five card spread. Lavender might have preferred the Celtic Cross, but it didn't matter. It was more or less the same cards every time.

"It's going to happen and nothing has changed, all afternoon no matter was spread I use it's the same thing with the same stupid cards." This spread was the nine of wands, the moon, the emperor reversed, the wheel of fortune reversed and of course her favorite card of all the three of swords. She looked over at the spread and then up at him, even if he had failed Divination her face told a lot.

"And I'm pretty sure that Bianca Dunstan is going to snap and kill someone else, because she's having visions. And she was here yesterday. She's seen where I live." That was just asking for trouble, inviting it in her home. In a way what that facing it head on? She wasn't running from this - not that she could even if she wanted to. "And it's all just the stupid three of swords."

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mlcorner
2011-12-10 07:27 pm UTC (link)

Michael really wanted to tell her that it all meant absolutely nothing, that they were just cards and that lying them out was just a coincidence: a mathematical-statistical chance and no fate or future was even involved—but he could see in her face that saying that wouldn't help her. She had always believed in Divination and he never had and they would never agree on the subject, but he wasn't going to break her heart anymore than it already was.

He hadn't done well in that subject in school so he really had no idea what she was trying to tell him. The best thing he could do now was to ask her and get some perspective on the situation so that maybe he could change her mind. Divination was completely subjective and she was most likely twisting it to fit her own disastrous needs. "Okay, Lavender. What does it mean, then? What do these cards tell you exactly?" He pointed at random to the moon and the three of swords, remembering them vaguely from lessons but not what they meant.

Michael felt himself go rigid and he grabbed Lavender by her upper arms, making her face him. "What do you mean, kill someone else? Why do you think that Bianca has killed people, Lav? Did she threaten you? Are you alright?" He started looking her over for obvious signs of abuse but he hadn't seen any before. He felt his blood rising at the very thought of it and hearing her name someone as the aggressor in these attacks made him quite angrier than he'd expected he'd be.

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lavishly
2011-12-10 07:58 pm UTC (link)

She believed in divination because it hadn't proved her wrong yet. Lavender shot him a look as he tried to point out a few of the cards, wondering if he pointed to The Moon on purpose or because of it's location or because of the wolf and dog on it. And it drew him the same way she always seemed to pull it this time of the month.

The spread said essentially what all of them had said before. They were unprepared for the darkness that was coming, that was ripe with bad luck, failure and the unexpected. Nothing about the spread was good. Certainly not the three of swords outcome that meant all they had to look forward to was sorrow, loss and betrayal.

However, she didn't have a chance to explain any of that before he grabbed her. She winced at the contact because it hurt as much as it shocked her. "She's having visions," said Lavender as though that explained everything. "About a red haired woman doing terrible thing, the same one that's showing up in the not nightmares and she seemed pretty shaken up about it."

It was possible, there were certainly lots of different ways a person could be controlled - possession, imperius, and even a few muggle ways with conditioning and triggers. "I don't think she aware of it though."

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mlcorner
2011-12-10 08:22 pm UTC (link)

Michael released her shoulders, shaking his head a bit. "Sorry, Lav," he said, and ran his hands down her arms a bit as though he could smooth away any sort of initial pain he might have caused by grabbing her so suddenly. "So she's not having the nightmares, she's having visions instead?" Michael asked, though it wasn't actually a question. Did that really make a difference? Maybe she was just reacting differently than the others.

"Lavender, did she give you any sort of indication that she might be behind it, even unaware? Do you really think it could be her?" He understood gut feelings, certainly, but Lavender was a bit unhinged at the moment, believing whatever she did about these cards which he'd forgotten about with the mention of Bianca, and he wasn't sure if she was truly thinking straight about this. Bianca didn't really seem the type and while that didn't matter necessarily, they had to have a bit more to go on than Lavender being overly stressed to where she was tossing blame every which way. Michael still had hold of her upper arms without having realised he hadn't let go and was trying to soothe her as best he could by rubbing them lightly with his thumbs as he spoke.

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lavishly
2011-12-10 08:53 pm UTC (link)

Lavender was a bit unhinged at the moment, but for good reason. She would like to see anyone in her position be calm about any of this. "She's just having visions, no nightmares, and it really seemed to bother her, not to mention people don't just have visions for no reason. And now she knows that I'm looking into, that I might even be on to her." And that made her a target, just like Theodore Nott seemed to be telling her. While she had considered using herself as bait to lure out the person behind all of this, at least that would be on her own terms.

"And there are the cards, they all point to some sort of deception, a duality, the unknown and I mean it's not like no one has ever done anything they didn't want to or know about." So yes, all of that was to say that Lavender really did think it could be Bianca. Certainly enough to have worked herself further into frenzy over it. "But please, Michael, enlighten me about how it couldn't be Bianca?"

She was snapping at him, but she wasn't mad at him, not really, just annoyed that he wouldn't simply trust or believe her. Like she was the one under scrutiny when really she was just trying to find answers and conventional thinking didn't seem to be helping any.

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mlcorner
2011-12-10 09:18 pm UTC (link)

Michael groaned and leaned against the table then, rubbing his face with a hand. This was not good news anyway he heard it. She had some valid points, but that did not mean that they could just go after this woman without any sort of evidence, but he was going to alert the DA and Ernie to keep an eye on Bianca after this because he did not want Lavender in danger, no matter what. She had enough going on as it was.

"Alright so this is a possibility then. We will take it to the DA meeting and let them know what you've found out. It might give us some place to start." Michael sighed when she snapped at him. "Look, Lav, I'm here, aren't I? I don't know if it is Bianca or not and you don't know that for certain yet either. We can't just accuse her on that alone. We need more information than this. Stop assuming everyone is against you, will you? We're in the DA together, we're here to solve this together."

He pushed away from the table and turned around to face it. "Anyway, tell me about these cards now. What does the three of swords mean?" He looked at the card, the swords piercing through a heart and figured the general idea was rather clear, but it didn't seem to mean death, did it? And his eyes kept wandering back to the moon card, where the wolf and dog looked up at the moon and he wondered if she disliked the card, regardless of its meaning.

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lavishly
2011-12-10 09:44 pm UTC (link)

Lavender fell back onto her sofa. She didn't want to be standing anymore. She didn't even really want to be talking about this anymore, but here they where and once she started, she just couldn't stop. It would all just keep coming until it was all out or she completely lost it.

"The three of swords, the lord of sorrows, it's not a card you want and it's certainly not a card you want in any sort of future position and it keeps showing up there." She wrapped her arms over her chest, trying to ground herself. But her voice showed her hurt, lacking it's usual tenor. "It means we're going to suffer, that something is going to be lost, shattered, broken - physically and emotionally."

She swallowed, pressing her eyes closed as she continued. Lavender didn't need to look at the cards to know the story they told. "And the cards placed along side it are always bad. The nine of wands reversed as the root of the problem - unpreparedness, the faltering of the will. It means we're not strong enough to face this and it doesn't matter what we do because it's right there with the good old reversed wheel of fortune, so it's written, and it's bad luck, failure."

So, yes, Michael this was why Lavender Brown thought she was actually going to die this time.

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mlcorner
2011-12-10 10:13 pm UTC (link)

Michael remembered now why he didn't like Divination. People saw these things and decided that if it was completely pointless to even try to fight. Michael had tried to ignore the war once and he'd seen where that had got him. Death. Destruction. He'd never make the mistake of inaction again because if there was one certainty, it was that doing nothing would definitely insure that you would let someone die and he wasn't going to let that happen again. If he had to keep Lavender alive himself because she was too bloody stubborn to take care of her own future, he'd damned well do it and willingly too. Michael did not know what his usefulness was in this world at the moment, but he did know that he was at least good enough to help others who might be more important to this world than himself, so he'd gladly risk his life for them and not think twice about it.

Michael sat down next to her, quiet for a long time. Finally he spoke quietly, saying, "So that's it? That's all Divination does for you? You find out something bad is going to happen and you give up? It's inevitable so you don't do a bloody thing about it?" He shook his head, looking forward instead of at her. "I don't know about you, but I make my own sodding future; I don't let some cards tell me how my fate is going to pan out. I've got a brain, I've got two hands, I've got a brilliant group of friends who want to figure this shite out and change it and that's what I plan to do.

"You say it doesn't matter what we do, but it does. It will always matter, Lavender. Because doing something will always give us a chance of changing the outcome, whereas doing nothing will surely make your cards right. If that is what you're trying to do then fine, give up, but that isn't the Lavender that I knew. That isn't the Lavender who was making the database and trying to find the connections between the nightmares and the spots. It's been life or death for us before, Lavender, but you didn't quit then; I just can't believe that you would do that now."

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lavishly
2011-12-11 06:11 pm UTC (link)

She scrunched her face up letting out a sound of disgust. On most day she could take a bit of teasing about the fact that she practiced and believed in divination. But that didn't feel like this and today was not most days, far from it.

"So, I don't have a brain or two hands? That I'm just some foolish girl who doesn't know anything?" Lavender stood up from the couch, wanting to put space between them now before she started hitting him again. "That I can't be both - interesting in figuring something out but also practice a legitimate branch of magic?"

She was an ocean of emotions tonight, the waves surging on the shore. And she felt absolutely no reason to apologize for it, not tonight at least. Not when this started with her throwing carrots at him and he followed her into her home. But maybe they had come to a parting of ways. "You know, I sort of expected better of you, silly me, but as that's clearly not the case and if you're going to be this way, maybe you should just go."

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mlcorner
2011-12-11 07:53 pm UTC (link)

Michael groaned loudly. This was not at all the message he was trying to get across but of course this was how she was going to take it. He never had any luck with this sort of shite and when it came to Lavender, it seemed like everything he said got worse and worse by the second. "No, shite, Lav, that is not what I meant! I was just telling you that I—bloody hell!" Michael leaned forward on the sofa and grabbed two fist fulls of his hair, pulling at it in frustration. He stayed this way for a moment, until finally he ran his hands over his face, rubbing vigorously, trying to figure out how the hell he was supposed to amend what he said in the way he had meant it for her to take it.

"I wasn't saying that you don't have any of those things, alright? All I was saying is that we have these tools and we can use them to change whatever future your Divination might say we've got ahead of us. I wasn't even talking about you then!" Michael sighed and stood up as well. "For Merlin's sake, Lavender, you honestly think I would say something like that to you? I don't agree with you about Divination, but I respect you and I respect your opinions. You are far beyond foolish and like I told you, we need your help if we are going to beat this thing because we are only as far as we are thanks to you." He was walking toward her as he spoke, reaching out to her in his explanation to pull her into another hug.

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lavishly
2011-12-11 09:19 pm UTC (link)

"Well, you just did, so yeah, I do think that you could say those sort of things about me even if you like didn't mean it exactly, it was still there."

Lavender stepped away from him avoiding a second attempt at a hug. He had snuck up on her last time, but this time she was watching him. "And you say it respect me and my opinions, but why not when I say that it's inevitable? Yes, the three of swords in a future spot can be a warning sign, but when paired with the wheel of fortune. It means what is going to happen, is going to happen."

The things were already in motion and nothing was happening that it could change it. And maybe she was caught up in the worst possible situation, but she wasn't known to be the most logical or rational person. With a sigh she walked around the sofa, putting that large piece of furniture between them. "And God, Michael, do ever stop to think that if you accept fate you might actually be able to do something?"

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mlcorner
2011-12-11 09:58 pm UTC (link)

"No, Lavender, I said something that you took the wrong way. That's not even what I meant, you're just pulling whatever meaning you want to hear out of my words. If I thought you were being foolish then I would just bloody say so; I don't like playing games." He felt his shoulders slump because he was beginning to lose his fight with her. He was going to just let her have her way if she was going to start saying what he did and didn't mean by things.

Michael threw his hands in the air at her words. He was frustrated now. He was trying to understand her logic but he wasn't getting it and the last bit she spoke pushed him over the edge, hit him in a tender spot he wasn't willing to ever go to. Michael didn't get angry often, but he was angry now and he wheeled to face her, standing behind the sofa. "Accept it? You want me to accept fate? You want me to just be okay with the inevitability of people around me dying for no fucking reason? People I care about, people I love? You think that I should have just accepted that my sister was going to die 13 years ago and then maybe I would have been more useful in saving her? Is that the answer, Lavender?"

He turned toward the table with the cards still laid out over it and swiped them off of it in one angry sweep, not even watching as they scattered randomly to the floor around the room. Michael was looking at her again and now he had tears pricking his eyes as he spoke. "You think this shite would have made me a better brother? Would have helped me save her? Because I don't think so, Lav! If it's going to happen, then so be it. All I know is I'm going to fight it until my dying breath because I will not lose anymore people that I love to something so senseless again! Just like I refuse to lose you even if you've already given up on yourself!"

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lavishly
2011-12-11 10:28 pm UTC (link)

"Sometimes people do die for no good reason!" She was yelling now, although she wasn't sure when it had escalated this far, maybe they had always been here, but just covered in calmer tones. Except the moment her cards went flying she just decided to let it all go. "And sometimes monsters attack and life is never the same again, ripping the bottom right out from under you."

She was shaking now. Lavender could feel her hands tremor, but she stood strong, trying to ignore the tears she could see in his eyes. "The big moments are always going to come because somethings are written and you can't change those, but that doesn't mean you can't be prepared. Because how we act after them and hell even how we face them, that determines what sort of person you are."

Lavender looked away from him, walking over to her side table to pull out the journal. That little book held all of the original copies of the database and all her notes so far around what was happening, including her readings. "And I would give my life a dozen times over if it meant that even one of them got to live." And because she hadn't throw enough things at him tonight, she chucked her journal at him. "Because I'm not living, I'm barely worth fighting for. I had my big moment, nearly died in the process. But I survived, big bloody deal, because we all know that I'm a complete mess and it's pretty clear exactly what sort of person I am now."

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mlcorner
2011-12-11 11:06 pm UTC (link)

"Well I won't accept that! Not now, not ever!" No one should die for any reason except for having grown old and lived a full life and Michael didn't want to see it any other way.

He didn't know why she was telling him that because he already knew that. That's what he had been saying all along. That's what he had been saying to her, had been thinking that she was not doing, but now he was beginning to see he might have been getting it wrong. Maybe she wasn't just giving up because of the prediction, maybe she was attempting to do something similar to what Michael was: give up her life for others' lives that she thought were worth more than hers. But that didn't make sense to him because Lavender had more potential than he did, so how could she be thinking like that?

Michael didn't even bother to try and catch the journal, he was too busy trying to listen to what she was saying. He side-stepped it and it hit the ground next to his feet and scattered pages on the floor. He shook his head more and more as she went on, not believing the words she spoke. It was ridiculous, every word of it, yet he knew that she believed it all. "Alright, I said I'd tell you when you were being foolish. Well you are. So you're a mess, who gives a bloody shite? That doesn't mean that your life isn't worth anything. That doesn't make you any less worthy of living than the rest of, Lavender. And what the fuck do you mean, 'what sort of person you are now?' Just what the hell do you think you've become, exactly?"

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lavishly
2011-12-11 11:26 pm UTC (link)

There were times, and tonight was definitely one of them, when Lavender didn't really know what she was saying or what she was saying those things. Words just came spewing out of her mouth in things that somewhat resembled sentences. It wasn't that any of them were untrue, just that it was a lot of different things at once and not always making the most sense.

"Except for the part where it totally does." And this was far too honest and a conversation that was a few years delayed. "I'm not right and no one really knows what I am right now." Sure there was Bill Weasley who she knew had also been attacked by Greyback and lived to tell the tale, but she didn't think it was the same. He had people, a wife who wasn't exactly human herself and the biggest bit for her was that he was a male. He didn't already have monthly cycles and hormones to deal with on top of other monthly cycles.

"Everyone says that this should be the time of your life, where you get to make mistakes and try new things. I hide in the back of a bakery most of my life and you..." Lavender shook her head not sure if she wanted to admit that out loud. He could probably assume it given how she reacted to him some five years ago.

"So I'm scared about what's happening, about not having Harry to save us again, but at the same time, I don't know." She paused swallowing as tears started to well up in eyes. "There's sort of a calmness because what if this is what I'm supposed to do. Like I survived Greyback so I could be here now and fix this, stop it from getting worse because at least that would be something."

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